Try a Little Tenderness
Colossians 3:12,13
Have you ever wondered how it is that two children can grow up in the same home with the same set of parents, raised in the same level of love and yet, be so different?---like the man who had a dog that was a loyal, faithful member of the household for 13 years; but the pet’s health had deteriorated so much that the only kind thing to do was to put her down. The family agonized over having to do that. They postponed the day repeatedly. Eventually all the members of the family except the dad had to go out of town for some occasion and he decided to take the dog to the vet. As he drove to the vet’s office, she crawled up on the seat, and put her head on his lap. It was really hard to take her into the office. After the vet put her to sleep, he went back out to the parking lot and sat for a long while before he returned to work.
He and his brother worked together. When he walked into the office, his brother asked where he had been. After telling what had happened, his brother said, “You paid a vet to put the dog to sleep? You should have brought that dog to me. I would have knocked it over the head and taken care of it—no problem”
Two brother with the same parents and similar upbringing, but one is tenderhearted and the other is callous and insensitive in spirit. By now, I’m sure you are thinking that it’s all about temperament. But I believe it goes, much deeper than that. I believe we’re in the realm of the spirit of a person.
Paul says in Ephesians 4:32, “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” For many, that’s not an easy command to follow. They don’t come by it naturally. One can see this in public places like airports and shopping malls. An elderly woman is struggling with luggage or packages, and a steady stream of able-bodied people pass her by. Some even scowl and say, “Get a move on, Grandma.” And then a tenderhearted person happens along and takes time to help her out.
There is a tragic story about Lenin that persists to this day, revealing much about his inner soul. Vladimir Ulyanov was born in 1870 to a family that would suffer many tragedies in the years to come. Later, he used the pen name Lenin to promote his revolutionary ideas. He wrapped himself in his revolutionary work until he lost almost all capacity for human tenderness. Those about him said he was a most miserable man. Although married, Lenin gave little love to his wife. One night she rose, exhausted from her vigil beside her dying mother, and asked Lenin, who was writing at a table, to awaken her if her mother needed her. Lenin agreed and his wife collapsed into bed. The next morning she awoke to find her mother dead and Lenin still at work. Distraught, she confronted him and he replied. “You told me to wake you if your mother needed you. She died. She didn’t need you.”
In the story of the Good Samaritan, Jesus pointed out that being religious is no guarantee of being tenderhearted. The priest and the Levite passed the injured traveler on the other side of the road because they didn’t want to get involved. But a Samaritan gave assistance because he had a tender heart.
Reason Why Some Are Tenderhearted or Callous
1. temperament
2. family background
3. life’s experiences
4. God’s workmanship
Both tenderness and toughness are important character qualities; both are necessary sides of love.
This message is for those of us who are naturally on the tougher end of the spectrum—the Rambos. If we want to be like Jesus, we need to learn to be kind and tenderhearted.
The Tough Guy’s Dilemma
Hard-hearted Christians can do a great deal of damage. We kid people that we shouldn’t kid, and when they get hurt we say, “Can’t you take a joke?” We don’t listen to people very well. We’re quick to speak, to judge, to criticize. We’re short on sympathy, tears, and patience. We view tenderhearted folks as emotional weaklings. But deep down in we know its not right. We’re too cold and callous. There are time when we don’t like ourselves.
How can we be more tenderhearted? What practical steps can I take to relate to people in a more tender, kind fashion? As I see it, there are three steps we can take: (1 to see with God’s eyes, (2) to feel with God’s heart, and, (3) to treat people as Christ treats us.
1. SEE WITH GOD’S EYES
How many of us view other in this manner: “Wow! there goes a custom-designed creation of Almighty God. He has God’s image stamped on him. He is the object of God’s greatest affection. Jesus shed His blood for him. The Holy Spirit is seeking him out night and day in order to bring him into a right relationship with God. He really matters to God.”
For most of us people are like trees, walking. We need to see them as God sees them.
Hard-hearted folks tend to divide the world into two classes: winners and losers, survivors and basket cases, sharp and dull, important and unimportant. But here is how God views humanity: potential saints, a treasure, and VIP’s. He sees all people that way. He loves prisoners and bag ladies as much as preachers and missionaries. There aren’t any “nobodies” in God’s sight. God’s treasures shou8ld be treated tenderly. A rude Christian is a contradiction in terms.
2. FEELING WITH GOD’S HEART
Another way to put this is to say that we must make ourselves walk a mile in the other person’s moccasins. Tenderhearted people have a natural ability to empathize with others, to feel what they are feeling. But hard-hearted people by contrast, can look at people who are hurting and say, “I wonder what their problem is?”
CHICAGO - A 15-year-old boy who lay bleeding from a head wound just steps away from a hospital could not be rescued -- because rules required that ambulances bring in patients. Frustrated police officers finally carried the fatally wounded Christopher Sercye into Ravenswood Hospital, but he died a short time later. Witnesses at the scene said hospital emergency workers refused to come to Sercye’s aid despite pleas, quoting hospital rules. A hospital spokeswoman simply stated that emergency room personnel were barred from dispensing care outside the hospital. When rules and regulations get in the way of commonsense compassion, it is a sign that hearts have become hardened.
Hard-hearted people need to ask some hard questions. They need to ask themselves, “How would it feel to be handicapped, unemployed, widowed, or terminally ill?” They need to mentally get into the skin of those who are in need.
3. TREATING PEOPLE AS CHRIST TREATS US
Now we’re talking about going beyond feelings. We’re talking about expressing those feelings in concrete ways. We begin by listening to them---give them our undivided attention—listen with our hearts as well as our heads.
Despite his busy schedule during the Civil War, Abraham Lincoln often visited the hospitals to cheer the wounded. On one occasion he saw a young fellow who was near death. “Is there anything I can do for you?” asked the compassionate President. “Please write a letter to my mother,” came the reply. Unrecognized by the soldier, the Chief Executive sat down and wrote as the youth told him what to say.
The letter read, “My Dearest Mother, I was badly hurt while doing my duty, and I won’t recover. Don’t sorrow too much for me. May God bless you and Father. Kiss Mary and John for me.” The young man was too weak to go on, so Lincoln signed the letter for him and then added this postscript: “Written for your son by Abraham Lincoln.”
Asking to see the note, the soldier was astonished to discover who had shown him such kindness. “Are you really our President?” he asked. “Yes,” was the quiet answer. “Now, is there anything else I can do?” The lad feebly replied, “Will you please hold my hand? I think it would help to see me through to the end.” The tall, gaunt man granted his request, offering warm words of encouragement until death stole in with the dawn.
When we sin, when we blow it, God forgives us if we confess it. He continues to love us, and encourage us. We should treat others in like manner.
No believer should ever doubt God’s affection. Isaiah 43:4: “You are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you.” Psalm 103:13: “As a father pities his children, so the Lord pities those who fear Him.”
If God doesn’t want His children wondering whether or not they are loved, should we not see to it that others know the same? Why not express your affection regularly so that your family, friends, and co-workers know how you feel about them?
If you’re one of those individuals that find it difficult to be tender-hearted, ask God to help you change inwardly—to give you a heart of flesh that beats with loving concern for others. Stop blaming your parents and your temperament.
What would happen if hard-hearted people began to see people as they are in God’s eyes? Harry Hardguy would have to change his name to Tom Tender-heart.
Thank God for people who are naturally tender-hearted. Without them our lives would be miserable. Thank Him also that we can all grow in tenderness---even those of us who are naturally hard.
Try a little tenderness!
