BEATING PORNOGRAPHY
The bondage of defeat vs. the freedom of victory
Note: this is applicable to all men: young, old, married and single.
The contrast:
If you don’t beat the lust and porn addiction: You lose true manhood, the abundant life, freedom, fulfillment, your reputation, confidence, purity and satisfying sex that God intended for you, your wife looses the husband God intended for her. (Note: DO NOT DATE IF YOU STRUGGLE WITH PORN!), your kids loose the example and role model they so desperately need, your church, community and country loose the man God intended for them and ultimately God and eternity lose because your life calling, purpose and fruitfulness are limited and hindered. The Ripple effect of Porn You can’t control it! Who knows how far it will take you? Ted Bundy killed as many as 75 women.
If you do beat the lust and porn addiction: You win true manhood, the abundant life, freedom, fulfillment, your reputation, confidence, purity and satisfying sex that God intended for you, your wife wins the husband God intended for her, your kids win the example and role model they so desperately need, your church, community and country win the man God intended for them, and ultimately God and eternity win because your life calling, purpose and fruitfulness are not limited. The Ripple effect of victory – Intimacy with God and your wife, encouraging relationships, purity, fulfillment and sexual satisfaction!
Pr.5 describes the struggle every man faces – You are not alone!
God’s standards are there for our own good.
Yes – Great sex (amen!) - He does want you to have a great sex life.
Pr.5:3-5 - “the lips of an adulteress drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil; but in the end she is bitter as gall, sharp as a double-edged sword. Her feet go down to death; her steps lead straight to the grave.”
Pr.5:15, 18-19 – Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well. May your fountain be blessed and may you rejoice in the fountain of your youth. A loving doe a graceful deer may her breasts satisfy you always and may you ever be captivated by her love.
Jn.10:10 – God promises an abundant life, sexual impurity hinders that.
God’s desire:
Matt. 22:37-39 - To love Him with all our heart, soul and mind, to love our neighbor like ourselves.
Col. 1:10 - To walk worthy of Him, pleasing Him fully, being fruitful in every good work, increasing in our knowledge of Him.
Gal. 5:22-26 - To be loving, joyful, peaceful, patient, kind, good, faithful, gentle and self-controlled.
Eph. 5:25, Col.3:19 - To love (AGAPE) our wives.
Rom.6:12-14 – says not to offer your body for unrighteousness.
Acts.15:29, Rom.13:12-13, 1Cor.6:13, 1Cor.6:18, 2Cor.12:21, Gal.5:19, Col.3:5-6, 1Thes. 4:3-7, Heb.13:4, 1Pet.4:3, Jude v.7, Rev.21:8 and many others – Don’t give in to sexual immorality.
Men and the condition we’re in. - Porn kills and it won’t satisfy!
Masculinity naturally makes the fight tough.
We’re PROUD - Lust (esp. adultery) is more about pride than sex.
We’re rebellious by nature. We would rather do things our way.
We have a strong natural sex drive.
We receive sexual gratification though the eyes.
We can visualize mental sexual foreplay.
Jer.2:13 - Replaced the Spring of living water with empty cisterns that don’t satisfy .
Bondage and slavery are NOT O.K!
Gal.5:1 – “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm then and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.”
Porn is sin.
Mt.5:28 - “I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”
And it is sin against God:
Ps.51:4 - Against you and you only have I sinned.
Job. 31:3 - “I made a covenant with my eyes not to look with lust upon a young woman.”
The problem is HUGE.
The Big reason why men don’t serve anywhere.
Church, overseas, quote Afghan worker.
What happens when men get free?
Stats
The no. 1 search term used at search engine sites is "sex." Business Wire, 2001
Aug.2006 - 50% of all Christian men and 20% of all Christian women are addicted to pornography (Marketwire.com).
“On the ground” stats - 90 - 95% of Christian Men, ~100% of rest
From a Focus on the Family study:
51% of pastors admitted struggling with porn.
40% admit viewing porn recently.
18% of clergy said they visited sexually explicit Web sites between "a couple of times a month" and "more than once a week."
25% use internet filters.
Effects
Porn is an addictive habit.
Epinephrine released into your blood when you are sexually stimulated.
Chemically addictive.
Epinephrine increases memory ability.
You won’t just forget those images!
Dr. Jeffrey Satinover’s testimony to the U.S Senate in 2004 - “Modern science allows us to understand that the underlying nature of an addiction to pornography is chemically nearly identical to a heroin addiction"
Student quotes - “Porn has controlled me for more than half my life,” “I can’t look at anyone without thinking sexual thoughts,” I was afraid to serve God because of my addiction.”
You can’t control it!
Law of diminishing returns.
Example: Ted Bundy killed as many as 75 women.
Here are a few excerpts from the Dobson-Bundy interview – “I led a normal life except for this one small but very potent and very destructive segment of it that I kept very secret, very close to myself… I’ve met a lot of men who were motivated to commit violence just like me; without exception every single one of them was deeply involved in pornography, deeply influenced and consumed by an addiction to pornography… It reached out and snatched me 20 or 30 years ago… Certain feelings and ideas developed in me to the point where I began to act out on them; certain very violent and very destructive feelings.”
Beat it now! Potential to lust increases over lifetime as the stakes get higher.
