“Motivated Marriages”
1 Corinthians 13
A funeral service was being held for a woman who had just passed away. At the end of the service the pall bearers were carrying the casket out of the chapel when they accidently hit the wall and it jarred the casket pretty hard. Then all of the sudden there was a faint groan coming from the casket. So the casket was opened and they found the woman was still alive. She lived for another 10 years, then dies. A ceremony was held again for her at the same chapel and at the end of the funeral the same pall bearers carry her out again and as they are walking the husband yells, “Watch out for the wall!”
Do American marriages really believe that love never fails? Is this verse out of the realm of reality in America? If American marriages end in divorce, does that mean that “love does fail”? How would you answer these 3 questions?
“Fail” = to fall off, drop away, lose
This is an interesting word because in classical Greek it is used to describe something that has fallen out of place. It also was used as a nautical expression for a shipwreck or a sailor falling overboard.
Doesn’t that explain 50% of marriages in America? Marriages fail love – love never fails marriages! When the husband has fallen out of his biblical role in marriage – love is thrown overboard in the darkest ocean, when the wife has fallen out of her biblical role in marriage – love is lost in the deepest ocean.
Sometimes a marriage needs a reality check! In every relationship there are 6 phases:
1. Infatuation.
Most begin here! When there is an increased heart rate, decrees in appetite, a felt excitement and a tendency to see only the good in the other person! You even doubt that you are worthy of such a “babe” or “hunk”!
Just to think about the other person is an emotional drain!
2. Intimidation.
Knees knock, you’re afraid to ask the other person out on a date or when asked out you say, “No” because your so nervous! Jill said “no” to me the first time I asked her out!
3. Jubilation.
The first year of marriage! Cloud 9 for 12 months! Even when everything goes wrong! Or the almost burns down – no big deal!
4. Realization.
Reality hits big! Both see the other person’s faults and weaknesses MAGNIFIED! Where there used to be a rapid heart beat – there’s barely a pulse! Women say “My knight in shining armor has rusted!” Men say, “The girl of my dreams has become a nightmare!
Folks, at this stage are where 1 out of 2 marriages begin to fail love! Marriages have a huge responsibility to get through this stage – or it’s a death certificate that will be written up!
5. Re-evaluation.
Adjustments have to be made or love is thrown overboard and lost to the deepest and darkest ocean - where not even Jauq Qustow can even find a single remnant of love.
It’s a period where commitment is dossal and compromise is dominant! A deep feeling of disconnect is overwhelming!
Men and women, it’s at this stage in marriage that this LifePoint is so real: Most relationships are affected by their past.
The influences from our past create memories, feelings and behaviors within us that contaminate the relationship and damage the marriage.
Strongholds, addictions and attitudes grip the marriage with guilt and grief and sometimes the pain is so strong that the only thing left is to run from the marriage and life!
Psalm 90: 8 “You spread out our sins before You – our secret sins, and you see them.” NLT
Psalm 44:21 “…For He knows the secrets of every heart.” NLT
Key areas to watch: distrust, insecurities, inadequacies, fears and judgmental and critical spirits!
This is where our next point comes alive for a distracted and damaged marriage…
6. Motivation.
How do we get from “Fruit of the Loom” back to “Victoria Secret?”
From “I feel suffocated” back to “You take my breath away!”
From “jumpstart” back to “turbocharged!”
From “living in a dorm” back to “living in a dream again!”
Sidney Greenberg writes, “More and more people are too impatient to make the adjustments that marriage inevitably entails. They cannot wait to learn the tolerance that marriage always demands. They don’t have time to achieve the understanding that never comes quickly. They have not been taught that while love may come suddenly, happiness is a distant goal to which there is no shortcut.”
And are we a nation that demands shortcut! Microwave the problems away!
Philippians 3:13 “…I am focusing all my energies on one thing: forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead.” NLT
FACT: Men are motivated and empowered when they feel needed. Women are motivated and empowered when they feel cherished.
When this basic principle is neglected, it’s like a slow death for a marriage!
7 Methods To Motivate Marriage
a. Never work on changing or exchanging a spouse. Instead realize,
“If something is wrong, it’s up to me to change my response and my attitude.”
Why is it so hard for men and women to change? Because we always want the other to change first! The reason we want to change the other person is because we’re looking for the perfect person! That premise is that there is a perfect man or woman out there somewhere – sorry to burst your bubble, but the only perfect person I know that walked on this planet - never got married! Listen men and women, while the perfect person doesn’t exist, God has given you a spouse to provide a perfect fit in your life! Mold and make your spouse to bring glory to God!
b. Believe that even small behavior changes can lead to major improvements in marriage.
This will not create unity but it will create harmony!
c. Practice agape love no matter how difficult the decision or what the circumstances are at the moment.
Why is it that love never fails? Remember, this quality of this love is the highest that can be given to any human being! Because of its essential nature – who is God!
1John 4:7, 8 “Let us love one another, for love is of God…for God is love.”
LifePoint: If our marriages are connected to the nature of God, then our marriages can be nurtured by the love of God.
What is the highest result when a marriage loves? Ephesians 5:21 “Submitting to one another in the fear of the Lord.”
