Introduction: Should small groups be that hard? Should they be that scary? Today officially kicks off the sign-ups for our fall small group semester – and for the next month in every e-mail, in every message, in every gathering we have I will be talking about this great small group experience that is getting ready to kick off the first week of October. Let me tell you about what we are planning for this semester, because I am so excited about it, I can hardly stand it. It is a series that was originally developed by our friends at the Journey Church in NYC and one that we are adapting for us here at Believers and it is called The New Testament Challenge.
How many of you have read the entire New Testament from Matthew 1:1 to Revelation 22:21? Well, I’m praying and preparing for this series, where for 63 days our entire church will read the entire New Testament – our Sunday mornings will consist of developing the major themes of the New Testament and our Small groups will consist of discussing the daily readings that take us through the New Testament. The Bible says “faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God.” (Romans 10:17 NKJV) And so I expect that your faith and the faith of this church will dramatically increase during this life-changing series. Perhaps you know some people who would benefit from being here for that series, well, in the next few weeks we will give you some tools that will make inviting your friends, family, neighbors and co-workers easy and fun – and if they come – their faith will also increase – maybe they will come to a saving faith in who Jesus is! It’s going to be really exciting! The small groups are going to be fun and they are going to be life-changing!
But, maybe you are a little worried about the small group part of this whole thing. Maybe you’re thinking that you don’t need a small group to fully participate in this series. Maybe you attended a small group once and it went something like one of those experiences that we saw in the drama. Or, maybe you’re thinking, I am not going to some group and spill my guts out and get vulnerable and share my feelings. You’re just nervous about this whole small group thing.
It wouldn’t surprise me that if you felt that way – we live in a culture where connecting with others has become increasingly unnatural and abnormal. It’s strange though when you think about it – and it certainly hasn’t always been this way – we have begun to progress towards this disconnectedness and isolationism.
Have you ever driven in the Deep South or even out in rural parts around here and you see all the chairs sitting out on the front porch? I used to always wonder why people would sit around on their front porches like that – it didn’t make any sense to me. Do you know why? There was no AC in the house – so on hot summer nights the coolest place that a person could be was out on the front porch of their house. The neighbors didn’t have AC either – it was too hot in their house too, so they would also come out on the front porch of their house – and the two families would connect – they would get to know each other.
That kind of thing just doesn’t happen anymore! In fact, most houses built today don’t even have porches where people can gather around the front of the house. Think about it, the architectural design of homes today reflects the culture of isolation that we’ve become. Homes have a front stoop – but no real porch – instead they have a back porch area. One of the latest crazes in home improvement is the outdoor living space in the back yard. They put in all of those pavers, and you have the grill, you can even have a refrigerator and running water out in the back yard. Now, there’s a big difference between the front porch and the back porch – you know what it is? Privacy! That’s something that we really value today. In fact, most houses have the back yard fenced in with what? A privacy fence! So, we can do all of this back yard stuff ALONE!
I was reading a book last week that touched on this trend towards isolating by Craig Groeschel and he mentioned another factor in isolating and it is the electric garage door opener. Think about it, now we pull into our driveways and we never have to get out of our car, we can just pull right into our garages and into the seclusion and sanctuary of our homes without ever having to talk to our neighbors! We cut ourselves off from community. In the book Craig said he mentioned to his kids that when he was young, people actually had to get out of their cars to open the garage door and his kids stared at him in disbelief! This culture of isolation is significant.
It’s ironic to me that the more technologically advanced we become – the more disconnected we become. Most of our technology is sold to us telling us how it will make the important things in our life easier or make the harder things in life go quicker so that we will have the time for the things that matter most – but in reality – I see lots of our technology creating further rifts in relationships.
Let me give you some examples, I already mentioned the garage door opener – it keeps us isolated from our neighbors. But then there are other so called advances in communication. But each advance in communication seems to be increasingly impersonal and disconnected. E-mail is becoming passé, and e-mail is impersonal enough, we say things in an e-mail that we would never say face-to face!
Then we had IMs, and now there are the facebooks and the myspace areas – which give a semblance of connecting in this cyber-world, but in reality it’s not much more than just an area where you can post comments – it’s extremely impersonal. So, today, people are doing more things to connect – but the connections are increasingly superficial – and what’s more, they don’t meet the deepest needs that we have. See, we were created to live in community, we were created to need each other, we were created to desire friendships!
In Genesis 2:18 God made a pronouncement that “It is not good for the man to be alone.” While it is true that that verse is referring more to the man needing a wife – it is also true that in general being alone is not a good thing. We have a word to describe those who are alone – it is the word “lonely.” Loneliness is not part of God’s design for the human race. He created us to be together and to need each other!
Not only were we created to be in community, it is just plain a good idea! Solomon said this in Ecclesiastes 4: “Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.” Ecclesiastes 4:9-12.
That verse reminds me of the words of Jesus when he said “For where two or three gather together in my name I am there among them.” (Matthew 18:20). It’s interesting, because God is with you even when you are alone – but there is apparently more of God’s presence and power available when His followers gather together!
