“Insights Into Successful Parenting”
Deuteronomy 6:1-9
Someone has collected some interesting prayers given by children.
1. Dear God, Thank you for the baby brother but what I asked for was a puppy. I never asked for anything before. You can look it up. Joyce
2. Dear God, is it true my Father won’t get to Heaven if he uses his golf words in the house? Anita
3. Dear God, I bet it’s very hard for you to love all of everybody in the whole world. There are only 4 people in our family and I can never do it. Nan
4. Dear God, Please send Denis Clark to a different summer camp this year. Peter
The admonition of the Lord to the families in Israel in Deuteronomy 6:1-9 has stood the test of time down through the centuries. The foundation for successful families is based on how adequately parents teach their children the commandments of God. “These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.” Deuteronomy 6:6-9
Our constant prayer is “Dear Lord give me wisdom in raising our family. Help me to personally keep your commandments and faithfully teach them to my children.”
What Moses is saying here is that our life-style day after day should reflect God’s love and God’s teachings from Scripture.
To be successful in parenting you need to:
I. Build A Strong Foundation for Your Home
Both the teaching of Moses in Deuteronomy and Jesus in the Gospels teach us to build a strong Biblical foundation for our family.
God’s Word is to have the highest priority in our home. When you build your family on the teachings of the Bible you build a strong foundation.
Jesus told a parable about a wise man and a foolish man. Matthew 5-7 Jesus gave teachings we call the “Sermon on the Mount.” At the end of his teachings in (Matthew 7:24-27) Jesus said: “Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; hut it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who build his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.”
The home build on God’s Word stands strong amidst the storms of life. Christ is our solid Rock, all other ground is sinking sand. When the principles of scriptures are applied to the home and family life, the foundation is secure.
The Psalmist in Psalm 127:1 sang out: “Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it.” Only when God is at the center of our home do we have a strong foundation.
Is Jesus Christ the head of your home? The key to a successful home is allowing the architect, God, who created the family, to be the builder of the home.. Take Jesus out of the center of our home and we have a home built on sinking sand and a life of frustration.
A strong foundation is not built over night. It takes years to build. It demands day after day and year after year building. It takes time to build a strong foundation.
One of the myths of parenting is this: “It’s not the quantity of time that matters, it’s the quality that counts.”
One of the books about the life of Billy Graham tells about his early years of successful city wide evangelistic campaigns. His crusade in Los Angeles went on for weeks. After eight weeks of the campaign thousands of people responded to the invitation and prayed to receive Christ.
Toward the end of the crusade, Billy Graham’s sister-in-law and her husband came to Los Angeles, bringing a baby with them.
The evangelist squeezed in time to be with his relatives. During that meeting he made a comment that the little girl was cute. He asked, “To whom does she belong?”
The sister-in-law’s mouth dropped open in surprise. “Why: She’s yours. She’s yours, Billy.”
Billy Graham had been away from home so long he didn’t even recognize his own little Anne when she was brought to the crusade. That night the great evangelist resolved that he would spend more time at home with his children.
The negative memories children have of growing up are when their parents constantly say: “Not now, I’m busy. Not now, I have no time.”
Positive memories children have are when parents say, “Ok let’s go!”
The home build on God’s Word is building a strong foundation.
The home build with Jesus at the center is building a strong foundation.
The home built on Prayer is building a strong foundation.
A wonderful Christian family owned a parrot whose vocabulary consisted of a solitary phrase: “Let’s kiss.” Every time somebody visit that family, the parrot began speaking the only phrase it knew, which embarrassed the family to no end.
One day some members of this family were talking with some friends who also owned a parrot. Soon they got to sharing parrot stories and the friends said, “We have a parrot too. And it knows only one phrase: “Let’s pray.”
The first family thought it would be great to have a parrot with a spiritual vocabulary. They hoped that if they put their parrot with their friends’ parrot, their bird might learn how to say, “Let’s pray.” So they arranged for the two parrots to meet. They put their parrot in the cage with the spiritual parrot and watched to see what would happen. Sure enough, the unspiritual parrot hadn’t been the cage for five seconds before it said, “Let’s kiss.”
And the spiritual parrot replied, “Glory! My prayers have been answered.” Yes, prayer does work.
During our children’s growing up years in the home Carollyn and I took turns having prayer with our children every night when we tucked them into bed. We did this up through their Junior High school years. We taught our children to pray for their heart. To talk to God in simple conversational prayer and more than “Now I lay me down to sleep…”
Parenting is a high and sacred calling. Studies show that the influence of parents far outweighs any other influences. Your home holds the upper hand in helping your children prepare for life.
The ideal family has both and father and a mother working together as partners. The good news is that the key to successful family life is not whether there are two parents or one, but the foundation the home is build on. When single parents put Christ at the center of the home and God’s Word is used as the instructional manual with lots prayer, children can grow into responsible adults.
II. Prepare Your Children to be Winners
Parenting is not for wimps. When we had our first child Carollyn and I was in Seminary. We had our second child when we were serving our first church. Children three and four came when we were planting a church in Michigan. At many times in our family life we were overwhelmed. Our fist year in Michigan we spent every other week at the office of Dr. Nichols, a Pediatrician.
