Forgiving
Matthew 18:21-35
CHCC: October 5, 2008
VIDEO: FIREPROOF movie: Apology scene
INTRODUCTION:
Some of you are old enough to remember the movie called Love Story that came out in 1970. Do you remember that famous line that Ali MacGraw said to Ryan O’Neal: “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.” I wasn’t even married back then, but I knew that was the dumbest thing I’d ever heard!
I admit, It’s hard for any two people to get along … whether it’s in marriage or friendship or between co-workers or neighbors … or church members. But when it’s between a male and female … things can get really complicated.
And speaking of gender issues, I heard that a while back Bill Gates decided it was time to figure out what gender a computer is. I mean, we assign gender to a lot of inanimate objects. In fact, in Spanish every noun is either male or female.
Bill Gates called together his top male experts and his best female experts and told them he’d give them a day to come up with a recommendation for what gender a Computer should be. Needless to say, they couldn’t agree. Here’s what they came up with.
The women said computers should be masculine. Here were their reasons.
• A computer is definitely masculine because … the only way to get their attention, is to turn them on;
• They have a lot of data … but they are still clueless;
• They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem … and …
• As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you’d waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
The men’s group said computers should definitely be feminine because:
• No one but their Creator understands their internal logic;
• The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
• Even the smallest mistakes are stored permanently in long-term memory for later retrieval … and …
• As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
It’s no wonder forgiveness is so necessary in marriage!
We’ve been talking about Marriage for the last few weeks. If you’ve been married very long, you know that forgiving is a big part of any good marriage. Sometimes marriage has a big time of crisis … like the video scene. But more often forgiveness is needed for a lot of little things that happen day to day.
Today we’re going to start by looking at what Jesus had to say about forgiving.
1. What Forgiveness IS:
In Matthew 18:21, Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"
Now, Peter probably thought Jesus was going to be really impressed with him. He knew the Rabbi’s taught you must forgive 3 times. So Peter doubled it, plus one!
Peter had to be shocked when Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy times seven.” Matthew 18:22
Jesus took it completely out of the realm of counting. 490 is too much forgiving to keep track of it! And that’s the point. You see, God calls us to a lifestyle of forgiveness.
We are to forgive so often that it becomes second nature for us … so that we live and breathe forgiveness … every day … in every relationship … starting with our homes and marriages.
Jesus went on to tell a story that shows how God looks at forgiveness. In Matthew 18:23-34 Jesus tells about a servant who owed ten thousand talents to the King. The King took pity on him and forgave the debt. Then, as soon as the forgiven servant left the King’s presence, he found a fellow-servant who owed him a hundred denarii. He grabbed him … and choked him … and demanded his money. The poor guy begged for a few more days to pay it back, but the servant had no pity on him. In fact, he had him thrown in prison until the debt was paid in full.
To get the real impact of this Parable, you need to know the value of these debts. The servant owed the King ten thousand talents. That’s such a huge amount of money it would take 8,600 men each carrying a sack of coins weighing 60 pounds just to lug it around.
ONE talent was equal to about 20 years’ wages. If the servant paid off 2 talents per lifetime, it would take him 5,000 lifetimes to pay off the debt! And yet, he promised he would pay it off!
The only way he could owe that kind of money is through some sort of embezzlement or fraud. It reminds me of what we hear on the news lately about the Government baling out Companies to the tune of Billions of dollars! This kind of debt is a picture of the debt we owe to God.
On the other hand, the servant’s fellow-servant owed 100 denarii. This was equal to 100 days of labor. You could carry this amount of money in your pocket. It would be like comparing the debt of a small Nation to someone who owed his neighbor the price of a lawnmower.
In Jesus’ Parable, the King heard what happened. When he found out the servant he had forgiven went out and threw another servant in prison for a tiny little debt, here’s what happened. "Then the king called the servant in. ’You wicked servant,’ he said, ’I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed. Matthew 18:32-34
The point of this story is clear. God has forgiven us such a huge debt. How could we possibly refuse to forgive the tiny debts that are owed to us?
So why is forgiving so hard to do? Sometimes it’s because we get confused about what forgiving means. So let’s look at a few things that Forgiving is NOT:
2. What Forgiving is NOT:
• For one thing, forgiveness is NOT pretending it never happened. That’s called repression. If you harbor a grudge, it will fester inside and cause you all kinds of emotional and physical problems. To forgive, you first have to face the ugly wrong that was done to you. It may be painful, but you can’t truly forgive unless you are willing to admit what really happened.
• Forgiveness is NOT excusing what the other person did. You don’t need to make up excuses for why it was okay for them to do what they did. You don’t have to approve of sinful behavior in order to forgive it.
