The Family In Christ
Text: Eph. 5:21-6:4
Introduction
1. We often say that a marriage is made in heaven. In essence, this is true since God gave us the institution of marriage in Genesis 2. However, whenever you insert fallen human beings into anything, even something instituted by God, you have the possibility of "operator error."
2. A recent George Barna poll shows that 35% of all marriages end in divorce among unbelievers. This same study shows that among Born-Again followers of Christ, 35% of all marriages end in divorce. Do you see a problem here?
3. Marriages for followers of Christ should be stronger and last longer than marriages among non-followers of Christ. Why? Because Christ has given us an instruction manual about how to have a happy marriage.
4. In our text today, the Apostle Paul gives us an instruction manual on having a happy family. He gives us:
a. General Instructions
b. Wives’ Instructions
c. Husbands’ Instructions
d. Children’s Instructions
5. Read Eph. 5:21-6:4
Proposition: The secret to a happy family is following God’s instructions.
Transition: First, Paul gives us...
I. General Instructions (21)
A. Submit to One Another
1. Paul begins this section with a fundamental Christian principle of which we all need to have a basic understanding.
2. He says "And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ."
a. Like I already stated this is a fundamental principle that is basic to the Christian faith, but unfortunately, it is one that is largely misunderstood both in and outside of the church.
b. It is misunderstood in our secular culture who think that it refers only to women, and their being "subservient" to the husbands.
3. This conception on the part of our society is erroneous for several reasons.
a. First, this word has nothing to do with being "subservient."
b. You see the word submission has nothing to do with forcing someone to do something against their will.
c. The word that Paul uses here is in the middle or passive voice, which indicates that it is something that a person does voluntarily (Rossier, Complete Biblical Library: Ephesians, 157).
d. Second, submitting has to with "those considered worthy of respect, either because of their inherent qualities or more often because of the position they held (Expositor’s Bible Commentary, The, Pradis CD-ROM).
e. It is a placing yourself under the authority of another who is worthy or respect.
f. A third reason that this is an incorrect interpretation of this word is that it doesn’t refer only to women, because Paul says here "submit to one another."
g. Men must be just as submissive as women.
4. Most importantly, it has to do with our reverence, respect, and honor for Christ himself.
a. Paul says we are to be submissive to one another "out of reverence for Christ."
b. We do it because Jesus has asked us to do it.
c. We do it because God’s word tells us we should.
d. We do it because this is what God requires.
B. Secret to Happiness: Understanding Authority
1. Illustration: Believing things ’on authority’ only means believing them because you have been told them by someone you think trustworthy. Ninety-nine percent of the things you believe are believed on authority. I believe there is such a place as New York. I could not prove by abstract reasoning that there is such a place. I believe it because reliable people have told me so. The ordinary person believes in the solar system, atoms, and the circulation of the blood on authority--because the scientists say so. Every historical statement is believed on authority. None of us has seen the Norman Conquest or the defeat of the Spanish Armada. But we believe them simply because people who did see them have left writings that tell us about them; in fact, on authority. A person who balked at authority in other things, as some people do in religion, would have to be content to know nothing all his life (C.S. Lewis).
2. Submission is based on authority.
a. It is based on the authority of Jesus Christ as the Lord of His church.
b. It is based on the authority of the inerrant and infallible word of God.
c. It is based on foundation laid down by the Apostles and the things they taught which they learned from Jesus himself.
3. Submission is universal.
a. We all must submit to someone.
b. As a Pastor and credentialed Assemblies of God minister, I submit to my Presbyter and District Superintendent.
c. As your Pastor, you are to submit to me as the one that Christ has placed over you.
d. Hebrews 13:17 (NLT)
Obey your spiritual leaders, and do what they say. Their work is to watch over your souls, and they are accountable to God. Give them reason to do this with joy and not with sorrow. That would certainly not be for your benefit.
e. If you are in a leadership position in the church, those under you are to submit to you.
f. As we will see, it continues in reference to the family and the work place.
4. Submission is voluntary.
a. We must be willing to submit to another’s authority.
b. We must be willing to the authority of God’s Word.
c. We must willing make the decision to follow authority realizing that God has placed them in that position.
