Sermon: Good and Angry Ephesians 4:26-32 September 30, 2007
FROM Sermon Central – “Being God and Angry” The answer is found in His focus. Jesus never allowed His emotions or pain to take His focus off of God and onto himself. Jesus was able to keep God as His first priority even when He was angry.
Our problem is we seldom become angry for the right reasons or motives. Human anger tends to be self-motivated rather than God-motivated. We become angry when someone does something that hurts us or hurts someone we love. Human anger is generally an offensive weapon we use to defend our pride.
Aristotle said it this way, “Anybody can become angry… But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way - this is not within everybody’s power….”
In other words anger is a normal emotion, but we must be very careful how we express it
God designed anger to be a flashing light yellow light – to say to us - proceed with caution, be aware, know that trouble is near. So when the light comes on – don’t ignore it. Don’t think it will just go away.
Anger is a normal emotion. (26)
26 "In your anger do not sin": (NIV)
26 Be angry BUT do not sin; (RSV)
26 Be ye angry, AND sin not: (KJV)
The point is it is possible to be angry and not sin. Anger in and of itself is not bad, God created anger for a good purpose – with good intentions.
When Jesus saw what the religious leaders had done to corrupt the temple, Jesus became angry. His anger was not directed at hurting people but at the wrong things they had done in God’s name. Jesus was angry because the people had violated God and His anger was an expression of God’s anger. Jesus demonstrates that it is possible to be angry and not sin. There is such a thing as good anger or Godly anger.
As a result, Anger is like a fire. If the fire is controlled, it can be helpful and productive but if the fire gets out of control it can be harmful and deadly. Anger is the same way!
Anger must be RESOLVED. (End, 26)
26 “Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry”
Anger can be a healthy emotion but it is not designed to be a permanent emotion.
When Jesus became angry in the temple and turned over the tables of the money changers, He did not remain angry. After the event He didn’t dwell on what happened, He didn’t allow His anger with the people to impact His love for people.
Look at how Matthew records the events in chapter 21,
“12 Jesus entered the temple area and drove out all who were buying and selling there. He overturned the tables of the money changers and the benches of those selling doves. 13 "It is written," he said to them, "’My house will be called a house of prayer,’ but you are making it a ’den of robbers.’" 14 The blind and the lame came to him at the temple, and he healed them.”
don’t know about you but when I get angry I have a hard time letting go. When I get angry my anger generally gets the best of me, it can ruin an entire day. Anger can cause me to become a person I don’t want to be, it can cause me to say things I didn’t want to say.
I read the results of a study that demonstrates the effects of anger. The researchers found that anger causes the average female’s blood pressure to rise 6 points and the average male’s blood pressure to rise 14 points. It also indicated that unresolved anger is the number one cause for psychological depression. The point is, when we get angry, anger takes control.
But when Jesus became angry He remained the same person, He did not loose control. His anger did not have a negative impact on His character or cause Him to say the wrong things. He went from anger to mercy in the same day. His anger was motivated by His love for people and never became a vehicle for harboring resentment.
Unresolved anger is an open INVITATION for evil. (27-28)
27 “and do not give the devil a foothold. 28 He who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with his own hands, that he may have something to share with those in need.”
When anger gets a foothold in your life, you are more susceptible to doing things you would not normally do – even stealing. Paul is addressing a real problem that was happening in his churches. Because the people were angry at each other they stopped caring and started stealing. Anger caused them to loose their concern for the community and start focusing instead on themselves.
Unresolved anger causes us to ask: What is best for me? Anger makes us more aware of what we need and less concerned about what is right or best for others.
Proverbs 14:17 17 A quick-tempered man does foolish things..
Proverbs 29:22 22 A hot-tempered person starts fights and gets into all kinds of sin.
You might remember the story of Cain and Able. Cain became angry at Able because God valued Able’s offering above Cain’s. When God noticed the anger that was building in Cain’s heart God warned him in Genesis 4,
6 Then the LORD said to Cain, "Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? 7 If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must master it."
Instead of listening to God Cain allowed his anger to get the best of Him and it resulted in the death of his brother. I imagine Cain’s first thought was not to kill his brother. It was only after anger took control that he did what he normally would not do. Unresolved anger turned a bitter Cain into a killer.
