Honor thy father and thy mother Exodus 20:1-12
Back in 1976 when they first opened the CN tower in Toronto; Herb and two of his friends decided they’d go to the top and really see the city. One of his friends was from Moncton and the other was from Amherst. Well, after they got to the top and looked around for a while; they got kind of bored and the guy from Moncton said, “I’ll bet you guys I can drop my watch and run all the way down the stairs; and catch it before it hits the ground.” And then the guy from Amherst said, “If you think you can do it, I’ll do it too.” And then Herb said, “Why don’t you guys go first; and then I’ll show you how it’s done.”
So, the guy from Moncton dropped his watch and he started running down the stairs and he got about half way down when he heard his watch hit the ground and break in a million pieces. Then the guy from Amherst dropped his; and he started running and he was really fast but he only got a little bit farther than the guy from Moncton; and then he heard his watch smash on the ground.
Well, Herb casually took his watch off and dropped it over the side and then he started walking down the stairs like he was in no hurry. As a matter of fact, he got about halfway down and decided to sit down and have a rest. And then after a few minutes, he got up and started down again; taking his time and enjoying the walk. As he came out the door at the bottom he saw his two friends and said hello; then he held out his hand and caught his watch. Well, the other two were absolutely amazed and they said, “How on earth did you do that?” And Herb said, “My watch has always been about a half an hour slow.”
“And God spake all these words, saying, I am the LORD thy God, which have brought thee out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. Thou shalt have no other gods before me. Thou shalt not make
unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me; and shewing mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and keep my commandments. Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD thy God in vain; for the LORD will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain. Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days shalt thou labour, and do all thy work: but the seventh day is the sabbath of the LORD thy God: in it thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates: for in six days the LORD made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that in them is, and rested the seventh day: wherefore the LORD blessed the Sabbath day, and hallowed it. Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.”
The last verse here deals with the father and mother and there are some things that dad’s the world over have been known for saying and if you’re not a father but someday hope to be one, you should pay close attention because they go like this.
“Don’t ask me, ask your mother. Close the door; were you raised in a barn? Don’t worry; it’s only blood. A little dirt never hurt anyone; just wipe it off. This will hurt me a lot more than it’s going to hurt you. Do I look like I am made out of money? No, we’re not there yet. As long as you live under my roof, you’ll live by my rules. I’ll tell you why; because I said so, that’s why. Do you think I’m just talking to hear my own voice. Two wrongs don’t make a right. What did I just get finished telling you? Don’t make me stop this car! What part of “no” don’t you understand? If you’re gonna be that dumb, you better get tough. And then, the all time favorite is: You keep that up and I’ll give you something to cry about.”
And then there are also a few things that mother’s have always been fond of saying: “Hey you get out there and cut that grass and put your shoes on first; don’t come running to me if you cut off both your feet. If you fall off that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me. If everyone else jumped off the bridge would you do it too? If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up. If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they’re going to stay like that forever. If you don’t pass this spelling test, you’ll never get a good job! You put on clean underwear before you leave this house because if you get hit by a car and end up in the hospital; the last thing anybody is ever going to see is your dirty underwear. (And here’s a good question that never required an answer.) What were you thinking? (Or even better.) Answer me when I talk to you; which is immediately followed by; don’t talk back to me! (And then there was) Just wait until your father gets home. And then, the all time favorite warning was: One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they all turn out to be just like you.”
I think these are appropriate, especially on the day we look at the commandment regarding our mothers and fathers.
Now, as I said before; the Ten Commandments were written on tablets of stone by the very finger of God; that’s why they were kept in the Ark of the Covenant with Moses rod that budded and a pot of manna. All three of these were not only proof of God’s existence but they were also evidence of His provision. They had the personal word of God, a leader of God’s own choosing and their daily bread or manna as it was called.
It’s been assumed by many commentators that the first tablet contained commandments one to five and these deal with our relationship to God and then the second tablet had commandments five through ten and these tell us how we are to govern our relationships one with another.
The first commandment tells us we are to worship God and God alone. And since He created and redeemed us, He alone is worthy of our worship.
The second one tells us how we are to worship Him and we’re told we are not to use any graven images. And that tells us that our worship is to come from the heart and according to the word of God; so, we are never to use anything like a plastic figurine, a liturgy to read as a substitute for worship and as I said last week, we don’t even need to be in any particular building. After all, worship is a personal connection to God that results in our having fellowship with one another.
Listen, we are to worship God in the way that pleases Him. After all, God knew man would try to justify including all the other gods around him because man has always lived in a multi-religious society and he’s always wanted to show respect for the wants and wishes of others, right? Well, God says, forget it. If you have to make a choice about who you’re going to offend, it better not be God.