Transition: How does this concept affect the family?
II. Instructions For Wives (22-24)
A. Wives Submit to Your Husbands
1. In vv. 22-24, Paul gives instructions for wives and their relationship to their husbands.
2. He begins by saying, "For wives, this means submit your husbands as to the Lord."
a. This is not a very popular concept in our day and age, but there are a few things that we must pay close attention to in this section.
b. First, nowhere in this text does Paul say that wives are to obey their husbands.
c. Rather, he says that they must submit to their husbands, and remember that the word submit is a voluntary submission and is never to be forced upon the wife.
d. Second, we must notice that Paul says that wives are to submit to their husbands "as to the Lord."
e. In other words, their submission to their husbands is a part of their submission to Christ.
3. Now there maybe some of you wives out there who are saying to yourselves, "Why should I submit to him; he’s a moron!"
a. Nowhere in this text or any other text in the New Testament does it give qualifications.
b. Paul doesn’t say, "submit to your husbands if he is skinny, rich, and good looking."
c. Paul doesn’t say, "submit to your husbands unless you are smarter and more qualified than him."
4. However, notice what he does say: "For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church."
a. What does Paul mean here where he says that the husband is the "head" of the wife?
b. The word "head" in Scripture refers to authority not being. Neither man nor woman is superior to the other in being. Men and women are equal in God’s eyes.
c. When God talks about man being the head of the woman, He is not talking about ability or worth, competence or value, brilliance or advantage.
d. God is talking about function and order within an organization. Every organization has to have a head for it to be operated in an efficient and orderly manner.
5. We can see this in his reference to the Church.
a. When Paul says that Christ is the head of the church he is talking about Christ as being the leader, provider, and protector.
b. Every organization has to have a leader, and any organization is in trouble if there are "too many chiefs and not enough Indians."
c. As my friend Alton Garrison often says, "A body with two heads is a freak-show."
6. However, there is advantage in being under someone’s authority.
a. The person in authority bears all the responsibility.
b. The person responsibility provides protection, guidance, and counsel.
c. This is what the husband is to provide for the wife.
B. Not Popular, But Biblical
1. Illustration: "One should respect public opinion insofar as is necessary to avoid starvation and keep out of prison, but anything that goes beyond this is voluntary submission to an unnecessary tyranny."
2. Wives submitting to their husbands is not popular.
a. Our society teaches that women as a good as or better than any man.
b. Our society teaches that women are to be independent spirits.
c. Our society teaches that women are to assertive and should submit to no one.
3. However, wives submitting to their husbands is Biblical.
a. It has nothing to do with being inferior or lacking in self-worth.
b. It has nothing to do with being as good or better than a man.
c. It has to do with be obedient to the Word of God.
4. Wives submitting to their husbands has to do with trust.
a. Do you trust that this is the man that God has ordained you to be married to?
b. Do you trust God enough to willing submit to your husband?
c. Do you trust your husband enough to allow him to grow into the man God has created him to be?
Transition: So men, what is your responsibility?
III. Instructions For Husbands (25-33)
A. Husband Love Your Wives
1. Ladies, if you think you’ve got it rough, look what God expects of your husband.
2. Paul says, "For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church."
a. What a lofty expectation! Can anyone truly love another person as much as Christ loves His church?
b. The love which the husband is to have for his wife is the very love of God Himself.
c. This kind of love, the Greek word agape, is a selfless and unselfish love, a giving and sacrificial love. It is the love of the mind and will as well as of the heart. It is not only a love of affection and feelings; it is a love of the will and commitment.
d. The same Christ who gave up all of His rights and privileges to come to earth for our benefit.
e. The same Christ who established His church and promised that the gates of Hell shall not overcome it.
f. The same Christ who sent His Holy Spirit to protect, guide, and empower His church.
g. Can anyone love another that much?
3. Above all, the same Christ who "gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word."
a. Philippians 2:8 (NLT)
He humbled himself in obedience to God and died a criminal’s death on a cross.
b. John 15:13 (NLT)
There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.
c. Jesus gave the last full measure of devotion to His church - His own life, and this is what he expects husbands to do for their wives.