A very similar event happened in the life of Alexander the Great. Though Alexander literally conquered the world he was unable to control his anger. Alexander had a friend and a general in his army named Cletus. On one occasion Cletus became drunk and ridiculed the emperor in front of his men. Blinded by his anger Alexander snatched a spear and threw it at Cletus. Though he had intended to scare him the spear took the life of his childhood friend. As a result Alexander was overcome with guilt and attempted to take his own life. History records that Alexander feel into a deep depression and laid in bed for days calling for his friend.
One historian writing about this event said, “Alexander the Great conquered many countries, but he failed miserably to conquer his own self.” (Lutzer)
When anger gets a hold on your life you are prone to doing things you will later regret.
5. Unresolved anger is LETHAL when molded into words. (29)
29 “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”
Quick and careless words cause more damage to people than any other known force in the world. When we allow unresolved anger to build within us it will eventually explode into harmful words.
Every year many people are killed all over the world by unexploded bombs. I recently read that hundreds of pounds of explosives are recovered every year in France alone. Many of these bombs were dropped in WWI and II and are now turning up all across Europe. They fell harmlessly from the sky but over the years their contents have sat exposed to the elements. With time and corrosion they have become more and more dangerous, any slight movement could set them off.
There are many people who are like those aging land mines. When anger lingers in the human heart any small problem can set it off, resulting in lethal words. Words that destroy relationships and damage lives.
“And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.”
If you have accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior you are indwelt with the Holy Spirit, God’s Spirit lives in you. But when you allow anger to build up in your life it repels the influence of the Spirit. The Spirit still lives in you but your anger is keeping Him from working fully in your life.
Well the Holy Spirit works in a similar way. When we fail to put into practice the things the Spirit is teaching us, the Spirit takes a step back in our lives. His voice becomes silent and His influence less evident. Though the Spirit never leaves us, His power does.
Unresolved anger blocks the impact of the Spirit in our lives. Anger limits how God can use us and keeps us from becoming the person God designed us to be.
EXAMINE yourself.
The only way you will know if anger is a problem in your life is to stop and do a self exam. Doctors recommend that we examine ourselves physically to detect any abnormalities before they become a problem. Likewise God wants us to examine ourselves spiritually to detect any feelings of bitterness or unresolved anger before they become a habit.
1st ask: How do I express my anger?
Psychologists have identified four basic ways that we learn to express anger.
1. Maniac (exploder)
A famous golfer was out on the links instructing his son when some reporters came up to him. The reporters began to ask the young boy some questions about his father’s game. One reporter ask, “What has your father taught you when you hit your ball into the rough?” The boy was hesitant to answer the question so his father said to him, “Go ahead Son! Show them exactly what I do when I hit the ball into the trees?” The boy looked again at his father then suddenly took his club and threw it into the water.
You see his father was an exploder. When things didn’t go his way he would over react and take his aggression out on whatever was in front of him. Some of us are exploders.
2. Mute (imploder),
This is the person who is determined never to get angey. Instead of expressing healthy anger he/she bottles it up inside and pretends as if nothing ever bothers him.
Someone once said, ”When I learned to swallow my anger, I later realized my stomach kept count.” Some of us are imploders.
3. Martyr (inflictor), Like Eyore.
This is a person who is excellent at throwing pitty parties. They secretly enjoy being disappointed and feel uncomfortable when things are going well. Their anger is repressed and later manifests itself as depression.
4. Manipulator (exploiter), This is the passive aggressive personality.
Like Lee Iacocca when he was fired from Ford said, “I don’t get mad, I just get even.”
1st identify how you express your anger. Then…
2nd Ask: What kind of person do I want to be? Or what kind of person does God want me to be?
When you have an vision of the kind of person you want to become, you will be more motivated to make the necessary changes. You will have a better idea of what needs to change when you know where your character is headed.
Secondly once you identify how you express anger…
2. STOP and THINK.
When you find yourself in a situation that could cause you to loose your temper ask these three questions:
1st Ask: Why am I angry?
Sometime the reason is not obvious but lies deep below the surface. Anger is not always the root problem but a symptom of a bigger problem. When little issues cause you to over react you might be dealing with residual anger. The pain and frustration of past events could be causing you to become angry over petty issues. At this point it is important to seek the guidance of a trained counselor, someone who can help you get to the core issue and encourage you to go to Christ for healing.
2nd Ask: Is it worth getting angry about?
Not everything that bothers you is worth expressing. It is important that you learn to pick your battles carefully.
3rd Ask: What do I really want out of this encounter? - When you think through it logically where do you want the situation to go?