Now, why would He warn us not to use graven images in our worship? He does this because He knows that in our flesh we’d rather focus our attention on something we can see. In other words, we’d rather walk by sight rather than faith. And the problem is, whatever we use in our worship often becomes the focus of our worship rather than God Himself, so, He says, don’t even think about using anything to visualize Me.
And then the third commandment deals with our language and it says, “We are not to take the name of the Lord our God in vain” and this simply means; we are never to use God’s name in any meaningless or derogatory fashion because, not only are we belittling God but when we do that but we’re also telling others that God doesn’t hear or care what we’re saying. So, whenever we use the terms God, Lord, Jesus or any of His other titles we better be either praying or praising His name; otherwise we are treating Him as though He were either insignificant or deaf.
Then the fourth commandment deals with the issue of the Sabbath and under the old covenant man followed God’s pattern as it was set out in the creation account where God worked for six days and then rested on the seventh. And then under the new covenant which was instituted by the resurrection of Jesus, man began the week with a day of worship and his work grew out of that. So, the focus of the old covenant was creation but the new one was redemption. And the one thing both have in common is man was to stop his normal cycle of work and focus his attention on God. And as I said last day, the Sabbath rest we enjoy now is a type or a foreshadowing of the eternal rest which we’re all going to enjoy when our life’s work is finished.
And then the fifth commandment tells us we are to honour our fathers and our mothers. And as we come to this commandment it’s the first one that’s positive. It’s not ‘don’t do this or you’re really going to pay the price’ but ‘do this and you’re really going to get a bonus.’ So, God says here; “Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.”
And it’s important to see here; that the transition from worshipping God to our relationships with other people begins in the home. After all, if you can’t get along with members of your own family, who supposedly love you, then you’re really going to have a problem when you get out in the world where everyone is out for themselves and couldn’t care less about you and your problems.
Now, listen carefully, because this is worth the price of admission. The love we have for God is not to have its first expression; in our going to church, in our respect for life, in being honest in our relationships, in always telling the truth, in living pure lives or even in the way we respect the property of others. All these areas are covered in the other commandments but listen, if our relationship with God doesn’t affect our relationship with those in our own homes; then God’s telling us; you don’t have much of a relationship with Him. So, why does He focus on our homes? Because, God knows that that’s where we’re real and that’s the one place where we all let our hair down and be who we really are. After all, who tries to impress the members of their family because they already know who we are.
I remember being in Toronto a few years after I was saved and my father-in-law ran a drop-in center in the basement of the church he attended and there were several kids there who had been saved from the streets and the one thing about these kids that was different from many of the kids from the church was these kids really had a desire to reach their families and friends. They had quit drugs and cleaned up their lives and they started bringing people to church. They began with their friends and then some brought their mothers and fathers, brothers and sisters, even their aunt’s and uncles. And a lot of people were saved there.
They had a good pastor there but he wasn’t what you’d call a dynamic preacher and yet when he gave an invitation people would respond. I remember we had a guy playing a saw one morning and a guy who became my best friend and a few others came forward and got saved. And listen, it all started with people trying to reach their own families.
In I Timothy 5:4 Paul wrote, “But if a widow has children or grandchildren, these should learn first of all to put their religion into practice by caring for their own family and so repaying their parents or grandparents, for this is pleasing to God.” Now, I know Paul is addressing the issue of widows here; but this also serves as a principle to tell us that we have a responsibility to care for our own before we get pre-occupied with trying to reach the rest of the world.
Now, having said that; I’d be the first to admit; the most difficult people to reach with the gospel are the members of our own family. As I said, they know us. They knew us before we were saved and they’ve seen us in all our transformed glory since. And we know, they know that we aren’t all we should be or could be and that makes us feel very insecure about telling them they need to change. We’re always afraid they’ll say, “What and become like you?” But listen, we aren’t telling them to just follow us but we’re telling them; they need to follow the Lord which is the very thing we’re trying to do. Listen, evangelism begins at home.
Now, I want to look at this commandment and divide it into three parts because first, there’s the command to honor our parents, then second, there’s the need for parents to be honorable and then third, we’ll see there’s a reward for those who are faithful to do as the scripture teaches.
I Honor thy mother and thy father.
Some Sunday school kids were writing out the fifth commandment and either because of spelling errors or misunderstanding one wrote, “Humor thy mother and thy father” and then another wrote, “Honor thy pirates.” Well, honoring is neither humoring nor treating them like pirates but the word honor means, “to attach weight to, to put in a place of authority, to hold in high opinion or to reverence.” And I think the term reverence expresses it best.
