He First Loved Us
Fireproof Your Relationships: Sermon Two
1 John 4:7-19
Good morning friends.
The story of Roger Bannister is legendary in the annals of sports history. On May 6, 1954, he did something that was believed to be humanly impossible - he broke the four-minute mile barrier. In front of 3000 spectators Bannister covered the distance in 3 minutes and 59.4 seconds. The previous record of 4.01.4, set by a Swedish runner named "Gunder Haegg," in 1945 had stood for 9 years. Why? Because nobody believed it could be done - it was humanly impossible.
But 46 days after Bannister broke the four-minute barrier, an Australian lowered the record still further. Once Bannister proved it could be done, many others did it. Today, hundreds of runners have eclipsed four minutes. John Walker has broken the four minute mile 129 times. Steve Scott did it 136 times. Bannister ran a 3:59. The record today is 3:43.
We are learning these days How to Fireproof Our Relationships. Most of us have difficulty doing things we’ve never seen or experienced before. So, throughout the rest of the messages in this series, I am going to give you practical tools and suggestions on how to be a better husband, wife, son, daughter, brother, sister, neighbor, friend. But for this message, I want to point you to the source of good relational behavior. Like the sub-four-minute mile, many of us have missed out on an experience that God says is essential for the human soul: we’ve missed out on experiencing love at the deepest level. And the truth is - what you have not seen or experienced, you will not duplicate.
This morning I want to point you towards God and His love, so that you can see and experience love.
A couple of months back Sherwood Pictures released a film called, "Fireproof." It’s about a marriage teetering on the brink of divorce. The husband, a fireman named Caleb Holt, decided that, just like you never walk out on a partner in a fire, so you never walk out on a partner in a marriage.
Caleb’s dad gives him a book with some practical suggestions on how to love his wife. Caleb tries these steps, but they don’t work for him.
It’s like running a sub-four minute mile. If you’ve never seen one or experienced one, it’s likely you’re not going to be able to run one. Watch this scene from the movie. Clip from Session 2
"You cannot give what you do not have."
Most of us grew up in homes where we talked about love. Perhaps some of us grew up in homes where we experienced true, deep, unconditional love. As we’ve grown up, what many of us are finding is that it’s really hard to love if we’ve never truly felt loved.
One of the great problems of our world is that many many people are walking around these days trying to give and receive something they’ve never experienced for themselves.
Here is what I have learned - we’ve got to receive love before we can give it.
Let me show this to you in very practical terms. Please turn with me in your Bibles to 1 John 4:7-19
The person who wrote this was an old man named, "John." John was the youngest of Jesus’ twelve disciples. At the very beginning of His ministry, in Matthew 4, Jesus calls John and his brother James out of their fishing boat and says, "Follow me."
John did. For 3 ½ years, he watched Jesus, listened to Him, ate meals with him, slept beside him, heard Him pray, and watched Him die. John concluded that, in Jesus, he had found the Messiah, the Son of the Living God.
This young man devoted his life to telling others about God’s love. He did that for 50 years, then 60 years. Finally, age 65 or 75 years old, John writes to a group of people that matter deeply to him. In this little letter he calls them, "Dear children," "my dear children," and "dear friends."
Over the years, something has happened to John. In his early years, he experienced God’s love, through His Son, Jesus. When Jesus went to heaven, the Bible describes in Acts 2 how the Holy Spirit descended and moved into the hearts of Jesus’ disciples. John felt it. John lived with the Holy Spirit, God’s love, inside of him for 5 or 6 decades. And now, towards the end of his life, it’s practically all he can talk about, all he can think about, all he cares about.
By the time John writes this letter, he’s learned that relationships are really all that matters. The toys, the titles, the promotions, the events, at the end of life, they don’t really matter. Relationships do.
Let me show you a few things from this passage. Listen or look at the first verse we read:
"Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God… Whoever does not love does not know God, because is love." In one verse, he uses the word "love," which is the Greek word, "agape," five times. All told, he uses the word 21 times in this one passage.
Something has happened to John. He’s become obsessed with love.
It’s not something he planned, it’s just something he lived. He experienced God’s love, and it felt so good to him and seemed so right to him, and was so healing and helpful to the people around him, that over time, he just became a love machine.
What’s love got to do, got to do with it? Everything.
Most of us long to be loved, but we don’t know how to get it.
Many of us long to give love, but we keep sabotaging our own efforts and making things worse.
Some of us feel like we’ve tried to love those around us, but it never quite works out, so we toy with just going off on our own and giving up on the whole relationship thing. Isn’t that true?
Let me show you Five Principles of Relationships from what John, this wise and loving old man, has said to us here.
This first principle may be more implied than stated, but it’s true.
Principle #1:
1. When People Have Profound Experiences, They Want to Share Them.
The first time I ever won anything that I was proud of was as a little boy - my soccer team that had not won a single game all season (we were the worst of the worst) had the year-end party. And our coach had bought us all trophy cups to celebrate - and I was so proud of my cup O told the world.
You’ve had some great moments like that too, haven’t you? When something so good happened, you just wanted to share it with everyone?