I love email. I think email is great. When I get frustrated with someone or a situation I sit down and write an email describing the problem and the solution. Then I save it in my, “To be sent folder.” I leave it there and read it the next day. 9 times out of 10 I never send the email. Sometimes just writing things down and coming back to them the next day is all the resolution you need. Sometimes anger won’t bring about the result we are hoping for.
So once you have identified how you express anger and once you have thought about why you are angry…
3. Replace your anger.
31 “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
When you are sick or have a virus the first thing you do is try to get rid of it. You might drink lots of fluids, get plenty of rest or take medications that will combat the effects. Paul is saying when you harbor anger inside do everything you can to get rid of it. Like a virus it wants to gain supremacy over your life but you need to do all you can to replace your anger with something more powerful.
What is the one thing that will help you get rid of your anger? FORGIVENESS
Learn to FORGIVE.
Forgiveness releases the person who has hurt you and gives the pain to God. Forgiving is not forgetting but it is letting go of the pain caused by another person or an event.
How can you learn to replace anger with forgiveness?
1. Believe that anger is a rational choice! People can provoke you to become angry but only you can stay angry. Anger in the end is a choice you have made.
2. Look to the Holy Spirit to empower you. Confess to God that you have not expressed you anger in healthy ways. List the different events where you allowed the situation to be out of control and ask God to forgive you. When you have agreed with God about where you need to change the Holy Spirit will become a strong force in your life for change.
3. Remember, Jesus forgave you!
Outline adapted from Jim Nicodem, “The Straight Scoop on Anger.” Excellent Resource!!! END
A couple of years ago near Akron, a man was driving with his family, and was rudely cut off by a taxi driver. It really made him angry. When the traffic stopped, he jumped out of his car to give the driver a piece of his mind, and maybe even a piece of his fist. When he went after the taxi driver, the driver responded by pulling out a gun and firing. The man fell dead in front of his wife and his kids. He never thought that decision to get even would cost him is life, and his family untold suffering and grief.
His anger wasn’t about Him. (When He was beat, belittled by Pilate and spit on by the crowd, nailed to a cross....he never got angry.)
*He got angry when an injustice was done against people and God. Sinless anger!
*When He tossed the merchants out of the temple it was a controlled action.
(He made a whip and kicked them out! It wasn’t an uncontrolled tantrum, it was a redemptive action.)
• Everybody’s angry about something in today’s "Age of Rage."
"In your anger, do not sin."
• Anger alone isn’t necessarily a sin; even God gets angry.
• But we need to find out what lies behind our anger before it leads to something else.
-Illustration: Nicodem’s car has a warning light when he’s low on gas. He gets angry at the light, especially when it lights up at the worst times. But "my problem isn’t the little red light. My problem is the empty gas tank."
• Hurt, frustration and/or fear most often lie behind our anger.
"Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry."
• When we go to bed angry, we wake up angrier, because it has settled in.
-Illustration: Your favorite football team loses a game on a lousy call. TV replays confirm the call – again and again. So does your "Sports Illustrated." Your anger lingers on and on.
• If this behavior persists, anger becomes a characteristic attitude in you.
• If anger’s turned inward, we sink into depression.
-Illustration: Jonah settled into depression because he was angry with God for not destroying Ninevah. He became a pouting prophet.
• We underestimate the destructive capability of angry words.
• Every time we get angry, we turn a deaf ear to the Holy Spirit’s counsel.
You Can Try to Reconcile Anger.
• After Peter’s three-fold denial of Jesus, Jesus reconciled with Peter.
• Illustration: The Bessemer converter process turns pig iron into a higher quality steel with tremendous strength.
• When God carries out reconciliation in your life, it will become a special
• Repressed anger will always express itself somewhere in some way.
• The constructive expression of anger can even be helpful.
• Many times our anger stems from unrealistic expectations that we place on ourselves.
-Illustration: McDaniel learned to use anger to achieve better athletic performance, but had a hard time unlearning it.
• Sometimes the worst outbursts of anger take place among those we care about most.
There are different types of anger
• Passive anger feigns no anger but uses it to make others feel guilty.
• Aggressive anger is the most familiar, with shouting or physical outbursts.
• Passive-aggressive anger shows up in ways that cause problems for others.
• Indirect anger involves using a third person to express our anger at someone else
• Deal with anger by clarifying the real issue.
• Deal with anger by giving ourselves time and detaching ourselves from the situation.
-Illustration: This has worked in his life to diffuse situations long enough to deal with things in a healthy and rational manner.
