Grandma Geri’s Message
Pancakes and Peanut Butter
December 17, 2008
I have had the honor of performing many funerals. Whether I know the person who has passed away or not it is always difficult to watch a family mourn. It’s always difficult to see them in pain, wishing they could have their loved one return even for just a minute. It is not very often that I find myself in their shoes. Where it is my turn to mourn the loss of someone within my own family who was dearly loved and who loved so dearly.
The loss of my grandmother has been a very difficult one to deal with. Coming to grips with the fact that I no longer will hear her classic laugh, no longer will feel her warm embrace and kiss when I walk through the door to her home is tough. It’s difficult to accept that I no longer will be able to speak to her, laugh with her, or share stories with her.
I do take some comfort in knowing that I can carry with me for the rest of my life some amazing memories of our time together. When I came a few weeks ago to say my good-bye’s I was given the opportunity to tell grandma just how much she has meant to me. She was the best grandmother a grandchild could ever ask for. You have already heard the stories today about how she has impacted all of us. She not only impacted us, her family, but she impacted everyone she knew in a way that all of us should hope and dream to impact humanity. There is no question; no doubt, this woman knew how to love.
To me there is no greater earthly example of love than Geri Sonnenberg. Even when I was a little boy and got into some big trouble while staying the weekend at grandma and grandpa’s which was quite often I always walked away from getting my spanking or getting sternly corrected feeling loved.
When grandma was working full time and traveling all over the country it could have been very easy for her when she was home to just want to relax and recoup from her trips. But those were the times that we got to spend the weekends with them. Sabrina and me always looked forward to going to grandmas. It was the same thing every visit. Mom would drop us off. Grandma would be standing at the door really excited to see us. Ready with her kiss and hug. We’d put our stuff in our room then we’d jump right back in the car, remember their old AMC eagle, and go rent a movie. She would let us pick it out of course. Usually I would get a movie and Sabrina would get a movie. We had to get two because it was a given Sabrina’s wouldn’t be any good. ☺
We’d go back to the house where grandma would make us spaghetti and garlic bread or as grandma would call it, sgetti. We’d sit in the kitchen with grandpa at this little breakfast table while grandma would cook or I would go over and push that button to the appliance in their super bright orange countertop. You remember that appliance that you could push the button and it would pop up? I was always fascinated with it and grandma would let me push it as much as I wanted. You hear all the time that no one cook’s like momma, and no offense to my momma who is an amazing cook in her own right, but no one cooked spaghetti and garlic bread like grandma. For all I know her secret recipe was that it was store bought or premade but it wouldn’t matter. It was always the best. And I can never forget grandpa always trying to get us to eat his crazy red radishes with our dinner. I always thought he had this weird radish fetish, but who knows. After dinner grandpa would play pool with us while grandma would clean up then we’d watch our movies and grandma would send us to bed but grandpa made sure we once again understood how to properly flush his toilet. He would say, “Make sure you hold the handle down for at least 3 seconds.”
In the morning grandma would make us pancakes with peanut butter. I always tell people that it was my grandma who introduced me to pancakes with peanut butter and to this very day I will not eat pancakes without peanut butter. And it was always without fail that grandma had some new toys for us to play with or she bought us something so simple yet it was just awesome to us. And of course we had to get a ride on grandpa’s tractor. And our weekends would never have been complete if we didn’t sit down to watch the game show network with them. If you knew them together you knew they loved the game show network and were glued to that thing constantly.
I never did get to tell grandma or grandpa, but I know they would be incredibly proud that I married a girl who is just as addicted to the game show network as them and who very much supports and encourages my peanut butter on pancakes addiction. Why is that an example of love? Because it just is. It’s not because she was this great figure who did incredible things to advance humanity for the coming generation. She embodied love just because she loved genuinely. Grandma and Grandpa wanted us to be around them. I’m sure not always. But even if there were weekends where they maybe were tired or didn’t feel like watching us they never, ever showed it. We always felt welcome, their home was always warm and the hugs were always plentiful. She was genuinely excited to see us and was equally excited to see us go back home I am sure. ☺ It was at grandmas that you felt safe. You felt protected, you felt wanted, and you felt invincible. And that meant something to my sister and me.
For two children who have had to go through some incredibly difficult transitions in life such as divorcing parents, bitter arguing, disowning, school changes and other things grandma and grandpa where our rock. They were our refuge. When life was incredibly difficult, being at grandma and grandpa’s just helped you forget it all for a few hours.
