Communication has been referred to as a “fine art.” Indeed, learning to communicate effectively to others is a life long pursuit. But it is a worth¬while pursuit. God calls upon His people to learn how to effectively communicate. In fact, He calls upon us to recognize that learning to effectively communicate with others is something that is so worthwhile that we should be willing to devote our lives to growing in this area. Refusing to learn to communicate effectively causes God’s Spirit to be grieved.
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In the effort to help promote better communication between men and women, allow me to offer the following communication aid:
THE MEN’S THESAURUS
When a man says: “IT’S A GUY THING,” He means: “There is no rational thought pattern connected with this, and you have no chance at all of making it logical.”
When a man says: “CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?” He means: “Why isn’t it already on the table?”
When a man says “UH HUH, SURE HONEY,” or “YES, DEAR.” He means: Absolutely nothing - It’s a conditioned response.
When a man says: “IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN.” He means: “I have no idea how it works.”
When a man says: “I CAN’T FIND IT.” He means: “It didn’t fall into my outstretched hand, so I’m completely clueless.”
When a man says: “YOU LOOK TERRIFIC!” He means: “let’s go already, I’m starving.”
When a man says: “I’M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE.” He means: "No one will ever see us alive again.”
Three boys were bragging about their fathers. One of them said, “My father is a college professor. When he is talking about a subject, only people with a college degree can understand him!” The second boy said, “My father is a brain surgeon, when he is talking about his surgery only other brain surgeons can realize what he is saying.” The third boy said, “My father is a pastor, when he is preaching, nobody can understand what he is saying.”
Well, heaven only knows, there is enough ineffective and inappropriate communication that takes place in our world today. That’s why we are told that we need to communicate in such a way as to “build others up.”
The King James Version says that we should speak in such a way as to “minister grace to the hearers.”
Effective communication is “gracious.” I want us to think together today about gracious communication. Just how do we communicate with one another in a gracious manner?
Well, as we think about the meaning of "grace" I believe we can gain insight as to how to communicate with one another graciously and bring joy to the heart of God.
1. Grace is God’s unmerited favor or blessing.
At a comparative religions conference, the wise and the scholarly were in a spirited debate about what is unique about Christianity. As the story is told, C.S. Lewis walked into the room, a little early for his presentation. He sat down and took in the conversation, which had by now evolved into a fierce debate. Finally during a lull, he spoke saying, “what’s all this rumpus about?” Everyone turned in his direction. They said, “We’re debating what’s unique about Christianity.” “That’s easy,” answered Lewis. “It’s grace.” The room fell silent. Lewis continued that Christianity uniquely claims God’s love comes free of charge, no strings attached. No other relig¬ion makes that claim.
Buddhists, for example, follow an eight-fold path to enlightenment. Hindus believe in karma - that your actions continually affect the way the world will treat you; that there is nothing that comes to you not set in motion by your actions. The Jewish code of the law implies God has requirements for people to be acceptable to him and in Is¬lam God is a God of Judgment not a God of love. You live to appease him.
At the end of the discussion everyone concluded Lewis had a point. Only Christianity dares to proclaim God’s love is unconditional. An unconditional love that we call grace. Grace is all about God and God freely giving to us the gifts of forgiveness, mercy, and love.
Now just as God has deals graciously with us, Paul says we are to deal graciously with one another. We are not to withhold encouragement until someone does something that "earns" them the right to receive an encouraging word from us. We are to encourage others freely.
The fact is that each of us needs to be encouraged. Each of us needs someone in our "”cheering section.” Like the little the little boy who said to his father: “Let’s play darts. I’ll throw and you say ‘Wonderful!’”
Freely offering encouragement to others is a practical application of our Lord’s teaching when He said, "Do for others what you would like them to do for you." - Matthew 7:12 (NLT).
2. Grace is God’s Riches At Christ’s Expense.
Philip Yancy defines grace as “a gift that costs everything for the giver and nothing for the recipient.”
Indeed, God took all the initiative in providing salvation for us. He gave freely and sacrificially of Himself He literally went “out of His way” to provide us with forgiveness and bestow His grace upon us.
Likewise, in relating to one another, we should be willing to go “out of our way” to encourage one another. Being intentional and proactive in seeking to offer encouragement and appreciation.
“Here is a simple, rule-of-thumb guide for behavior: Ask yourself what you want people to do for you, then grab the initiative and do it for them.” - Matthew 7:12 (The Message)
When you or I go out of our way to encourage someone else, we enrich their lives, and we are blessed in return.
“If you give to others, you will be given a full amount in return. It will be packed down, shaken together, and spilling over into your lap. The way you treat others is the way you will be treated.” - Luke 6:38 (CEV)
Flatter me, and I may not believe you.
Criticize me, and I may not like you.
Ignore me, and I may not forgive you.
Encourage me, and I will not forget you.
- William Arthur Ward
3. Grace is the power to do what is pleasing in God’s sight.
“But by the grace of God I am what I am, and His grace toward me was not in vain; but I labored more abundantly than they all, yet not I, but the grace of God which was with me.” - 1 Corinthians 15:10 (NKJV)
Grace refers to that which God supplies to bring about genuine life change in us. It is the power to do what is pleasing in His sight.
In a small cemetery of a parish churchyard in Olney, England, stands a granite tombstone with this inscription: “John Newton, clerk [pastor], once an infidel and Libertine, a servant of slavers in Africa, was, by the rich mercy of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, preserved, restored, pardoned, and appointed to preach the Faith he had long labored to destroy.” You may not remember his name, but all of us know the song he wrote as a testimony of his life: “Amazing Grace.”
The life-changing aspect of God’s grace is reflected in the words of the verse in that hymn which says, “Through many dangers, toils and snares, I have already come; ‘Tis grace hath brought me safe thus far, and grace will lead me home.”
John Blanchard noted, “For daily need there is daily grace; for sudden need, sudden grace, and for overwhelming need, overwhelming grace.”
Whatever the circumstance, whatever the challenge, whatever the need, God provides the grace to live the life he calls us to live.
Likewise, in our communication with others, we should seek to share words that will result in life-change. Words that will contribute to making a positive difference in the lives of others. An encouraging word can make an extraordinary difference in the lives of others.
In an article that appeared in Reader’s Digest, Marion Gilbert shared about how one morning he opened the door to get the newspaper and was surprised to see a strange little dog with his newspaper in his mouth. Delighted with this unexpected “delivery service,” he fed him some treats. The following morning that same dog sitting in front of his door, wagging his tail, surrounded by eight newspapers. He said that he spent the rest of that morning returning the papers to his neighbors!
Conclusion:
Alan Redpath once formed a “mutual encouragement” fellowship at a time of stress in one of his pastorates. The members subscribed to a simple formula applied before speaking of any person or subject that was perhaps controversial. Think before you speak. Is it...
T-true?
H-helpful?
I - inspiring?
N - necessary?
K-kind?
If what we are about to say does not pass these tests, we should keep our mouth shut. However, if it does pass the test, we should speak, and minister grace to the hearers!