• Deal with anger by keeping a door open for communication to take place.
-Illustration: In a fit of anger, Alexander the Great accidentally killed a lifelong friend. The great man who was able to conquer nations could not conquer his own anger.
-Illustration: It can work to use written communication when verbal communication might fail, saying, “Would you read this? It reflects how I really feel.”
• We can’t control how we feel, but we can control what we do about it.
• Learn to deal with your anger in a timely manner.
• Unresolved anger allows someone else to control you.
Don’t carry anger with you
• Unresolved anger spills over into other relationships and situations.
• Forgetting the source of hurt does not heal the hurt.
• The word Paul uses for "anger" refers to the circumstances that created the anger.
God doesn’t expect us to pretend our outrage isn’t real; he does expect us to resist the temptation to return evil for evil, to work for reconciliation, to leave room for his wrath, and to overcome evil with good.
Andy came to work one day, limping something awful. One of his co-workers, Josh, noticed and asked Andy what happened.
Andy replied, "Oh, nothing. It’s just an old hockey injury that acts up once in a while."
Josh, "Wow, I never knew you played hockey."
Andy, "No, I don’t. I hurt it last year when I lost $100 on the Stanley Cup Play-Offs. I put my foot through the television."
An estimated 1 in 5 Americans has issues w/ uncontrolled anger. 28% of homicides start w/ a domestic dispute in the home, only 7% were gang related!
. Learn to be patient and ignore petty disagreements.
Proverbs 19:11
The discretion of a man deferreth his anger; and it is his glory to pass over a transgression.
You must be saved to have access to this power:
A woman testified to the transformation in her life that had resulted through her experience in conversion. She declared, "I’m so glad I got religion. I have an uncle I used to hate so much I vowed I’d never go to his funeral. But now, why, I’d be happy to go to it any time."
Patience [it’s all about stepping back, breathing, and praying!]
A young girl who was writing a paper for school came to her father and asked, "Dad, what is the difference between anger and exasperation?" The father replied, "It is mostly a matter of degree. Let me show you what I mean."
With that the father went to the telephone and dialed a number at random. To the man who answered the phone, he said, "Hello, is Melvin there?" The man answered, "There is no one living here named Melvin. Why don’t you learn to look up numbers before you dial"
"See," said the father to his daughter. "That man was not a bit happy with our call. He was probably very busy with something and we annoyed him. Now watch...." The father dialed the number again. "Hello, is Melvin there?" asked the father. "Now look here!" came the heated reply. "You just called this number and I told you that there is no Melvin here! You’ve got lot of guts calling again!" The receiver slammed down hard.
The father turned to his daughter and said, "You see, that was anger. Now I’ll show you what exasperation means."He dialed the same number, and when a violent voice roared, "Hello!" The father calmly said, "Hello, this is Melvin. Have there been any calls for me?"(2)
We all face anger, most of us every day, from all sorts of causes: rush-hour traffic; long lines at Wal-Mart; failure of mechanical devices designed for our “convenience”—and on and on. So it’s no surprise that we have expressions of rising temperatures in the descriptions we use about anger: “boiling mad,” “fuming mad,” “steaming mad,” “heated argument,” etc. It should be no surprise also that we find scriptural instructions on how to handle our anger properly. Let’s take a look at some of Paul’s suggestions here.
“He who angers you controls you.”
REPLACE ANGER AND BITTERNESS WITH CHRIST-LIKE QUALITIES
“Put away from you all bitterness and wrath and anger and wrangling and slander, together with all malice, and be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. Therefore be imitators of God as dear children. And walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling aroma.”
there were 23,305 homicides in 1994 and the most common reason was arguments occurring in the home (28%).
as soon as we’re born, we come into the world kicking, crying & screaming, for many people - and not much changes after that.
Admit your angry
Verse 26 is a command. “Be angry” (can you obey that one?)
Isn’t anger wrong? (orgidzo – in the imperative mood – be angry)
NO: Anger isn’t inherently wrong as God Himself gets angry
In the Old Testament, God displayed His anger toward sin
In the New Testament, Jesus got angry at religious hypocrites
He got angry when religion replaced relationship with God
Anger is a God-given emotion, if you don’t get angry, check your pulse because you’re not in touch with reality..
What is this command?
The command isn’t don’t get angry, its don’t sin in your anger
There is some stinkin thinkin that says anger is always wrong
But God isn’t forbidding anger, He says “Go ahead, get mad”
We’re emotional beings and we’re allowed to feel our feelings.
