7UP:
Read ‘Em and Weep
John 11:33-35
September 21, 2008
This week we are going to address the emotional area of our lives that we need to give over to God. Of the seven areas that we are to give up to God (7UP to God), these is probably one of the most desperately needed areas for people. It is the one often ignored. The corresponding deadly sin is an easy one: wrath. When we give up to God all of our emotions, our entire emotional health, our emotional maturity, then we find the strength and help that we need to respond to people in appropriate ways. Obviously, then this has a great effect upon the social arena of our lives as well.
Speaking of emotions especially those intense emotions such wrath and weeping I saw this story.
An elderly lady came upon street evangelist who was trying to get the attention of passersby. He urged those near him to flee from the wrath to come.
"I warn you," he roared, "that there will be weeping, and wailing, and gnashing of teeth!"
She replied snidely: "I have no teeth!"
"Lady," the evangelist retorted, "teeth will be provided!"
This morning I am going to focus on Jesus and the shortest verse in the bible: Jesus wept. So as we follow Jesus here, we will see how Jesus is an emotional healthy and mature being who is aware of his feelings, why he is feeling this way, as well as the feelings of others. So let’s look at these words found in John 11:33-35 and let’s read ‘em and weep. Here Jesus has just arrived to heal a good friend and brother to Mary and Martha named Lazarus but Lazarus has died and everyone believes that Jesus has arrived too late.
When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. "Where have you laid him?" he asked.
"Come and see, Lord," they replied.
Jesus wept.
Our emotional healthy is a tough thing for many people. Culture teaches people to remain emotionally as children. Turn on afternoon TV and you will see those “talk shows” that celebrate how I got back at my ex without him knowing it. Classic passive-aggressive behavior.
Churches have neglected this issue for decades assuming that if one reads their bible, says a few prayers, and goes to church three times a week, then that person is spiritually mature. It was assumed that spiritually mature people have arrived at a pinnacle of development and they would automatically be emotionally mature as well.
But this would be WRONG! Incorrect. And you get no credit for you’re the answer. NADA. Nothing. What was assumed to be a fact, is in reality a big problem.
When I was in seminary I had a question on one of the exams in Dr. Stafford’s class that was something like: according to Webber what are the five areas of responsible worship. I could picture this section in my mind. It was on the second page of chapter eight. I knew exactly where it was but I couldn’t remember what the specifics where. So I put down exactly where it was in the book and I was absolutely right. But of course, my answer was absolutely wrong and I received no points for that question.
The failure to address emotional health and emotional maturity has led to much pain and anguish. People blast other people and even humiliate them claiming that they are just telling the truth (I guess the spiritual truth). We take everything personally including the last five sermons that were obviously preached at me! Sometimes this happens does happen because the pastor is emotionally immature and takes his or her frustrations out in the pulpit. Others argue and debate in order to convince people how right they are and how wrong everyone else is. All marks of emotional immaturity.
Jesus gives us a great example to follow when it comes to out emotions. Now we could spend a lot of time here and we might actually come back to this and look at these issues more closely in the future but today is just an introduction.
Emotional Maturity
There are a lot of things that we could do here but I am going to keep things simple and the focus narrow. Again, the small group’s input was immensely helpful and I believe that God is speaking through them just as much as me. If God is going to have control of this area of our lives just as Jesus lived, then these need to happen. We need to:
• Look beneath the surface
The symbol for this area is water, which is so rich and has so many nuances. For example often what is projected outwardly is often only a small part of what is happening in us emotionally. Like a pond, we need to look beneath the surface. Beneath the surface is a whole world that is so unlike what is above.
Do you know what you are feeling? Can you identify why you are feeling the way you are? This is so huge and complicated that it often takes years of intentional effort to figure these things out. And the more messed up we are, the longer and harder and more painful it can be.
Another example is an iceberg. Often our emotional are like an iceberg. 80% or so of an iceberg’s mass lies beneath the water. It is what you don’t see that often is the most dangerous. This is why people often explode. This why people surprise us the way they do. They keep things hidden away from others, from themselves, and from God.
I worked with a guy that was the nicest guy 95% of the time. But every three or four months he would come in and just blast someone—several times it was me. He would literally explode and gush frustration and anger often over a perceived flaw or wrong. Of course, you couldn’t explain or converse with him when he was like this. Usually he would come in the next day and apologize. What was beneath the surface was what was dangerous. Later, I found out how difficult his home life was and bad his marriage had been for years, which reinforced my ability not to take it personally. All this emotional baggage would build up and eventually he would blow up and spew all this emotional garbage all over the people around him or all over the unfortunate person who was in the wrong place at the wrong time.
