Words that Hurt and Words that Heal
Matthew 12:33-37
James 3:1-12
Why is it that we have such a struggle with being totally open and honest? We tend to blend in with most Americans in telling little white lies and fibs.
Here are some well know fibs:
The check is in the mail.
I’ll start my diet tomorrow.
We service what we sell.
Give me your number and the doctor will call you right back.
Money cheerfully refunded.
This offer limited to the first 100 hundred people who call in.
Your luggage isn’t lost it is only misplaced.
This hurts me more than it hurts you.
I just need five minutes of your time.
Your table will be ready in a few minutes.
Open wide it won’t hurt a bit.
The New York Times stated the results of a survey that 91% of Americans confess they regularly don’t tell the truth. 20% admit they can get through a day without conscious, premeditated white lies.
The words we use in our conversation say a lot about our character. Jesus said, “For whatever is in your heart determines what you say.” Matthew 12:34b NLT
There are many words in scripture that carry a great message.
There’s an inevitable word, one that everyone faces – “Death.”
A word that is both sweet and bitter is “Memory.”
A word that is a great teacher is “Experience.”
A mysterious word is “Why.”
A sad word is “Sin.”
A word that opens heaven is “Repentance.”
A dangerous word is “Tomorrow.”
A favorite word of God is “Come.”
A hard word to say is “No.”
A word that never comes back is “Now.”
A beautiful word is “Forgiveness.”
Today I want to focus on the word, “Heart.” Jesus said out of the heart a person speaks words that hurt or words that heal.
I. Words can Hurt
Proverbs 6:16-19 – “There are six things the Lord hates – no, seven things he detests: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that kill the innocent, a heart that plots evil, feet that race to do wrong, a false witness who pours out lies, a person who sows discord among brothers.”
A person who gossips is a false witness who pours out lies and is a person who sows discord among brothers.” Proverbs 16:28, “A troublemaker stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates close friends.” (NLT) The King James Bible translates Proverbs 16:28 this way: “A forward man soweth strife: and a whisperer separateth chief friends.”
The person who gossips doesn’t usually shout out his/her unkind words, but whispers the words that cut and hurt. A whisperer causes all kinds of hurt and heartache.
Gossip often takes the subtle approach.
“Have you heard…”?
“They tell me….”
“Do you think it could be true…?”
“Don’t tell anyone else, but ….?”
“This is off the record, but ,,,”
Gossip may take the form of false sympathy. “Isn’t it too bad how he beats his wife?”
Or a sly question: “Is it true that they are on the verge of a divorce?”
Gossip often starts from the heart of a person with an attitude of jealousy, revenge, or a grudge.
When you listen with interest and delight to someone who is gossiping you become a guilty as the person sharing the hurtful words.
Most of us tend to be tolerant of our own shortcomings, but very critical of the faults of others. Jesus warned us about judging someone who has a speck in his eye while we ignore the huge plank in our own eye. Matthew 7:3
People may be quick to say hurtful words about others because it serves their own pride. Hurting others may take some of the sting out of their own failures if they can rub off the glitter and joy other people possess.
James talks about taming the tongue. James 3:2,4-6 “We all make many mistakes, but those who control their tongues can also control themselves in every other way. And a tiny rudder makes a huge ship turn wherever the pilot wants it to go, even though the winds are strong. So also, the tongue is a small thing, but what enormous damage it can do. A tiny tongue is a flame of fire. It is full of wickedness that can ruin your whole life. It can turn the entire course of your life into a blazing flame of destruction, for it is set on fire by hell itself.”
In the movie, “Liar, Liar.” Jim Carey stars as a lawyer who is prone to lie. He made many promises to his son but continually lets him down. He promised to come to his son’s birthday party, but didn’t make it. His son is ready to blow out his birthday candles when he is reminded to make a wish. His wish? “Please make my dad tell the truth for a whole day.”
For the next 24 hours Jim Carey cannot tell a lie and only the absolute truth comes out of his mouth. He now insults his friends, and where he once lied about his clients he now has to tell the truth when speaking to a judge and jury. Carey’s life is absolutely chaotic for twenty-four hours as he learns the value and power of telling the truth.
Before you say anything you need to get all the facts.
A store manager overhead his clerk tell a customer, “No, ma’am, we haven’t had any for a while, and it doesn’t look as if we’ll be getting any soon.”
Horrified, the manager came running over to the customer and said, “Of course we’ll have some soon. We placed an order last week.”
Then the manager drew the clerk aside, “Never,” he snarled, “Never”, never say we’re out of anything---say we’ve got it on order and it’s coming. Now what was it she wanted?
“Rain,” said the clerk.