We love to deny we’re angry because we feel guilty about it or we’re afraid of what we might do if we admitted to being angry
“I am not yelling! I am not angry,” veins popping out all over.
The 1st step in taming your temper is admitting you’re getting angry...
“You don’t understand, when I get angry, I can’t control it. I just explode and then it’s all over with.” The same is true of a shot gun blast and consider the damage left behind
That doesn’t mean people in Nome Alaska can be mad for six months straight every year with out dealing with the issues. Don’t finish the day with anger unresolved, it turns to resentment and that is always sinful (never justified). Do not prolong or put off settling the issue, do it quickly. Resolve each day’s anger by the end of the day, this is a great rule that every marriage should agree to practice
. STOP and think before you speak. When we get mad we say things we cannot take back. Unringing a bell? A closed mouth knows no foot.
LOOK at the situation from God’s point of view. Anger is temporary insanity, we need to see things God’s way.
To verbalize is to turn your angry feelings into words. Tell the person exactly what you feel. In doing so, you are not attacking him but confessing your own feelings. Emphasize an "I feel" message rather than a "you" accusation or a "why" question. For example, "I felt very hurt and angry when you belittled me in front of all those people."
You read about these kids who after many years of someone picking on them, they take a gun and go into the schools for revenge. The same when you hear about someone going into their employer or former employer and shooting it up. They did not vent their anger till it was too late and they lost it.
Definition: anger is a strong feeling of displeasure or hostility caused by a real or perceived offence, injury, or unmet desire to one’s self or other, usually accompanied by a desire to retaliate or seek revenge.
B. The New Testament has three words for anger:
1. Thumos----meaning explosive anger (Eph. 4:31 “wrath”)
2. Orge-----an settled attitude of indignation that frequently seeks revenge. (Eph.4:31 “anger”)
3. Parorgismos---anger mingled with irritability, and /or embitterment. (Eph.4:26 “anger”; Eph.6:4 “provoke…to anger”
C. Therefore, anger is not a thing; it is not just something inside of you. All parts of our nature are involved (emotional, physiological, mental, spiritual, behavioral, etc.)
D. Anger has an object , a target human or nonhuman.
E. Anger is often a means of coercing, manipulating, and intimidating--A weapon used to get what we want or used to punish someone when we don’t get what we want.
WHEN IS OUR ANGER SINFUL ?
A. When it grows out of pride, hurt feelings etc.
B. When it grows from things done to ourselves and not someone else.
C. When it is bottled up
D. When it explodes uncontrollably
E. When it is expressed in sinful ways
A lady once came to Billy Sunday and tried to rationalize her angry outbursts. “There’s nothing wrong with losing my temper,” She said, “I blow up, and then it’s all over.” So does a shotgun,” Sunday replied, “and look at the damage it leaves
behind!”
Getting angry can sometimes be like leaping into a wonderfully responsive sports car, gunning the motor, taking off at high speed and then discovering
the brakes are out of order. We need to learn to control our anger. (Read Scripture)
Dr.David Seamands said “Anger is a divinely implanted emotion. Closely allied to our instinct for right, it is designed to be used for constructive
spiritual purposes. The person who cannot feel anger at evil is a person who lacks enthusiasm for good. If you cannot hate wrong, it is very questionable
whether you really love righteousness. To not express anger is to not be human."
Surrender means that I have given God permission to change, mold or to rid my life of anything that hinders me from becoming all that He wants me to be. We need to surrender our anger to God and allow Him to change us.
anger is possibly the most fun. To lick your
wounds, to smack your lips over grievances long past, to roll over your tongue the prospect of bitter confrontations still to come, to savor to the last
toothsome morsel both the pain you are given and the pain you are giving back -- in many ways it is a feast fit for a king. The chief drawback is that
what you are wolfing down is yourself. The skeleton at the feast is you.”
(James 3:6) In verse 19 it says that we should be "slow to speak", that means that we should be careful and thoughtful about what we say, especially when we are angry. Realize that the devil wants you to explode and lose your credibility. He wants you to lose your witness with the lost and believers around you. We should mourn over the fact that we may have already lost our credibility with some people
Will Rogers said, "Whenever you fly into a rage, you seldom make a safe landing." And he is right.
ILL. Chuck Swindoll said, "I got so angry that I gave him a piece of my mind. And it was a piece that I couldn’t afford to lose."
