Forgiveness as a Way of Life
Matthew 18:21-35
Slide
Today we are going to be talking about a topic that I think is so needed
in our society and
in every relationship that we have.
Forgiveness.
Forgiveness is so easy to receive while other times it is so hard to give.
I think most of us believe we are forgiving people, but there are times that it is still hard.
Fireproof
We have been in a series called Fireproof, based upon some of the topics that were hit upon in the movie Fireproof.
If you haven’t seen that movie yet, I encourage you to go and see it.
Well “Fireproof” is about a couple, Caleb, who is a Fireman, and Catherine, who works in a hospital, who have been married for 7 years.
They have really grown apart over these 7 years, mostly as a result of Caleb’s selfishness.
He views pornography,
he has hampered the couple financially by taking a significant portion of his income to save for a boat,
refuses to help Catherine’s parents since her mom had a stroke and
he is verbally abusive and she has pretty much had enough.
Caleb has had enough too because he has felt totally disrespected by Catherine as well and he thinks the problem is mostly her.
He wouldn’t do the things he does if she would treat him better.
She would treat him better if he didn’t do the things he did.
Well, Caleb’s dad asks him to take a dare, a Love Dare that challenges Caleb over 40 days to love his wife in different ways. Well his heart is not in it at all until he experiences the love of Christ about half way through the movie and God begins to open his eyes and God begins to give him a love that he had never experienced before and opens his eyes to his own mistreatment of Catherine.
Finally, Caleb recognizes his need to seek the forgiveness of Catherine.
Watch this clip
Show movie clip – Forgiveness – Lights off
After clip back to first slide – Lights Scene 1
I think this movie clip is so powerful because it shows both sides of forgiveness.
It shows a person who needs forgiveness and a person who needs to forgive.
As we live this life, we are going to find ourselves in both of those spots at one point or another.
I am certain that watching this video, each of you were relating more to one person than the other.
Some of you thought, “look how genuine Caleb is in seeking forgiveness.” Oh, she should just forgive him.
But I can see someone else saying, I can totally relate to Catherine because there is just too much to forgive so easily.
Caleb was right in his apology, he had trampled her in so many ways.
Does he think by just asking for her forgiveness, that she should give it after
the countless times he has made her feel worthless by viewing pornography,
loving his money more than loving her,
expecting her to be his maid and cook and toy to do with whatever he wants.
Does he think that he can just seek forgiveness and make it all better?
I know that some out here are thinking exactly that, though the person they are thinking of has a different name and face than Caleb.
Maybe it is your husband or wife
Perhaps it is a boss or
Maybe even a son or daughter that has put you through so much.
The question becomes,
just how much do I have to forgive.
how many times do I need to forgive someone when they sin over and over again?
Well that is a good question.
Thankfully someone else asked that question of Jesus.
Turn with me if you would to Matthew 18:21-35 (p. 695)
Slide
We are going to study what He said this morning so we might see how we should respond.
We are going to take a look at this text and discuss it as we go along.
In the first part of this text we see Peter ask just the question we asked a moment ago.
Matthew 18:21
21 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"
Peter wants to know, Lord
What is the Limit of Forgiveness?
Slide
Surely there must be some such limit.
The teaching of the Jewish Rabbis of that time was that 3 times was all that you needed to forgive someone.
Peter is thinking he is generous in more than doubling it.
Peter has seen Jesus confront and challenge and rebuke the Pharisees many times over their human teaching and wisdom.
Peter has heard the sermon on the mount where Jesus expanded the views on what murder and adultery are.
Surely Peter must think he is now thinking like Jesus, expanding on current thinking and maybe even going beyond it.
“Shall I forgive even up to seven times Lord?”
Maybe we are thinking, that is not so much.
In the abstract, forgiveness is great.
But when the reality of forgiveness is upon us, it is a lot more difficult.
Imagine someone sinning against you 7 times.
Would you be thinking “that is not too many” or wondering “when enough is enough.”
Surely there comes a point when forgiveness has got to end and instead we seek justice!
Well, let’s see what our Lord’s response is to Peter.
Matthew 18:22
22 Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.
77 times?
Some of your Bibles may even say 70 times 7. 490 times?