A group of expectant fathers were in a waiting room, while their wives were in the process of delivering babies. (When our four children were born fathers were not allowed in the delivery room.) A nurse came in and announced to one man that his wife had just given birth to twins. “That’s quite a coincidence” he responded. I play for the Minnesota Twins!” A few minutes later another nurse came in and announced to another man that he was the father of triplets. “That’s amazing,” he exclaimed, “I work for the 3 M company.” At that point, a third man slipped off his chair and law down on the floor. Someone asked him if he was feeling ill. “NO,” he responded, “I happen to work for the 7-UP company.”
When our first child was born I was impressed that children are indeed a gift from the Lord. God gives us children as a sacred responsibility.
My philosophy in raising children included two mottos: “Families that pray together stay together” and “Families that play together stay together.” Our goal was to make living for the Lord a fun filled experience.
To develop winners we need a “can do” atmosphere in the home. Children do carry on the expectations of parents. Continual comments like, “You’ll never amount to anything. Why are you like your brother or sister? You’re a little monster. You’re stupid.”
How much better to have a can do attitude? You can do it!” You’re smart! You have lots of talent. I’m proud of you. God has a wonderful plan for your life.” We need to be constantly on the look out for ways to give our children affirmation.
Have high expectations, but don’t push too hard.
A mother called an Atlanta physical therapy clinic, anxious to squeeze in an appointment. Her nine-year-old daughter had injured her arm swimming six times a week for two swim clubs. Now she was having trouble even lifting that arm.
The physical therapist made room for her in his schedule that afternoon. He grew concerned when a quick examination revealed that the girl was also involved in competitive soccer, couldn’t raise her arm without significant pain.
“She really needs to rest this arm, “ the therapist advised.
“But the district championships are in 10 days!” Mom said.
“That may be, but she needs to take at least one week off, a full seven days, and then we can reevaluate her. She’s overworked this arm and needs to lay off.”
“You don’t understand,” the mother argued. “It’s the district championship. She has such potential!”
We want our children to be winners but not at any price.
Another parenting myth is that “For children to be happy they need to keep busy. The more active you kids are involved the better.”
Which of these statements are true and which are false?
• It’s not the quanity of time with my kids that matter; it’s the quality that counts.
• I’m a good parent if I make many sacrifices for my child.
• Children should be free to express themselves any way they want.
• My child deserves the things I didn’t have growing up, the things most kids have today.
• A full plate of activities is good for kids – let them absorb all they can.
• Starting my child early in school gives him an extra edge.
• It’s important for my child to finish first.
• If my child sets his mind to it. He can do anything.
•
Dr. Kevin Leman in Home Court Advantage, states that every statement is false.
Leman says the most important things you can give your children are love, care, and security, not more things. As parents we need to beware of the activity trap.
The greatest learning environment for our children is social interaction in our own family.
III. Provide Adequate Disciple
Children need to learn there are consequences to their actions. Ask our grandson Jake if there are natural consequences of trying to walk on a wire fence. With the result of 4 stitches in his leg and 4 stitches in his head, Jake will give lots of thought before trying to walk on another fence.
Our goal as parents is to prepare our children to live responsibly.
When you tell you small child to do something, don’t argue. Make your statement, turn your back and walk away. Follow up; with consequences to lack of obedience.
Proverbs 13:24, “A refusal to correct is a refusal to love, love your children by discipling them.”
Proverbs 22:6, “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when is old he will not depart from it.”
“Train up,” carries the meaning of “dedication to the Lord.” As parents we dedicate our children to the Lord and give our best in training them. Our children either respond in obedience or disobedience.
A paraphrase of Proverbs 22:6 might read: “Train up a child according to his/her own bent or passion.” You bless your children when you help them see their potential and follow their God-given passions.
You bless your children when you help them set realistic goals.
You help your children when you set boundaries. As your children grow the boundaries change, but there are still boundaries. “Train up your child in the way God would have them go.”
In our home we had a number of “givens” that were non-negotiable.
• On Sunday we went to church as a family.
• We wanted to know where the children were after school.
• When they got older they were expected to be home at a given time.
• They were not allowed to talk back or be rude or disrespectful to us as parents.
• Discipline would be applied for disobedience. We would back each other up on all disciplinary actions.
As parents of four married children and 15 grandchildren with Annette expecting any day now we will have 16 and our daughter Janette travels with her husband to Russia next Month to adopt a 2 ½ year old boy. We will have 17 grandchildren. From experience I can tell you that parenting goes on forever. We wouldn’t have it any other way.
Raising children is much like flying a kite. After experimenting with the wind and getting the right tail length you run against the wind. After running as fast as you can you finally get the kite up into the air.
A kite is meant to fly. As it rises higher and higher you let out the string little by little. The kite drifts higher away from you.
The kite begins to fly on its own. You continue to provide the tension and the grounding but the kite is now doing what it was built to do, and what we really envisioned it to do all along. It’s up there for the sole reason…to fly!
Our children are meant to fly and soar according to their own God given personality and abilities.
We do our best in building a solid foundation for our family. We create a “can do” atmosphere in the home. We provide adequate discipline and guidance and then “let go.”
