Love for a Lifetime
Fireproof Your Relationships: Sermon Three
Scripture: Matthew 19:3-12
A little boy asked his mother, “Marriage makes you have babies, doesn’t it, Mom?”
The mother reluctantly answered her son, “Well, not exactly. Just because you are married does not mean that you get pregnant.”
The boy pressed her, “Then how do you get pregnant?”
The mother, not at all enthusiastic to continue this discussion with her very young son, answered, “It’s kind of hard to explain.”
The boy paused and thought for a moment. Then he got real close to her, looked into her face, and with tenderness, said, “It’s okay Mom - you don’t really know how it works either, do you?”
For the last two weeks, we’ve been talking about how relationships work. Today we’re going to talk a little more specifically about the marriage relationship.
If you’re not married, I hope you will take good notes this morning, because what we’re going to learn will make a huge difference in any future marriage, should you decide to take that step of faith.
Most often, these days, wedding ceremonies include the exchange of rings. There are three aspects to those rings, that are most significant to marriage.
In the movie, Fireproof, Caleb and Catherine are starting down the road to divorce. Caleb explains to his friend, Michael that the marriage is probably over. To which Michael responds, “I’ve seen you run into a burning building to save people you don’t even know, but you’re going to let your own marriage burn to the ground.”
One time Jesus was asked about marriage, and he said: “Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” That’s the warning given by every pastor at the conclusion of every wedding. By this point, the couple is beaming. They’re about to turn and face their parents and friends, as husband and wife, for the very first time. In just a minute, the music will swell, the people will clap, they’ll descend the stairs and live… happily ever after.
It’s at that moment I’m most tempted to say, “Stop, wait! Let me tell you what’s most likely to happen from here! Because reality is, while you marry for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, there’s going to be a lot more worse, poorer, and sickness than you expected. You’ll have better, richer and health, but not all the time.”
So let’s look at our scripture passage, and the symbolism of the wedding ring and see what we can learn about FIREPROOFING our marriages.
The first thing I notice about the wedding ring is that it’s round, which means it has no end. And that’s the nature of marriage.
1. It’s ROUND. It has NO END. (vss 5,6)
The Bible says that marriage is not to have an end. The man leaves his father and mother, is joined to his wife, and they become one.
In the movie, when Caleb and Michael are talking, Michael takes the salt and pepper shakers and glues them together despite Caleb’s protests. As different as salt and pepper are, you always see them together. Caleb was going to try to break the shakers apart but Michael stopped him - he said, “Don’t do it Caleb. You pull those apart now, you’ll break either one, or both of them.”
And that’s how it is when God glues us together in the covenant of marriage. In fact, in Genesis when the Bible says, “a man will cleave to his wife” that word cleave literally means, “glued together.” When something, or someone pulls that union apart, it breaks either one or both of them. That’s why sex is reserved for the marriage relationship. Sex is the closest physically that any two human beings can be. (We’ll talk more about that on Tuesday in our Bible Study.) But you pull apart what has become one flesh and you are going to have people entering into other relationships - different relationships, broken. Every time we have a sexual encounter with someone outside God’s ordained design, we leave a piece of us - a part of our soul remains, when we break apart that oneness. And if we don’t recognize that brokenness and allow the Lord to heal it and restore it to wholeness, then our hearts will become hard.
Verse 8, Jesus tells us that divorce was allowed because of hardness of heart, but that was not God’s original intention. God never wanted us to be broken and hard-hearted.
He never intended for that which he had joined together, to be torn apart. Remember, last week we mentioned how marriage is a reflection of Christ and his church. This beautiful mystery of the joining of a man and a woman in the marriage relationship is a tender, sacred act of worship which is a reflection of Christ and his bride, the church. When we, as believers, defile that relationship, we make a mockery of Christ and his church.
You see, if Satan wants to attack the church - the bride of Christ, what’s the best way to do it. Attack the very thing that is the shadow and copy of Christ and his church - right? So what does he attack - marriages - families.
Satan blasphemes God by perverting and distorting the very thing that God has made beautiful and had designed to be a reflection of who he is - three and yet one. And we, as husband and wife, with Christ as our leader - are three in one.
And Satan does whatever he can to pervert that concept and get us to engage in encounters outside of God’s intended purpose - and it doesn’t work - and we yell at God and say, “this isn’t working!” And God says, “If you engage in MY design for sex, you will be satisfied and fulfilled. If not, you will need more and more and more, because you will never be satisfied.”
Because God designed the relationship between a husband and wife to be the most intimate act two people can engage in - right back to the Garden of Eden - where they were naked and unashamed. And Satan perverts that design so much so that now when we are naked we are loaded with guilt and shame and cover-up and that’s just what he wants us to think about God - that we have to hide from him and so we run. And the further we run from God’s intended design and purpose the more we’ll pursue false intimacy. Because it doesn’t work - and it never satisfies.
Now can I just say a word to those here today who maybe have been divorced, or you’ve had premarital sex, or sex outside of God’s intended design for a husband and wife. God is a God of taking the broken pieces - taking our broken lives and making them whole. You remember what he said to the woman at the well who had been married fives times and was living with the man she was with at the time. He restored her, and made her whole, and she became the best evangelist in that town! And God will take the brokenness of our lives and make it pure and whole and restore it so that when we enter into a new relationship, we can stay within God’s intended purpose and have the kind of relationship that he calls us to - that reflects the beauty of His image in us.
