Today we’re in a series, and this is going to be hard. This is going to be one of those talks; this is going to be one of those things that agitate you before it makes you comfortable; it’s going to be one of those talks that’s going to irritate you before you get it. We’re going to look at the Book of Ephesians, and we’re going to drill deep on one or two passages over the next couple of weeks. We’re going to look at what God says and let me just tell you; the stuff that God puts on my heart to talk about, generally is not stuff you’re going to go look for in the Book; it’s just not the most popular sermon. I just really believe that sometimes we love to hear a watered down version of what Jesus wants; but when God’s truth intercepts with the broken parts of our life, that we will be set you free.
We found out we had a leak in our closet last week. It started off really small and then started growing, and when I had the guts to actually look at it and realize it was a leak, and that it was bad; we tore everything out. And I was thinking about the irony of that, and the irony of marriages. See, it’s only when you’re willing to peel back the carpet; it’s only when you’re willing to take off the surface sheet rock, to see what’s really happening in your life friends. And you can’t keep somehow thinking, "We’ll just try harder, and the marriage will just get better;" and I’m just telling you God has a plan for you, He loves you, He’s in love with you, and He is for you and not against you.
So this talk, and I just have to tell you that every service, someone has got up and left. I’m just telling you; because it’s one of these talks where you’re going to be, I think, a little bit frustrated. Paul writes this letter to this church at Ephesus, which is now modern day Turkey. You can find ruins of this city, Ephesus, today. Paul writes this letter to this church; there were problems going on; they were drifting in their faith; the church is probably about, at this point, maybe twenty-five, thirty years old; and they just kind of got in this place where Paul starts to do what’s called ’task theology’. He starts addressing things in the church that were happening, to correct relational problems.
So in chapter five, he deals with this whole thing of, "What does it mean to be filled with the Holy Spirit?" I want to start there, get to the word, the ’S’ word; that’s what we’re calling this talk is ’The ’S’ Word’; and we’re going to talk about that word this week, and we’re going to drill deeper on it next week.
Paul says to this church at Ephesus, "Be filled with the spirit," in other words, when you come to Christ, you’re reborn in to the Kingdom of God. It’s confessing Jesus Christ, that He really rose from the dead, that He is God in the flesh; it’s when you do that, you are saved; you are born again the Bible says in John. But what happens after that, when we’re filled with the Spirit of God he says, "Here’s some things, "Be filled with the Spirit," being filled with the Spirit, be filled, it’s a command to us, it tells us how to be filled.
He says, "Speak to each other with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs." Now, he said, "Speak to one another in songs," which is really saying to that church, "Speak God’s word to each other." See, we have the whole canon of Scripture; "Speak God’s word to each other, speak psalms..." He says, "Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord;" and I just kind of take that as there should be a song in our hearts because we’re alive. There should be joy in our hearts because Jesus died for us. There should be a sense of joy, and joy is your strength as a Christ follower, so being filled with the Spirit is speaking God’s word, it’s a song in your heart.
And then he says, "Always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ." [Ephesians 5:18b-20] So, give thanks! Have you ever met someone that was really thankful? And if you’re not a thankful person, they kind of make you mad? You know the type of person I’m talking about; they kind of like, they totally convict you like, "Whatever, what’s wrong with you, what have you been drinking?" "I’m just happy, I’m thankful to God," and you’re like, "No you’re not. I don’t want to be around you." Have you ever noticed that people who are not thankful people, you really don’t want to be around them a lot. Then he goes in to these four things like, how do I know that I’m filled with the Spirit of God? Well, I’m speaking God’s word; there’s a song in my heart, there’s joy; there’s a sense of gratefulness; and here’s the fourth one, this is the word, this is the ’S’ word -- "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." [Ephesians 5:21]
Wives, this is the question I’m going to ask you, when you hear the passage, and you’ve heard this in church, "Wives, submit to husbands..." [Ephesians 5:22] Now when you hear that passage, because generally guys do a big, "Amen! High five John, thank you for saying that. I’ve been waiting for that passage, did you get that honey? Get it! Get it! Say it again Pastor!" When you hear, "Wives, submit to your husbands;" what comes in to your mind for real? What happens is, we misinterpret what God wants in this. Women, the one word for you is -- because you’re going to, I’m telling you, you’re going to leave. I told you; some of you packing up purses right now, just chill out! You want to hear the word of God and you want it to change your life, you got to hang tough thru it.
