Note: This is the sermon manuscript that Ben carried into the pulpit. Feel free to use it in any way to advance the kingdom of God.
Days of David:
A Wise Woman Saves the Day
1 Samuel 25
Englewood Baptist Church
Sunday evening, May 4, 2008
With our third son on the way, I have been re-reading this book by James Dobson entitled Bringing up Boys. We are going to encourage all parents and grandparents to pick up a copy this Sunday on Mother’s Day. But Dobson confesses in the beginning of this book that raising boys is a great challenge in this day. He doesn’t mean that raising girls is easy; he simply states that the feminist movement in the 60’s and 70’s has redefined the role of manhood and our boys are growing up with confusion about what it means to be a man.
And he makes the point that man-bashing has become a popular activity on television. There is no more Cosby show where dad is a central figure, a loving father, a devoted husband, and a hard-working noble man. That person no longer exists on TV. Like the dinosaur, he is extinct and he is probably not coming back. Nowadays, the media has created a new standard for masculinity. Here is what he says…
Television sitcoms also blast away at traditional masculinity, much like a wrecking ball crashing into a building. After enough direct hits, the structure begins to crumble. There is not a single example, as I write, of a healthy family depicted on network programming that includes a masculine guy who loves his kids and is respected by his wife. None! Beginning in the 1970’s, with redneck Archie Bunker and his browbeaten wife, Edith, prime-time TV programming has evolved into today’s fare, most of which features profane and sexually explicit cohabitants who meander through one outrageous episode after another. The lead characters are usually men with the giddy mentality of fourteen-year-old boys. The best (or worst) example of this nonsense was seen in a sitcom some years ago called “Men Behaving Badly.” The title says it all.
Now, why do I bring all of this up tonight? Because as we have been following the life of David this year, it is clear that David is a wonderful role model for young men today. We watched in 1 Samuel 16 as he humbly served his family by working in the fields. He was shocked to be anointed as king, chosen over his 7 older brothers. His humility is so refreshing. But he is no weak-willed boy that likes a spine.
In the next chapter, in chapter 17, David demonstrates courage and bravery as he steps up to face the giant Goliath. He takes risks for God and does not worship his own comfort and security. How rare is that?
And tonight, we reach chapter 25, and I want to read this story to you because you will see that David almost ruins his ministry. He nearly throws it all away when he loses his temper with a fool. This is a close call for the king-in-waiting.
I heard a story this week about a bull that loved to chew his cud while sitting beneath a shade tree. That particular tree was located just a stone’s throw from a set of railroad tracks. And every time that train came blowing by, it would disturb his afternoon nap and frustrate him. So this bull had all that he could take and one day, he became so agitated that he decided to take action. He heard the train blowing it’s whistle a mile down the way so he took that train head on. He stood right there in the middle of the tracks and this was a showdown.
As you can guess, minutes later, the conductor of that train was cleaning what remained of that animal from the front of the locomotive. And when had done that, he tipped his cap to that bull, and said, “Bull, I admire your courage. I question your judgment.”
That same thing applies to our lives today. Men, God has wired you to be a leader, but you must control your temper. You must learn to exercise good judgment. In this story, you are about to see David nearly lose God’s blessing as he exercises poor judgment. But don’t worry, in the end, David comes out a king and models once again what it means to be a strong man, a strong leader. We need more Davids. Let’s follow him.
Read 1 Samuel 25.
Now go back to the beginning and be sure that we know what’s happening here. A new character is introduced and his name is Nabal. Ironically, his name means “fool.” Why any woman would name her son “fool” is beyond me, but that is his name, and he lives up to his name. He is described in the NIV as surly and mean in his dealings. He was rude. Now, I’m sure you have met someone like that before. They seem to be mad at the world.
Nabal was mad at the world and he had few redeeming qualities. By some miracle, though, and this is not unusual, he had found a wonderful, noble wife. Nowadays, we would say, “He outkicked his coverage.” Others would say, “He married up.” Still, others would say, “She settled.” At any rate, he has a catch for a wife. Verse 3 says that she is both intelligent and beautiful. Her beauty is more than skin deep and we are about to see that.
Now, David has come requesting some supplies. And upon first reading, it appears that David has an Al Capone philosophy of ministry. He comes to Nabal and says, “Hey, I didn’t kill any of your men. I didn’t steal any of your sheep. You owe me.” That is the way it seems, but that is not the way it was. In Near Eastern custom, hospitality was high on the priority list. You took care of your neighbors. We’re not so much that way in our individualistic society, but back in those days, you went out of your way to help those adjacent to you.