This commandment is repeated in Leviticus 19:3 in a slightly different form and it says, “Every one of you shall revere his mother and his father.” In Exodus the father is put first and in Leviticus the mother is and the rabbi’s used to say, the purpose of this, was to show that we are to honor both the mother and the father the same.
The Greek word for honor means to revere, prize, and value. So, honor is giving respect not only because they deserve it but because of who they are. So, children of all ages should honor their parents, regardless of whether their parents actually “deserve” that honor or not.
The strange thing about this commandment is; there’s no exception clause. It doesn’t say, honor the honorable but it just says; honor them. Remember back in the book of Genesis where Ham was cursed by God because he mocked his father Noah. And listen, Ham was making fun of his father because his father was laying there naked, sleeping off the affects of homemade booze. Well, didn’t God know that Noah was drunk? Well, of course He did, but He was more concerned with Ham’s attitude toward his dad than He was with Noah’s drunkenness. Listen, Noah didn’t deserve his son’s respect but that didn’t excuse his son for not giving it.
A couple of years before I was saved I had spent an entire summer living on the streets of Yorkville and when I wasn’t panhandling or playing guitar on the sidewalks for get money; I used to go to a drop-in centre that was just a few blocks up the street. And this was a storefront kind of coffee shop that was run by Teen Mission and they’d serve chicken noodle soup with no noodles in it and day old donuts. It wasn’t much but it kept you from starving to death.
So, I’d go in and have something to eat and I’d usually stay and talk to the guy who ran the place and his name was Maury Blair. Maury was a friendly Christian man and he wasn’t pushy when it came to talking about God, so, most of us got along pretty well with him. I didn’t know anything about his background but years later, after I was saved, I was in a Christian bookstore and picked up a copy of his auto-biography and I was surprised by the things he had gone through.
Maury was born to a woman who had him when she was single and then she got married to a man who seemed to be nice but after they were married he turned out to be hateful and obnoxious toward her son, Maury. Well, she and this man had a few more kids but things got continually got worse for Maury and he was only six years old. This man hated him because he wasn’t his and he would beat him mercilessly and refused to let him eat at the table with the rest of the family. Maury said he would stare through a grate upstairs in the bedroom and watch as the family enjoyed their food and conversation.
The way he describes his stepfather gives you the impression that he hated Maury so bad that every time he’d see him he’d do anything he could to hurt him. Well, as the story went on, Maury grew up, left home and somehow; he got saved, went to Bible school, got married and went into the ministry. And then one day he got a call that his stepfather was in the hospital dying of cancer. (Let me ask you, what would you do? I mean, if everything you ever associated with this person was nothing but pain and rejection? How would you react? Would you say, cancer’s not good enough for him, I hope he suffers long and then God sends him to hell for eternity.)
Well, I’m sure Maury wrestled with the same things you and I would; but in the end he went to the hospital, presented the gospel and prayed that his step-father would accept the Lord, although, as he said, there was no indication that he did.
But, that shows the depth of Maury’s salvation. The average person would have either ignored him or even walked in there and cursed him out and anybody who heard about it would have said he was completely justified. But listen, God had so transformed Maury’s life that he wanted this hateful man to receive the forgiveness of Jesus Christ and go to heaven forever. Now that’s Christianity at it’s best!
Listen, there’s no such thing as illegitimate children but there are an awful lot of illegitimate parents. But, regardless of who or what they are, we still have the responsibility to honor them.
On the other hand I read an obituary written by a woman’s daughter that was printed in a newspaper in California and it said, “Delores Angular was born in 1929 in New Mexico. She died on August 7, 2008. Delores had no hobbies, made no contribution to society and rarely shared a kind word or deed in her life. I speak for the majority of people in her family when I say her presence will not be missed by many, few tears will be shed and there will be no lamenting over her passing. As her family we will remember Delores in our own way, which were sad and troubling times throughout the years. We may have some fond memories of her and perhaps we will think of those times too but I truly believe at the end of the day we will only miss what we never had; a good and kind loving mother, grandmother and great-grandmother. I hope she’s finally at peace with herself. As for the rest of us left behind I hope this is the beginning of a time of healing and learning to be a family again. There will be no service, no prayers and no closure for the family that she spent a lifetime tearing apart. So, I say here for all of us, good bye mom.” When reading this, we almost get the impression she would have liked to add the words, and good riddance.