Men, the passage we just read? The passage before that passage that says, "Wives submit to husbands." Wait a second; Paul talks to husbands and he says, "Love your wives," and before that he says, "Wives submit to your husbands." And there’s a definite sense here, I mean, there’s authority in Scripture. In fact, I’m going to read a verse I haven’t read all weekend; First Corinthians eleven says, "Now, I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God." [1 Corinthians 11:3]
Now again, things are like, "Oh, I don’t like that and we’re egalitarian; we’re all equal in Christ." But there’s positions, and there’s authority, there’s a system that God has set up for things to work; and when it works the way God intended it to work, it’s beautiful. But when men start quoting verses like, "Women should submit..." If you have to tell your wife to submit to you, that’s a serious problem right from the start, okay? If you have to call out that verse to her? You’ve failed. The Bible says, "Submit one to another our of the fear of Christ, out of reverence for Christ." [Ephesians 5:21] Take a look at the verse again, Ephesians 5:21, we’re going to read it in one full voice: "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ."
It doesn’t say, "Submit to each other because we’re perfect!" You want to worship Jesus? Reverence for Jesus is submitting to other people. See, that sets the foundation for every single other relationship in your world. For employees, if you’re a person that leads people; as Dad’s, you submit first to your kids before you expect them to submit to you. As husbands, and again, I’m just telling you; husbands, this is going to be, this is your week. Someone said, "Well, I’m glad my wife gets next week." Next week is going to be a little bit more for wives but, we’re failing.
Men are not leading their homes; homes are in tragedy because men are being wimps. Do you know what it means to be a courageous person for Jesus Christ? It is to surrender, and submit, and serve. Courage is not stepping up and yelling, "I’m the authority!" If you’ve got to start pulling the ’I’m in charge’ card, you’ve already lost respect. What you need to do is back up the authority train, and pull the carpet up and say, "What’s going on here," friends? God wired it to work a certain way, and when it works, it’s beautiful. It’s a picture; and there’s nothing that’s a better picture of the relationship of the church with Christ, than a Godly marriage. The church and Jesus; the picture of God as a husband and wife that are in unity, that love each other. But ’submission’ is a very misunderstood word, and I love dealing with misunderstood things in the Bible if it will help you.
This is kind of God calling me out, calling you out; and God’s word does call us out. Now the word for ’submit’ in the Greek language is a military word that means ’to rank, to voluntarily rank yourself under.’ So take a look at this word, it’s ’Hupotassso’; and ’Hupotassso’ is the word for ’submit’, and it’s an interesting word. When you look at the New Testament, it’s in coinea Greek or Aramaic. Coinea Greek is well, it’s street language; it’s a dead language today. But when the New Testament was written, there were concepts that weren’t happening and so they would have to pull concepts out of the secular world in to the Bible, in to the Canon, in to the letters they were writing.
So if you go one step over, one page over in to Philippians? For me it’s a page over; for you, I don’t know, but it’s Philippians chapter two. I’m going to take us to what I think is the most beautiful picture of submission in the entire word of God. See, in the Garden, there was perfect submission. But when the fall happened, we come to Christ self-centered; we come to Christ, we want our way; we come to Christ, thinking we’re right. The only people I’ve counseled, and I don’t do so much anymore, but counseling; I can’t tell you how many times I’ve sat down with a husband and wife, or a Dad and a son, or whatever; and there’s this thing like, "Pastor -- tell my wife! Tell her I’m right!" I’m like, "Are you kidding? I’d rather have an atomic bomb go off right now." I don’t want to have to tell someone they’re right. Jesus never came and pulled the ’I’m right’ card; He never had to come and pull the ’God’ card out of pocket; He just served and loved people.
Now wives, let me ask you this question: If Jesus Christ were your husband, would you have any problem submitting to Him?" Not in a million years, because you know how loved you are. Now that is the picture; because the more I’m Jesus to my wife, the more the submission is mutual; it’s not meant to be this authoritative thing. I think submission has to be two things; it has to be intentional, and it results in being invitational. In other words, Jesus isn’t the problem in churches -- really; Christians are the problem simply by the way we treat each other. If Jesus was here, you would like Him; you would be drawn to Him; it would be invitational; and He’d love you just the way you are. But He’d love you so much, He wouldn’t want you to stay the way you are.
