It’s summertime, and various ones have been telling me about their vacations and their trips. One thing I keep hearing over and over again is the phrase, "family reunion". Lots and lots of you have attended family reunions.
Now there are family reunions and there are family reunions. For Margaret and me, family reunion is being able on rare occasions to orchestrate both of our grownup and living-in-apartments children arriving at the house at the same time we are there. If four of us can spend ten minutes at the same address, that’s a family reunion for us.
But for others of you, family reunion has a whole different flavor. It means gathering at sane homestead location, maybe a family farm under the Carolina blue sky, with relatives gathering from all over the country, sporting tee-shirts and baseball caps and carrying photo albums. It means rounds of fried chicken and piles of barbecued pork, which none of you should be eating, but, hey, it’s family reunion time, and all the rules are off! For some, I’ve discovered, to my astonishment, family reunion even means organizing and electing officers and incorporating the family almost as if it were a business. Family reunion is a great institution.
But there is something else that I know takes place at these family reunions, and that is the business of figuring out exactly how we are related to each other. I know we’ re both here at the family reunion, and so we are related, but how? Are you descended from George or from William? And if it was from William, are you descended from his first wife or his second wife? And if you and I are cousins, are we second cousins or third cousins and how many times removed are we? Frankly, I’ve never understood that business of cousins so many times removed, have you? Now I do have some cousins I would like to have removed, but just once ought to do it!
Well, the name of the game at family reunions is figuring out how close kin we are. In Kentucky we defined that as determining who you could count as "kissing cousins".
But I will tell you that there is one infallible way of finding out who your close relatives are. There is one way that never fails at bringing the nearest and dearest out of the woodwork. All you have to do is to arrange to die and without a will. Then all of a sudden there will be a score and more of folks who loved you dearly and who are your next-of-kin, most definitely! If you want to know who your next-of-kin are, just die and wait and they’ll all be there!
One day, long ago, it became very important, in a situation much like that, to determine who was next-of-kin and how he would behave. Just who is your next-of-kin and what is your responsibility toward that person? The lovely Old Testament story of Ruth instructs us.
I
Ruth was a young widow, a native of the land of Moab, who had come to the town of Bethlehem in the land of Judah along with her mother-in-law, Naomi, also a widow. They had left Moab and come to Judah because Naomi wanted to be among her own people, where she did have at least a little property and where she knew she could be taken care of reasonably well in her old age. Ruth, however, had cane to Judah simply to be with her mother-in-law. She had no reason to suppose that in this strange land she would have any privileges whatsoever; in fact, she must have known that her financial survival would be precarious. But Ruth came to Bethlehem in the land of Judah out of sheer loyalty and love for Naomi.
The first order of business, of course, was to stay alive. Get enough to eat to survive. And so Ruth went gleaning. The law said that an indigent widow could glean, that is,
she could go to a field where they were harvesting the crops, and she could pick up whatever the farmers dropped or left behind. That was her right, by law.
Out in the fields there labored a man named Boaz. An exceptionally gentle and honest man, Boaz noticed this new woman gleaning in the fields. He asked who she was and found that she was Ruth, the widow of his kinsman.
Boaz’s response was quick and generous. Boaz left orders that Ruth not only be given the privilege that was hers by law, but, in fact, that she be given an advantage. Not only were the workmen not to disturb her gleaning, they were to drop sane extra grain along the way, so that she would have plenty to pick up. I guess you might call this the world’s first affirmative action program!
But it wasn’t long before the relationship between Ruth and Boaz began to take a new turn. Ruth’s mother-in-Iaw, Naomi, knew the law of Judah, and knew that in that law there was a special provision for a young widow like Ruth. In the ancient world single women had very few means of sustaining themselves, and getting married was the one sure way of having food and shelter. Besides, it was believed that it was very
important for a man’s line to continue .. for a man to have sons who could carry on his name. And so if a man died before his marriage could produce children, it was the duty of his next-of-kin to father children in his name. That may sound strange to us, but that was their understanding. And so, here is Ruth, young and childless already widowed. Should someone marry her, someone in her deceased husband’s family, any children she might bear of that union would in a certain sense be considered children of her first husband.
And so Naomi counseled Ruth to go out one night to Boaz’ s threshing floor, where he would be spending the night to protect his harvest. She was to go and sleep at Boaz’s feet; that would tell him that she was available. When Boaz found this woman nestled near his feet, he was quick to understand and prompt to respond. Let me read you Boaz’ s response to Ruth’s need:
Ruth 3:10-13
The climax of the Book of Ruth comes when Boaz goes to the city gates to consult with the elders; he achieves a. release from the other relative who was technically closer kin than he. And Boaz marries Ruth.
II
Who is my next-of-kin and what must I do for her? I see two basic answers here. My next-of-kin can be anyone who creates an obligation for me. And I have to respond to that obligation. Whether I do so grudgingly or cheerfully, I have to respond, because my next-of-kin is anyone who creates an obligation for me.
Or I can see my next-of-kin as anyone who provides me an opportunity for a relationship. I can go beyond what the law obligates me to do. And I can see my next-of-kin as anyone with whom I can form a partnership, someone with whom I can build a relationship.
I have two choices. I can either respond to people who bring me their needs by doing what I know I have to do or ought to do. Or I can respond to them by making them co-Iaborers and partners in the whole business. Either my next-of-kin is someone who lays an obligation on me or my next-of-kin is someone who can be invited into a covenant with me. And there is all the difference in the world.
III
One day as I emerged from a Metro station downtown, I saw two men sitting near the top of the escalator. Each of them had a little box out there on the sidewalk. Each of them looked as though he could use a bath and a good meal and a decent night’s sleep. And each of them had a little sign posted near where he sat. But at that point the resemblance ended.