It is just a translation issue, because Jesus is not really giving a number of times that you need to forgive.
His point is that you are not to forgive 7 times or 70 times or 70 times 7 times, but
Forgiveness should be Unlimited
Slide
Unlimited?
You mean that I am to forgive when I have been sinned against over and over and over?
That is ridiculous.
Aren’t we just enabling bad behavior then?
What in the world is Jesus thinking here?
Perhaps you are thinking, “He has never lived with my husband or wife.”
Well, he goes on to tell a story as to why we should be forgiving.
Let’s continue
Matthew 18:23-27
23 "Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. 24 As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him. 25 Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.
26 "The servant fell on his knees before him. ’Be patient with me,’ he begged, ’and I will pay back everything.’ 27 The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.
Ok, we need to stop here a minute to gain some perspective.
This man owed ten thousand talents. We read this and we probably think of a talent as a monetary unit such as a dollar, so our heads might tell us that this guy owed the king $10,000, a decent sum of money.
Well a talent is a unit of money, but it is not like the dollar, it was a weight of money.
It is really hard to convert into today’s dollars. You can come up with very different amounts using buying power, inflation, average working salaries of the day, etc.
No matter what method you use, it is a really big number.
We are going to just use the working salaries of the day to gain a little perspective into our culture of the amounts that are being talked about.
One talent is equal to 6000 denarii.
A Denarius is what a foot soldier or laborer’s salary would be for 1 day.
Depending on how many days you work, a talent could be 15 to 20 years of wages.
So just for arguments sake let’s say a common man earns $12 to $15 per hour which comes to about $25,000 to $30,000 per year for 15 to 20 years.
That is somewhere between $375K to $600K for 1 talent.
Let’s just call it $500,000 for 1 talent. Ten thousand talents would be $5 billion.
Ok, now let’s review the story with this in our minds.
The king calls to account his servants and one of his servants owes him $5 billion.
Now there is no way that this servant will ever be able to pay this back.
And that is the point of what Jesus is trying to say here.
That this servant owed such a large amount that there is no way that he could ever repay it.
The king could just get pennies on the dollar at best.
So he decides to have the man and his family thrown in prison to punish him.
At least we can see people suffer because of their wrong actions.
That always makes us feel better. Our sense of justice is soothed.
But the servant begs for mercy.
The king is a merciful king and he forgives the debt.
Wow, that is amazing. Well, let’s continue the story and see how the servant responds to this incredible mercy.
Matthew 18:28a
28 "But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii.
100 days wages – using same calculations as before, let’s call it close to $10,000 in our day and age. A significant amount from a human perspective, but nothing compared to $5,000,000,000. If you took away $10,000 from $5 billion you would have $4, 999,990,000. If you were to round that it would still be $5 billion.
And remember that it is hard to truly value these amounts.
The reality is that 10,000 talents was an unfathomable debt whereas 100 danarii in comparison was unbelievable small.
So this servant, just forgiven such a huge debt, finds someone who owes him such a small debt in comparison.
Let’s see how he treats his fellow servant in light of the forgiveness he has received.
Matthew 18:28b-30
He grabbed him and began to choke him. ’Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded.
29 "His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ’Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.’
30 "But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt.
Wow. This guy has been forgiven so much and yet is so unforgiving. We see this and are outraged at how someone could be so like this. So unforgiving in light of what has been forgiven him.
Well, others were outraged as well.
Matthew 18:31-35
31 When the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told their master everything that had happened.
32 "Then the master called the servant in. ’You wicked servant,’ he said, ’I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. 33 Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ 34 In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.
35 "This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart."
That’s right Lord.
Some of us may be thinking that wicked servant got just what he deserved.
If he is so unmerciful, then he shouldn’t be shown mercy.
But I am not sure we would have the same perspective if people thought the wicked servant were us.
“What? I am not like the wicked servant,” you protest
“I haven’t owed anyone that kind of money.”
“And I have never been forgiven that large of a thing in my life.”
Actually, if you have received Jesus as your Savior,
You have received Forgiveness without limit
Slide
Now even as we understand that this parable is not a parable about salvation and how we get it, but is instead about forgiveness and how we should respond to it,
We still need to understand that the Forgiveness we have received in salvation is so huge that we cannot just ignore it and not live our life in light of it.
