“5”
Part 1 – You Need A Samwise
I. Introduction
Samwise Gamgee, a hobbit, is first introduced in Tolkien’s The Fellowship of the Ring. Samwise is Frodo Baggins’ gardener. Tolkien called Sam the "chief hero".
As "punishment" for eavesdropping on Gandalf’s conversation with Frodo regarding the dangers of the One Ring, Samwise was — at his own request — made Frodo’s first companion on his journey to Rivendell.
Through thick and thin, Sam refused to give up his responsibilities to Frodo; he insisted on being allowed to accompany him. He carried most of the luggage, cooked, kept watch at night whenever he could, and rationed the food so Frodo had enough for the journey.
That is where we picked up the video. Frodo is on the last legs of his physically and emotionally draining journey. He is exhausted. He is weary. He is spent. It is at that moment that Samwise steps in and shows us why every one of us needs a Samwise in our lives. We all need someone who will carry us when we can’t carry on on our own. Samwise is the perfect example of one of the 5 relationships we can’t live without. We can’t live life without a friend.
TV and movies have tried to convince us of this fact. Laurel had Hardy. Batman had Robin. And even the Lone Ranger wasn’t really alone. He had Tonto. Shows like Cheers spoke to the deep seated need that we all have to find a place where there is a group of people who knows our name.
The show “Friends” taught us in 30 minute snippets what psychologists have concluded which is that your ability to completely trust at least one person is the test of whether or not you are a psychologically healthy human being. Hollywood for all of its lack of ability to actually live out the lesson of friendship has shown us in these shows that even though relationships can be difficult at times and there are ups and downs, life is better when lived with friends.
Studies show that if you have no one in your life that you really feel understands you, you are:
• Two to three times more likely to die an early death
• Four times more likely to suffer from emotional burnout
• Five times more likely to suffer clinical depression
• Ten times more likely to be hospitalized for an emotional or mental disorder.
Simply put, having a friend is crucial to your health.
I want to tell you that there are two ways to live life. One is with friends and one is without friends. With friends is so much better.
Cicero was so convinced of this that he once said, “If when I die I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of true friends I have, I would be the wealthiest person on the planet.”
Solomon, the wisest man to ever live, understood the need for friends. That is why in Proverbs 18:24 he says this, “One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother.” (TNIV) or another version which says, “Some friends play at friendship, but a true friend sticks closer than one’s nearest kin.” (ESV) The Message Bible says it like this, “Friends come and friends go, but a true friend sticks by you like family.
Some of you have a bunch of people in your life that are just playing at friendship. They are not a Samwise that is willing to carry you!
Listen to the depth of friendship that Solomon calls us to in Ecclesiastes 4:9, 10 & 12 (New International Version)
9 Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work:
(With friends at our side we are more productive)
10 If one falls down, his friend can help him up. (He carries you)
But pity the man who falls
and has no one to help him up!
(A friend is able to carry us!)
12 Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
(A friend makes us stronger!)
We need friends. The incredibly talented, acclaimed, rich, famous baseball player, Ty Cobb realized this too late. Near the end of his life in 1961 listen to longing when he said, “If I had the chance to live my life over, I’d do things a little different . . . I’d have more friends.”
He came to the end of his life with no friends and he realized that life isn’t complete without a soul partner. That is Aristotle’s definition of friendship, “What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies.”
II. David/Jonathan
One of the worst things that can happen in life is for you to come to the place where David found himself when (after Jonathan’s death) he said, “I have no man who cares for my soul.”
Although I have used him in examples before one of the greatest stories of friendship in Scripture is the story of David and Jonathan. We know that Saul was king and that his son Jonathan was the next in line for the throne. However, due to Saul’s wickedness and sin God chooses to dethrone Saul’s family and place David on the throne in his place. Jonathan was keenly aware of this and yet, he continued to be a friend even though it would mean his own demise and downfall.
We catch a glimpse of why Jonathan not only didn’t seem to be bothered by David’s favor, but in fact helped to protect David’s life in 1Samuel 18:1. Scripture says that “Jonathan loved David as his own soul.”
David reveals the depth of their relationship when in 2 Samuel 1:26 he gets word of Jonathan’s death and says, “I am distressed for thee, my brother, Jonathan: very pleasant hast thou been unto me; they love to me was wonderful, passing the love of women.”
That sounds odd to us because most of us don’t understand or fathom that kind of deep love between two people. Our concept of friendship is so shallow and weak that we think that kind of connection is not only impossible, but weird or even odd. I want you to know that not only can you have that kind of friendship, but you need that kind of friendship.
So what made Jonathan the poster boy for “great friend”? There are many reasons but let me just name a three.
1. Loyalty - Jonathan was loyal.
2. Selfless - Jonathan gave and gave and wanted nothing in return. Jonathan sacrificed
himself for the good of his friend. He was willing to live a life of increasing decreasing.
3. Egoless - Jonathan wasn’t jealous. He preferred David over himself.
Jonathan exhibited 3 very important components of friendship.
III. Other components
There are 4 additional stories in Scripture that I believe also speak to friendship that help complete picture of a true friend.
a. A true friend will go where you go.
The story of Ruth teaches us that a true friend will go where you go.
Ruth 1:16 -17
16But Ruth said, “Don’t force me to leave you; don’t make me go home. Where you go, I go; and where you live, I’ll live. Your people are my people, your God is my god; 17where you die, I’ll die, and that’s where I’ll be buried, so help me GOD—not even death itself is going to come between us!”
