Our Father, Our Friend
John Thomas Johnson
(5/6/1931 – 11/16/2008)
I stand before you this morning representing my family in this celebratory service of the life of our father. Some of you here today knew my father long before I did so I am sure there are some memories and experiences that you shared with our father that we will never know. In all the years that God gave us with daddy, we know he did not tell us everything about his life before us. We believe that our father was a great father and was a great person. He had a quiet way about him even when he was messing with you. As you read in the program, one of the things my father will be remembered for was his mischievousness. It is my understanding that he was mischievous all of his life, but I could be wrong, maybe it was most of his life. He told me the story once of how he gave my uncle Robert, his brother, a stick and pointed at Aunt Betty, their sister, and pointed. Uncle Robert proceeded to walk over and whack Aunt Betty with the stick. I do not remember the punishment he received, but he was laughing when he was remembering it and telling me the story. This was our father. He was a great father, brother, uncle, grand-father and friend in the eyes of God. When daddy’s health started to deteriorate in August of 2005 we all sat down together with daddy to discuss what he wanted on this day. Daddy planned out this program 3 years ago with the exception of some of the names and although we all hoped it would be years before we would need it; that was not to be. When he was diagnosed with lung cancer in January of this year, he did not want a lot of people knowing and feeling sorry for him. You see, daddy was a man accustomed to doing things for everyone else, he was not accustomed to being on the receiving end. He did not want people who never visited him all of a sudden coming around and feeling sorry for him. When he got the final results, he said it was not in God’s hands and he was ready whenever God wanted him. I told him I did not want him to get depressed and wither away and he basically told me I’d be a fool if I thought that. That was our daddy. As best he could, he continued to do what he had always done. In the mornings he’d get up, have his coffee, eat his breakfast and read his Bible. When this routine changed, we knew his time was getting near. My brother-in-law Darryl told me how he always watched daddy read his Bible every morning and it was seeing this and the conversations he had with daddy that led him to accept Christ and be baptized. It was not the ministers or pastors he knew, it was a quiet man, sitting at a kitchen table, reading his bible. He told me that he and daddy would sometime have their own Bible study at the kitchen table.
His faith in God sustained him and allowed him to live a life in service to God and others. Although our hearts are heavy at his passing, we can still celebrate. For those of you who knew daddy, you know he has already preached his funeral by the way he lived. I could stand here all day and tell you about that, but daddy would not want that. His words to me from the day I preached my first sermon 27 years ago were do not make them happy twice, when you get up and when you sit down. He said say what needs to be said and sit down. I hope to do that this morning.
Today before I say anything else, you need to know that you are preaching your funeral today y the way you live. I have learned that you cannot always tell who a Christian is by the way they live because a lot of Christians do not live as an example of Christ. I hope that something I say today will inspire you to take a look at your life and the sermon you are currently writing for your funeral. Every one of us will one day be here and someone will be in charge of reflecting on our life. How we are living today will give them the information that they need. If some of us died today there would a lot that could be said, but it would not necessarily be reflective of a Christian’s life. We present a lot of “stuff” to God and dress it up as Christianity believing that God will accept it, but God does not accept just anything that we present to Him. I told you that daddy has preached his funeral and we are here to reflect on and celebrate what he preached during his life. There are two Scriptures that daddy lived by probably without realizing it. The first is from Proverbs the 22nd chapter and the second is from Ephesians the 6th chapter. Let’s start with Proverbs.
Proverbs 22:6 records “Train up a child in the way he should go and in keeping with his individual gift or bent, and when he is old he will not depart from it. (Proverbs 22:6, AMP)
The key word here is the responsibility of the parents to train up their children. If we train our children early, even when they get older, there are things that will stay with them. It does not mean that they will not stray, but the core beliefs and training that is placed within them remains. Likewise, the opposite is true, if you do not train them, they will live out what was not placed within them. Let’s go to Ephesians 6:4.
Paul says in this verse: “Fathers, do not irritate and provoke your children to anger, do not exasperate them to resentment, but rear them tenderly in the training and discipline and the counsel and admonition of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:4, AMP)
Paul is speaking of the how. Solomon told us to train them and Paul comes back years later and speaks directly to the fathers on their role in the training of the children.
These two verses of Scripture capture the life of our father, a quiet man, who tried to instill in us and those who knew him well, how to live a life pleasing to God. He is to train his children and perform his job in such a way that his children will not grow up angry, but they will have values instilled within them that they will be able to carry with them throughout their life. Paul actually says that fathers should not “provoke” their children to anger. To provoke someone means to push, to incite, to give rise to. Fathers are to live their life before their children in such a way that they provide the balance, structure and discipline that is needed for a child to grow. For you kids listening to me and thinking that the Bible says your parents are not supposed to make you mad, that is not what this I saying. We can make you mad all day long when it comes to you not getting what you want and teaching you right from wrong. However, what he said relates to the anger that exists when a child grows up with an absent father or a father who does not provide what they need, materially, spiritually, and emotionally to the best of his abilities. Our father understood this and we remember him working sometimes 4 jobs at once to make sure we had what we needed. He often denied himself so that we could have what we needed and that is why we took great joy in providing for and giving back to him when we were grown. We circled around our parents and especially around daddy after our mother died. If you did something that hurt him, you hurt all of us. We stood for our father because he always stood for us. He was not perfect or sin free, but he was a good father to us.
