FORGIVENESS! Seven times a day? In fact, seventy times seven! What is Forgiveness? FUNK & WAGNELL’S DICTIONARY says FORGIVENESS means "The act of forgiving or the state of being forgiven." Then it says to FORGIVE means 1."To grant pardon for or remission of something; cease to demand the penalty for. 2. To grant freedom from penalty to someone. 3. To cease to blame or feel resentment against. 4. To remit, as a debt. 5. To grant pardon, absolve."
Forgiveness in the New Testament context is usually synonymous with our usage of "reconciliation." The two Greek words for FORGIVENESS are translated most clearly as "to release or set free" or "to offer a gift of grace." In his book "THE FREEDOM OF FORGIVENESS," David Augsberger says "Forgiveness is ACCEPTANCE with NO exception. It accepts not only the HURT you’ve received, it accepts the one who DID the hurting, and it accepts the loss caused by the hurtful actions or words."
The Bible says we are to "forgive others as God in Christ has forgiven us." (Col. 3:13). God’s forgiveness in Jesus was utterly and totally invested in Christ’s incarnate involvement, His crucified self-commitment, and His life’s blood sacrifice for us humans. There is NO CHEAP forgiveness in Christ who is our example, our model, and our empowerment.
The Cross of Christ shows how difficult it was for God to forgive, how far God was willing to go to forgive, and how costly it is to forgive. God allowed His only Son Jesus to go to the Cross for two reasons - 1. To make FORGIVENESS possible for us, and 2. To MODEL forgiving to an UNFORGIVING world.
The Christ of the Cross is our ultimate example of FORGIVENESS. In Jesus we see compassion modeled. We see love embodied. We see faithfulness to TRUTH carried to its authentic conclusion. We see human possibilities beyond our wildest dreams. We see the face of God, and it’s a face of forgiving love. Of course, we need more than an example to live by - we need the POWER to live a NEW life. You see, just admiring beauty doesn’t make you beautiful! Just respecting an example of goodness does not make you good. We need the forgiveness of Jesus Christ that can SET US FREE to BE LIKE HIM. We need that TRANSFORMING relationship that comes with having Jesus as your personal Savior and Lord. Jesus Christ is our FORGIVER and our FORGIVENESS. The Cross shows how difficult it was for God to forgive sinful man. 2 Corinthians 5:19 tells us "God was in Christ personally reconciling the world to Himself."
Authentic FORGIVENESS is the mutual recognition that REPENTANCE IS GENUINE and RIGHT RELATIONSHIPS ARE RENEWED.
The bottom line is that FORGIVENESS is HARD!. How do you forgive when the cost is staggering. How do you forgive when the pain is unbearable. How do you forgive when your anger is still swelling within you? For true forgiveness to take place, we must be able to separate WHAT WAS DONE from WHO HAS DONE IT. In other words, you’ve got to deal with the issues, and keep personalities out of the mix.
Think about our scripture passage today - MT. 18:21-35. Peter comes to Jesus in his usual self-righteous way. The law of the day demanded you forgive your neighbor/your brother/or your enemy - THREE times. Peter felt he was being magnanimous by more than doubling the requirement of the law up to SEVEN times. But as usual, Jesus turns the thinking of the world on it’s ear - Peter expected Jesus to say something like: "Hey, the rest of you guys - pay attention to this - Peter here has it "going on" - He’s Da’ Man! Instead, Jesus blows Peter’s mind by saying "No, Peter, seven times isn’t enough - you need to forgive seventy times seven times!" Can’t you just see Peter? Seventy times seven? (counting on his fingers) "But that’s 490 times!" Then the rest of the disciples drop their jaws! And I can imagine James & John (the sons of Thunder) - "Oh, man, if we have to forgive 490 times - that means we can never throw anyone in jail, never pluck out any eyes, never chop off any hands, nothing! That’s no fun at all!" Retribution - retaliation - revenge - that’s the law of the world - forgiveness, love, and mercy - that’s the law of Jesus.
Jesus told a parable or a story about a King - who wanted to settle the accounts with his servants. A particular servant (we’ll call him Larry) - was brought to him, and the servant owed him 10,000 talents. A talent was 6,000 denarii. And a denarius was a normal day’s wage. So this guy owed his King 60,000,000 days wages. The richest men in the world at that time could never amass that kind of wealth - in an entire lifetime. To put it in language we can understand today - if the average person made $10.00 per hour - this would be like that average person owing someone $4 billion, 800 million dollars!