4. Paul goes on step further when he says, "In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself."
a. Paul says that, like wives, husbands actually benefit when they obey God by loving their wives.
b. He says that when they love their wives in this way they are actually loving themselves.
c. Genesis 2:24 (NLT)
This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.
d. When we are joined together in holy matrimony, we are no longer two separate people, but God joins us together as one.
e. The word "joined" here means to "cement together, to be joined in the closest union possible; to be bound together; to be so totally united that two become one.
f. Therefore, when a man loves his wife, he is actually loving himself.
5. However, you might ask, "How can two people become one?" Paul answers that question by saying "This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one."
a. While it is not impossible that "mystery" means "difficult to comprehend," this is not the way "mystery" is understood elsewhere, especially in Ephesians.
b. Paul uses this term to point to a revelation from God, something one would not know had not God revealed it (Snodgrass, 299).
c. While this seems like an impossibility from a human standpoint, with God all things are possible.
d. God revealed this mystery not only so we could understand what happens in marriage, but also what happens in a person’s life when they become a Christ.
e. 2 Corinthians 5:17 (NLT)
This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!
f. So when husbands love their wives they are actually loving the Lord and their self.
B. Be A Promise Keeper
1. Illustration: In the not so distant past, was a movement that swept across the country that was started by former Colorado University football coach Bill McCartney, called Promise Keepers. It started small, but before long, hundreds of thousands of men would gather for huge conferences that focused on men keeping their promises to God and their families. Of course, the liberal media and left wing extremist groups condemned the movement saying that it caused men to force their wives to be subservient to their husbands. Soon these groups would gather outside these huge events to protest. However, a strange thing happened, another group of women gathered to protest the protestors: the wives of the promise keepers. You see, they loved promise keepers rallies because their husbands came back more loving, gentle, helpful, and committed to their marriages and families than ever before.
2. Husbands are to love their wives because God said so.
a. In Scripture, men are command to love, respect, admire, and care for their wives.
b. It is not an option, it is a command.
c. As a Christian man, your first and greatest ministry is to your wife.
3. Husbands are to love their wives because they have said so.
a. On your wedding day, you made the following promise: "will you have this woman to be your wife, to live together her in the covenant of marriage; will you love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health; and forsaking all others, be faithful to her as long as you both shall live?
b. To this promise you said "I WILL."
c. Keep your promise; be a promise keeper.
4. Husbands are to love their wives because the future of the church and the nation are at stake.
a. As the family goes, so goes the nation.
b. As the family has disintegrated, so our nation has disintegrated.
c. The family is falling apart because men are not keeping their promise!
d. Love your wives!
Transition: The next set of instructions is for the children.
IV. Instructions For Children (6:1-4)
A. Obey Your Parents
1. Paul in 6:1-4 gives instructions regarding the relationship between parents and children.
2. He tells the children, "Children, obey your parents because you belong to the Lord, for this is the right thing to do."
a. First, it is some what amazing that Paul addresses children at all.
b. In this society, children were much like women in that they were looked upon as property more than people, and were only recognized from a legal standpoint when their father recognized them as such.
c. He assumed that children would be in the congregation of believers as this letter was read.
d. By even addressing them—a segment of society that was considered to be virtually without rights—Paul elevated them and invested them with dignity and worth unheard of in the Roman world at the time (Life Application New Testament Commentary).
3. His instructions to them are simple, "obey your parents because you belong to the Lord, for this is the right thing to do."
a. Throughout this section, Paul has been giving each different member of the family, telling them why they should follow these instructions and why they benefit from them.
b. By telling them to obey, Paul is saying "to obey on the basis of having paid attention to" (Louw and Nidda, Greek-English Lexicon of the New Testament: Based on Symantic Domains).
c. What he is saying is not just to do what they tell you to do, but also to listen to the advice they give you.
d. There are many things that parents learn from their children, like their enthusiasm, simple faith, and inexhaustible energy.
e. However, parents have so much more to teach their children because of their life experience - "they’ve been there and done that!"
f. I am looking forward to the day when Melissa comes home from college and tells how amazed she is at how smart I’ve become.
g. Therefore, children should not only execute their parents demands, but pay attention to their wise counsel.
h. This is a big part of the advice given in the book of Proverbs.
i. Proverbs 3:1-2 (NLT)
My child, never forget the things I have taught you. Store my commands in your heart. If you do this, you will live many years, and your life will be satisfying.
