A Messiah Who Teaches Part 3: Honoring Marriage
Text: Matt. 5:31-32
Introduction
1. Illustration: Another major contributing factor in our problems as a nation is the decline of the family. In a recent Barna Research study, we find that among those who have said their wedding vows, one out of three have been divorced at least once. Among adults who have been married, the study discovered that one-third (33%) have experienced at least one divorce. That means that among all Americans 18 years of age or older, whether they have been married or not, 25% have gone through a marital split (http://www.barna.org/barna-update/article/15-familykids/42-new-marriage-and-divorce-statistics-released).
2. An even more troubling fact is that the divorce rate in the church is almost as high as outside the church, and let’s be honest, we have not always been kind to those who have gone through a divorce in the church.
3. In considering Jesus teaching concerning divorce, we must consider:
a. What Jesus said about divorce
b. What Jesus meant about divorce
4. Read Matt. 5:31-32
Transition: First, let’s take at face value...
I. What Jesus Said About Divorce (31-32)
A. A Man Can Divorce His Wife
1. Once again, we see that Jesus is dealing with misconceptions or erroneous interpretations of the law.
2. Jesus says, “You have heard the law that says, ‘A man can divorce his wife by merely giving her a written notice of divorce.’"
a. The text that Jesus is referring to is found in Deut. 24:1-4.
b. However, a closer look shows that Jesus is not actually quoting the text, but misquoting based on an erroneous teaching by some the teachers of his day.
c. The actual text of that passage actually reads more like “Suppose a man marries a woman but she does not please him. Having discovered something wrong with her, he writes her a letter of divorce, hands it to her, and sends her away from his house."
d. These false teachers where saying that this is a command, and that in fact, God is giving them permission to divorce their wife for any reason.
e. However, what the Lord is saying is more like "what if."
3. In fact, they didn’t even need a legitimate reason for divorce.
a. Notice that what Jesus quotes actually says, "by merely giving her a written notice of divorce."
b. Palestinian Jewish husbands could divorce for virtually any reason, explicitly including their wives disobedience, and even burning the toast (Keener, 123).
c. Divorce required no legal hearing, merely the husband’s decision (France, 207).
d. In other words, if a husband was just tired of his wife, or found someone he would rather have, he just gave his wife a letter that said they were divorced and she was out on the street.
e. The ease of divorce made it possible to avoid open adultery. Only a little paperwork was required to legalize their lust.
4. We must also keep in mind that being a divorced woman in Jesus day was a tremendous hardship.
a. Women generally did not work outside the home and were dependent upon their husband for their very existence.
b. In addition, being a divorced woman made further prospects of marriage unlikely.
c. This limited a woman’s options to prostitution, being a beggar, or not surviving at all.
5. However, Jesus says, "But I say that a man who divorces his wife, unless she has been unfaithful, causes her to commit adultery. And anyone who marries a divorced woman also commits adultery."
a. Why does Jesus say that to divorce and then remarry is adultery?
b. The reason that it is considered adultery is that God never approved of the divorce and sees it as invalid (France, 211).
c. In other words, they may have been divorced in their eyes, but not in God’s eyes.
d. To the legalistic, self-righteous scribes and Pharisees Jesus was saying, "You consider yourselves to be great teachers and keepers of the law but by allowing no-fault divorce you have caused a great blight of adultery to contaminate God’s people.
e. By lowering God’s standards to meet your own, you have led many people into sin and judgment."
B. The Problem With Divorce
1. Illustration: A recent study by the University of Chicago showed couples who stay in an unhappy marriage and endure it are more likely to be happy 5 years later than those who decide to divorce. The study noted that even if no work is done on the marriage, ongoing problems were often viewed in new perspective over time. And when both spouse worked on the marriage, many problems were solved and communication improved. Finally, if only one spouse worked on the marriage, there was improved happiness in the one spouse despite a mediocre marriage.
2. One reason that divorce is a problem is that it cheapens marriage.
a. Marriage is supposed to be a life-long commitment between two people.
b. Marriage is supposed to be for better or worse.
c. Marriage is supposed to only be ended by death.
d. Divorce says I didn’t really mean what I said that day.
3. Another reason that divorce is a problem is because it has become too easy.
a. It’s easier to break up than to make up.
b. It’s easier to give up than to give in.
c. It’s easier to break a vow than to keep a commitment.
d. It’s easier to pay a lawyer than to work on our problems.