Where you go they go. Your people are their people. Just by mere association with you makes them OK with them. Death itself can’t separate you.
They will travel with you when you are on the mountain or when you are in the valley. They won’t abandon you when you take a wrong turn or when you travel to the top.
Some friends can handle your struggles, but they can’t handle your success! And Vice Versa! They turn on you. Some can handle your success, they are part of your entourage when all is well. When money, acclaim, fun is flowing, but as soon as that comes to a stop they bail. But true friends stick with you. Nothing separates you.
True friends went with us, to plant this church. Some physically and some emotionally. Some questioned. Some hesitated. Some even laughed. But some were friends.
You need someone who will go with you!
b. A true friend will resource you.
It is the truth that Jonathan and David understood. In I Samuel 18:3, 3Jonathan, out of his deep love for David, made a covenant with him. 4He formalized it with solemn gifts: his own royal robe and weapons—armor, sword, bow, and belt.” Jonathan and David were committed to resourcing each other. What is mine is yours. What is yours is mine. We understand this marriage, but have we come to the place that we understand this with a friend? Or do we hold back?
Isn’t that the crux of the story of the Good Samaritan? I will use my oil, my wine, my mode of transportation, my money to make sure that you are taken care of, nursed back to health, restored and have the possibility of living a good life! I resource you for life! During trouble and after trouble. Your health at my expense.
Who do you have in your life who will expend emotionally and even financially if needed for you to have health?
Thunderpants Video Clip (available at www.wingclips.com)
c. A true friend will love you when you stink.
Mark 16 shows that Jesus was this kind of friend. Remember one of his closet three has done the unthinkable. At the moment Jesus needed friendship the most, Peter denies he ever even knew him. Three and ½ years of friendship cast away like it was nothing. Back turned, self centered, betrayed by one of the closest. Jesus was still a true friend. Hear the kicker in Mark 16:7. We join the story as the women have gone to anoint Jesus’ body after death.
5And entering into the tomb, they saw a young man sitting on the right side, arrayed in a white robe; and they were amazed. 6And he saith unto them, Be not amazed: ye seek Jesus, the Nazarene, who hath been crucified: he is risen; he is not here: behold, the place where they laid him! 7But go, tell his disciples and Peter, He goeth before you into Galilee: there shall ye see him, as he said unto you.
And Peter! Singled out. Remembered when he should have been forgotten. Included when he should have been excluded. Special mention when he shouldn’t even have been a footnote.
Jesus teaches us that friendship can’t be based on whether I am perfect, whether I always do everything right, whether I am always good.
No I need someone in my life who will love me even when I am wrong. Who will believe in me even when I fail and when everybody else thinks I stink. A true friend accepts me and loves in spite of my mess!
A friend is one who knows you as you are understands where you’ve been accepts who you’ve become and still, gently invites you to grow. They call us beyond our stink.
d. A true friend will die for you – not just physically.
Jesus himself said that the greatest example of friendship is when a person will lay down their life for someone else (John 15:13)
Lay your life down. That means when I am too busy to go, I still go. That means when I am tired, I still have the energy to listen and talk. That means when my life is crazy I still take time to deal with your craziness. Another version says put your life on the line for your friend. My life stops for you! My calendar ceases to matter when you are at stake.
A friend is a Moses who will say, “If you going to kill them you have to kill me too!” It is companions like Jossheb-Basshebeth, Eleazar, and Shammah who just because David had a crazy craving for water from the Philistine inhabited Bethlehem penetrated the inpenetrable city and brought David a drink. Listen to David’s response. He said, “This isn’t mere water, it’s their life-blood—they risked their very lives to bring it!” They laid their life down for their friend!
Who goes into enemy territory for you? Who risks their life for you? Who can you call at any hour? Who makes room in their life when there is no room to spare? Who takes a chance for you?
IV. Levels of Relationships
One man has said that a Jonathan may be the scarcest species on planet Earth.
Why? Why is a friend so scarce? Why is a true friend so hard to find and so hard to be? Most people are not willing to go deeper into intimacy.
4 Stages or Levels of Relationships
a. Façade
Small talk, public appearance – some people never get past this and therefore they never develop deep relationships.
b. Acquaintance
This is where you share some of your private sentiments and opinions. Small amount of risk.
c. Friendship
To get to this level we must willingly become vulnerable emotionally. We share all types of feelings, but withhold the deep ones.
d. Intimacy
This is where we expose our dark side. We become willing to talk about painful memories, wounds, and reflections that make us who we are. The problem is that some of these things can cause us to feel shame. We share our dreams and life’s goals.
Where are your relationships? Is there one or two who you have gone to the deepest level with? You don’t want to find yourself in David’s condition.
It will cost you time, energy, listening, getting and keeping confidence, vulnerability, honesty, transparency, risks, and a thick skin.
My challenge to you is to find a friend and become a friend. More than just surface -relationship. Go Deep. More than just hanging out. Invest your life. Living life as one soul in two bodies.
If you have that person you need to contact them this week and love on them and let them know how thankful you are to have such a scarce treasure!
You have to have a friend in your 5!
V. Close
That is what being the body of Christ is all about. Being friends. By the way, that is why our PODS are so important! We have to learn to do life together.
But I also want to tell you that there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother. This friend will stick even closer than blood relatives or church friends. His name is Jesus. He was loyal. He selfless. He was egoless. He came to where we are. He has resourced us! His righteousness and power for our weakness. He loves us in spite of our stink! It doesn’t matter how bad you have messed up and how many mistakes you have made His love endures. He has laid down his life for us. You need him as your friend.