Before I knew of my Lord and Savior’s love, before I knew I could find comfort and safety, hope and redemption in His arms, before I had ever read the words in Psalm 62 which says, “Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in him. 6 He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will not be shaken. 7 My victory and honor come from God alone. He is my refuge, a rock where no enemy can reach me. 8 O my people, trust in him at all times. Pour out your heart to him, for God is our refuge.” Before any of that there was grandma.
Their lives for my first 13 years was all I knew of God. And the irony of that is they weren’t even Christians. But I believe God let me see a glimpse of Him in them. And if these two people could love so dearly and impact so many people, it makes me wonder just how much more powerful, how much greater must God’s love be for us?
Now their love extended beyond my weekend trips to their home. There is not a person here who wasn’t impacted by them. Jacob and Adam, Cindy and Mark, Uncle J, Mom and Rick and even my own father who was part of this family for 12 years was very saddened to hear of grandma’s passing. I would like to share a few more memories with you that I think has impacted all of us. Maybe it was just me, but there was no two greater times I looked forward to more than Christmas and 4th of July at grandma and grandpas. They were flat out my most favorite times of the year. Each year we would gather for the 4th of July or Christmas there was this electric feeling within the home that is very difficult to describe and impossible to reproduce. Love abounded. Laughter was plentiful and I would once again be sick and tired of sitting at the kid’s table. I still wonder what you guys talked about each year during our grand family feasts. Sadly I never made it to the adult table. And am not sure if I would even be allowed today. ☺
Besides food there was also the pool table. That infamous pool table. I would always marvel at all the books and dolls and the fort that uncle jay made which was just the coolest thing ever. We would play pool and talk and laugh and fight and get crazy competitive for what seemed like hours. And you know you loved it. Or we’d play pinball or the pachinko machine or ping pong or with the slot machine or one of grandpa’s mind bending games. He was just a giant kid at heart. Then we’d go out back and start the night by watching uncle mark and the boys blow up stuff with black cats. In fact now that I think about it I think every 4th of July pretty much involved Uncle Mark in charge of blowing stuff up. Yep. Pretty sure that’s true. I always knew how good of a 4th of July it would be when I saw how many bags of fireworks uncle mark walked into the house with.
When it got dark we would traditionally gather together in the driveway and again watch mark blow stuff up. And we’d always end the night with all of us grandkids lighting sparklers and trying to spell our names in the sky. Oh yeah and we’d watch Mark blow stuff up.
Then there was Christmas. Every year we had Christmas at Grandma and grandpa’s. It pretty much consisted of the same thing. A big feast, me stuck at the kids table, lots of pool, lots of laugh’s, lots of hugs and of course presents! No Uncle Mark didn’t blow stuff up, but I am sure he thought about it. Grandpa would play Santa and there is no question grandma and grandpa gave the best gifts. They spoiled us to no end. I don’t know if Aunt Cindy and Uncle Mark remember this but I remember the times close to Christmas when I’d stay the night with them, which were also some of my fondest memories to be shared another day. Me and Adam and Jacob would compare Christmas list notes. Grandma always wanted our Christmas list and so we’d compare notes on what we were going to ask for that year. We didn’t really care what Sabrina wanted because it was just dumb girly stuff. I am pretty sure Jacob always had the longest list of stuff.
As I said Grandpa would always play Santa and grandma would sit back there quietly speaking only when needing too and she would just watch. The entire time the grandkids opened their presents she would just have the biggest smile on her face. She was so happy to make us happy. No strings attached. She just loved to love. Once in a while you’d hear her little laugh that only grandma could do, there is no imitation. And of course we’d always wait to see grandpa give grandma her gift and watch them kiss.
I always thought it was pretty gross but as I have grown up and have begun to understand what love is I now realize looking back that grandma and grandpa not only loved us, but they absolutely adored and loved each other. And I think that had a lot to do with why these memories are so powerful. Their love for one another overflowed to the rest of us and made our times together that much more powerful.
To stand here and try to explain the emotion and fondness and the electricity of those moments and memories is very difficult. But for those of us in this room who were there you get it, you understand it, you lived it and you probably miss it terribly just as I do. Now, grown up, and with my own family, I desperately dream of the day that our family gatherings and traditions will be filled with the same love and laughter and togetherness that these times brought. But this time I will be sitting at the adult table. ☺
Seriously though. I could literally go on for hours about this woman. You could tell even more stories than what we’ve heard about how she was a woman who understood what it meant to put others before herself. To show compassion to the hurting, and to trust and care about others sometimes to a fault.