I shouldn’t be feeling this way. Ever heard that. Ever said that. Some people believe a Christian should never get depressed or angry or whatever. God made us with these emotions. They are not wrong. What is wrong is how we respond and how we deal with them and how we express them.
Do you know how mature you are emotionally? Believe me, I have learned from my own immaturity as well as the immaturity of others that this is an area that is avoided and sometimes even intentionally not given over to God.
I have a tool for you. Take it home. Fill it out. See where you stand. Find out areas that you should work on and get started. This is the emotional health inventory developed by Peter Scazzaro.
Jesus knew how he was feeling. He knew how others were feeling. He was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. He wept. He cried. He didn’t just have a little tear run down his face. Jesus broke down and wept. He cried. He probably moaned and like David and so many others, he probably cried out to God. The Jews said, “See how much Jesus loved him.”
An emotionally mature and healthy person knows what he or she is feeling and knows how to express. He knows what is beneath the surface and is not afraid to be real and transparent and vulnerable.
There is a second thing:
• Empathize with others.
Jesus saw people’s pain and his heart broke. Often the bible says that he was moved with compassion. Literally this word means that his bowels were stirred. He allowed the pain as well as joy of others touch him in the deepest parts of his being. He grieved with them. He loved them. His emotions were a part of the kingdom. They were God’s and he allowed the Father to move his heart and break his heart and fill his heart with compassion, grace, mercy, and love.
I think our emotions can be characterized so strongly with the image of water. Think of how our emotions often flow from one to the other. Think of how our emotions often flow into others and from others. And nothing is more cleansing than water. We use it as symbol during baptism declaring that our transgression, mistakes, and past is washed away by the blood and symbolically through the water.
Jesus talked about giving the thirsty a cold cup of water. In the desert, nothing is as powerful as a cold cup of water. It brings life. It shows mercy. It shows compassion. It is a way of identifying with the pain of someone to say, “I know what it is like to thirst. I know how hard it is. I know how desperate you must feel. Here let me ease you discomfort and pain.” Empathize with others.
The emotionally mature follower of Jesus has grown enough to not be threatened by the feelings of others, to understand the feelings of others, to be able to identify their feelings and then empathize. Perhaps, the reasons Christians don’t do a better job of reaching out to others is because they have a stunted emotional life. Perhaps we haven’t really given this area over to God’s control to see how God would have deal with these feelings and respond to others. One last thing is this:
• Don’t take it personally.
Many times the things people say and do to us really have nothing to do with us. We don’t need to take it personally when someone is not happy with us. We don’t need to take it personally when someone says something to us or about us or makes fun of us or makes us feel stupid (or I should tries to make us feel stupid). Most likely that is their issue. They are the one who has the problem.
This is difficult. This is hard. I remember a specific time a couple of years ago that someone just pulled out in front of me trying to turn left and get in the small space between my car and the next. Of course I was in a hurry as I was running late. And of course I had to brake and subsequently missed the next light after he got through.
I wasn’t happy. But I remember so well because I intentionally stopped myself and looked inside. Why am I feeling this way? Probably the guy was an idiot so what? Probably he was in a hurry like me. Maybe he was even later. Maybe his appointment was crucial. Who knows? It really wasn’t about me.
So why was I feeling this way? As I honestly searched my feelings, I saw that I was upset because I was upset with myself for being late. I was afraid of looking bad.
When Jesus arrived on the scene, both Mary and Martha were upset. Mary didn’t even come out to greet Jesus. I have to wonder when Martha went out and Mary didn’t if Mary was blaming Jesus and feeling personally slighted. “Jesus healed other people but not my brother.” They both said, “If only you had been here, you could have…” It was Jesus’ fault that Lazarus died. But Jesus didn’t take it personally. He felt bad for them. He felt their grief and loss but he didn’t take their blame or their guilt. He didn’t take it personally.
A worship station is set up. There are two but they are the same thing. Water is a powerful cleansing agent and symbol. In the temple, the priests washed their hands and their feet every time they led worship to symbolize their initial baptism when they were set apart for God’s use and to cleanse themselves of any wrongs that they may had done or the wrongs of others that might have contaminated them along the way.
Pilate washed his hands to symbolically declare that responsibility for the death of Jesus was not his but the Jewish leaders. Washing the feet of others is a way of service to cleanse us and show forgiveness.
I invite you to wash your hands. Just dip them in water as a symbol. The church has used a basin of water for people to dip their fingers and cross themselves to symbolically remind them of their baptism. I invite to wash your hands as a sign of healing and cleansing and forgiveness. Let it me a sign of God healing your heart and your emotions. Let it be symbol of giving God control of the emotional area of your life. Let it be a sign of your desire to be emotionally whole, emotionally healthy, and emotionally mature.
