Christianity and Sex
1 Cor. 6:18-20, 1 Thessalonians 4:1-8, Genesis 2:24-25
Where would you expect to find the following articles? How to Maintain an Erotic Marriage; Sexual Limits: What other Women Will and Won’t Do in Bed. In the Adults Only section of the newsstand? Try Readers Digest and RedBook. Turn on the TV and it’s difficult to find the product in the commercial. Are they selling sex or cereal? Intimacy or instant coffee? Sex has become a cultural obsession but the picture of sex that our culture paints is a cheap counterfeit of God’s design. What we have done is dehumanized ourselves and taken something which was meant to be sacred, wonderful and beautiful and changed it so that it is almost unrecognizable.
And somewhere the church has lost its voice in all of this. We forgot to stand up and be heard. So this morning, we’re going to talk about God’s intention for sexual intimacy in our lives. The challenge, no matter your age, is to be Scriptural Christians because that is the ultimate guide and benchmark for our lives. What does God expect from us? What does God want from us? Somewhere along the way, we forgot that when we follow God’s ways and do His will, we find the very best in life. So often, it seems, we settle for less. But God wants the best for you. He wants a safe life for you and that doesn’t come from safe sex but rather from following God’s plan for this part of our lives and today we’re going to discover it.
Now some of us have failed in this area of our lives: singles, teenagers and even married people. But today, we need to be reminded that God’s grace is so great that it can wash even the greatest sins. Grace is sufficient for any one of you because God loves you deeply. If you’re here today and you’ve blown it in this part of your life, grace, forgiveness and a new beginning is offered for you. It’s never too late for a new beginning. Les Parrot, a Christian counselor, was invited to sit in on a discussion with a small group of men at Seattle Pacific University. All were seniors and about to graduate. A couple of them were engaged to be married that summer. One of the reasons they met was so that each could look at their wife on their wedding night and say, I saved myself for you. The group gave them a sense of accountability to keep their commitment to abstinence. But then one of them caught Les off guard when he said, “All of us had sex before, either in high school or college, so we’re kind of like neo-virgins. And then he writes, If you have sexual regrets and want to start a clean slate, you can walk beyond those regrets toward healthy relationships and guard yourself from having sex too soon.” Our scripture today says, ‘Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be white as snow.’ God’s forgiveness is available o you. Maybe you feel trapped by guilt, shame, frustration, loss of respect and distrust. You can move beyond that. Maybe you’ve experienced a devastating breakup, venereal disease, unwanted pregnancy or an abortion. You can move beyond that too. There is hope… it is possible.”
What is God’s design for desire and sexual intimacy? First, it is meant to be a physical reflection of the covenant between two people. God design our bodies to fit together perfectly. He designed our hormones, our emotions and our desires. When you marry and take those vows, you enter into a covenant to stand by each other for better or for worse for the rest of their lives. And in that context, God gives us something which is like superglue, something that will bond you together and that is the sexual union. Sex is meant to bond two people together in marriage and it was never meant to be pulled apart. I love Duck Tape. It is perhaps one of the most adhesive things in the world. If you take it, fold it over and press it together, you can’t get them apart. Nothing can tear it apart and that’s what God intended for sex and marriage.
Second, it is meant to be a shared experience of joy with one another. God made sex enjoyable for a reason: He wants both the man and women to be able to enjoy the experience, each other and bring incomparable satisfaction to one another. Third, it is meant to be a shared experience of intimacy. Sex was designed to help them experience a closer connection to each other. God created sex to be a significant part of intimate communication between a husband and wife. It is a powerful and emotional bonding experience designed to help strengthen a marriage. As one young married man said, “It allows me to communicate my love in a way that words cannot express.” Fourth, it was meant to protect a husband and wife from temptation. You are the person chosen by God to fill the sexual needs of your spouse. When the husband and wife are physically, emotionally and spiritually satisfied, they significantly less likely to look outside the marriage for fulfillment. Fifth, it is designed to create children. This is God’s grand idea and he said it is going to be great. You’re going to love it. We don’t have to be ashamed about that. This is supposed to be a blessing and to bring about the blessing of children.