You had a debt of sin that you could never pay off.
No matter how little you think you have sinned, you are in a position of having a debt that is so huge you can never pay it off.
God’s demand is for us to be holy, righteous, and perfect.
If you have sinned, you can never be perfect.
No matter how good you try to be now, you will still be imperfect from before.
No matter how much you give, you can’t make up for your sins.
No matter how long you work, you continue to rack up sin in your thought life as well as your actions. Even if you tried really hard, you get further and further in the hole.
You owe far too much to ever pay it off.
Maybe you say well I am not as much in debt as some others I know.
You may only be $2 billion in debt while someone else is $5 billion in debt, but you still
Can’t pay it.
We have 2 options.
Receive God’s mercy and Grace through Jesus Christ or
Face God’s wrath against a debt that we cannot pay.
God’s mercy and Grace are available to everyone when they trust in Jesus Christ as their Savior.
God punished and paid the debt for all of mankind when Jesus went to the cross.
Colossians 2:13-14
13 When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your sinful nature, God made you alive with Christ. He, 14 having canceled the written code, with its regulations, that was against us and that stood opposed to us; he took it away, nailing it to the cross.
God, in His justice, punished our sin by sending His perfect Son to pay for our sins.
That is why Jesus became man, to live perfectly and to die for the sins of the world.
Sin that you had no way to pay for God paid for by sending His Son to die for it.
And now, since he punished your sin, He is able to extend grace and mercy to you, when you receive Jesus Christ as your Savior.
When Paul preached in Antioch, he said this through the inspiration of the Holy Spirit in
Acts 13:38-39 – “I want you to know that through Jesus the forgiveness of sins is proclaimed to you. 39 Through him everyone who believes is justified from everything you could not be justified from by the law of Moses.
Forgiveness without limit is available to all who receive Jesus as their Savior.
Gospel
If you are here today and have never received the forgiveness for your sins by receiving God’s grace as extended through Jesus Christ, won’t you do that today?
I want to give an opportunity right now for you to turn to God and receive His mercy and forgiveness of a debt you could never pay by receiving Jesus Christ as your Savior.
When we recognize our own sins and repent of them and
when we believe in our hearts that
Jesus is the Christ, that He is really God in the flesh
He died as punishment for our sins
He rose again 3 days later proving He really is God and has forgiven our sin,
We receive God’s mercy and grace and salvation.
If you would like that forgiveness that is limitless and have never received it, Just bow your head now and express your heart to God as I lead you in prayer.
Pray.
For any of you who have received Jesus as Savior today, you truly do have something to celebrate.
Actually everyone who has received Jesus as their Savior, no matter when, we have something to celebrate and be thankful for, because we have received forgiveness of a debt that was too big for us to ever repay.
God in his mercy has forgiven that and we can live in that, truly live, every day.
And since we live in God’s awesome forgiveness without limit,
You need to Forgive others in light of the Forgiveness you have received
Slide
Back in the story of the unmerciful servant, the king says to the servant in
Matthew 18:33 - Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’
Since we have received God’s unbelievable mercy and forgiveness, shouldn’t we extend mercy and forgiveness to others who sin against us?
So often, we are just like the wicked servant in that we have a limit to how much we will forgive in spite of the limitless forgiveness we have received.
“But,” we object, “you don’t know how many times this person has hurt me.”
“You don’t know how often this person continues to sin against me.”
There has got to be a loophole, otherwise, people will walk all over us.
Believe me, I have been challenged so often with these same questions.
But as I read and studied these verses this week, I saw that I needed to 2 things:
1 Focus more on my own sin and the forgiveness I have received.
2 Focus more on God’s sovereignty and control over all things.
When I keep those things in my mind I can better enjoy the life of forgiveness that I have received from the Lord and be forgiving to other people, trusting God to met out his perfect justice as he sees fit.
He is far more capable than I would ever be of acting justly or extending grace and mercy like He extended to me.
It is at this point that we have to face a couple of issues.
First, we don’t really want grace for the person who sins against us.