One man’s sign said, "Spare change. I’m hungry." That’s all, very simple. "Spare change. I’m hungry." The other man, however, had a sign which read, "God says, ’Feed me. "’ Let me tell you that really brings you up short – "God says, ’Feed me. ’" That’s getting a heavy hitter on your side. That man knew that a whole lot of us do something for somebody else only when we think we ought to, only when we realize
that it’s our duty.
The law of the harvest dictated that Boaz leave grain for Ruth, to pick up, and he did it. Boaz was a just man, a law-abiding man, and what the law required, he did. The law of marriage required that somebody in the family marry this otherwise destitute widow and give her an honorable home and a family. Boaz was a just man, a law-abiding man, and what the law provided for, he followed.
The danger is that when we do that, we tend to put people down. We depersonalize them. We make them feel as though they are the objects of pity. And when you pity someone, he places even more demands on you and the cycle just keeps going on and on.
As you know, there are any number of occasions when people stop by the church and ask for assistance, usually money. Several times it has just so happened that I’ve been unable to respond with money because there just wasn’t any in the building. The money that the Missions Committee sets aside was exhausted, and my own wallet, being too close to the end of the month, was flat too. And so I’ve had to say, "I don’t have anything to help you with right at this moment." What do you suppose I get in reply sometimes?
I get things like, "Oh man, I thought churches were here to help you." "Hey, isn’t this what pastors are for?" "I thought Christians were supposed to care." And the one that I’ve had about three times and which really gets to me, "It’s because I’m black, isn’t it? If I weren’t black, you’d help me." Wow, that hurts!
But what I really hear in all of these cries is the history of people who have been put down and depersonalized and devalued by others who helped only because they had to. And when you help out of obligation, you will inevitably communicate to the person you are helping that he is nothing, he is not worthy, he is less than human.
"Go around to the back door and I’ll give you a sandwich". "Here, take this can of soup which is past the shelf date." "Here, you can have my old shoes; they’re worn out anyhow."
It is possible to see my brother or my sister, my next-of-kin, as somebody who creates an obligation for me, and I can respond that way and that way only. But when I do that, I only add to the problem.
IV
Boaz obeyed the law of gleaning. Boaz followed the law of marriage, doing what was required of the next-of-kin.
But there is so much more than that in what Boaz did. Boaz treated Ruth as so much more than a mere obligation. Boaz shows us what real compassion is, for Boaz chose to go beyond the law’s demands and he created a partnership with his next-of-kin. Boaz created a covenant relationship. Boaz formed a relationship of mutual respect and gentleness with Ruth. And the flavor of Boaz’ s compassion, then, is entirely different from the flavor of doing what obligation lays on you.
First there was the extra grain, generously and quietly dropped by the wayside, so that Ruth could pick it up for herself. No calling attention to it. No grabbing for credit. Just a quiet, behind-the-scenes generosity.
But then something far more. Read again the story of Ruth and sense the wonderful gentleness of Boaz. Here is Ruth lying at his feet, pleading with him to take her into his home. It would have been easy for Boaz to have exploited her weakness. It would have been very easy indeed for Boaz to have said to Ruth, "I’ve got enough to do. I have plenty of responsibility. Enough is enough. I’ve seen to it that you get fed. And besides, there is another relative who is closer kin than I. Let him do this. It’s not my responsibility.â€
But thank God for the Boazes of this world who see their next-of-kin not as the people they have to serve, but as persons who give them an opportunity to enter into partnership. Boaz went the second mile for Ruth, and, in a touching and beautiful way, he made her his life partner. She became his wife, not the object of his charity, but his partner, his companion.
A couple of weeks ago a young man whom I did not know burst into the office and spent some two hours pouring out his heart about his marriage. He was desperate. His wife was threatening to leave him, and, on the advice of his father, he wanted to turn to the Lord and to the Lord’ s church for help.
As I listened, I knew there was only one appropriate response, and that was to volunteer to enter into a covenant of care with him. I told him that what I would do would be to stand alongside him every possible step of the way... that I would try to talk with his wife, that I would pray with them, not just for them, but with them ... and that I would just stay with them as best I could until the problem was resolved.
I do not set myself up as some kind of saint, but I could readily see that this was a situation where a next-of-kin was needed ... where somebody should step in and offer to be a partner. These folks needed someone to be next-of-kin for them, somebody who would stay with it for them. Nothing less would do.
I believe this is in fact where most of our community is. As we as a church plan for serving the needs of our community, we cannot just engage in hit-and-run ministry. We cannot just come out and do our religious thing and then retreat behind the stained glass. We cannot make quick hits and then back off.
What the world needs are Christians whose compassion leads them to stay by the stuff. Christians whose compassion doesn’t melt away the first time things get a little tough. Rev. Arnold and I have remarked about how great it is that several of the folks who come and work with the Wednesday Club are folks who have stayed by that program for years and years. The guests who come here know they can depend on certain compassionate Christians to be there for them. They need Boazes, who will form relationships, form partnerships, and will stay with it.
This community needs to know that Takoma Park Baptist Church is here to stay. We’ re here for the tough times as well as the good times. This community needs to know that Takoma Park Baptist Church is not out here just doing its little bit to get credit or to build its image ... but that Takoma Park folks are the folks you can always depend on to be there for you. They are Boazes. They will be next-of-kin for you.
Robert Frost says in one of his poems, "Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in.†I would add that church is the Boaz kind of place, where, when the Ruths of this world go there, they not only have to take you in, they gladly take you in and they bless you. May God lead us to be somebody’ s next-of-kin.