• Forgiving is NOT Reconciliation. Forgiving takes only ONE person. Reconciliation takes TWO. You can forgive no matter what the other person does --- even if they never admit they hurt you --- even if they continue to hate you. Forgiveness is letting go of your anger. You can’t control how they are going to respond to you.
• Forgiving is NOT giving up on Justice. Forgiving doesn’t mean that person has no consequences. A teenager may be forgiven for disobeying their parent --- but a good parent will still give some kind of consequence for the behavior. A criminal might be forgiven by the one he harmed, but the Court will still impose the legal consequences of their action.
When we forgive, we are actually getting out of the way of God’s perfect Justice. Romans 12:19 says, Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord.
Personally, I’m glad Justice is coming … for those who never repent from their sins against other people. God’s perfect love REQUIRES perfect justice. A day will come when God will deal with evil in the way only God can do.
I love the quote attributed to Albert Einstein: “There are two things that are certain: there is a God; and I am not Him.” Forgiveness shows you understand the truth of that statement.
When you forgive someone, you step down from the Judges’ bench … where you don’t belong … and you let God step up … where he DOES belong. Our judgments are always flawed. God’s judgments are always perfect. There won’t be any innocent victims … no collateral damage … when God’s Day of Judgment comes.
• Finally, Forgiving is NOT Forgetting. But there is a difference between remembering (which we can’t control) and rehearsing (which we CAN control.)
I’ve noticed when people have told me they want to get a Divorce, they usually recite for me a long, list of reasons. They can spout off the things their husband or wife did … going back to the day they met them. And they can do it without any notes! A list like that takes a lot of time to compile and organize and rehearse in secret before you ever say it out loud.
Are you building a secret list against your husband or wife in your mind and heart? Get rid of it! I Corinthians 13:5 says, Love is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. You have to choose between keeping that list and having a good marriage. The good news is, once you stop rehearsing the list of wrongs, the bad memories WILL start fading. (In fact … at my age … ALL my memories are fading faster and faster!)
If forgiving seems too hard, keep in mind that refusing to forgive is even harder on you. The person you can’t forgive actually ends up hijacking your life. You go out of your way to avoid them … or to snub them … or to slander them. Your blood pressure goes up every time you see them --- or even think about them. You want to hurt the other person --- but you are really only hurting yourself. When you are nursing a grudge, the bitter memory of what they did to you will eat away at your ability to enjoy life.
This quote really sums it up: “Resentment is like taking poison then waiting for the OTHER person to die.” (Malachy McCourt)
Before we go home today, let’s take a minute to think about HOW you can forgive.
3. How to Forgive:
• The first step is simple: Decide to forgive …. And then ask God to give you the ability to do it. Don’t wait until you FEEL like forgiving. In fact, don’t expect to feel warm fuzzies the minute you begin the process of forgiving!
• When you forgive, it’s best to keep it between you and God. Forgiving is an act of obedience. You don’t need to announce your forgiveness to the other person. They may not even know they did anything that needs forgiving! They may not remember the event at all, and bringing it up will just make them feel awkward.
Here’s a good rule of thumb: Tell the other person you have forgiven them ONLY if you are absolutely certain they want and need to hear that they are forgiven.
• Speak your forgiveness. It may help to say the words, “I forgive you” out loud (between you and God). But don’t be surprised if you need to say those words again and again.
Forgiving is kind of like peeling an Onion. When you peal away the first layer, what do you find? (another layer underneath) And what happens when you peel an onion? (You tear up) Forgiveness is a beautiful thing, but it is not easy!
CONCLUSION:
I heard a Focus on the Family radio program where they were interviewing a London pastor named R.T. Kendall. He wrote a book called Total Forgiveness. Here’s what he had to say:
I’ve had people come up to me and say, ‘You know, I’ve never seen a real miracle. I’ve never seen someone healed from cancer … or a blind person receive their sight.’
I tell them, ‘Have you ever seen Total Forgiveness? That is a miracle that will eclipse anything you’ve ever heard of --- because it goes against all of nature. And for the one who does the forgiving, the reward is incalculable.’
Forgiving is a miracle that can happen for all of us … starting today.
Action Point: Challenge to forgive --- Start with your Marriage. Or if you’re not married, start with your closest relationships. Ask God what grudges you need to let go of.
Some of you have a big wrong to forgive: someone has hurt you in a terrible way. Others have a long list of little wrongs you need to tear up and throw away.
If God is speaking to you about what YOU need to forgive, don’t wait until you go home. Start the process right now.