The king demanded payment, but the man didn’t have it - so the King ordered the man, his wife, his children, and all his possessions be sold to help pay for the debt. The man begged and pleaded with the king for mercy - promising to pay the entire debt! So get this - the King was moved with compassion - released the man - and forgave him the entire debt! Look at this - the King knew there was no way on earth the man could EVER EVEN BEGIN to repay his immense debt, but he was moved with compassion - and FORGAVE the ENTIRE debt.
Then Larry goes out and finds his fellow servant (we’ll call him Darrell) - Darrell owed Larry 100 days wages - in our example - it would be $8,000 dollars. This is a large amount, but definitely achievable. Look what happens. Larry gets Darrell by the throat and says "Pay me what you owe me, you dog-faced Gremlin!" So Darrell gets loose from Larry, falls down at his feet, and begs him, saying, "Please, be patient with me, and I will pay you everything I owe you." But Larry had no love or compassion for Darrell - and had him thrown into prison until he could pay. (Now, folks, back then, you didn’t make money in prison like they do today - so poor Darrell was going to rot in prison!)
Now when two of Larry’s other fellow servants (we’ll call them another Darrell and another Darrell) found out about the first Darrell and what Larry had done - they went back to the King and told him what had happened.
Then the king’s compassion for Larry turned into extreme anger - so he had Larry delivered to prison until he could pay the nearly five billion he owed. RIGHT? WRONG! Larry was delivered to the TORTURORS until he could pay up! Then Jesus says in vs. 35 "So My Heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses."
Now, let’s talk about this scripture passage for a moment and see if we can make some applications to our lives.
When Peter comes to Jesus asking about how many times he should forgive his brother - Jesus tells Peter to forgive seventy times seven times. Now folks, that doesn’t mean you carry around a notebook, and when someone wrongs you, you write his name down, then each time he wrongs you - you put a tick mark next to his name - and when you reach 490 - you simply write him off! Folks, 490 is not a magic number for forgiveness. What Jesus is confronting Peter with here is that the spirit of forgiveness really knows no boundaries.
When you find out your best friend has betrayed you, but then she comes to ask forgiveness, what do you do. You forgive her. But what do you do if she betrays you again? You forgive her. But what if she does it again, and again? You forgive her again, and again!
Your neighbor mows his yard and mows over some of your wife’s flowers. You come home from a hard day’s work and your wife has been home all day - but the house is a mess and supper isn’t even started. Your junior high daughter skips school. You’re a teenager, and one of your friends spreads a false rumor about you. Your Dad promises to take you fishing, or to a ballgame this Saturday, then he ends up working all weekend. Your husband forgets your birthday, then your anniversary.
You visit a church and ask for someone to visit you in your home - three weeks in a row - and nobody ever shows up! You go into the hospital for surgery, but your Pastor and Deacons don’t come to see you. Your office door sticks every time you close it, and you practically have to rip it off the hinges to open it - so you’ve asked the trustees to fix it - numerous times, and they’ve been saying they’ll take care of it - for six months - but haven’t done it.
You volunteer to teach in S.S. if properly trained, and the next thing you know, you are teaching - w/o any training. You let the music director know you have lots of experience with children’s choirs and want to help out, but you are never contacted.
You overhear two other women in the church laughing and talking about you in a derogatory manner - about the clothes you wear, or your work in the church, or your parenting skills.
QUESTION? Do any of those scenarios sound familiar to you? Have you ever experienced anything like any of those - or something even similar? Does it make your blood boil? Well, family, that’s the whole point.
You see, FORGIVENESS is NOT an EMOTION - forgiveness is AN ACT OF THE WILL. - And the WILL can function REGARDLESS of the temperature of the heart!
The whole point I’m trying to make is this; believers are people too. We all make mistakes. We all commit sins. We hurt one another. We get angry at one another. We commit offenses that divide us.
We must learn to FORGIVE one another. You see, as big as these things seem - they are pretty small compared to the sacrifice of Jesus Christ for us! I am a sinner! I deserve to spend eternity in HELL - separated from God and His love. YOU are a sinner. YOU deserve to spend eternity in HELL, separated from God and His love. But God loved EACH OF US SO MUCH that Jesus took our sins upon Himself and died for us!
Jesus himself tells us in Mt. 6 14-15 " For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses."
I think Christ gives us a perfect example of how to "flesh out our forgiveness" in Mt. 5:44 "But I say to you, Love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you." That’s TRULY FORGIVENESS in ACTION! Amen?
Now listen to me - get this: No matter how often we have been forgiven by God, - no matter how often we have forgiven or have been forgiven by other people, we are STILL learning to FORGIVE. Forgiveness is NOT a skill that is mastered and then becomes second nature to us. Forgiveness must be faced every time injury, insult or injustice occurs.
