“Sweet Surrender”
Let me sum up the perfect picture for marriage again: God wants each marriage to be a portrait of His love for His glory!
Romans 11:36 “For of Him and through Him and to Him are all things, to whom be all the glory forever.”
Well, I knew today’s sermon was going to the hardest for me for 2 reasons: 1) I’m not a wife - I’m best at being a man. 2) Today I have to use the dreaded “S” word, which is found in our text this morning.
Read verse
The reason it is so important for a wife is because of this KEY: The wife who willingly submits to her husband’s leadership glorifies God.
I know that this statement is not the politically correct statement! I realize that Gloria Steinem, and every other radical feminist wants to fire bomb my home because of this statement! I also realize that some of you today may struggle with this statement!
A wife is an amazing person! She has a responsibility at home that is harder than a fortune 500 CEO. She has a responsibility of teaching, cleaning, loving, healing, and listening – all this is harder than sending a man to the moon!
Mrs. Campolo was getting tired of telling others that she was a stay at home mom and being looked down upon, so when asked, she came up with, “I’m socializing two Homo-sapiens in Judeo-Christian values so they’ll appropriate the eschatological values of utopia. What do you do?”
Let me ask, how many of you have been married for at least 1 year? Then men you know that your wife is a finely tuned, meticulously calibrated machine that needs to be handled with very great care! By the way, there is a philosophical reason for this that is as true as the Law of Gravity – as the old saying goes, “If Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy!”
Let me ask the wives, how many of you are in a marriage that all the expectations you had for your marriage have never been met? Now if you raise your hand, I’m going to be in trouble! For example: you thought you were marrying prince charming and you got “Shrek”. You thought you were marrying a knight in shining armor and he won’t even wash the car. Or you thought, “After we’re married, I’ll change him!” - news flash wives- that only happens in Hollywood!
O.K. then if you are a wife today, or you still want to get married after this series,I’ve got some good news for you – this message today is not going to put more pressure on you, it’s going to take more pressure off of you! After we strip off the world’s expectations for you, after we pull away the in-laws expectations for you, after we peel back Oprah’s expectations for you, God only has one expectation for you: everyday submit to your husband’s leadership!
Ladies, always remember this LIFEPOINT: How you look at your husband will determine how you live with your husband! Respecting and submitting reflects how you look at him!
Here’s an example: Do you look at your husband as someone that God has placed in your life as the leader of your family, that you’re going to respect and that you’re going to follow regardless of, or in spite of all his faults, or do you look at your husband and say to him, “I will respect you and I will follow you if I think you deserve it, or if you meet certain conditions!”
Here’s the good news, there’s only 2 simple things you have to do to fulfill that:
1. Wives Are To Enable Their Husband’s Leadership. Vs. 18a
“Submit” = willingly place yourself under the authority of someone else.
Now I realize that some of you ladies are clinching your fists, grinding your teeth so that dust is coming out your mouth, your blood pressure has just rocketed upwards because I just used that dreaded “S” word! Please here me out!
Contrary to what some people will tell you, this is not a cultural issue, is not a philosophical issue, it is not a theological issue, it is not an intellectual issue – it’s a spiritual issue to the core! If I asked every one of you wives in here today, “Do you think you should love and follow your husbands as God says”, every one of you would say, “Yes!” - Then you can’t believe one truth and then conveniently toss out the other truth!
Now I must put this thought on the table – I am in no way implying that women are inferior to men, I proved that in part one! Just because someone is subject to the authority of someone else, that doesn’t make them less a person or diminish their roll destined for them! For example:
1 Corinthians 11:3 “I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ.” NASB
God the Son is not inferior to God the Father, God the Son is co-equal with God the Father and God the Son is co-eternal with God the Father. Think about this, the only way we have half a hallelujah of getting to heaven is because God the Son submitted to God the Father!
Now a word to the Husbands: if you go out of here today and use the Bible as a hammer, God will not bless you, but instead detests you for destroying the purpose, picture and promises found in marriage! Now I have to be honest and say that there are times I want to say to Jill, “Women for the first time will you submit!”
I heard about a little boy sitting on his bed with his face cradled in his hands, looking so confused. His dad came in his room and asked him what was wrong. His son looked up and said, "Well, just between us, Dad, I’m having trouble getting along with your wife, too!"
I can say with lots of evidence to support me in that bullying husbands are full of a lot of bull and badgering husbands are full of a lot of boloney!
You cannot force a wife to submit to you – it must be voluntary and more importantly there needs to be a reason for submission! Frankly, the way some husbands treat their wives is just short of torture – and that’s disgusting before your children’s eyes and God’s eyes!
Now maybe there’s a woman here today that is not married, divorced and maybe you do want to be married again, I want you to think about this question that you need to ask your next potential husband. It would probably blow your mind to know how few women ask this question in the affirmative: “Am I willing to submit to the spiritual leadership of this man?” You say, “He’s so good looking!” it doesn’t matter! “But he makes good money!” So what! “But we have such a great time together!” So what! Are you willing to submit to his spiritual leadership? That’s the question! May I remind you - next to your decision to submit to Jesus Christ as your Savior, the next important decision is what man I am willing to submit to him for the rest of my life?
