In April 1969, the group Three Dog Night had their first top ten hit with a song titled “One”. That song included these lyrics:
One is the loneliest number that you’ll ever do
Two can be as bad as one
It’s the loneliest number since the number one
No is the saddest experience you’ll ever know
Yes, it’s the saddest experience you’ll ever know
`Cause one is the loneliest number that you’ll ever do
One is the loneliest number, worse than two
The idea behind that song certainly isn’t new. In fact, as we’ll see in a moment, we can trace its origins all the way back to the book of Genesis. And it is also a theme that Qoheleth picks up as we continue with our journey through Ecclesiastes.
1 Then I returned and considered all the oppression that is done under the sun: And look! The tears of the oppressed, But they have no comforter -- On the side of their oppressors there is power, But they have no comforter. 2 Therefore I praised the dead who were already dead, More than the living who are still alive. 3 Yet, better than both is he who has never existed, Who has not seen the evil work that is done under the sun. 4 Again, I saw that for all toil and every skillful work a man is envied by his neighbor. This also is vanity and grasping for the wind. 5 The fool folds his hands And consumes his own flesh. 6 Better a handful with quietness Than both hands full, together with toil and grasping for the wind. 7 Then I returned, and I saw vanity under the sun: 8 There is one alone, without companion: He has neither son nor brother. Yet there is no end to all his labors, Nor is his eye satisfied with riches. But he never asks, "For whom do I toil and deprive myself of good?" This also is vanity and a grave misfortune. 9 Two are better than one, Because they have a good reward for their labor. 10 For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, For he has no one to help him up. 11 Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm; But how can one be warm alone? 12 Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken. 13 Better a poor and wise youth Than an old and foolish king who will be admonished no more. 14 For he comes out of prison to be king, Although he was born poor in his kingdom.15 I saw all the living who walk under the sun; They were with the second youth who stands in his place.16 There was no end of all the people over whom he was made king; Yet those who come afterward will not rejoice in him. Surely this also is vanity and grasping for the wind.
Ecclesiastes 4:1-16 (NKJV)
As with much of Ecclesiastes, this chapter appears at first glance to contain a bunch of unrelated ideas. But after a closer look, we find that there is indeed a common thread that runs throughout the chapter. It is a theme that we first find in the Bible in the opening chapters of Genesis:
The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone…
Genesis 2:18 (NIV)
That thought reflects the nature of God Himself. In creation, all three persons of the Godhead worked together in complete harmony in order to form this world and all that it contains and then God crowned that creative process by creating man in His own image. So just like God exists in community, He has created man to exist in community. That theme runs throughout the Scriptures, from the creation of man in Genesis to the vision of the multitudes worshipping before God in the new earth, which by the way, we’ll be focusing on in our Night of Worship this evening.
But when sin entered into the world it changed all that. Not only did it affect man’s relationship with God, it also impacted his relationships with others. Sin destroyed the community that God intended for His creation. And it is that sin-infested world of life “under the sun” that Qoheleth is commenting on in Chapter 4.
Except for a brief respite in verses 9-12, this entire chapter is a description of what happens when man lives alone, apart from the community that God intends for him to be a part of. There are several common features in verses 1-8 and verses 13-16 that tie these sections of life in isolation together:
• We find that the person in this situation has no one else to turn to. He has no comforter, a reality that is emphasized by repeating it twice in verse 1. He has no relationship with his neighbors. He has no companions or family. Even the king has no one else with him in the end.
• In those sections, we find the phrase “under the sun” used four times, the word “vanity” used four times and the phrase “grasping for the wind” used three times. It is quite revealing that none of those terms or phrases is used even once in verses 9-12 where Qoheleth is describing a life lived in community. That alone should be enough to make it quite clear that living in isolation is not God’s plan for us since we were created to live in community with God and with others.
Qoheleth begins in verse 1 by returning to the subject of oppression, one that he addressed earlier in chapter 3. But this time his focus is on the person that has to experience that oppression and injustice alone. In this imperfect world that is plagued by sin, there will be injustice and oppression. Even Jesus promised that would be the case:
…In this world you will have trouble…
John 16:33 (NIV)
But what Qoheleth really laments here is the feeling of utter helplessness that comes from trying to navigate life’s troubles on our own. In fact, it’s so bad that Qoheleth declares that those who have been released from oppression by death have a relative advantage over those who have to face that oppression without any help. Ultimately, those who face the difficulties of life alone would be better off if they had never been born according to Qoheleth. That feeling is certainly not unique to this passage. We see Job cursing the day of his birth and even the prophet Jeremiah wishing he had never been born. Obviously Job, Jeremiah and Qoheleth are all using this kind of exaggeration to make a point: it is not good for man to be alone.
Fortunately, Qoheleth gives us some very good insight in this passage to help us see what causes isolation in our lives and then he gives us some hope by pointing out some very practical ways that living in community with God and others benefits us.
Five Obstacles to Living in Community
1. Envy
. 4 Again, I saw that for all toil and every skillful work a man is envied by his neighbor. This also is vanity and grasping for the wind.