Forgiveness is not a gift you claim, internalize, then possess for life. It must be REDISCOVERED in EACH PAINFUL situation. We never grow beyond the learning stage - we never get past being a student of FORGIVENESS. Only God is a MASTER here. The rest of us are LEARNING to Love Unconditionally; we are discovering how to Forgive.
Forgiveness is a process. The steps to Forgiveness include:
1. RESTORING AN ATTITUDE OF LOVE.
When you love someone, you view them as a person of great worth. You believe they are precious, regardless of any wrongdoing. THIS IS NOT FORGIVENESS. It is only a step in the process of forgiveness. Forgiveness cannot begin until love has been re-extended to the offender. Love is only possible when you once more see the other person’s worth and value, recognize their preciousness, and choose to be understanding, even of those things that are beyond being understood. FORGIVENESS CAN HAPPEN SEVENTY TIMES SEVEN. The second step is -
2. RELEASING THE PAINFUL PAST
Holding the past against someone else as if demanding it be undone or redone is NOT reality - it’s fantasy! For forgiveness to take place - you must accept the past - as the past! You are NOT your past. I am NOT MY past! I am a person, capable of repenting, capable of changing, capable of turning away from past patterns of behavior! I am capable of asking for forgiveness and capable of granting forgiveness. Affirm the freedom within you to release the past and change the future. FORGIVENESS CAN HAPPEN SEVENTY TIMES SEVEN. The third step in the forgiveness process is -
3. RECONSTRUCTING THE RELATIONSHIP.
This is the REAL work of FORGIVENESS. As we work through our anger and pain in reciprocal trusting and risking, at least we come to recognize the genuineness of each other’s intentions. Our REPENTANCE needs to be Authentic, Honest, and as Complete as Possible at that moment. That is the CENTRAL work of FORGIVENESS. Luke 17:3-4 says "Take heed to yourselves, If your brother sins against you, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times in a day returns to you, saying, ’I repent,’ you shall forgive him." FORGIVENESS CAN HAPPEN SEVENTY TIMES SEVEN. The fourth step in forgiveness is -
4. REOPENING THE FUTURE. We often place unfair demands upon one another in relationship. The demands for ironclad guarantees against any future failures or painful experiences are ludicrous, and only set us up for future failures. Folks, promises of perfection are only possible from Saints and Statues - and neither one are desirable in personal relationship. We will be spontaneous in the future. We will fail. We will sin. We will act hurtfully and we will be hurt. FORGIVENESS CAN HAPPEN SEVENTY TIMES SEVEN. The last step in Forgiveness is -
5. REAFFIRMING THE RELATIONSHIP.
Reconciliation must conclude with CELEBRATION! (There’s that word again). {Tell you what - from now on - every time you hear the word CELEBRATE or CELEBRATION - you loudly reply "CLEBRATE JESUS!"} If reconciliation does not end in CELEBRATION - then the process of forgiveness has not ended. In forgiveness we must release the pain of the hurt and CELEBRATE - the mutual recognition that a right relationship has now been achieved or restored. Through renewed acceptance and mutual affirmation we bring a new meaning to our relationship.
How can I know that I’ve truly forgiven someone who has hurt me? Forgiveness is the experience of healing that draws the poison out of the wound. You may RECALL the hurt - but you no longer RELIVE it. No constant reviewing, no rehashing the old hurt and reliving the pain. I know I’ve forgiven you when the MEMORY of what you did to me is POWERLESS to arouse or anger me.
To FOR-GIVE is to "give up" demands for perfect behavior, perfect justice, perfect resolution or perfect retribution. All you can ask is genuine repentance of yourself and the other. After all, you are both fallible human beings in need of being forgiven - by God and one another.
To FOR-GIVE is also to "give forth" - a new trust to another by risking - being open, being vulnerable, being available again. You give forth a new freedom by believing in the other person - by accepting the genuine worth and intrinsic value of this person who is as much a child of God as you are. FORGIVENESS CAN HAPPEN SEVENTY TIMES SEVEN. We must learn to forgive, not to simply overlook or tolerate, but to forgive. We must learn to forgive, to resolve the anger, to face and release the pain, and to resume the relationship. We must learn to forgive, not to stop at restoring attitudes of love but to rebuild the broken trust. We must learn to forgive, not for our private release but for the restoration of relationships and the renewal of the community of faith. We must learn to forgive - SEVENTY TIMES SEVEN.