According to Paul – this form of community and camaraderie was God’s very plan for the church. Look at what Paul said in Ephesians 2:19-21, “You are citizens along with all of God’s holy people. You are members of God’s family. Together, we are his house, built on the foundation of the apostles and the prophets. And the cornerstone is Christ Jesus himself. We are carefully joined together in him, becoming a holy temple for the Lord.”
See, part of God’s plan for the church was that those who worship together would form this authentic community with one another – that we would become physically what is already true of all of those who belong to Jesus spiritually, and that is become family with one another. When you’re family, you are in each others stuff, both the good and the bad. You irritate each other a little but you wouldn’t dream of not having them around. My brother John, my older brother, used to beat the tar out of me – he would torture me mercilessly – but at the same time, he wouldn’t stand for other people mocking me – unless he was with those other people, but that’s a story I only share with my therapist! That’s what a family is!
There’s an obvious dilemma though, right? Much of what we do on Sunday mornings is not conducive to this community building. What we do on Sundays is important – corporate worship is an important time, gathering for instruction from God’s word is an important part of the Jesus-following experience – but it isn’t the same as building community. So, how do we solve this?
The early church saw this happen as well and here’s how they dealt with the challenge. In Acts 2:44-47 we read this, “All the believers…worshiped together at the Temple each day, met in homes for the Lord’s Supper, and shared their meals with great joy and generosity—all the while praising God and enjoying the goodwill of all the people. And each day the Lord added to their fellowship those who were being saved.”
See, they knew that it wouldn’t all happen at the Temple, in their large group meeting, the equivalent of our Sunday morning; so they also had a plan of meeting together in their homes. Notice how in the smaller settings there was the Lord’s Supper, there was joy and generosity – there was community happening! They shared meals together!
Have you heard of the book entitled “Refrigerator Rights?” In it Will Miller notes that few people have refrigerator rights with others. You know what they are? They are the people that can come into your house, and without asking permission can open up your refrigerator and help themselves to a drink or make themselves a sandwich without asking your permission. How many of those people do you have in your life? You ought to have some of those people in your life. These people in the early church – they had refrigerator rights with each other – and you know what happened? Their influence as a community greatly increased – and God added to their number every single day! Not just when they met in the big group – but every day.
People wanted to be a part of a community like that. Why? Because people crave that kind of relationship, they crave that kind of community! It is still true today! When everyone at Believers gets involved in this kind of community – the Lord will supernaturally bless us – He will add to us daily because people will see the type of community that He is shaping us into and they will want to be a part of that type of community!
Not only do we desire this type of community but it is hard wired into us. It is scientifically proven to make a difference in our outlook on life and happiness! Recent Gallop research shows that close friendships at work boost employee satisfaction by almost 50%! The research shows that those who have a best friend at work are 7 times more likely to be emotionally engaged on the job. Tom Rath, global practice leader at Gallop says this of the research, “People with friends at work are 96% more likely to be extremely satisfied with their life.” Not just their job, but their life! And the reality is, happy people are better to be around, they will have more impact on those around them.
Translate that to the church – if you have friends where you worship you will be more likely to be extremely satisfied with your church and I think even with the Lord, because the church is the expression of God himself here on this earth. So you can see, this is a really big deal, friends at church.
So, let me tell you how and why we do small groups at Believers – because I don’t think anyone in this room today doubts the need to be connected with others in genuine community – we all have a desire to connect with others, as we’ve seen, it’s biblical and it has been hard wired in us by our creator! Yet, we still have reservations, because of fears like we saw in that drama.
We do small groups a little differently than most churches do, but we have a method to our madness. Let me address some of the fears that we discovered that people have about small groups and then show you how we have addressed them with the structure of our small groups.
Fear #1 – people are afraid of an open-ended commitment.
See, in years past, I would preach a message like this and everyone who heard it, whether in the room, on CD or on the internet would say, “Yes, I need community! I need a friend, I need a small group of people around me!” But when it came time to sign up for a small group, fear would trump that feeling that they had. We used to have small groups that just met – and when you joined a small group, that was going to be your small group until you died or until the Lord comes back! We realized that that was intimidating to people – and a lot of people who wanted to be in a small group, wouldn’t join one because of this fear. So, our small groups are time-bound, meaning they have a clear beginning and a clear ending. Our small groups start the first full week of October and end the second week of December. When the group is over – it’s over. You might be afraid of a long-term commitment, but you can make a 10 or 12 week commitment, can’t you?
Fear #2 – people are afraid to walk into the middle of something.
See, people want to be in a small group but it can be pretty intimidating to walk into a group that is already in the middle of a study or in a group where everyone is already connected relationally and they’ll feel like outsiders. So, our small groups function on a semester schedule. This is similar to the last thing I mentioned except now I’m referring more to the idea of the topic being studied and the people who are in the group.