I mentioned earlier about the role and responsibility that a father has towards their children and the damage that an absent father can cause to their child. My father had fathered two children before he married my mother. His first two children, for as long as I have been on this earth, have always been known to us as our older sister and brother. They were always welcomed in our home as my sister Alice used to babysit us. I was talking to Alice this week and she told me that she always knew that daddy was her father – he never denied it. He claimed all of his kids and was proud of us because we were his. There are many men out there, maybe some sitting here, who is fathering babies without being a father. It feels good to make the baby but then you want to disappear when it’s time to start taking care of the child. Some of you ladies are having babies with men that you are afraid to leave the baby with – which does not make a lot of sense to me. Why would you get pregnant by a man and then justify their absence in the baby’s life? You’re setting your baby up to be angry and to repeat in their future what you and the absent father did. Stop having babies with men who spend most of their time on vacation at the state’s expense and find yourself a man living for God. Notice I did not say find a Christian man, I said a man living for God because not every man (or woman) going to Church and acting holy are living for God. If you find a man living for God the baby will come after you say “I do”. Daddy had little patience for men who shucked their responsibility for their child and he understood the pressures that could be on a man to adequately provide for his family. Because he understood and did whatever he could to provide for us, he did not tolerate lazy men making babies all over town and taking care of none of them.
Daddy also had no patience for people who claimed to be one thing yet their lifestyles showed something different. He’d treat you the same and you’d never know what he thought of you unless you asked him. There are many people who act “Christian-like” at Church or when they are around other Christian people. They talk a really good game. They present themselves as Christians while sneaking around with their friends’ wives or husbands. They cheat, steal and then come to church, go to the pulpit, sit on the deacon board, sing in the choir, stand at the door in their usher uniform or just sit in the audience being holy. They sit there thinking they have fooled God and everyone else and as my 92 year old grandmother told me this week, they will “bust hell wide open” when they get there. This was not something my father could stand – but he said it was his job to turn it over to God which he did, constantly. When he was still able to usher at the old Church he told me many stories of people playing with God when they got their “shout” on. He’d shake his head and say God knows. My father was a quiet man, even when he was riled up, but in his quietness he displayed Christ.
The saddest day of my life came on May 10, 1986 when our mother died. Unlike with daddy, I did not get a chance to say goodbye. On that day, especially for my sisters, daddy became a mother and a father. Kim told me how she began to discuss everything with daddy after that day. A couple of years ago Carla and Kim told me how they would buy daddy gifts and take him to dinner on mother’s day. When I asked daddy about it, he said he enjoyed it, deserved it and looked forward to it. When I told my wife Nikki about it she had the idea of sending daddy some flowers this year for Mother’s Day, since he enjoyed the celebration and deserved it. I will not tell you what daddy said when the doorbell rang and a delivery man was standing there smiling when he asked daddy if he was John Johnson. Nikki and I got a good laugh off of that one, although daddy had some other words to say. But he understood when our mother died that he would now fulfill both roles that of mother and father. Because of our love for him, we did not want him suffering and we can, even in sorrow, celebrate and find joy that he is at rest.
Our daddy had a warped sense of humor for those of you who did not know it. He would do things to you just to get a rise out of you. I invited him once to come to Arkansas to help me paint our home and he showed up praying that it would rain because it was hot. The first day it rained and he confessed what he had done – of course he was laughing when he told me. He would tease you unmercifully, but you knew even while he was doing it that he loved you. If you played cards with him you knew not to expect mercy and if you were his partner you’d could hear some different words if you played the wrong card and it cost the team some points. He would also play the age card when it benefited him. We once ran out of gas in the middle of nowhere (Arkansas) and it was hot. He told me he was too old (at the age of fifty) to walk for gas so I had to although he was the one driving and knew the gas was getting low. But that was our father. This same man who joked and played with us stood by me for several days when the doctors thought I had lung cancer. Every time any of us needed him, he’d take off work and be there for us, regardless of where we lived. Now he might complain about it, but he would be there. My father had a giving heart and would often loan money to people that he knew might not pay him back. Many people did not know that my father kept a ledger containing the names of people he’d loan money to and tracked if they paid it back. By the way, if you know you still owe him money, you can give it to any of us kids. If you want to know if your name is in his ledger that I found this week, ask me later. My father loved to bowl and taught all of us to bowl. When we bowled in a league with him, he’d tell us if we did not bowl at least 100 we’d have to pay for our own games. When we got better he said that we had to bowl our average in order for him to pay for it. When his health began to fail, that was the one thing that he missed the most. Then the Wii came out and he was able to enjoy it again at home.