The Sin cycle (Desire, temptation, sin, conviction) culminates in one of 2 ways:
We can run from God, hiding from Him and rationalizing our sin.
Adam and Eve (Gen.3:6-12) - Desired the fruit and its wisdom, tempted to sin against God, sinned, felt convicted and ran from God.
When we rationalize we begin believing a lie (Rom.1:28).
That results in bondage and isolation from God and others.
Or, we can run to God, confessing the sin (1 Jn.1:9).
When we walk in the light, we know the Truth.
That results in freedom (Jn.8:32) and fellowship with God and others (1 Jn.1:6-7).
Review: Sin, Confession, fellowship and relationship Chart.
If you have struggled with porn, God’s mercy, grace & victory are available.
Step 1: Confess your sin every time!
1 Jn.1:9 - If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
You’ll have renewed impetus for victory!
Ps.103:12 - “As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.”
Step 2: Choose to fight, walking in the victory He promises.
Practically; how to fight to win.
First: you got to want to win! You must choose to win.
It boils down to Lordship
Eph.5:3-5 - not be even a hint of sexual immorality.
Repent! Change your mind and thoughts about this. Hate the sin.
Choose to win – stand up and fight.
War on the flesh.
Can’t rehab the flesh.
Good choices lead to further good choices.
Bad choices lead to further bad choices.
Run from the temptation:
Remember Joseph’s example (Gen.39:12)
Choose to be devoted to God and your wife.
2 Peter 1:3-4 – He has already given you everything you need for life and godliness.
No quick fixes – it is a process you’ll have to stick with the rest of your life.
Habits can be broken in 6 weeks!
Set yourself up for success - build strong defenses.
Second: Beat temptation at the level of desire.
Heb.4:15 - He’s walked the same road.
1 Cor.10:13 - No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.
James 1:14 - “But each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.”
Desire, temptation, sin, conviction (Jn.16:8)
Ultimately: Deal with temptation at the level of desire (Ps.37:4).
Choose what desires to feed: GIGO Garbage in, garbage out.
What TV and movies do you watch? Do you love the world?
2 Dogs analogy.
Draw near by: Praying.
Lk.22:40 - "Pray that you will not fall into temptation."
Draw near by: Getting in the Word – God’s Word gives you the ability.
Daily QT REQUIRED.
Rom.12:1-2 – Be transformed by renewing your mind.
Ps.119:11 – Hide Word in your heart (read, study, memorize, meditate on and apply) and you won’t sin.
Think like Jesus and you’ll act like Jesus!
Fight temptation with scripture, like Jesus (Lk.4)
Remember: GIGO Garbage in, garbage out.
Win in the power of The Holy Spirit.”
Eph.5:18 – Be filled with His Spirit.
Ez.36:27 - His Spirit empowers you to obey.
Develop good habits: Three main defenses.
Guard your eyes. Job.31:1 – Choose what you’ll look at.
Guard your mind. 2Cor.10:5 – Choose what you’ll think about.
Guard your heart. Pr.4:23-27 - Choose what you desire.
The fight is a process (Rom.6-7)
You’re fighting your flesh, the world, Satan.
Use good tools: Memorize scripture, read good books (ex. Every man’s battle), use an internet filter, Covenant eyes internet accountability.
Stay accountable or you will fail!
James 5:16 - Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.
1 Jn.1:7 - But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.
Accountability specifics:
Second look = lust!
Vulnerable and honest about everything.
Ex. Accountability agreement.
E-mail Russ, Ted, me or your pastor.
After you win, help others win - My story.
John Ray – my 6th grade teacher who stepped out of his comfort zones and challenged me to purity.
He is one of the most influential men that has ever been in my life.
I’ll consider him a personal hero till the day I die.
Men need to be challenged.
Pr.6:20-29 - Parents instruction protects from the wayward woman.
The largest group of viewers of Internet porn is children between ages 12 and 17 (Family Safe Media, 2005)
Be the example (they will imitate you), know your kids, your kids’ friends, etc.
1Tim.4:12 - Be an example in purity.
My decision – I decided that day that I would never look at a naked woman other than my future wife.
My battle – the fight wasn’t always easy!
Often tempted.
Kept and keep my eyes, mind and heart from wandering.
Avoided disaster.
Twice asked for sex and able to say, “no.”
The results – more blessed than I ever could have imagined.
Intimacy with God.
No porn or other images competing with my wife.
You never just forget those images.
Awesome sex.
Erin’s complete respect and trust.
Summary.
The battle for purity is a life-long battle we each fight!
It is a good fight. Part of the refining process.
Trust God on this! - He has your best interest in mind!
Rom.7:24 - 8:1 - Body of death (Rom.7:24), focus on Jesus, not the sin (Rom.7:25), No condemnation (Rom.8:1) - Remember security.
1Cor.2:9 – “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love Him.”
Win and you’ll be satisfied beyond any expectation!
Discussion questions
How has your fight with lust and pornography been? Have you experienced victory in this major area?
What were the results of bondage to lust and porn in your life?
In which ways have you seen victory over this area? (Review victory points).
What are the results of victory in your life?
Will you decide today to never look lustfully at any woman other than your wife for the rest of your life?
For personal help E-mail Russ, Ted, me or get in touch with your pastor.