Now please don’t think I am playing right into your husband’s hands! I am not asking you to submit to your husband because that’s what he wants, I’m asking you to submit to your husband because it’s what God wants! Ladies, remember you have to enable his leadership!
John Maxwell says it like this, “If you want to know if you are leading, just look behind you and see if someone is following you. If nobody is following you, you’re just taking a long walk!”
Well ladies, no man can make a woman follow him instead a woman enables a man’s leadership by voluntarily submitting to him!
A woman was trying to help enable her husband in leadership by helping him communicate to her better. Men, you may be able to sympathize with the fellow who received a call from his wife just as she was about to fly home from Europe. She asked. "How’s my cat?" Her husband said, “He’s dead!"
Then she said, "Oh, honey, don’t be so honest. Why didn’t you break the news to me slowly? You’ve ruined my trip." Then he responds, "What do you mean?"
So she explains, "You could have told me he was on the roof. And when I called you from Paris, you could have told me he was acting sluggish. Then when I called from London, you could have said he was sick, and when I called you from New York, you could have said he was at the vet. Then, when I arrived home, you could have said he was dead."
The husband was willing to learn so he said, "OK, I’ll do better next time." Right then she asked, "By the way, "how’s Mom?" There was a long silence, and then he replied, "Uh, she’s on the roof."
2. Wives Are To Encourage Their Husband’s Leadership. Vs. 18b
Wives, if you want to maximize the joyful spirit in your marriage and minimize the judgmental spirit in your marriage –ask yourself, “What is the respectful thing to do?”
Let me settle this once and for all, you can be respectful and still disagree, you can be respectful and still give your opinion, you can be respectful and still stand your ground - but it’s no longer respect when you belittle your husband’s leadership publically or privately. You are to respect your husband’s leadership even when he blows it, makes a terrible decision, loses that great job or stumbles in the way he loves you!
The reason this is so important is because your respect for your husband is not based on your husband’s personality, performance – it’s based on his position! Now be honest how many times is it the other way around?
I heard a man say about the military, “You never salute the uniform, you salute the position!” KEY: You submit to the person your husband is because you respect the position your husband has in your marriage!
Let me make this very practical, if you are dating a man, and he says, “We are going to eat at this restaurant!” and you say, “I don’t want to!” Then he says, “Oh yes we are!” Then you need to say, “Then enjoy your dinner alone!” Do you see – he has no position at that point that demands you to submit to him! Before you say “I do” you better be able to say “I wont!”
But when you finally say “I do” the person is the same – but it’s the position that’s changed!
“So Pastor, you’re telling me that I have to submit to the moron I married and that’s best for me! Come one!” Absolutely! If you won’t then you will have a struggle not only with God, your husband, but it will trickle down to your children – because they are watching you rebel against God given authority!!
Now in today’s family dysfunctional state, women are making terrible choices at this level because of the breakdown in the family! Women are struggling to willingly submit to their dysfunctional husbands because of their dysfunctional fathers! And the generational dysfunction runs deep across this country!
Husband - by loving your wife God’s way you are teaching your children how to honor those who they may be over in position later in life and wife by respecting your husband God’s way you are teaching your children how honor those who they may be under in position later in life! Do see it, as a husband and wife you teach your children 2 important lessons in life – how to be over and how to be under! We will never teach them to be over until we’ve taught them to first be under! A person doesn’t learn how to be in authority until they’ve learned how to be under authority!
Let me assure you that contrary to popular thinking, it doesn’t take a dysfunctional village to teach this, it take a functional home to teach children how to respect authority and then respond to authority! Ladies, this is why it’s so important to encourage your husband’s leadership and affirm him every chance you get!
Let me put it this way, as a pastor its nice to get affirmation from you as the church, deacons and our leaders here at FBC, but do you know whose affirmation I need the most – Jill’s! Without it I’m dead and men - you’re the same!
One time I can remember asking Jill one Sunday after church, “How many great preachers do you think there are in the world?” She said, “One less than your think!”
Ladies, I’m going to let you in on a male secret – we’re not as macho as we try to make ourselves to be! I know, your thinking, “I’m glad I was sitting down on that one!” Men, we can sing “MACHO, MACHO MAN!” all we want, but if she doesn’t believe in macho man – the macho goes right out the window!
Ladies, you can make or break your husband – it’s that simple! Now last week I gave the husbands some homework, so wives, this week it’s time for your homework! Let me give you some practical ways to enable and encourage your husbands…
• Just take a few moments and really express how much you love him and trust his leadership. Have you done that lately?
• If he has some buddies over or at the work place, brag on him! He may faint but do it anyway!
• Get all your kids together in the room and let them know how much he means to your family. How much he provides for the family and how important his love is to us.
I read the other day - you show me a man who comes home greeted with a big smile, encouraged to take off his shoes, served a wonderful dinner sitting on a pillow arranged on the floor a special way and I’ll show you a man who lives in a Japanese’s restaurant!
No, you don’t have to turn your house into a Japanese restaurant to make him happy, just willingly submit to his leadership, show it to your children and watch how bright your marriage will get with his unconditional love!