Words are powerful to hurt or to heal. “A whisperer separates the best of friends.” A whisperer is one who gossips and spreads false rumors. Jesus said, “Watch what you say because it reveals the condition of your heart.” Matthew 12:34
Gossip casts doubt on the life, work and word of another person. Satan was the first to cast doubt on God’s word to Adam and Eve. Satan showed the seeds of doubt and disobedience in the mind of Eve by misrepresenting God through the use of a subtle question: “Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden?”
The devil calls into question God’s word. The devil’s business is misrepresenting God. When you slander, or gossip you are continuing the work started by Satan.
A good practice is to THINK before you speak.
T- is it Truthful?
H – is it Helpful? Or is it going to harm?
I – is it Inspirational? Is what you are going to say going to build up or tear down? Are your words encouraging?
N – is it Necessary?
K – is it Kind? Love is kind.
THINK before you speak.
II. Words can Heal
Words can hurt or heal. “Those who love to talk will experience the consequences, for the tongue can kill or nourish life.” Proverbs 18:21
Words that heal are words of truth. We are to “Speak the truth in love.” (Ephesians 4:15) There are times when we need to keep silent. The Apostle Paul told the Christians in Thessalonica, “Encourage one another and build each other up.” I Thessalonians 5:11
You can learn to speak the truth in love. You can find something good to say about everyone if you look hard enough.
By God’s grace you can get your tongue under control. We can sum up some of the teaching in the book of James this way: “Don’t be to eager to tell others their faults, for we are all guilty of making mistakes; and when we teachers, who should know better, do wrong, our punishment will be greater than it would be for others; If anyone can control his tongue, it proves that he has perfect control over himself in every other way.”
Words that can heal are kind words. “Worry can rob you of happiness, but kind words will cheer you up.” Proverbs 12:25 William Barclay, has an excellent set of small commentaries on the New Testament, had this to say years ago: “More people have been brought into the church by the kindness of Christian love than by all the theological arguments in the world.”
Words that heal are “Gentle Words.” “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Proverbs 15:1
Words that heal are pleasant words. “Pleasant words promote instruction.” (Proverbs 16:21) Have you noticed that when you’re trying to get your point across you speak louder and louder? Rather than shout use pleasant words. Sometimes when I’m talking to Carollyn in a restaurant about something I’m interested in she says, “You don’t have to use your preacher voice.”
Words that heal speak wise words. “Thoughtless words can sound as deeply as any sword, but wisely spoken words can heal.” (Proverbs 12:18) You may make wise investments in the stock market, but a more important investment is an investment of your words.
With God’s help we can learn to get our words under control. The Proverb writer gives us this instruction: “Watch your words and hold your tongue. You’ll save yourself a lot of grief.” Proverbs 21:23
“Even fools are thought to be wise when they keep silent; when they keep their mouths shut, they seem intelligent.” Proverbs 17:28
This coming week you can speak words that heal and not words that wound and hurt.
1. Realize that only God can change the way you speak. Only God can take a bitter heart, a resentful heart, a heart seeking revenge, and turn it into a heart of love. Hearts full of love overflow with words that heal.
2. Respond to the promptings of the Holy Spirit. When you feel like saying something that is hurtful you sense the Holy Spirit nudging you to be still. Listen to the nudging of the Holy Spirit and keep silent.
3. Spend time with truthful people. Ask God to help you development friendships with people of integrity. Paul instructed the Christians in Corinth: “Do not be misled: Bad company corrupts good character. Come back to your senses as you ought.” I Corinthians 15:33-34
4. Spend time in studying and meditating on God’s Word. The Psalmist sang out: “Where shall a young man cleanse his ways. Your Word have I hid in my heart so I will not sin against the Lord.” (Psalm 119:9,11) When your mouth is filled with gratitude and thanksgiving there simply isn’t going to be room for false, bitter, or cynical swords. When your heart is over flowing with praise, you can climb to the top of a mountain, sing out your words to the wind and you’ll never, find yourself wishing you could call those words back.
This week plan to use words that heal:
Kind words: Transform worry to joy.
“Worry can rob you of happiness, but kind words will cheer you up.” Proverbs 12:25 TEV
Gentle words: Break through anger.
“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Proverbs 51:1 NIV
Pleasant words: Encourage learning.
“Pleasant words promote instruction.” Proverbs 16:21b NIV
Honest words: Make us feel loved.
“An honest answer is a kiss on the lips.” Proverbs 24:26
Wise words: Heal broken hearts.
“Thoughtless words can would as deeply as any sword, but wisely spoken words can heal.” Proverbs 12:18 TEV
Resource: Rick Warren "Forty Days of Love"
Closing Hymn “I Will Praise Him” 525 Hymns worship and celebration