Everything I just shared with you is symbolic of the personality of our father, but let me share with you what he placed within us that have made us who we are today. People have commented for years that all of his kids took good care of him. Carla and Kim would take him shopping and help pick out his clothes. We loved being in his company. How we treated daddy was a reflection of how he treated us. Barry and I come from a long line of preachers on my mothers’ side, but it was actually our father who has taught me how to be a pastor. I understood from him and watching others that just because a person was called to preach does not mean they were called to pastor. It takes a special heart to be a pastor, one that cares for their flock and are willing to make sacrifices for them. A good pastor will always stand for the truth and what is best for their flock – not for themselves, this is what my father taught me through his life and the conversations we had about pastors. He always told me to represent God and thus I would be representing him also. Our father taught me how to forgive which is very important for any minister. It did not matter who spoke ill of him, he turned it over to God. If something was to happen in that person’s life who’d talked bad about him, if they needed him, he’d still show up to assist as he could.
It was my father who taught me what to do as a pastor when people were sick and applied to pastors, church members and every Christian. As far back as I can remember, if someone was in the hospital, sick at home or in need, our father would go and visit them. I would go with him when I was young and after I became an adult, whenever I came home to visit, we’d hit the road. I was right there with him watching what he did. Sometimes we’d pray with them, or he’d just talk and let them know if they needed anything they could call him. When he finished with one, he’d go to the next person. Sometimes we hit the hospital and two or three nursing homes before we went home. When I was younger, I watched in amazement as he’d slip a few dollars in someone’s hand as he shook their hands as he was leaving. He did not want to embarrass the person by publicly giving them the money he wanted them to know he understood their need without them having to ask for it. I asked him once why he did that and he told me they needed it more than him right then. Although he did not have a lot of money to begin with, he always gave what he could to those he knew needed it more than him. He always visited anyone that he knew that was sick, even though he was not feeling that well himself. It hurts my heart that this was not done for him by the Church that he loved, but in honor of his memory, I am not going there today. I will say this though, Dea. Levi, our family truly thank you for everything you did for daddy while he was alive and what you have done for our family this week – you have represented God and are an example of a faithful deacon in how you have carried out your responsibility. Daddy loved you and was truly blessed to have you assigned to him. Thank you and may God continue to bless and keep you.
Our father taught us to love God. Because I had a good father, it was easy for me to believe that God was good and it was easy for me to love Him. He taught me to love my family. I never understood how much he loved my mother until after she passed and he thought of committing suicide because he missed her so. He had 23 grandchildren and had almost all of them thinking they were his number one, his favorite. Our father taught us that every life, great or small, was important. He taught us not to judge, complain too much or criticize others, even when it was warranted. Our father taught me how to be, how to be me, how to be a good man, a good and faithful husband and father but especially how to be a man of God.
To my family and all of you that daddy loved, he’d want to see you again on the other side. God’s word promises us that this will happen, if we live for Christ. Paul wrote: “But we do not want you to be uninformed, brethren, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve, as do the rest who have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will bring with Him those who have fallen asleep in Jesus….For the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trumpet of God; and the dead in Christ shall rise first. Then we who are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and thus we shall always be with the Lord. Therefore comfort one another with these words.” (I Thessalonians 4:13, 14, 16-18)
God has given us a promise that we will see our loved ones again if we make it to heaven. We will not make it there living anyway we want, in disregard to God’s word. If we are to see daddy again close up, it will be because we are in heaven with him. If you are not sure if your lifestyle will get you there, it is not too late to change. Daddy would love to see all of us again and that was his desire on his death bed. I will see him and I too hope and pray that you will too. But understand this clearly if you are living a life that does not include God, whether you like it or not, you’re going to hell. If you say you’re a Christian and you are living a life of sin, you’re probably going to hell. You can fake it before men, but you cannot fake it before God. It is what you do with your life that determines where you will end up. If you continue to live as if life is a big party and you will “turn your life around when you get older” you may not live to get older. If you are betting on a chance, your chance is right now. If you loved daddy, and I am sure you did, and you want to see him again, start living like you want to because if you belong to Christ, you will see daddy again and everyone else who has gone on before you.
Conclusion
In this casket before us lie the remains of a great father by God’s standard which is the only one that matters. He has lived his life and is in the presence of God right now. These earthly remains will return to the dusk from whence they came. Daddy has a new body now, he is no longer in pain, he no longer needs the oxygen tanks and he is no longer struggling to breathe. This body that lies before us was flawed, the one he has now is not. I will see my father again when I shed off this body. Sometimes when people die we say “Bro. so and so lost his father last week.” We did not lose our father; we know exactly where he is. Not only do we know where he is, we have every intention of seeing him again when we leave this earth. Yes we may weep because he is gone, but give us a little while, and then we will be rejoicing at his memory and looking forward to our reunion. If you have a loved one who is with Christ and you want to see them again and you have not accepted Christ, you need to do that. Find you a Church that will teach you God’s word and how to live righteous before Him and you will see your loved one again. I want to leave you with these words: “Do not be deceived, God is not mocked, for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh shall from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit shall from the Spirit reap eternal life.” Gal. 6:7-8
For all of you, family, friends, co-workers and church members who came by often, called and checked in on daddy frequently, thank you. You too will reap what you have sown. Family, it is time to go. We are ready to take the mortal remains of our father out of this place for the last time.