So David sends a few men to approach Nabal, and they are very kind. “Bless you brother. Long life to you. We are told that it is sheap-sheering time, and since we have treated your men and livestock so well, would it be too much trouble to ask for a little assistance. Whatever you can afford, just some modest provisions.
And in v.10, we see that Nabal acts consistently with his reputation. In contemporary language, he says, “Who does David think he is? Why do I owe him anything?”
And this ticks off the newly anointed King. David loses his temper. How do I know? Look at v.13, “Put on your swords.” Let me translate that, “I’ll kill him.”
Proverbs 22:24-25 says,
Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn his ways and get yourself ensnared.
Prov. 22:24-25
David loses his temper and takes 400 men with him. And he ain’t going to talk this out over coffee and cake. There are 401 swords on the way to Nabal’s place.
But, thanks be to God, for level-headed wives! When Abigail finds out what has happened, she goes into action. V.18 says, “She lost no time. She loaded up the donkeys with food and she was going to make peace.”
Now notice v.21. The scene is a ravine. She is coming down one side. He is coming down another, and it tells us what David is thinking. He is stewing. Look at his thoughts…
To use teenage girl language, he says, “Oh, no he didn’t. He didn’t just say that to me. Who does he think he is? I’m gonna put the whoopin’ stick on him.
But here comes the wise woman with a soft and gracious tongue. Proverbs 15:1, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Abigail calms David down with her gentle speech. She gets off the donkey, falls to the ground, and says, “My lord,” a title of respect, “let the blame fall on me...” And she apologizes for her husband’s foolish behavior. And not only that, I want you to notice that she shows concern for David as well. She doesn’t want to see Nabal killed, but she also doesn’t want to see David mess up his life by acting on impulse.
Look at v.30-31.
And because of Abigail’s intercession, David does not follow his carnal instincts. He sheaths the sword and he chooses not to return evil with evil. And I have already read you the rest of the story.
Now, let me go back and suggest a few lessons that we can learn from David. There are some principles here for us to learn as disciples of Jesus Christ. They apply to both men and women, but I want to speak especially to the men tonight since David is a model for masculinity.
Lessons of Leadership
1. Learn to control your emotions.
One of the challenges of parenting multiple preschoolers is the emotional roller coaster displayed in children. You know as well as I that a child has little control over his/her emotions. How many times have you seen a child have a meltdown in McDonalds because the Mighty Kids Meal had the wrong toy. Something so trivial is allowed to dominate the child’s emotions. And rightly so, we call that “childish behavior” and rightly so.
But how sad is it today that adults act in the same way. Grown men can act like little boys when the ball doesn’t bounce their way. I’ll never forget once in Little League, our coach was protesting a call that had been made the umpire. He wasn’t being a jerk about it, he was just asking for clarification. Well, the fans on the opposing side started booing our coach. And I remember this like it was yesterday. One of the dads on our side stood up, walked over, grabbed the chain link fence, and screamed across the field, “Why don’t you all go blankety blank blank blank blank blank…
And I was sitting in the dugout, and all of us boys just starting laughing hysterically. We had never seen a man act like a toddler. This guy was entertaining. And I remember looking over at his son, who was standing in the on deck circle. And that boy was embarrassed beyond words. His Dad was acting like 3-year old. How sad it is today that men cannot control their tempers.
Statistics on Rage…
And David just about commits the same grievous error. And this is why Abigail steps in and says to him, “My lord, you need to calm down. God is raising you up as the king of Israel and the last thing you want to do is blow it on a fool.”
Now, let me chase a little rabbit here. Ladies, it is not a godly thing to make wisecracks about your husband in front of other people. Abigail seems to be husband bashing here. V.25, she says, “Pay no attention to Nabal. His name is fool and folly goes with him.” It may seem that she is trying to undermine him, but the truth is, she is acting in his best interests. She is trying to save his life.
One of the most destructive things you can do to your husband is magnify his faults in the presence of others. Ephesians 4:29 says,
Watch the way you talk. Let nothing foul or dirty come out of your mouth. Say only what helps, each word a gift. Eph. 4:29
Use your words to help your husband, not to hurt him. Abigail appears to be tearing down her husband but this is a rare moment when she is speaking ill of him for his own good. Don’t use this as a license to go around and say, “Excuse my husband. Don’t pay attention to him. He’s a fool and folly follows him like a lost puppy.”
At any rate, going back to the issue of controlling your emotions. Turn with me to Titus 1. I want to show you something quite interesting. 5 things a pastor must not be. #2 and #4 both deal with his ability to control his emotions: not quick-tempered, not violent.