So in becoming a follower, there’s this sense of a Rabbi/disciple relationship. It’s not a church once a week thing, it’s a twenty-four-seven sort of deal. Where you’re growing in God’s word, and God’s word speaks to your heart; the Holy Spirit convicts you and the Holy Spirit comforts you; then the Holy Spirit leads you. And being filled with the Spirit is so important to know what God’s will is for your life, and it’s about being in the moment. It’s this time when God says, "You know, you’re kind of arrogant as a husband, and you’re kind of, kind of about yourself." The more I’m filled with the Spirit of God, the more I can feel when God gently convicts my heart. But if you’re all about yourself, and I’ve said this before; eventually you’ll be all by yourself.
You see, I think the stakes are so incredibly high right now, because you know what I think happens? When a closet’s messed up, pretty soon you can’t use it for what it was intended for. When a marriage is messed up to the point you can’t use it for what it was intended for; you go from kind of romance to what I think and what I call ’roommate’ mode. I’ve had so many people all weekend say, "Man, we’re, we’re totally in roommate mode." I’m like, "You can change it. By the power of the Spirit of God living in your life, God wants better for your marriage. You can have better, but it takes self-denial; it takes humility; it takes dropping the arrogance; it takes giving up the stuff we hold on to.
Have you ever noticed, the things we fight about are so stupid? Have you ever thought about it? How many people have ever been in a fight in their marriage? One time you’ve ever had a fight; can I see a show of hands? Praise God for broken people, right? But it’s interesting that I’ve been in fights with Michelle, and all of a sudden I’m like, ten, fifteen minutes, an hour, and I’m like, "What did we originally start fighting about?" Isn’t that, that tells you the depth and the stupidity of the fight. So why not choose to mutually submit to each other in reverence for Christ?
You know what Jesus would say, "Hey, hey, hey, hey...instead of singing a song to Me, that’s cool; instead of reading or going to some Bible study, that’s cool; but go home and serve your wife, go home and drop this pride, and you get on your knees and ask her to forgive you. Go home and serve her the way I served you!" "But, You don’t know my wife Jesus." "But I know you," He would say, "And I love you, and I serve you." I think the stakes are higher than we’ll ever imagine, and it’s just one word: submit. For men, the word that God would give us is ’sacrifice’. So Philippians two; I want to look at this picture, and I think it’s the greatest picture of submission. "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourself.." [Philippians 2:3]
I had a lady tell me after the last service tell me, her husband is a super smart and Biblical you know; a seminary kind of guy. He basically told his now ex-wife, that that verse shouldn’t be in the Bible. And I’m like, "Tell him that I said he’s stupid," I’m dead serious about it. If you’re going to take the Canon of Scripture and say, "Oh well, no, he didn’t mean ’consider others better’ which means I think I’m better," and I say, "Well, I don’t say what I’m thinking but I’ll say, "No! Consider others better." You know what? The stakes even get higher because the word ’consider’ is a mathematical accounting term and basically Paul is saying to this church at Philippi, who were all about themselves, he says, "No, no, no, no, no...do the math! Husbands, add it up; your wife, consider her, not ’she is better’, but look at her as better;" and the word for ’better’ is translated better in the Greek language is ’superior’. What if we did that?
What if you went home today and it wasn’t about your business, and your iPhone(r) and your Blackberry® and your TwitterTM, and your this and your that, and your whatever. I mean, so much technology; I mean, I’ve got Facebook® and all this stuff, and how do you even keep up on it? But what if we said we’re going to put our spouses...Men, I told you this is going to be your day. What if you began to put her first -- for real? Don’t give me some chump answer; you put her first for real. You serve her, you meet her needs, you consider her better. You don’t be about being right. If you are all about being right, you’re just on the path of destruction. So let’s change the course and let’s stop the nonsense; and in humility, let’s consider others better.
Then he says in verse four, "Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others." [Philippians 2:4] And it’s interesting, this word for ’look’ is the word ’scopio’, that we get our word ’microscope’, ’telescope’. When you’re looking thru a telescope, you’re only considering what you’re looking at. See, I want to get to this place where I’m looking and thinking less about me and more about my wife. I want that for us. Students, do you get this? This is the only marriage counseling I’ll give you, "Consider others better." End of story, $69.95 please.