I shared with you a few moments ago that I have never known a better earthly example of love than this woman. And I believe what I said. But even though my grandmother was a tremendous person she was not perfect and she was not an example of perfect love. Her love to this family was only a glimpse of a greater love that we would experience later in life. When the traditions seemed to come to an end during my teenage years it was in that moment that God grabbed a hold of my life and showed me what perfect love is. Perfect love is not found in the greatest of grandmothers but instead perfect love, perfect hope, perfect compassion, perfect forgiveness is found solely in the grace and love of Jesus Christ.
Nobody could out love my grandmother but it is God who literally is love. In fact I John 4 says, “Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God. 8 But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love. 9 God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him. 10 This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins. 11 Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other.
God showed us what love is by sending his son to die for our sins. Christ left his throne in heaven to become the god-man. To suffer and die so that none in this world would perish but that all who confessed with their mouth and believed in their heart that he is lord would be saved. That is real love. The purest and truest form of love. For years my grandparents didn’t understand this. They loved in the way they understood but they didn’t know the love of Jesus. 6 years ago as we were going through this situation with grandpa it was a very exciting day for me when on the day he died he gave his life to the lord. Even in his last breathes after all those years of not knowing Him God showed him mercy and I believe he is now with God in heaven. After my grandfather died I know Pastor Dan made a huge impression on grandma. Because Pastor Dan was there for this family in a dark time for us, he came and stayed at the hospital for hours. That meant something to my grandmother. She saw Christ in Pastor Dan and she saw Christ living in us and I believe God used that to reach her. She knew love in the earthly sense but in that moment when she rededicated her life to Christ that was the first time she truly knew love.
Her final years on this earth after grandpa died were not perfect, but they were peaceful. She knew Jesus. She had a relationship with him. She had a good family and church family. She had no doubt where she would be when she breathed her last.
In her final days we talked briefly about heaven. What it might be like. We talked about her being able to see grandpa again. We wondered if God gave him hair or if he would look the same. But it didn’t take long for her to reach out and grab my hand and change the subject from her to me. She said, “how is Taylor, how is Kobe? Is he getting big?” It was always about us. Even in her final hours it was always about us. And that my friends is love. Where in your final breaths you still choose others over yourself. You still choose to deny your wants, your ambitions, your needs and choose to love others more than you.
It again makes me think of Christ. As he suffered and was beaten. He could have called down angels, he could have used his power to prove who he was but instead he thinks of others and says, “father forgive them for they know not what they are doing.”
I’ve gone on for a while now and I could go forever but I want to just quickly say 2 more things. One is it doesn’t matter how amazing your family is. How awesome your grandparents or your parents are, without Christ we have never truly lived or loved. Without his salvation we can never have any real hope in this life. Everything we put our hope in: money, jobs, stuff is worthless, it eventually disappears but love always remains. God’s love, his hope and redemption is eternal. His grace and salvation is all that matters in this world. My prayer is that no one in here would wait as long as grandma and grandpa did to experience his grace and forgiveness because it’s when you know him that you become fully alive on this earth.
The final thing I want to say is that I can prove to you how much Geri sonnenberg loved us with two objects that I have. One is this little helicopter I brought with me. I had totally forgotten about this thing until I saw it at grandma’s home the other day. This is very special to me. When I was a little boy in elementary school I bought this for grandpa from one of those Santa store things that would come through the school. It sat on his bar for years. When they sold their house and sold many of their things this is something that could have very easily been sold in a garage sale or just thrown into the trash. But grandma kept it. It was special to her because it was a gift from her grandchild. That is love to me. Another example is this letter. My mom wrote this letter to grandma in 1987. I am going to read it to you. (read letter). To many of us we might get a letter like this and read it appreciate it and then throw it away. But it was special to her. She kept it. And she told my mom that she read it regularly. That is love. She loved us all so much that the simplest and seemingly insignificant things we did for her where the most special to her.
There is no question that we will all miss grandma for a long time after we leave this place. Life will move forward and those wonderful times are now just memories. But they don’t have to be. We can take their examples of love and look to God to instill in us His love and we can start new traditions, new memories that will impact the next generation in an even greater way than our grandparents did. Their legacy can live on in us and how we raise our kids and live our lives. How we treat people and how we love.
Our love for others has the potential to be even greater than theirs because we can have something now that they did not have until the end, a relationship with Jesus Christ the God who is love. Who died for us so that we may live. It is because of Christ that I am not sad today. I am not saying goodbye to grandma I am only saying, “see you later.” One day we will be together again and the first thing I will do is go for one of her hugs and then asks her if the pancakes and peanut butter are ready.
Prayer.