But, how should we honor our parents? First, by having an attitude of gratitude; by being grateful for the life they’ve given us and whatever they’ve done for us. Did you know that humans are the one part of God’s creation who are dependant on their parents the longest. For some animals, it’s days, weeks or even a couple of months but for humans; it’s 16-20 years and sometimes even longer.
I read that the cost of raising a child is somewhere around $250,000 for a girl and a little less for a boy and regardless of how they turn out, you neither get a bonus nor your money back. Whenever I see people making a fuss and passing around a little baby; I always think; be careful with that, it’s worth a quarter of a million dollars.
So, we are to honor our parents and especially if they’ve gone through sacrifices for us because very few of us are aware the cost until we have to pay someone else’s way. So, we need to have an attitude of gratitude.
And then second, we also honor our parents by our obedience and Romans 13 tells us that all authority is established by God and that God is a God of order. All of life has structure and in order for the structure to work there has to be respect for the way it works. And the home is no different; because just as God established authority in society He also established authority in the home. And those who reject parental authority are rejecting God’s plan for their lives. Now, does God make mistakes? Does He ever put people in the wrong homes? No! He puts us in homes that will shape our character.
Let me give you a couple of examples from scripture. Moses was born into a Jewish home and then he was raised by Gentiles when he was rescued from the Nile River by Pharaoh’s daughter. He had the best of everything in an Egyptian world but God put it in his heart to go and lead the Jews out of Egypt and into the Promised Land. God used all his education and cultural background that he had learned in Egypt to be the man He wanted him to be. Do you think Moses had problems living in Egypt where everyone knew he was born a Jew? Or when he led the Israelites, do you think some might have thought of him as an Egyptian? I mean, his whole life he must have felt like, he didn’t fit in.
And then we have Joseph and he was submissive in three different homes. In his father’s house he had difficulty with his brothers but he stuck it out until his brothers sold him into slavery. Now listen, was that fair? No! Of course it wasn’t. And then he was sold to Potiphar and he was put in charge of everything Potiphar had with the exception of his wife but, when she tried to seduce Joseph and he wasn’t interested; she falsely accused him of rape or attempted rape and he ended up in prison. Was that his fault? No! Of course it wasn’t. And then when he was in prison, he was such a good worker that the head of the prison put him in charge of everything. And listen; he was in prison for at least twenty years. Now, do you think he was ever frustrated? I’m sure he was; but, did he ever get mad and run away? No, and in the end, they made him second to the pharaoh of Egypt. Years later, he would say to his brothers, “You meant it for evil but God meant it for good.” God used the psychological abuse he went through, the misunderstandings he endured and even the imprisonment he suffered to mold his character to be the person God wanted him to be.
And there were others in the Bible who had a hard time growing up; like Samuel who was given to Eli at the age of three and even though Eli was the high priest the Bible says he had two extremely immoral sons and, as a matter of fact, they were so bad God killed them. And I’m sure Samuel was exposed to these guys and yet God used him in spite of his upbringing. And then there was Daniel who had been had been raised in an orthodox Jewish home but was taken captive as a young man to Babylon where he was also a slave but God would use him and his position to influence the Jews to return to the land of Israel and He also used him to give us the prophesy that relates to our past and future hope.
Listen, God uses the difficult home life of each of these to teach us all that we need to depend on God and God alone. And, if we want to run away from the situation God’s using; He’ll find another way to rub the rough edges off our lives and make us be the people He wants us to be.
So, we are to honor our parents with an attitude of gratitude and then we are to honor them by being obedient and then third; we are to honor them by our support.
I heard about a family who was having a family portrait taken and the photographer said to the son, “Put your hand on your dad’s shoulder; that’ll look natural.” And the dad said to the photographer, “If you want him to look natural; have him put his hand in my pocket.”
And as parents give emotional and physical support to their children; those who receive that support ought to be willing to provide for them as they get older. As Paul said in I Timothy 5:8, “But if any provide not for his own, and especially for those of his own house he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.” Listen, showing honor means being grateful, obedient and supportive.
II And then: those who are honored should be honorable.
When Robert Rake began the Sunday school in England over two hundred years ago, initially, it was opposed by the evangelicals because they were afraid the Sunday school would hurt the home as a teaching center. Now, I’m not against the Sunday school but we have to remember that a Sunday school teacher can never replace a parent’s influence in the lives of their children. As a matter of fact, the scripture puts the responsibility of the spiritual development of the children on their parents.
In Proverbs 4 we find Solomon who was the wisest man who ever lived began by learning from his father David the king and in spite of his responsibilities, David took the time to teach his son the word of God. It’s interesting to note that David was somewhere around 54 when Solomon was born and if you study the scriptures you’ll find he didn’t have much influence on his other sons but he also realized he wasn’t too old to start.
