TEXT: Philemon; Colossians 4
TITLE: A Fresh Start…With Others - A Message of restoring broken relationships
SERIES: Fresh Start
TOPIC: Reconciliation
OCCASION: Burnside Christian Church, January 25, 2009
PROP.: It’s important that you and I be reconciled to those with whom we have broken relationships.
INTRODUCTION: ILLUSTRATION: have a bag of dog food that has been labeled: GRUDGE
Sling it over your shoulder
Good morning! There is no Jr. Church today as it’s the last Sunday of the month.
The name of the sermon series we are in is called: FRESH START
We’ve looked at getting a fresh start with:
God - a message about repentance
Myself - a message about making wise choices
Today is probably the most sensitive message in this series. It’s the message in the series that is the most difficult to hear.
Today’s title for the message is: A Fresh Start…with Others - A message about restoring Broken relationships.
AND RESTORING BROKEN RELATIONSHIPS IS GOING TO REQUIRE YOU TO FORGIVE!
I want to start by giving you four facts about forgiveness:
1. Forgiveness is a process - it doesn’t happen overnight. It will take time.
2. Forgiveness is work - it isn’t easy to forgive. It will be difficult. Why? Your pain is real.
So why would I want to forgive? If it’s going to take time and it’s going to take work, why would I want to forgive others?
Because…
3. Forgiveness is necessary - Because it’s necessary!
Let me ask you a question…How many of you have ever suffered from a broken relationship of some kind? You’ve wounded someone…or you’ve been wounded because of what someone said or what someone did and the RELATIONSHIP you had with that person has never been the same! I think we would all agree we have had broken relationships.
Now here’s the painful part: How many of you want to try to fix the broken relationship?
There are no doubt people here today who have been deeply wounded by others. The scar is deep and never has quite fully healed. And if the truth is known, there are some (maybe you) who have NO desire to fix the broken relationship. Why would you want to fix the relationship? They hurt you. You don’t need them. You’re just fine. It doesn’t bother you.
But what you fail to realize is that you’re not fine. Ignored hurt comes back to haunt you. You will never be free. Never be free from guilt. You’ll replay the scene that caused the conflict over and over in your mind.
YOU ARE BURDENED WITH THE GRUDGE YOU CARRY.
Jesus, in his loving way, invites us in this way (Matthew 11:28)
28"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
Some here today are burdened by the grudge you’ve been carrying. Someone has done you wrong and you have NOT forgotten about it. Carrying that grudge affects the way you live your life. You avoid that person. You feel awkward around that person. It affects the way you worship. It robs you of joy.
ILLUSTRATION: (put down the bag of dog food)
And I’m here to tell you…put down the grudge! Allow Jesus to remove the burden of carrying around the grudge.
That leads me to the fourth fact about forgiveness:
4. Forgiveness is just as much about me as it is about the other person.
When you’re able to put down the grudge…and allow forgiveness to take it’s place…your burden just got lighter!
God didn’t make us to carry the weight of the past, so we are going to make the choice to forgive!
Our text is found in the book of Philemon. We are going to be studying the entire book today. I think you’ll discover the truth of these four facts in the portion of the Bible we are going to be studying today.
As you are turning there, can I ask how your memorization of the New Testament books is going? Were you able to find the book of Philemon easy? Today is the last OFFICIAL Sunday for saying the New Testament books! I would urge you to go to the welcome booth after church today and say the new testament books to the people there and then sign your name so we can know how many said the books of the New Testament in order!
Philemon, are you there? There are two main characters that the book of Philemon is all about. Their names are Onesimus and Philemon.
The book of Philemon is not very lengthy. But it’s interesting!
BACKGROUND OF OUR MAIN CHARACTERS:
Let me give you some background about the book of Philemon today.