We need to keep in mind here the grace and forgiveness we have received.
This requires daily vigilance.
It requires that we keep our eyes fixed upon Jesus the author and finisher of our faith.
It requires that we are remembering God’s grace and mercy toward us everyday.
This will help us to have a soft heart toward other people.
The second issue we face is
What does that forgiveness look like practically?
When we forgive, it means that we don’t hold it against them as a weapon to keep bringing up in their face.
We can forgive however and there can still be consequences.
Children hurt
For instance, if my children got hurt due to the negligence of someone I left in charge of them, I can forgive them and not bring it up to harm them or use against them, but it doesn’t mean that I leave them in charge of my kids again.
There would still be a consequence.
We still face consequences when we sin, even though we have received God’s unlimited forgiveness.
If I commit a crime, I still can have God’s forgiveness and eternal life through His Son, but I still go to jail.
Forgiveness does not equal no consequence.
Forgiveness does mean I do not hold it against you in the future of our relationship.
It means that I trust God in His sovereignty and full control over things to deal with this in the best way possible. I give over my desire to inflict justice to the one who showed me mercy and grace and forgiveness instead of Justice.
This requires that we remember all the time that God is in full control.
This helps us to live out what Paul tells us in
Romans 12:17-21
17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. 18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 19 Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord. 20 On the contrary:
"If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head."
21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
When we remember that God is in control, we can overcome evil with good.
As we are good and merciful to those who don’t deserve our forgiveness, then that leaves room for God to work in their life.
He will bring conviction upon them so they can perhaps recognize what they have been forgiven and trust the Lord for salvation and grow in their character.
Let the Lord judge that person who does not respond to the Lord’s leading.
When we leave room for God to work in others lives, He also works incredibly in our own life.
Joseph is a great example.
He had forgiveness in his heart for his brothers who sold him into slavery.
It was because of his trust in the Lord and his soft heart of forgiveness that the Lord used him and was with him even through the circumstances it would have been easy to be bitter in.
Let me remind you of his life.
He was the favorite of Jacob
His brothers did not like Him because of that.
They sold him into slavery when he was 17
Then he is sold as a slave to Potiher.
He gets falsely accused of rape and is then thrown in jail.
None of this would have happened if it weren’t for those evil brothers of his.
Joseph spends time in prison and interprets some dreams.
He thinks maybe he can get out if the cupbearer remembers to pull some strings.
He doesn’t. He would not be sitting in this jail if it wasn’t for his brothers.
Two more years go by.
He finally gets out and is able to serve pharaoh.
He is 30 years old at this point.
13 years of slavery and jail.
13 years lost because of his brothers.
But that is not Joseph’s heart or attitude.
He is one who trusts the Lord and leaves things to Him.
He knows that God is completely in control.
We see this when he does have opportunity to do justice to his brothers, listen to what he says to them.
Genesis 50:19-20 - 19 But Joseph said to them, "Don’t be afraid. Am I in the place of God? 20 You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.
When we have forgiving hearts, we leave room for God to do incredible things in our own lives.
And,
When you don’t Forgive, you Suffer
Slide
Matthew 18:34-35
34 In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.
35 "This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart."
Now, just to be clear, as I said earlier, this is not a parable about salvation.
It is about forgiveness and how we should be forgiving.
When we are not forgiving we will suffer.
How do we suffer?
We end up being tortured by bitterness that will eat your insides.
We suffer ulcers and headaches as we go over in our mind the sins committed against us.
We suffer from high blood pressure and back and neck pain as we dwell upon how to hurt the other person and see justice done.
We have difficulty sleeping as we lie awake angry in our unforgiveness.
While we still have salvation, we are tortured and put in the prison of our own unforgiving heart.
Don’t’ let that be you.
Colossians 3:13
13 Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
As we finish up, the only way to forgive as the Lord forgave us is
To receive His forgiveness through receiving Jesus Christ as you Savior and
To remember that God is in control everyday
We can only remember that when we are in the presence of God each day and as we look forward to the ultimate fulfillment of being in His presence in heaven.
As we close, let’s sing Better is One Day as we seek to remember that God He is in control by being in His presence every day.
Let’s pray and then sing.