One of the greatest causes of isolation is envy. We are such a covetous people that we have a hard time rejoicing in the good that comes to others because we are envious of what they have. So some of us buy things we don’t need with money we don’t have in order to impress other people we don’t even like. And in order to do that we become slaves to our jobs, not because we have such a great work ethic, but because we’re afraid that our neighbor might get something before we do, or that someone else will get the promotion we’re after. And in the meantime, we’re destroying all the relationships around us – both our relationship with God and those with other people.
And think about all the relationships that are damaged and broken because we get jealous of something good that happens to someone else. Some of you young people that are here this morning have already had to deal with this and, if not, it is something you will experience. You really enjoy hanging out with your friends. And one of these days, one of your best friends is going to fall in love. And instead of spending time with you, they are going to want to spend more time with the love of their life. And some of you are going to be tempted, rather than rejoicing with them, to get jealous and complain that they aren’t spending enough time with you. And the moment you do that, you are risking the destruction of that whole relationship and becoming isolated.
We need to remember Paul’s words to the church at Rome:
Rejoice with those who rejoice…
Romans 12:13 (NIV)
Jealousy and envy kills relationships and destroys community.
2. Laziness
5 The fool folds his hands And consumes his own flesh.
Lazy people usually find themselves isolated just as a natural consequence of their behavior. Think about it. Where do you normally develop relationships? When you’re doing something with other people. You develop friends at work, at school, at church and through the ministries in which you participate.
These people have no interest in going anywhere or doing anything, but they are the first to talk about how lonely they are and how much they feel isolated from everybody. Lazy people rarely develop deep relationships with others because they don’t have the ambition or drive to get involved in the lives of others. So they live disconnected lives in which they isolate themselves.
Laziness kills relationships and destroys community.
3. Lack of balance
6 Better a handful with quietness Than both hands full, together with toil and grasping for the wind.
This verse presents the need for balance in our lives. While it is true that laziness can produce isolation, we can go too far in the other direction and become isolated as well. The idea that Qoheleth sets before us here is that there needs to be a balance between quietness, or rest, on the one hand, and hard work on the other.
Even God took a day off after His work of creation as a model for those of us created in His image. And while, as followers of Jesus, we are not subject to the legalistic observance of the Sabbath, the principle of a time of rest is still taught all throughout the Bible. Even Jesus took time to get away from the crowds and just spend time in fellowship with His Father.
People that fill both their hands with work and don’t keep one hand available for appropriate rest will ultimately become isolated. This happens for many reasons, but it is primarily due to a lack of time available to engage in and develop relationship with God and others.
And on top of that, people who don’t balance work and rest aren’t very pleasant to be around. So even when they have time, others may not be all that interested in developing a relationship with them.
A lack of balance kills relationships and destroys community.
4. Selfishness
8 There is one alone, without companion: He has neither son nor brother. Yet there is no end to all his labors, Nor is his eye satisfied with riches. But he never asks, “For whom do I toil and deprive myself of good?” This also is vanity and a grave misfortune.
To me, this is the saddest cause of all. Here is a man who is alone in the world and rather than looking outside of himself in order to develop relationships, he tries to find his joy in his riches. But no matter how much he has, it is never enough so he just keeps on working more and more. He wasn’t working hard because someone else was depending on him. He just did it to satisfy his own selfish desire for more material possessions.
It’s not hard for us to see why such a person becomes so isolated. He doesn’t have time to develop relationships and become part of a community because he’s always working.
Selfishness kills relationships and destroys community.
5. Being a “know-it-all”
13 Better a poor and wise youth Than an old and foolish king who will be admonished no more.
This last section seems a bit out of place with the rest of the chapter, but there is a connection. Qoheleth deals here with a king who isolates himself because he refuses to listen to the advice of others. That king certainly didn’t heed this proverb:
Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.
Proverbs 15:22 (NIV)
The person who follows the lead of Frank Sinatra and sings “I Did it My Way” soon finds himself or herself isolated. They drive other people away because they refuse to listen to others.
Being a “know-it-all” kills relationships and destroys community.
None of us are immune to any of these five obstacles. So we need to continually be evaluating our lives to make sure that we aren’t robbing ourselves of the joy that comes from living in community with God and with others by engaging in these practices. And there are some practical benefits that come to our lives when we are able to do that.
The Benefits of Living in Community
1. Effectiveness
9 Two are better than one, Because they have a good reward for their labor.
God has wired us so that we are more effective when we work together with others. That began when God created Eve to be a helper for Adam. His purpose was that they would be more effective together than they could be alone.
I can certainly testify first-hand how important this principle is in ministry. For far too many years I was in vocational ministry where I was the only pastor and where the elders or deacons, if the church even had any, weren’t active in the ministry of the church. And not only was that that frustrating, I wasn’t at all effective in my ministry. Now having had the chance to be part of a team here at TFC, first with Pastor Denny and now with Pastor Dana, I would never go back to trying to pastor a church on my own. And on top of that we have a good group of elders here who are also partners in the ministry of this body.