*Philemon was a letter written to a specific individual. There are only three letters written to individuals
Timothy
Titus
Philemon
*Philemon was a wealthy Christian man who lived in the city of Colossae. (Colossians and Philemon were written at the same time…Colossians was meant for the whole church to read…Philemon was meant for Philemon and his family to read)
*The Colossian church met in his home
Here is Colossae: (show picture of where Colossae is)
Let’s talk a little bit about
*Onesimus -
--He was a slave. Not just any slave. He was Philemon’s slave. I don’t have much time to discuss slavery in the Bible this morning. But allow me to say that Slavery was an acceptable part of the culture in Bible times. A defeated society would be made into slaves. If a person had a debt owed to another, they would be made a slave until that debt was paid off. The Israelites were slaves to the Egyptians. Anyway, it was just a different culture back then! Slavery was an acceptable part of our culture up until a couple hundred years ago.
--Ran away from Philemon. It is assumed based loosely on what we read in
Philemon, that perhaps Onesimus may taken something from Philemon and ran away. Onesimus ends up with Paul and when he meets Paul, Onesimus
becomes a Christian.
So do you see that things are rough between Philemon & Onesimus? They have a broken relationship. The relationship is strained and it’s not like it used to be.
Perhaps you can relate.
Perhaps you are here today and you have a friendship that is strained. Or you work with someone and that relationship is strained. Or maybe you go to church with someone with whom you have a broken relationship. I pray today’s sermon will be a help to you.
T.S. This morning, let us look at how we can FIX BROKEN RELATIONSHIPS
In any conflict, there are usually two sides: 1. The Offender - The one who did wrong.
2. The Offended - The one who was wronged
I want to explore both sides of the conflict and learn some lessons about it!
First, let’s talk about the one who did wrong…
I. The OFFENDER (Onesimus)
Every broken relationship has an offender. Someone who has done something wrong. Someone who is guilty of damaging the relationship.
In our case, it’s Onesimus.
A. The Need - Reconciliation
What is reconciliation.
TO RESTORE TO WHAT IT WAS BEFORE
When a marriage is having problems…the couple will see a marriage counselor. His job is to reconcile the couple. To help them get the relationship back to what it was before.
SO LET’S TALK ABOUT…
B. The Method
How am I to be reconciled to my brother?
--Go to your brother (Matthew 5:23, 24)
Jesus was the first to tell us about going to our brother.
23"Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.
Jesus instructs those who have offended their brother to return to their brother to try to fix what went wrong! Interesting that Jesus puts worship
Onesimus traveled from Rome back to Colossae to be reconciled to Philemon! Look at the distance he would have traveled.
--Ask to be forgiven
“You do not have, because you do not ask.” -- James 4:2
--Restitution where possible
If you’ve wronged someone, you need to pay back what you’ve taken from them!
Zacchaeus - Luke 19:4
“If I have wronged anyone, I will pay back four times the amount owed.”
IF you have stolen something from someone, it is your responsibility to repay them!
Understand that sometimes it is impossible to restore to someone what you’ve taken from them. Sometimes you take from them their pride, their self-worth, their confidence. How do you restore that to them?
But it’s important to restore to them what you can if you’ve taken from them.
BE RECONCILED
Now let’s look at…
II. The OFFENDED (Philemon)
A. The Need - Forgiveness
Philemon has been offended. A great injustice has been dealt to him. It must have been embarrassing as word spread throughout Colossae. “Hey, Philemon…where’s your slave?” “uh…he ran away.”
Philemon needs to forgive! AFTER ALL…FORGIVENESS IS JUST AS MUCH ABOUT PHILEMON AS IT IS ABOUT ONESIMUS. Philemon needs to forgive Onesimus just as much as Onesimus needs to be forgiven!
B. The Method
What does forgiveness look like?
-- I mean we talk about forgiveness a lot. But what does it mean?
It means:
1. I will forgive like God forgives
Raise your hand if you believe in God? Raise your hand if you believe in Jesus? Great! Then this is how you are to forgive!!!!
God expects believers to forgive others in the way that he forgave them.
God’s forgiveness for you and for me is the model he expects Christians to live out. We find this principle stated more than once in the Bible.
Jesus said it:
Perhaps the most detailed example of what forgiveness looks like is mapped out in Matthew 18:21-35 Jesus tells a story to Peter who had a question about what forgiveness looked like
21Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"
22Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.[f]
23"Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. 24As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents[g] was brought to him. 25Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.