4. However, the biggest reason that divorce is a problem is that it destroys.
a. Divorce destroys relationships.
b. Divorce destroys families.
c. Divorce destroys children.
d. Ultimately, divorce destroys societies.
Transition: Now that we have looked at what Jesus said, let’s discuss...
II. What Jesus Meant About Divorce (31-32)
A. What He Didn’t Mean
1. Before we consider what Jesus did mean, let’s first examine what Jesus didn’t mean.
2. Those who have been divorced and remarried should divorce their present spouse and return to their previous one.
a. Some churches today take this literally and demand that remarried partners break up and return to their original spouses.
b. If this passage did not employ rhetorical overstatement, their interpretation would be right; but their interpretation does not square with the rest of biblical teaching (Keener, 120).
c. The passage that Jesus is quoting is from Deut. 24:1-4, which in its original context prohibits a man from remarrying a woman he has previous been married to and divorced (Turner, 89).
d. Deuteronomy 24:1-4 (NLT)
“Suppose a man marries a woman but she does not please him. Having discovered something wrong with her, he writes her a letter of divorce, hands it to her, and sends her away from his house. When she leaves his house, she is free to marry another man. But if the second husband also turns against her and divorces her, or if he dies, the first husband may not marry her again, for she has been defiled. That would be detestable to the Lord. You must not bring guilt upon the land the Lord your God is giving you as a special possession."
e. This passage actually forbids a man from returning to his previous wife. For Jesus to be advocating this would require His going against Scripture.
f. Furthermore, this only leads to more divorce, which certainly is not approved by God (Keener, 120).
3. We should judge those who have been divorced and remarried.
• It is unfortunate that many divorced people have been made to feel as if they are second class Christians.
• This text in no way indicates that we should look down upon or pass judgment on those who have gone through a divorce.
• It not was concerned with the rightness or wrongness of divorce, but with the aftermath of divorce (France, 206).
• It was a means of protecting those who had been divorced.
• Matthew 7:1 (NLT)
“Do not judge others, and you will not be judged.
• Instead of judging those who have been divorced we should be loving those who have been divorced.
4. There are good reasons to get divorced.
a. Some people think that Jesus is saying that if your spouse is unfaithful you should divorce them.
b. However, nothing could be further from the truth.
c. The word translated "unfaithful" is the Greek word porneias. Porneias literally denotes "prostitution, habitual immorality," and it has a broader meaning than adultery. It particularly concerns illegal extramarital sexual relations of any kind (Horton, 93).
d. Illustration: "At last I understood: in the final analysis, forgiveness is an act of faith. By forgiving another, I am trusting that God is a better justice-maker than I am. By forgiving, I release my own right to get even and leave all issues of fairness for God to work out. I leave in God’s hands the scales that must balance justice and mercy. Yancey, "What’s So Amazing About Grace?" p.93
e. Adultery doesn’t necessarily mean that a marriage is over, because with the Lord their is always hope.
B. What He Did Mean
1. Now let’s talk about what Jesus did mean.
2. Marriage is sacred.
a. It is ordained by God.
b. It is an illustration of the relationship of God to His church.
c. It must never be entered into lightly or rushed into.
d. Although Matthew does not qualify the force of the saying, he wants us to hear its demand: marriage is sacred and must not be betrayed (Keener, 119).
3. Marriage should never be seen as disposable.
a. In our society, marriage is often treated as if it were a fast food joint: if you don’t like McDonald’s go to Wendy’s.
b. In God’s eyes there is no such thing as a no-fault divorce.
c. Divorce should only be considered after every other option has been explored.
d. 1 Corinthians 13:7 (NLT)
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
e. Illustration: When Tina and I got married we made a commitment to one another that divorce was not in our vocabulary, and by the grace of God, twenty-five years later, it still isn’t.
4. Successful marriages are Christ-centered.
a. Marriage is not easy, and it requires work and compromise from both parties.
b. There will always be challenges to face and overcome.
c. Love is not a feeling you fall out of, but a commitment that you live out.
d. Illustration: My Mom used to say, "love flies out the window when the bills come through the door."
Conclusion
1. So where do we go from here?
2. If you are married, thank God for your spouse and remain faithful to the vow you made to them on the day of your wedding.
3. If you have been divorced, know that God still loves you and wants good things for you.
4. If you have been divorced and remarried, learn from your mistakes so that you do not repeat them the second time around.
Proposition: Marriage is sacred institution, ordained and instituted by God, and is to be treated as sacred.