A Sunday School teacher was showing pictures to her class and asking them what Bible verse each situation reminded them of. One of the pictures shown was that of two little boys, one pulling the head of a cat and the other pulling the cat’s tail. She asked the class what verse this picture reminded them of.
One little boy had just attended a wedding and remember something the minister had read from the Bible. He raised his hand and the teacher called on him for an answer. He stood and said, “What God has joined together, let no man pull asunder.”
The second thing I notice about the wedding ring, is that because they are round, they are equally strong at all points.
2. Equally strong at ALL points.
This is where our marriages (and really - any other relationship too) most often get into trouble. We generally view our marriages as a roller coaster rather than a train ride. Both are on track, but one is filled with anxiety and insecurity, while in the other one you can go about your daily routine - eating in the dining car, sleeping in a birth - with no real big concerns or anxieties. You’re secure.
In the movie, Michael asks Caleb what the ring on his finger means. Caleb glibly says, “It means I’m married.” Michael retorts that the ring means Caleb made a lifelong covenant. He says, “The sad part about it is when most people say, ‘for better or for worse,’ they really only mean for the better.
And Caleb says, “Michael. Marriages aren’t fireproof okay, sometimes you get burned.”
Fireproof doesn’t mean that a fire will never come, but when it comes, you’ll be able to withstand it.
What fires have you had in your marriage? What fires are you having, maybe right now? May I encourage you this morning. Don’t let the fire you see coming your way, discourage you. Don’t be discouraged about the fires. Fires bring to light what we are able to conceal when things are going smoothly. Fires reveal those things that we hide - that we can get away with - when things are all going okay. Don’t let the fires discourage you.
You know, things like when you first met her and you just loved how she looked great all the time - never a hair out of place, never a wrinkle in her blouse. Oh she looked so good. Now you just see all that as compulsiveness. You can never go anywhere just on a whim because she has to get ready first. Can’t have people over unexpectedly because the house might not be just right. She’s so meticulous - it drives you crazy! Why, she even irons your underwear!
And then ladies, there’s him. When you first started going out, he was so much fun and adventuresome. He was the life of the party and you were so proud to be with him. Now you see him as impulsive - he does such outrageous things that sometimes you’re even embarrassed he’s with you!
And let’s not even talk about finances. She’s always spending money we don’t have. But he expects us to even keep track of our coffee money!!
You know, you wake up in the morning and you say, “Who switched husbands on me?” Or guys, you think, “Who is this woman - that’s not the girl I married!”
What do we do when fire exposes those things in our mates that irritate us?
That’s when we CHOOSE to love, rather than just be IN love.
See, when we’re IN love, we can be in, be out, be in, be out. But when we CHOOSE daily TO love, there is nothing that can rip that away from us.
There was a young bride trying to live up to the standards of cooking of her husband’s mother. She tried her best to cook like his mother, and he would offer his suggestions trying to encourage her, but her constant failures brought her discouragement. One morning she was just so depressed she stayed in bed all day.
Finally, toward the end of the day, she decided she’d better drag herself into the kitchen, so she got up, put some clothes on and went into the kitchen. She reached into the cupboard and pulled out a can of stew, dumped it into the pot and warmed it up for her husband’s supper. In utter defeat she dished the stew from the pot to her husband’s bowl. Her husband took one bite and praised her, “Finally! This is it. This is just like my mother used to make it!”
Sometimes, we find answers in the simplest places.
The third and final thing about the wedding band - this symbol of marriage, is that:
3. They are COSTLY. Having a good marriage will cost you something.
Marriages are a shadow and copy of Christ and his bride the church. Christ gave up his life for his bride, the church. If we want to have a good marriage - one that will last a lifetime - we need to be willing to give up our lives for the good of our spouse. Our heavenly Father gave up his Son so that we could have salvation - he sacrificed for our good. And if our marriages are going to be a reflection of Christ and his church, we will have to give up the thing we value most for the good of our spouse. Marriage costs.
There are no perfect marriages. But there are good marriages. And good marriages come from one four-letter word - not l.o.v.e. - Good marriages take w.o.r.k. Work. Any two people who are willing, can have a good marriage. I believe that with all of my heart. ANY two people who are willing can have a good marriage. But, they both have to be willing.
On a scale of one to 10, how good is your marriage?
Now, on a scale of one to 10, where would you like your marriage to be?
As you consider your answers to those two questions, ask yourself, what are some specific things I can do over the next week that would move us closer to each other - to where I would like us to be?
That’s the love dare challenge for married couples for this week. For those who are single,
Think of a relationship you would like to improve. It might be with your parents, your boyfriend or girlfriend. It might be with a co-worker, or your children, or a sister or brother, or friend. And ask yourself over this next week, what are some specific things I can do that would move us closer to where I would like our relationship to be.
God bless you.
Stand and sing, # 391 - it’s a new song to most of you I think. It’s not a difficult tune though....”Will You Let Me Be Your Servant?”