God uses others to join together with us to make up for our weaknesses in a way that the whole really is greater than the sum of the parts. I know that is true in my marriage. Mary completes me and makes me much more effective as a person and as a pastor and hopefully I do the same for her as a person and a teacher. And it’s also true in ministry. Dana and I are completely different in many ways, but together our ministry greatly exceeds what we would get if we just added together what we could do on our own.
2. Help
10 For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, For he has no one to help him up.
One great advantage of living in community is that when we need it, we have others around us who can help us. When we get sick or injured, or lose our job, or our kids rebel, or our spouse is unfaithful, it is hard enough to get through those times when we do have someone to come alongside of us and lift us up. But as Qoheleth writes, “woes to him who is alone when he falls.”
3. Companionship
11 Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm; But how can one be warm alone?
This is a great verse for cuddlers. And it points out the importance of physical touch to us as human beings. There have been numerous studies that confirm the importance of touch in the development of a newborn and even healing in adults. Obviously this whole concept of touch has been perverted greatly by some in our culture, but the appropriate touch from those whom we live with in community provides comfort and healing.
4. Protection
12 Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.
Many of the relationships that God has established in our lives and the roles of the individuals in those relationships are there for our protection. When husbands love their wives and wives submit to their husbands, when children honor their parents and parents bring their children up in the training and instruction of the Lord, God uses those relationships to protect everyone in the relationship.
The same thing is true in the body of Christ. God provides leaders within that body to equip the members of the body and to protect them from false teaching that would bring harm.
So, if living in community has all these advantages, why do we live in a culture that has becoming increasingly isolated? People retreat into gated communities where they can drive right into their garage and enter their house without having to ever speak to their neighbors. They spend hours on the internet and texting so that they never have to have actual face-to-face contact with another human. Even churches aren’t immune. I’m convinced that one reason that mega-churches have flourished in our culture is that people can go there and remain anonymous if they wish and never have to enter into any meaningful relationships with other members of the body.
So how do we avoid becoming isolated?
HOW TO AVOID ISOLATION
There is a lot I could share with you here, but let me briefly share just three principles:
1. Evaluate my life in regards to obstacles
We’ve already covered this briefly, but it’s such an important principle that I need to mention it again. All of us need to evaluate our lives for those five obstacles that we identified earlier. And if any of them are present in our lives, then we need to do whatever is necessary to remove them.
2. Refuse to blame others
If you’re isolated, it’s not someone else’s fault – it’s yours. If you don’t like your job, it’s not your boss’ fault. If you don’t like your neighbors, it’s not their fault. If you don’t like your church, it’s not the pastors’ or the elders’ fault. It is the sin in our own lives – the envy, the laziness, the lack of balance, the selfishness, being a “know-it-all” that keeps us isolated and alone.
So until we decide to deal with our own sinful hearts, we are never going to overcome the problem of isolation. But the problem is that none of us are capable in our own strength and power to do that. Which is why the ultimate solution to isolation is that I must…
3. Become a new creation
When man sinned, he created a gulf between himself and God and between himself and others. And, as we’ve been seeing on Thursday nights, the entire Bible is the revelation of God’s plan for bridging those great divides. The overarching theme of Scripture is the reconciliation between God and Man through Jesus the Messiah. And as we’ve seen, that reconciliation has both a vertical and horizontal aspect – it impacts both our relationship with God and with others.
But I think all of can testify from person experience that we are incapable in our own flesh of living out this reconciled life in community as God intends. No matter how hard we try, we just can’t do it on our own. The only way that is possible is for us to be “born again” or “born from above” as Jesus told Nicodemus. And when we commit our lives to Jesus Christ a wonderful thing happens. We actually become new creatures who are not only capable of being reconciled with God, but who also actually become ministers of reconciliation in the lives of others.
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation
2 Corinthians 5:17, 18 (NIV)
There may be some of you here this morning that are feeling isolated because you’ve never entered into a relationship with God through His Son, Jesus. If that is the case, you are never going to be able to overcome your loneliness because no matter how hard you try, you’re not going to be able to deal with the sin that separates you from God and ultimately from others as well. Until you commit your life to Jesus and become a new creation you are going to continually struggle with isolation.
If you are one of those people, then I encourage you to make the decision to commit your life to Jesus before you leave this morning. In a few moments we’ll have a response time and you can do that right there where you sit. Or perhaps you’d like to know some more about what it means to commit your life the Jesus. There is a place on the flap of the bulletin that you can check and place it in the offering plate or you can talk to Dana or to me after the service.
For those of you who have already committed your lives to Jesus, you are in fact new creations who have been reconciled to God through Jesus and He has made all of you ministers of reconciliation. God has given you everything you need to move out of isolation and to live in community just as He intends for you to do. But you still have to choose each day to do that.
One is the loneliest number. That is why God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone.” What are you doing to make sure that you are living your life in community with God and with others?