God cannot use a man or a woman who has not learned how to control emotions. Well, how do you do that? Let me give some practical advice. Walk out of the room. When things begin to escalate with your wife, take a walk. Cool down. When the basketball game is getting out of control, get out of the game and sit the bench for a few minutes. Don’t let things escalate because you will do something that you will regret. David almost did that. If it weren’t for Abigail, he would have acted like Nabal….foolish.
A second leadership principle…
2. Maintain a teachable spirit.
David allowed Abigail to speak into his life. He didn’t have to do that. As the Anointed King of Israel, he could have said, “Out of my way, woman! I’ve got my mind made up. Your husband is about to meet my blade. Nobody treats me like that.”
But he doesn’t respond that way. Instead, he stops and he listens and he is open to correction. I remember once my brother and I were traveling down the road in his little dodge car. He was 17 years old and a rookie driver. It was the dead of winter and we hit a long patch of ice. When we hit that ice, he lost the ability to steer. He could not correct himself and since the car could not be corrected, it ended up in the ditch.
That is exactly where you will end up if you stop listening to people who love you. You must remain teachable. I don’t care what position you have in life, no one is above correction. No one. If the word disciple means “learner,” then you stop being a disciple on the day that you stop learning. You are a work in progress. Philippians 1 says, he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion.” So don’t think that you are complete. Give God and godly people the freedom to speak sense to you. This is the hallmark of discipleship.
Author Robert Coleman makes this same observation about the original 12 disciples. What made them great was their willingness to learn from Jesus.
This is what he says…
These men [the disciples] selected by the Lord to be his assistants represented an average cross section of society in their day. Not the kind of group one would expect to win the world for Christ.
Yet Jesus saw in these simple men the potential for leadership for the Kingdom. They were indeed “unlearned and ignorant” according to the world’s standards (Acts 4:13), but they were teachable. Though often mistaken in their judgments and slow to comprehend spiritual things, they were honest men, willing to confess their need…
These men were looking for someone to lead them in the way of salvation. Such men, pliable in the hands of the master, could be molded into a new image…
--Robert Coleman, The Master’s Plan of Evangelism
That day in the ravine, David was not hardened by pride. But instead, he was pliable in the hands of the master. I love that word pliable. When I am 79 years old, I hope that I am more pliable than right now.
I have two cans of playdough here. One can is brand new. It is fresh. As you can see, it is extremely pliable and open to correction. I can do whatever I want with it.
But this can has hardened by the world. It has been exposed to the air for a much longer period of time…and as you can see, it is crusty and brittle.
What is it about this air we breathe that the longer we walk the earth, the less pliable we are in the hands of the master. We are less open to correction. You might say that we are “stuck in our ways.” And when we become like that, we dry up, and God takes his hand off of us. And if we get too dry, we become like those dead bones in the book of Ezekiel where it takes a miracle of God bring them back to life.
So how do you know when you are losing a teachable spirit?
Signs That You Are Losing a Teachable Spirit
1.You stop listening to your spouse.
2.You feel the need to defend yourself on a regular basis.
3.You can’t remember the last book you read.
4.You critique sermons rather than digest them.
5.You have stopped asking the question, “What do you think?”
If any of these signs are present in your life, then you are losing your pliability. Going back to 1 Samuel 25…in a culture where a woman’s perspective was not valued, David listened to her. He was open to correction and it saved his kingship.
3.Return evil with good.
Going back to v.21, David is fuming mad and look what he says… “he has paid me back evil for good.” And in the next verse, it becomes painfully obvious that David intends to respond with evil and kill everyone near Nabal.
You and I have a carnal tendency to give people a taste of their own medicine. I liken it to tennis. When the ball is fired at you on a serve, your natural reaction is to return it. Hit it right back at him. That works well at Wimbledon, but it leads to disaster in relationships.
Do not repay evil with evil, but instead, overcome evil with good. I want you to notice in this story that Nabal did not escape punishment. He had a massive heart attack and became like a stone. 10 days later, God finished him off.
Proverbs 15:3 says,
The eyes of the Lord are everywhere, keeping watch on the wicked and the good.
God was watching David and he was watching Nabal, and in the end, justice was served. The same is true in your life. If you have a Saul pursuing you, don’t retaliate. If you have a Nabal insulting you, don’t be quick-tempered. Leave room for God’s wrath, and pray for those who persecute you.
Learn to return evil with good, and like David, you will be exalted.