At Believers we follow the regular rhythm of life – right now we are in the back to school push and so we schedule our small groups to follow that – we have our fall semester, in February we have our spring semester and then in June we offer summer school, our summer semester. With each semester everything starts over. So, our fall semester everyone is studying the same thing – in the spring semester every group leader chooses what topic they want to lead. The topic starts and the beginning of the semester and it ends at the end of the semester. So, you never have to worry that you will walk into a middle of a study that is already underway.
As far as walking into a group that is already relationally connected – let me share a few words on this. At the moment, all of our groups are empty. So, when you sign up for a group today – you will be among the very first people to sign up for a group this semester. When you show up for the first night of the small group, you won’t be in the middle of anything – you will be at the beginning of everything!
I’ve led a small group every semester for the last 2 or 3 years, that means I’ve led 6 or 9 different groups. I used to always say that I’m such a bad small group leader that no one ever signed up for my small group more than once, but I’ve started getting some repeats, but I will say this – I thoroughly enjoy having different people in my small group each semester. I like having repeats too, but I am much richer having had the opportunity to meet so many different people in my small groups. There are still a lot of people that try to get into the same small group every semester – and I want to tell you – you are the one who is missing out! Expand your horizons, get into a different group, meet some new people!
Here’s another fear that people don’t often mention, but I know it’s real – it’s the big unspoken fear and that is:
Fear #3 – people are afraid that their group will be full of weird people.
Okay, I have to be honest, this is a legitimate fear – because whatever group you join there will be weird people because you will be there! But, like I said, we don’t just have a clear beginning with our small groups – we also have a clear ending! When you get into a small group – and you find that they are all weird – you aren’t stuck, because the semester ends in the middle of December! If you can’t stand it – you can either change groups mid-stream or you can wait until the spring semester and just change groups then.
Now, let me go over your small groups catalog a little bit. I want you to know that we are a church of small groups – not with small groups. What do I mean by that? This is what we do as a church. If you want to get involved in a group of people studying the Bible together or praying together, this is how you do it here. We don’t have Sunday school and a college and career ministry and a men’s ministry and all of these other things. There is nothing wrong with any of those things but we have chosen to funnel all ministries through our small groups.
There is nothing wrong with Sunday school except that for our church it is terribly impractical. We can’t build enough education space to house our small groups, our small groups are only limited by the number of homes of our members; virtually unlimited. This is a strategic move for us! If small groups aren’t for you, then maybe Believers isn’t the right church for you. There are lots of churches out there that choose different venues for discipleship – we have them too. BU and small groups. That’s it!
I understand that there are some who can’t be in a small group for a season – they’re too busy, or their kid situation prohibits it or whatever and they need to take a break for a semester or two or even three. I get that. But, if you just have decided that small groups aren’t for you then let me know that – I’ll help you find a church that would be a better fit for you. Because Believers is a church of small groups, it’s what we do.
Let me give you some examples –When I was approached about starting “Now What” as a ministry to those in the age group of 18-30 – I didn’t have to think twice. Let’s do it and let’s do it through our small groups.
Men’s ministry, how do we get it going? We have men’s groups – mine on Wednesday morning and Whitley/Johnson on Sunday night. Same with women’s ministry, we have a great women’s ministry, but let’s face it, small groups give the women an identity – we know who to call on when there is a men’s or women’s outing, we contact the small group leaders of those groups. Terribly practical. So, we have two groups for women, Sunday night in the Whitley/Rutherford group and Saturday morning with Rita Koch.
So, why do I say small groups are overrated? That is the title of the message today. The reason is this – as important and practical and biblical as small groups are – they are sometimes over-sold. Let me just say it – you may not find your best friend, your soul mate in a small group at Believers. But I can promise you this – you will meet people, you will get to know people that you don’t know today – you will have the opportunity to make friends. Think of it this way – you will be given the chance to make some buddies – buddies turn into life-long friends. You may not find the best friend you have ever had in your small group – but the chances of you finding a best friend by not being in a small group is almost nil, because it’s not going to happen sitting in this room on Sunday mornings. So, in that sense, small groups are a little overrated, but they are way better than not having them!
Here’s another area where I think small groups are a bit over-sold or overrated. When you join a small group you won’t immediately turn into a saint. Won’t happen. But, it will give you the opportunity for spiritual growth that is dramatically more accelerated than trying to grow spiritually on your own. You’ll have to take risks, you’ll have to do your reading, you’ll have to invite Jesus to be a part of the process, you’ll have to reach out to others in your small group – if you do all of that you will grow spiritually. So, don’t believe me when I say that you can’t grow spiritually without a small group – but it is true that you won’t grow as quickly or as surely without one!
So, how can you respond to the message today?
1. Sign up for a small group (online or on the communication card)
2. Sign up to host a small group (talk about what is involved in hosting and highlight which nights we need hosts for) (We need two for Tuesday and one for Wednesday)
3. Invite someone you know to come to this series and be a part of a small group.
4. If you are one of the 30 or so small group leaders or assistants, actively invite people to be a part of your small group, personal invitation is still the best way.
5. Make a commitment to be a part of this series and invite others to be a part of this New Testament Challenge with you!