And he goes on, "Your attitude," again, this is an attitude; this is a mental change in how you think; "It should be the same..." Whoa, whoa, whoa... the same? "It should be the same as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,"[Philippians 2:6] This is what’s known in a theological term as a ’kenosis’ passage; let me explain it. There’s a sense here where people say, "Well, Jesus is God; Jesus stepped out of heaven in the form of man; but He is fully God and fully man." What happened in this ’kenosis’ is, it’s an emptying or a setting aside of some things that He had full rites to? But He set those things aside because in essence, and the Bible says in Colossians, "All things were created by Him, created by Jesus, and created for Him." [Colossians 1:16]
Now, what’s happening here, do you see this? There’s an emptying of Himself; there’s a setting aside of His rites; there’s a setting aside of His power -- He’s submitting to us! Jesus Christ submitted to the people He created, it’s an unbelievable! I mean, it’s one of these things, you’ve got to go home and think about it because it’s like, "Woo!" and it’s weird. Verse seven, "He made Himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant being made in human likeness, being found in appearance as a man." [Philippians 2:7] What would happen if we did that? What would happen as husbands, if we made ourselves, for the sake of our families, nothing? We weren’t grasping control, we weren’t ordering everyone around; we were just serving, we were just being Jesus?
Uncomfortable? I said it would be uncomfortable. Irritating? I don’t know about you; but it’s convicting for me. Because at the core of who I am, I am pretty self-centered; I want what I want. But the more that I learn that it’s not about what I want, it’s about me being Jesus to my wife; it’s about me loving her the way that Jesus Christ loves me. It changes everything. It’ll change your marriage; it will change your friendships; it will change everything. Is it hard to hear? I can’t think of anything much harder. Could it be more rewarding? I can’t think of anything better.
The Bible goes on to say, "He made Himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant. Being made in human likeness. Found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself obedient to death, even death on a cross,"[Philippians 2:8] If that’s the ultimate picture of submission, and Jesus submitted to me; that means for me to submit, I have to empty myself of what I want, and there has to be a death of my desires; and for the sake of my wife, how much times do we spend saying, "Honey, what are your dreams, what are your passions?"
I have failed so miserably at this. I mean, I’m just going to stand on the stage and say, "Don’t look at me like the flashing good example of "Oh my..."" I’m going to do better at this, do you know why? Because God showed me, He just showed me, "You’re just a wimp." And when God tells you that, you kind of just have to sort of listen? We become spiritually wimpy when we hear the word of God and don’t respond to it. And all you have is the day that you’re in; all you have is the moment that you’re in right now. Will you humble yourself? Will you, men, women; will we empty ourselves for the sake of our families? Will we allow the death of something we’ve been holding on to, will we have an emptying of sorts? Will we submit?
God um...I sat at my desk Saturday and was thinking about this message, and God was doing...there was a thing that God did in my heart that...in fact, I wrote it down. I don’t think...I can’t think of a ton of times where this, kind of almost profound [thing] happened; where God revealed to me, because God made marriage to work in a way that the world would see the reality of Jesus thru our marriages. God put this on my heart; that the best Michelle will ever feel or experience God’s love is not worship, it’s not a women’s conference; those are good things. It’s not a Bible study, it’s not a sermon, it’s not a gift that I give her. The best my wife will ever experience God’s love is thru me physically giving my life up for her.
The best that she will ever experience, because there’s not a human being on this earth that can love her the way that God has created and orchestrated me to love her; there’s no one on the earth that can do that. That’s like my ultimate job: To love my wife in a way that she experiences, not guilt, but grace; where she feels the love of God, not tension and pressure. Do you know the ultimate thing about submission? You have to get to the point where your wife doesn’t owe you anything! So we carry this crap in from where ever in the past, and we’re like, "You owe me! And this is the way my parents did it, and this is the way I saw it done;" and God’s like, "No, no, no, no, no...stop it! She doesn’t owe you anything! And the only way that she will experience, John Bishop; the only way your wife will experience My love is thru you denying yourself; is thru you dying so her dreams can live; the best way that she will experience My love is thru you." And I just sort of sat there like, taking it in; and I’m not so sure I fully even understand it right now, but I know this -- we can do better. We can love in a way that the world sees Jesus in our marriages.