Now, I believe our best teaching is done by example but it doesn’t stop there. As someone said, “I can’t hear your words; your life is too loud.” I took a course in teacher training one time called, “The seven laws of the learner” and one of the laws was, “More is caught than taught.” Spiritually, we reproduce ourselves in the lives of our children and whether we want them to or not they will come to desire the things we desire. Not the things we say we want but the things we really want. I saw this in my own kids and when they’d do something totally absurd and then they’d say to me, “Isn’t that funny?” And I realized they had picked up on my absurd sense of humor. Of course, I never thought of it as being absurd I just thought everyone else was repressed but through my kids I saw that I have a different perspective on life.
I had a friend in Ontario who said he really wanted his kids to live for the Lord but then something happened in his church and he got mad and quit going and then his whole life revolved around sports. And now his kids are sports fanatics. Psychologists call this ‘alter ego fulfillment.’ He put a premium on sports and his kids began fulfilling his goals. That’s why it’s so important that we want the right things. Listen, parents are honored because God says so and they ought to be honorable simply because that’s the right thing to do.
And the promise is - long life. What seems on the surface to be a simple promise actually becomes difficult when you delve into it. I mean, when you look at this promise you wonder, are we to assume that every child who dies before they reach their sixteenth birthday have somehow displeased the Lord? Of course not! If we took that approach we’d have to assume that everyone who lived to be over the age of seventy-five has God’s approval.
There are three ways to see this promise and here’s the first. One of the Old Testament laws called for capital punishment for those who dishonored their parents. In other words, they’d have a very short life. If they were drunk and rebellious refused to listen to their parents, they were to be taken out to the elders at the gate and stoned to death. (Now, if you are a deacon, imagine if this was part of your job.) So, we could interpret this, obey your parents and your life will be longer than the one who died because of disobedience.
And then the second way of looking at this would be to take the approach that the parents teaching was common sense like, don’t play on the road, wear warm clothing when it’s cold outside or eat your vegetables. And those who ignore the basic rules of life that are taught by parents everywhere won’t live as long or as well as the rest of the population.
And then third, those who are obedient to God’s command to obey their parents are blessed by God and rewarded with a long life. He makes the same promise in Psalm 91:16, “With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation.” And the problem always seems to be; how long is long? We’ll be here as long as it takes to fulfill the purposes of God through our lives and if we’re too rebellious He’ll simply take us home.
When you think about it, there’s another way of looking at this because those who learn to get along and show respect for those in their own homes naturally have less stress in the rest of their relationships. So, if we learn to get along with our own family first; then we’ll be ready to get along with the rest of the world.
There’s also other warnings for the rebellious because Proverbs 20:20 says, “If one curses his father or mother his lamp will be put out in outer darkness.” And then Proverbs 30:17 says, “The eye that mocks a father and scorns to obey a mother will be picked out by the ravens of the valley and eaten by the vultures.” So, we don’t have to wonder what God thinks about rebellious children.
And it’s not just the children’s rebellion that God reacts toward because I Samuel 15:23 says, “Rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft.” So, this tells me that God would no more bless a Christian rebel than He would a Christian witch.
Listen, this commandment is so important that God repeated it in the New Testament. In Ephesians 6:1-3 it says, “Children obey your parents in the Lord; for this is right. Honor thy father and thy mother; which is the first commandment with promise. That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth.”
I read a simple poem called: The land of beginning again
I wish there was some wonderful place called the land of beginning again, where all our mistakes and all our heartaches and all our selfish grief, could be dropped like an old shabby coat at the door, and never be put on again. (Given the chance to live our lives all over again I’m sure there are a lot of things we’d do differently, but listen, we only get one shot at it, so, we had better do our best while we have the chance.)
Conclusion
There are three things about this commandment I want you to see: and the first is; God’s view of the family starts with mom and dad. In eternity before we ever existed, God chose who our parents would be and then He chose who our kids would be and God says He uses all things for good.
Now, here are two radical thoughts on parents. One, you did not choose who your parents would be, so, if they were good you have no reason to brag and if they weren’t, you have no reason to assume any responsibility. They were who they were and we are who we are and many of us will get the opportunity to be the kind of parents we wish we had.
And then second, God’s view of authority and submission starts in the home and moves out from there. So, as I’ve said twice already, if you can’t get along with those who love you, you’re really going to have a problem with those who are just out for themselves.
And then third: God’s promise in this commandment is real and specific. And if you’re willing to be obedient you’ll be blessed and if you’re not you’re in for a load of trouble.