John says, "Since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another." 1 John 4:12
Principle #2:
2. An Encounter with God’s Love Is a Profound Experience.
And when we have profound experiences, we naturally want to share them. So when you experience God’s love, you naturally want to share that love with the people you love. Did you follow that?
I still remember the time I responded to God’s love. My youth was somewhat troubled - I was at a church camp - and I knew that the speaker and the leaders knew God in a way that I did not. Sure, I had always believed that God loved the world, like it says in John 3:16. What had never occurred to me before was that God loved me, just me, for who I was - and I knew that day that God loved me more than I had every believed - and I responded to that love.
When you experience something profound, you naturally want to share it. Few experiences can compare with experiencing God’s love.
Principle #3:
3. Those Who Live Close to God Find That Their Love for Others Is Always Increasing.
"God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. In this way, love is made complete among us." 1 John 4:16-17
When you live close to God, you find your love increasing.
It’s like when you hang around someone who’s really good at what they do. If you hang around with a great athlete, you’ll find yourself thinking about sports, eating better, exercising more, working to get better at one or more sports.
If you hang around a focused businessperson, you’ll find yourself thinking about setting and achieving goals, being more productive, taking advantage of opportunities as they come your way.
God’s love is so great that if you live close to Him, you will find yourself becoming more like Him, valuing what He values, acting like He acts. When you get close to God, you will find yourself becoming more loving, and that’s the key to all relationships.
"So, how do you get close to God?"
Very simple: you hang out with Him, just like you’d hang out with any other friend. You talk to Him, you invite Him to go with you during your day. You come to church, because this is where a whole lot of God’s friends hang out, and when you’re close friends, you start to hang out with your close friend’s friends.
It’s a funny thing. The more you know God, the better you love people. John says, "God is love." Not, "God has love," but, "God is love." People, you cannot give what you do not have. God is love. If you have Him, you have love. If you do not have Him, you only think you have love because God not only has not only cornered the market on love, God is the market when it comes to love.
If you take nothing else from what I say today, take that. The more you know God, the better you will love people. You cannot give what you do not have, when you have God’s love, you then have the ability to give everyone you relate to everything they could possibly want from you.
Can you see this? Is this making sense? Can you see why you need God’s love in order to love others?
If you continue reading John’s words, he says something surprising in v. 18. "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment." 1 John 4:18
Wait a second. I thought we were talking about love. When did fear come into the conversation? What does fear have to do with love? Well, nothing, really. Fear has nothing to do with love. That’s John’s fourth principle:
Principle #4:
4. Love Eliminates Fear.
See, most of us want to love, but were driven by fear. Fear of failure. Fear of rejection. Fear we’ll be hurt or disappointed.
Fear is the belief that something nearby is harmful or dangerous. There are lots of things that are harmful and dangerous in this world, so there are lots of reasons to be fearful. Unless you have love. Because perfect love has the power to drive out fear.
The Apostle Paul says, "If God is for us, who can be against us?" (Romans 8:31). The author of Hebrews says, "The Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid. What can human beings do to me?" (Hebrews 13:6, TNIV)
Love eliminates fear.
As a result of staying close to Jesus, this great elderly man named John, became a person who excelled in the fine art of loving. When you start to excel at loving, you stop fearing people. And when you have no fear of people, you stop competing with them, you stop trying to get them to notice you and you stop depending on them to make you feel good.
Principle #5:
5. We Love Because He First Loved Us.
That’s the great secret that John unveiled 2000 years ago. We love because He first loved us. We cannot give what we do not have, but once we have received love from God, if we stay close to Him, we just get better and better and better at loving people.
Roger Bannister did humanity a great favor by running the mile in 3:59. He showed us we could do something that nobody thought could be done. Since his time, many people have run sub-four minute miles. John says that Jesus came to show us what real love is-selfless and others-centered, and to enable us to experience it. Since His time, many people have loved that way. We cannot give what we do not have. But we can have what God is offering us. And He’s offering love this morning. Love so that we can love Him and love others.
Let me give you the Love Dare Challenge, and then we’re done.
HUSBANDS:
Every day this week, ask the Lord to show you one way to love your wife, and then do it.
Here’s how you can do this. Spend 4-5 minutes talking to God each morning, and once you’ve gotten through the normal prayer requests for your day and your family, at the very end of your prayer say, "Lord, show me one way I can tangibly love my wife today." If something comes to mind, do it. If nothing comes to mind, read 1 Corinthians 13. I guarantee you’ll think of something while you’re reading that.
Husbands, will you take this challenge?
WIVES:
Every day this week, ask the Lord to show you one way to love your husband, and then do it.
Work the same process your husband is going to work. A few minutes of prayer, reading 1 Corinthians 13 if you don’t hear anything directly from God. Then doing whatever it is that you believe the Lord wants you to do that day to love your husband.
Wives, will you take this challenge?
Singles, your challenge is similar.
SINGLES:
Make a list (right now) of 6 family members, friends or co-workers and assign a day to each of them. Then, every day this week, ask the lord to show you one way to love the person of the day, then do it.
Singles, will you take this challenge?
Let’s pray.
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