You know, I’ve talked about the love languages; and has anybody ever heard of the five love languages? Okay, so gifts, time, words of encouragement, acts of service, and physical touch, right? When I first learned about love languages, generally speaking, you will love someone naturally the way you feel love the most. So if you’re a ’words of encouragement’ person, you’re going to write cards to your spouse. Or if you’re all about ’gifts’, you’re going to buy gifts. Submitting is all about learning someone; it’s looking, it’s watching, it’s being aware.
Well, Michelle’s is ’acts of service’ person; so I used to like, vacuum a lot; do dishes a lot; do acts of service like, "Honey, what are you doing?" "Vvvvvvvv....vacuuming! Take note for later...vvvvvvv... vvvvvvvvvv," right? No, I’m serious like...and what I learned, and what God put on my heart was, I was dialing in to her love language, to manipulate it for my own purposes. Ouch! What about just doing something because it’s right to do it; what would that look like? What if we just began, what if we served each other because it’s just right. Who cares who’s looking; you’re submitting one to another out of reverence for Christ. You’re worshipping Jesus men; by serving, submitting, loving, being sensitive to your wives -- what about that?
Singles, you’re saying, "This doesn’t matter for me." It totally matters for you; because one day, you’re going to have a relationship where you’re going to be able to live it in a way that honors Jesus with what you say, with how you act; it matters! "Submit one to another out of reverence for Christ." We have one life, you have one chance; you can choose to walk out of here and be prideful and be arrogant and be tough; and I would say, you’re not being tough at all. You’re being a spiritual wimp -- step it up. I tell you that because I love you. You’re the only one that can love your wife in a way that will make her feel the experience and respond to the love of God. You’re the only one in her life. So I challenge you, and me, will you do it? We’ll do it together.
Hard stuff to hear, but it will change your life a lot; and you’ll worship Jesus when you do it. I think a lot of times, we don’t express what we’re not experiencing, especially as men; we’re trying to get approval from all this other stuff, and how we look or how much money we have, or whatever, and jobs; and I think so often, we have to come back to the simplicity of the cross.
Will you trust Him with your life? When you put the needs of others above your own, you’re expressing gratitude and worship to Jesus Christ. And you can’t give what you haven’t got; and you can’t express what you don’t really experience, it just doesn’t work. And God brought you here to get your attention long enough to say, "Love ya’..." and the offense that we feel some times is a conviction from the Holy Spirit to say, "It’s just time to get off of dead center religion; it’s time to begin to do what we’ve not done so we can experience what we really want.
See, you think that when we humble ourselves, there’s almost this sense of, "Well, if I humble myself and empty myself, I’m going to lose..." I think our lives are going to be marked with, we’re either going to live and die; or we’re going to die on the front end, and really live. And look what happened when Jesus died on a cross, and it says in verse nine of chapter two, "Therefore, God exalted Him to the highest place and gave Him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee would bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father." [Philippians 2:9-11]
If you want an ’Only God’ life, surrender; submit; give up; stop fighting. It doesn’t make sense logically, but faith isn’t about logic. Faith is about courage, and risk, and vulnerability. Was it vulnerable for Jesus? He submitted to you, emptied Himself for you, and died for you. Vulnerable? I’d say so, because you could reject Him. As a Christ follower it’s kind of like, "Okay, time to change. We’re done now, no more games. We’re going to go home now and we’re going to have the talk that we’ve needed to have." But for some of you, there’s this sense where you know about God, and the power cord sort of just gets this close, and you can’t seem to make it work because simply and honestly, you don’t know Jesus Christ. I talk to people every week who went to church, who grew up and did went to Catechism, or whatever; good things, but good things don’t cut it. It’s not how good we are, it’s me surrendering and confessing Jesus Christ is God, that’s all that matters.
PRAYER: Father, thank You that these moments are the most precious moments, where there’s a sense of heaven touching earth. And we just praise You and ask that we would just stay in this moment as we worship Jesus and lift up the name that’s above every name, the Lamb of God, the Alpha and the Omega, we thank You Jesus for what You do, and pray as we spend some time worshipping.
All the distractions that we have felt, would be gone; and the pride that we’ve felt, would be melted away by Your presence. And it would be a sense of grace that would replace the guilt. God, help us to not live in the past anymore; that we are victors not victims; we are sons and daughters of the most high God, and help us to live there. God, I pray for husbands; this is a little bit of a tough message, I pray that we could do the right thing and trust You to do the next thing for us. So it’s only by Your grace, and by Your strength, and for Your glory. We love You, and we thank You; in His name, amen...