The problem with any of God’s gifts is if we take it out of proper context, misuse and abuse it, it becomes something which is detrimental. A fire in a fireplace is wonderful. It is romantic. You can warm your hands, enjoy its beauty and roast marshmallows. But take the fire out of the fireplace and put it in the middle of the room and you’re going to burn your house down. Everything has its proper context and place. When it is, it’s a wonderful blessing. The problem is that our society says there’s nothing wrong with taking sex out of its proper context. And yet we know it can be devastating. Paul teaches us how to handle our sexuality and sexual intimacy. The world Paul faced in the first century does not hold a candle to what is happening today. Worship of many of the pagan gods included sex. There were cultic prostitutes and orgies were commonplace. People were encouraged to pursue pleasure at any cost. This is the world Paul is addressing. And so Paul writes to Christians who had just given their life to Christ and sworn off the ways of world and says, God has a better way. God has a plan for how you exercise this gift. This was hard for them to hear and still harder to practice. And yet they knew their first order of business in following Christ was to discover and do God’s will for their lives.
God forbids fornication. Fornication comes from the Greek word porneia which didn’t just mean two unmarried people having sex together, though it included that. It meant sexual immorality as a whole. Pornography is a good example of that today but in Paul’s day, is included: temple prostitution, sexual harassment, forced sex and many others. Paul is saying, “Keep your minds pure. Instead, be pure in heart and pure in your activities. Your body is a temple to the Holy Spirit so be careful in everything you do. Why does God forbid fornication? First, it robs your future spouse of the joy of bonding with you. You have something to give away only once and you can give that gift only to 1 person. Now many young people have sex because they believe they’re in love and this is the one they are going to marry. This is especially true of girls. A nationwide survey found that 50% of girls who had sex believed this. The boys answered differently. They had sex because they wanted to see what it is like. They didn’t have any illusions that this was the one. Two very different ideas on what is happening when you have sex as a teenager. And what they found was that this destroyed the relationship rather than made it stronger.
Second, it makes bonding later more difficult. If you take duck tape and take it off something and then try to stick it to other things, you can still use it but it’s not near as effective. In fact you can use it up to four times but by the fourth time, it doesn’t really stick anymore. In other words, it doesn’t have the capacity to bond. Every time we bond with someone, even if we think it isn’t leading anywhere, we are taking on a little bit of them onto us and us onto them. When you peel away, you don’t stick quite as well as you did before. And after awhile, it’s really hard to allow sexual intimacy to be a means of bonding at all. Third, it spreads disease. We know that. One in four sexually active teens this year will contract a sexually transmitted disease. That’s 500,000 new cases of SDT’s and more than 40 million people in our country. A sad part of violating God’s intention for sex is that it has consequences. Fourth, it creates life where life was not meant to be nurtured and supported. One in five teenage girls will become pregnant this year and that comes with consequences. Children born out of wedlock are more likely to have discipline problems, lower grades, problems with the law and engage in premarital sex themselves.
The Bible also forbids adultery. Why? First, when you go outside your marriage, it crushes your spouse. Adam Hamilton tells the story of a friend who had an affair. When his wife found out, his friend was forced to confess. At that moment, thes man’s wife just fell to the floor and sobbed and his friend could hardly stand to watch. If you want to inflict untold pain and damage to your marriage, there is no way to do it faster. Second, extramarital sex destroys trust and security. That’s what every great marriage is built on. Undermining that trust means years of hard work, counseling and pain for it ever to build back up. Third, it separates you from God. It’s a sin and sin separates us from God, distancing us from Him and His will. Fourth, it destroys your soul. Sin changes who we are. Do you want to become the person you are going to be once you step foot on that path? It can destroy you from the inside out.