26"The servant fell on his knees before him. ’Be patient with me,’ he begged, ’and I will pay back everything.’ 27The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go. 28"But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii.[h] He grabbed him and began to choke him. ’Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded. 29"His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ’Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.’ 30"But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. 31When the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told their master everything that had happened. 32"Then the master called the servant in. ’You wicked servant,’ he said, ’I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. 33Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ 34In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.
35"This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart."
In that parable, The King is God. And think God get more than just a little upset when you and I flat out REFUSE to forgive…even after WE’VE BEEN FORGIVEN by God!
Matthew 6:12b “And forgive us our debts, AS we have also forgiven our debtors.
Matthew 6:14&15 “For if you forgive men when they sin against, you, your heavenly father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your father will no forgive your sins.”
Paul stressed this in both Ephesians and Colossians:
Ephesians 4:32 “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
Colossians 3:13
2. I will not repay evil for evil (Romans 12:17)
I won’t seek revenge! I won’t hurt them worse than they hurt me. The
3. I will CHOOSE to forgive.
Here’s the great thing about being offended. It’s always YOUR choice to forgive. Whether the other person asks for it or not. Whether the other person even knows you’ve been offended. The choice is yours!
Last week I preached a sermon called a Fresh Start with Myself…making wise decisions. In that sermon, one of the points I made was to base your decisions on the Bible. And I’m telling you, the Bible says FORGIVE! DECIDE TO FORGIVE!
4. I will See the Big Picture
I believe this is the message that needs to be followed in churches across America. It’s been preached. But it needs to be followed!
a. don’t forfeit your love because of a grudge.
Paul writes to Philemon and commends Philemon of His LOVE vs. 4,5
4I always thank my God as I remember you in my prayers, 5because I hear about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints.
Paul writes to Philemon and asks that his love allow him to forgive Onesimus. (vs. 8 & 9)
8Therefore, although in Christ I could be bold and order you to do what you ought to do, 9yet I appeal to you on the basis of love.
Paul says, Look…I could just command you to forgive Onesimus. Because that’s what Christ said to do. But I’ll ask you to forgive him because you are filled with love.
SEE THE BIG PICTURE, PHILEMON. Love is the big picture!!!
What caused your broken relationship? What hurt the friendship? What hurt the working relationship? Was it worth it?
--IS what your fighting about worth it?
The relationship is more valuable than what you’re fighting about.
Paul reminds Philemon of the big picture.
It’s true. Philemon has been injured. Philemon has been wronged. Philemon has been publicly embarrassed. But Paul reminds him about the big picture:
I love what Paul says to Philemon…Verses 10-12; 15 -17
11Formerly he was useless to you, but now he has become useful both to you and to me.
12I am sending him—who is my very heart—back to you.
“15 Perhaps the reason he was separated from you for a little while was that you might have him back forever— 16 no longer as a slave, but better than a slave, as a dear brother. He is very dear to me but even dearer to you, both as a fellow man and as a brother in the Lord.
17 So if you consider me a partner, welcome him as you would welcome me.”
Onesimus name means useful. Onesimus has become MORE useful because he is now a Christian! Paul has converted him and made him a Christ follower. NOW Onesimus is USEFUL!!!
Why? BECAUSE OF THE BIG PICTURE!!
SEE THE BIG PICTURE…FORGIVE BECAUSE YOU ARE A FOLLOWER OF CHRIST!
Listen, I know forgiveness is not an easy thing to do. I know some of you have been hurt beyond what a 30 minute sermon will heal. But I want to conclude by giving you some application. These are some thing you need to be praying about. Some things you need to work toward:
APPLICATION:
1. I will look beyond my personal hurt and offer forgiveness
2. I will pray that God will give me strength to forgive
3. I will seek forgiveness from others I’ve offended
If you have offended someone, seek to be reconciled back to them
If you have been offended, seek to forgive.
I want to pray for you…
We come now to our time of decision:
