Survivor: Surviving the Teenage Years
1. My wife and I have been foster parents and adoptive parents to nearly every age between newborn and eighteen. And I have to tell you from experience that those who have babies have the easiest job. I know, it may not seem like it now. Because we have been there and done that too. Babies are a lot of work. Don’t get me wrong. But as long as you feed them, change them, burp them, change them again, put them down for a nap, feed them again and change them again, they are pretty happy. Teenagers are a whole other story. You don’t have to change them or burp them, they pretty much do that for themselves. You have to feed them but teens eat a whole lot more. You can’t just give them a bottle of baby food anymore. I know, I’ve tried. What we used to get by for $20 to $25 for a meal eating out, now runs between $35 to $40, and sometimes more, and that’s fast food. They refuse to take a nap, unless you ask them to pick up their messes, clean their room, or do anything else that sounds like it might be work, or it’s something they don’t want to do. They do want to hang out at their friends houses and do the things that they do. They want to be entertained with the tv, video games, and loud, often obnoxious music. They like to argue because they know everything and you will never convince a teenager that the world does not revolve around them. And if you think you are losing sleep now, wait until your teenager can drive and gets home late. For those of you who have babies, right now, you are their friends. You are their whole life. In their eyes, you are awesome. You are the best people in the world. Not so when they become teenagers. They hit those ages and when they used to hold your hand and walk with you, they now, run in front or stay behind so that you can’t embarrass them. The other day I saw this book title in Ollie’s and I thought it was great; it was Not-So-Stupid Parents: Why Your Kids Think You’re Weird and How to Prove Otherwise. Being parents to teenagers is a whole other ball game.
2. Now, I want to say that all of these characteristics do not make teenagers bad kids. It just means that there will be challenges ahead for those of you who have babies now. Because your cute and adorable babies will turn into teens who will argue with you and eat you out of house and home and in a variety of ways make life interesting for you. And I just want you to be prepared. Those of you who have babies now, I want to tell you that you really do have it easy. But I don’t want you to worry. I have some survivor tips for you. How do we survive the teenage years?
3. I come to you, not as an expert, but as a practitioner. My wife and I are in the process of attempting to raise one teen, two pre-teens, and three kids who take lessons from their older sister and brothers. But how do we survive? How can we survive, especially for those of you this morning who have babies. Cute, adorable, darling babies. I want you to be prepared for what’s ahead. First, let’s turn to the Bible. Proverbs 22.6 says, "Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it." If I accomplish only one thing this morning, it is to tell you as parents how important it is that you be a role model for your kids. If I accomplish anything today, it will be to help you to understand that you are the number one influence on the lives of your children, as babies and as teenagers. Over and over again, studies say that if children have positive models at home in their parents, they are less likely to carry out dangerous activities. Mom and Dad, you are critically vital to your child having a successful life. You are vital to their views on sex and drugs and alcohol. On cheating or stealing. On their beliefs about God and faith and the church. You are the number one influence for your child. The question is, "how will you use your influence? What will you do with your influence?"
4. There are two options here: either you can ignore your influence, shrug it off, or you can develop your influence at your babies’ young age and determine that from here on out, you will do the best you can to train your children as they ought to be trained. That you will determine to "direct your children onto the right path." Now I might be a little prejudiced here but it seems to me that one of these makes more sense than the other. Do you think that when my youngest three children were born in the hospital, I watched them being born and when the nurse handed them to me, I took them in my arms and said, "Well, you’re here. Now you’re on your own. I sure hope you make it." Or, that I said to them, "well, look at you. I hope you wind up doing drugs. I hope you become an alcoholic. I want you to be sexually promiscuous." You know I didn’t. I took those small babies in my arms and I said, "I want to do everything I can from here on out to take care of you, to love you, to protect you and to keep you safe." And the only way I know how to do that is to be as great an influence to my children as I possibly can. To direct my children now so that down the road, they make the absolute best choices they can. No one wants their children to go to jail, live on the streets, become a murderer or anything like that.
5. And in order to help your kids avoid those things, you need to recognize that no one can raise your children like you can. No one is supposed to be your children’s mom and dad like you are. The children you have are gifts from God and they are your gifts. Not someone else’s. And Proverbs tells us that if we direct our children onto the right path, they will not leave it when they are older. There are two more statements that I want to make about this passage of scripture.
First, this is not directed to moms. Sometimes, we fathers tend to think that childrearing is mom’s job. That the training of the children is woman’s work and that the men only interact with the children when it comes to discipline. One year, we were at a New Year’s Eve party and a couple was there and any time the children got out of hand, the wife hollered for the husband and the husband yelled at the children. And it became fairly comical after a few hours. She’d yell, "Jeff" and he’d yell "Boys". But Ephesians 6.4 tells us, "Fathers, don’t exasperate your children by coming down hard on them. Take them by the hand and lead them in the way of the Master." Dads, don’t neglect your role. Fathers, don’t imagine that you can leave the discipline and training of your children to your wives. Don’t imagine that you can neglect your role as the leader of your family and do so without negative ramifications.
Second, the verse in Proverbs is not a guarantee. I wish I could give you one today, but I can’t. You see, God refuses to override our free will. And you can raise your child in the best home with the greatest upbringing and your son and daughter can still rebel. They may in various ways reject your faith and your priorities and it doesn’t mean that you haven’t done everything right, or at least done everything to the very best of your ability. It simply means that your child, your son and daughter are making their own choices. And those choices may sometimes be hard to understand or accept, but sometimes as parents we have to let go and let our children live their own lives.
6. But even then, we have these promises, "For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life."in John 3.16 and in 2 Peter 3.9 we have this promise, "The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance." And the truth is, as much as you love your children, God loves them more. As concerned as you are, He is even more concerned. You cannot love your children as much as God does. You could try but you could not do it. So here is the question, when it comes to raising your children, do you really want to do it on your own? Do you really think you will always know best for your children? Or do you think it might be wiser to raise your children with God’s help? Do you think it would be better to raise your children in a community of faith where people encourage you when you struggle, celebrate when you succeed, and give help and guidance along the way? Someone once said, "It takes a village to raise a child" and I believe it takes a "Christian village". Don’t do it on your own.
7. This morning we are going to introduce the families with babies who are here this morning, and then we are going to have a word of prayer for these little ones and for their families. For those of you who are here this morning, we want you to know we love you and your children. And we would love to be a regular part of your child’s life and of your life as well. We celebrate these little ones with you because we love God and because we believe children are important to Him, and you are important to Him. Let’s introduce and celebrate these children who are gifts from God.