When we submit to our spouse we are giving away God’s love to our spouse and this love has the deepest reservoir to draw from. So no matter what, this love is the source of stability during the highest stress and conflict.
Think about the purpose of agape love:
• It exists to die – that’s sacrifice.
• It empties itself – that’s service.
• It encourages others – that’s sensitivity.
d. Finds the courage to move beyond the largest obstacles we face in life.
Someone said, “When you get married your troubles double.”
When the job is gone, family tensions, money matters or death – do you and your spouse get hung up and hang out around the problem? Or do you find the courage to overcome and conquer together!
Remember – that men and women react differently to life’s struggles and obstacles. Women you think we men don’t care but we are running the numbers in our head while you women are running the numbers through your heart! Be patient with us guys, we’ll catch up!
I was thinking the other day, what if men got pregnant?
• Children would be kept in the hospital until toilet trained.
• There would be a cure for stretch marks.
• Morning sickness would be ranked as the #1 health problem.
• They’d stay in bed for the entire pregnancy.
• Women would rule the world!
e. Accept the reality of the past and live together beyond the blame game.
So many times in marriage we have 40 year olds acting like 14 year olds! STOP IT!!
f. Learn to communicate in the most healthy and helpful ways possible.
1 Peter 3:7 “Husbands, dwell with them with understanding…that your prayers may not be hindered.”
Men, you heard it here – if you fail at heart level communication with God, you will be stale at heart level communication with your Girl!
Men your wife may love to talk, but you must lead at communication! If we can’t even talk with our wives, do we really think we can talk to God?
Women are so more developed than us! I’ve seen two women talk to each other without even saying a word! Facial expressions!
It’s on your shoulders and don’t communicate to fix her problems – empathize with her!! Hey learn to cheat – look at her and throw in a “She didn’t do that!” or “You’ve got to be kidding!” or “that’s horrible!”
Men, we have to master communication or we are dead! The 5 toughest questions your wife will ask you: (men this is worth…)
• “Honey cakes, what are you think?” The best answer is: “I’m sorry if I’ve been pensive, I was just meditating on how warm, considerate, intelligent, caring and beautiful a person you are!”
The wrong answer: “I was thinking how much prettier she is than you!” “If you really want to know, you’d be the last person I’d tell.”
• “Honey sugar, do you love me?” The best answer is: “Yes!” But men, if you really want to go into detail say, “Yes, sugar plum!”
The wrong answer: “That depends on what you mean by “Love”
“Would it make you feel better if I said, yes?”
• “Honey bear, do I look fat?” The best answer is: “Of course not cup cake!” The wrong answer: “Could you repeat the question?” “I’ve seen fatter” “Compared to what?”
• “Honey cup, do you think she’s prettier than me?” The best answer: “Bertha, there’s no one that compares to your looks?”
The wrong answer is: “Could you repeat the question?”
“Only in the sense that she’s younger and thinner!”
“But you have a better personality!”
• “Honey comb, would you remarry if I died?” The best answer is: “Dearest love, in the event of your untimely demise, life would cease to have meaning and I would be forced to hurl myself under the first Wal-Mart truck I saw!”
For one couple it went like this: She said, “Dear what would you do if I died?” The husband said, “I would be at my wits end and very upset!” His wife said, “Would you remarry?” Her husband said, “No, of course not!” Then she said, “Don’t you like being married?” He said, “Of course I do” So she said, “Then why wouldn’t you get remarried?” He said, “Alright, I’d remarry!” She came back, “Would you sleep with her in our bed?” After a long pause he said, “Well, yes I suppose I would.” She said, “I see, and would you let her wear my clothes?” He said, “I suppose I would if she wanted to. She said, “Really, and would you replace my picture with her picture?” He responded, “I think I probably would, that would be the right thing to do!” Then his wife jumps to her feet and said angrily, “And I suppose you would let her play with my golf clubs too!” To that he said, “Of course not dear, she’s left handed!”
g. Confess today that there is great hope for my marriage.
I feel so sorry for the couple that refuses to place their hope in God!
I feel so helpless when they come to me and refuse to trust God for the answers in their mess.
Job 8:13 “Such is the fate of all who forget God – the hope of the godless comes to nothing! Everything they count on will collapse. They are leaning on a spider’s web.” NLT
Proverbs 13:12 “Hope deferred makes the heart sick…”
Psalm 39:7 “Lord, where do I put my hope? My hope is in You!”
I love the illustration from the Royal Palace in Iran. It has one of the most beautiful mosaics in the world. The ceiling and walls flash like diamonds in its brilliant sparkle from every direction!
Then the palace was designed the architect ordered huge glass plates for each wall. When the first sheet of glass arrived from Paris, it was dropped on the marble floor and it shattered in 1000’s of pieces. At that moment the workers threw all the broken pieces into the trash, but the architect collected all the pieces and then smashed them into even small pieces and glued each of them to the walls of this palace and created a mosaic of shinning bits of glass.
As a believer in Christ, just like these mirrors, you can’t be broken beyond God’s creative ability to restore. There is nothing in our lives where the damage is too far gone - with God cannot
If human hands can create something breathtaking, how much more can God do?
It is possible to get better from brokenness; it is possible to become beautiful from brokenness – how about the most famous museums in the world – they are filled with precious pieces of art – that are broken!
