I love you but…
1 Corinthians 13:4-8A
The word “Love” has been distorted to mean a lot less that I think it should. It happens so innocently and easily. We decide that we want a word more powerful than like. So, we love that dress, cheesecake, chocolate cake, but it cheapens the word when we use it to express preference or liking something.
I guess it really does not hurt anything except that it waters down the flavor. It is like kool-aid with to much water. The color might be there but the taste is quickly reduced.
In the Bible there are three words used in the way we use the word love and they have three different flavors. However, today’s scripture is only describing one kind of love. Agape Love
Paul wrote this to the Corinthians because of the divisions that had been arising in the church. People were all worked up over how right they were and how wrong others were.
I compare this to My mom often accused us kids of being willing to argue with a stop sign. It seems that this church fought over everything and they were influenced by every new preacher that came to town.
Paul offers the Corinthians a definition agape love.
Agape love is deeper than mere friendship, and is not romantic love.
Agape love is selfless and has no restrictions or requirements from the loved person.
It is a love that is there no matter how we act (good or bad) or even what we do.
Agape love is the love that God demonstrates when He looks at mankind.
Love is good stuff. I like the way it makes me feel as a person in love and a person that is loved.
I remember what falling in love was like….It was mostly good. New Love is exciting
New love and new relationships bring out the best in our human nature.
New love makes you treat people special and do things that are extra nice. New love makes you take risk and spend all you have, money and time.
New love says I want to do what you want to do…square dancing… football…shopping…Let’s go!
Personally, when I contemplate what love is, I think back to a wedding some 28 years ago. I was the groom. I was totally in love with my first wife……..Renee.
At first, I have trouble seeing how the love I felt for her has changed at all. I think that the new love feeling is alive and well. I feel that I love her just the same as then and even more in some ways.
However, it does not take but a few seconds for me to recognize that my ideal picture of my love for her has changed and not necessarily for the best. The new that influenced me to do special things has warn down.
I used par to Paul’s description in Chapter 13 as a measuring stick of my love…
Love is patient - when I feel good and am not in a hurry to do something I want to do.
Love is kind – when I want something
It does not envy – unless Renee is happy / busy with something else
It does not boast – except to show how important I am
It is not proud
– OK I better stop there….
I don’t consistently meet any of the baseline qualifications that a Christian should have when it comes to love.
If I get to rude or self-seeking or not easily angered -- it will make my pride lead me to consider lying.
As if all that were not enough Paul has to say that, Love keeps no record of wrongs – That is not fair, I have a memory and I know what she said, I can’t help myself.
Folks, when I look at my love for my wife and family, which is normally the best I can do. I fall short of what Paul is describing.
I seem to remember a time when I was better at showing my love.
Why does that change?
Why is it that after some period of time the way we act seems to change?
I don’t think that the love is gone. But, the way I show my love has definitely changed. The power of the motion has faded.
It appears to be something that wears down with time, like being on a motorized treadmill. After a while we get tired of having to constantly show our love. It is not that we don’t want too. We just seem to lose the energy that comes with new love. Perhaps the scenery becomes familiar.
I guess it is really more a level of being comfortable.
When we are comfortable in our relationships, we don’t dress up as much.
We don’t need to do the extra things.
We know we love each other and it does not have to be said as much.
-- How about as a church?
Do you think the same thing happens in church?
We just get sort of tired or we get comfortable with being here.
We all know what chores that need to be done and which ones we will do.
But we don’t go to the extra effort and extra time.
We spend more time apart except for special occasions.
Can a church lose the excitement of the value of the love of Jesus Christ?
Can a church let the relationship with Jesus be taken for granted?
I have a long time church friend named Melanie. She and her husband are about the same age as Renee and me. We have children that are similar in age. In the past we did lots of family and ministry things together.
She has this desire to always be affirming of people. When she corrects her children “or me” she will start out by saying, “I love you but…”and insert her view of the problem or disagreement.
I love you Tom, but I disagree with what you said about that event.
Let me say that she is a lot better at showing agape love than I am. She makes a special effort to keep the conversation going as she encourages a change in other people’s behavior. She is a great example of Christian love in action in her daily life.
When she says I love you but….it is a sign that she cares enough to look for reconciliation and improvement.
She shows me that Christian love can be pretty expensive to maintain. That it requires attention and time to be invested.
I am afraid that there are lots of people that will use the phrase, I love you, but -when they deal with family and friends. However, they use it differently.
It is more common that people will use the statement to qualify how far their love is willing to go.
I love you but I don’t have time
I love you but I don’t have the money
I love you but I am uncomfortable
I love you but I am angry
I love you but I am afraid
I love you but you got yourself into trouble
I love you but…. is simply used as an excuse to avoid working on or responding to the needs of people in our lives.
According to Paul our love should have no limits.
Love can fix the past, and attitudes and fear and loneliness and even hurt.
Genuine love will take you past speaking in your defense and move you to being involved for the sake of showing God’s love.
I mentioned that this letter is written not to directly address individual problems; however, a church’s problems start at the individual level.
Christian love at the church level can be expensive too. Finding agreement on what we as a church should do and be is complex; because of all the different people involved.
However, according to Paul, love is the key to the success of any church. Agape Love, Christian Love is the energy that keeps a church alive. It is the power that keeps a church humble and approachable. A church that attempts to love each other and the world like God does is a place of protection and trust and hope and it will always survive.
How are we doing in our love as a church?
Are we working at growing our life to me more like God’s love for us?
Or are we just on the treadmill of getting our exercise in and moving on with the important things in our week?
You know, I always wanted to be perfect. I don’t believe that I have ever made it in any category. I seem to be able to notice a particular failure in the area of love. It is hard to grow in Christian love if I try to do it on my own. I guess I have figured out that as an individual I really am incapable of getting anywhere close to perfection.
The church is a gathering of people with different views and gifts imperfect and inadequate love. It seems like that combination would cause the church to be less effective and let our love degrade more.
But the opposite is true, as a member of a body of Christ, our church; I come a lot closer to perfection.
Involvement in the church education programs and ministry projects is a place where I am exposed to a more perfect kind of love.
The church is the place where are reminded of the full measure of love of God’s love for us.
When I look back over my history I start to notice God’s love for me, it has always been there. I can also see that there are many people that have loved me on behalf of God.
The Sunday school teachers that were there every Sunday to teach the classes and direct the plays.
The people that arranged projects and encouraged outreach.
The people that called to ask if I was ok when I missed church and sometimes just to say hello.
The cards and hugs during the good and bad times that proved the connection between me and my church family.
I will venture to guess that some of the people I knew in my church history may have been less than perfect but I really only remember their love for me.
While we may never in this life become perfect in our love…We can do better and be better and make a difference in this world because and Paul said it… Love never fails.
Folks, all around us there are special needs. There are some urgent things related to church family that I hope we will agree to address right away. There are also so many needs that are outside our church we can’t even shake a stick at. The thought is overwhelming. It will be so easy to say, Jesus I love you but…we don’t have the resources, the time the energy…We can offer all kinds of worldly excuses.
-- The point is that our success as a church and as Christians will never depend on what we can do ourselves. All we can do is try to love others the way God loves us and God will take care of the rest.
I am left with only a choice will I try with God’s help to do better or will I just say, Jesus, I love you but….
I so hope that you are ready to renew your love.
All Glory be to God!