If the challenge and call is to be Scriptural Christians and we’re surrounded with sexual images and temptation in society, how can we remain pure and faithful to God’s will? First, make the decision. Understand why this is wrong and that you believe it is. The time to decide about premarital sex or extramarital sex is not in the back of the car or in the hotel room. It’s now! So make the decision ahead of time. Second, when you go into a relationship, tell them up front where you stand. Don’t wait until you’re 6 months into the relationship. Let them know this is what you believe and where you stand. Better yet, make the faith journey a part of your relationship. Third, don’t put yourself in compromising situations. You know what those are. If you’re starting to form feelings for someone at work, then don’t spend time alone with them. Don’t put yourself in positions where you can’t stand strong. Fourth, carry a visible reminder of your faith and priorities. It may be a picture of your wife and kids on your dashboard, your desk or on the bedside table in your hotel room. I know one pastor who when he was growing up kept a huge Bible on his front seat because it was pretty hard to get carried away with that in the middle of them. Find visible reminders of the values and decisions you have made. Fifth, ask God for strength. Too often we try to fly alone in this thing called life. God’s power, protection and guidance are there for you, if you are intentional about accessing it. Sixth, don’t let “maybe” creep in. The moment you start to have thoughts or begin to entertain the idea, you’re already in trouble.
Seventh, if you’re married, talk and listen to your spouse. Men, women have a way of understanding what you’re going through. So talk to your spouse. Women, men know what other men want and think. Talk to your husband. Be open with each other. Understand each other and be there to support one another. Teens, group date. There’s safety in numbers. Parents, stop providing opportunities for your kids to do the things you don’t want them to do. Do you know the most frequent time for premarital sex? Between 3-5 PM when the parents aren’t home from work yet. Don’t rent hotel rooms for your kids and make sure you always positively encourage your kids to follow their faith and do the right thing.
Eighth, if you’re married, fulfill each other’s emotional and physical needs. If you don’t know what they are, then ask and they will tell them. If you haven’t gone through the suggested ideas of how to meet your spouse’s needs in the 2nd and 3rd sermon of this series, then do so this afternoon. Ninth, hang out with other Christians. That’s not a surefire way to avoid getting into trouble. Christian boys have the same struggles non-Christian boys do. But you do share a common faith and a common goal. In fact, take it a step further and make yourself accountable by giving them permission to ask you if you’ve been sexually pure and faithful.
Joyce Landorf tells the story of a man she calls George, who worked at her husband’s bank. George was recently divorced. And he was leading a lifestyle of sexual liberation. If anybody looked like the most enviable California bachelor in banking, it was George. He had a beach apartment; beautiful women coming and going; no-hassle sex night after night. Most men would think that George had it made. But one afternoon George came up to her husband’s desk and haltingly said, ‘Uh, Dick, could I talk to you about something?’ Then, he said ‘You know, Dick, I’ve really got it made. I’m free from the attachments of marriage. I’ve got this great place at the beach and I go to bed with one sexy gal after another. I come and go as I please and I do my own thing. But something is really bothering me and I can’t figure it out. Every morning as I get dressed for work I look into the mirror and I think, “What was last night’s sexy little game all about? Sure the girl was good-looking. She was good in bed and she left this morning without bugging me, but is that all there is in life?” I ask myself, “If this lifestyle is what every guy thinks he wants, why am I so depressed? Why do I feel a cold nothingness all the time?”’ George stopped, leaned closer to Dick and quietly continued, ‘I know the guys here think it would be fantastic to have this kind of liberated freedom. But honestly, Dick, I hate this life.’ George sat back and paused a few seconds and then wistfully added, ‘You know what I’d really like? I’d like to go home tonight, smell dinner cooking, hug my wife, and spend the evening telling her and showing her how much I love her. I’d like to go to bed with her and not have to prove my virility, not have to sexually perform above the call of duty, but just give her love, and go to sleep knowing she’d be there in the morning.’”
That’s what God wants for you. He wants the best for you. He understands you have struggled. He knows you fall short sometimes. But God is gracious and merciful. He loves you and will care for you and make you whole. He longs for you to be pure