4. Now that Paul has told the children what to do, he tells them why they should do it. He gives them two reasons: "because you belong to the Lord, for this is the right thing to do."
a. First, because you belong to the Lord. In keeping with the rest of this section, and in fact, the rest of the letter, Paul instructs them to do it because they are "in Christ."
b. In other words, they are to obey their parents as a part of their obedience to Christ.
c. Second, he tells them to obey their parents simply because it is the right thing to do.
d. Sometimes it is just a matter doing the right thing because it is the right thing.
e. Furthermore, for children whose parents are not followers of Jesus, it is a testimony of how Christ has worked in your life.
5. Paul then kicks it up a notch by saying not only to obey your parents, but to “Honor your father and mother.”
a. This includes not only doing what they say when you are young, but continuing to show them the proper respect as they get older.
b. For some this may include taking care of their parents when they cannot care for themselves any longer, and for some in our society, choosing a facility that is capable of giving them the kind of professional care they need that you are not able to provide.
6. Just as Paul did for wives and husbands, he gives the children how they benefit from this. He says, “Honor your father and mother.” This is the first commandment with a promise: If you honor your father and mother, “things will go well for you, and you will have a long life on the earth.”
a. Of all of the ten commandments, this is the only one that contains a promise.
b. It is one of those conditional clauses in the Scripture that I have told you about before. "If we do this, God will do that."
c. If children will honor their father and mother, God will give them a long and successful life.
d. Once again, obedience brings blessing.
7. Paul concludes this section by giving some timely advice to the parents, "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord."
a. Paul is among the minority of ancient writers who seem to disapprove of excessive discipline (Keener, The IVP Bible Background Commentary – New Testament).
b. As in most cultures, some father’s took their responsibility to discipline their children too far, and Paul preaches against such a practice.
c. We are to discipline our children, but not to the point that they turn against us.
d. We are to discipline our children the way that the Lord disciplines us, with a firm but gentle hand.
B. Live Long and Prosper
1. Illustration: Every generation blames the one before, and all of their frustrations come beating on your door. I know that I’m a prisoner to all my father held so dear. I know that I’m a hostage to all his hopes and fears. I just wish I could have told him in the living years.
Crumpled bits of paper filled with imperfect thought, stilted conversations I’m afraid that’s all we’ve got. You say you just don’t see it he says it’s perfect sense. You just can’t get agreement in this present tense. We all talk a different language talking in defense
Say it loud, say it clear. You can listen as well as you hear. It’s too late when we die to admit we don’t see eye to eye.
So we open up a quarrel between the present and the past. We only sacrifice the future. It’s the bitterness that lasts. So don’t yield to the fortunes you sometimes see as fate. It may have a new perspective on a different day. And if you don’t give up, and don’t give in you may just be O.K.
I wasn’t there that morning when my father passed away.
I didn’t get to tell him all the things I had to say. I think I called his spirit later that same year. I’m sure I heard his echo in my baby’s new born tears. I just wish I could have told him in the living years.
2. As I sat in my office this week working on this sermon and writing down the words to this song, I had to walk out of my office because I couldn’t stop crying.
3. One of my life’s biggest regrets is that I never truly appreciated my father’s simple wisdom and gentle good humor until it was too late to tell him.
4. It is all about love and respect.
a. It’s about parents loving their children enough to teach them right from wrong, and continuing to love them through their mistakes.
b. It’s about children respecting their parents enough to realize that they really do want the best for them.
5. It’s also about accepting our responsibility.
a. As parents, we need to realize that in teaching our children we are shaping the future.
b. As children, we need to realize that we can learn from the past - our parents past.
c. Because what Solomon said really was true, "There is nothing new under the sun."
Conclusion
1. What does it mean to be a family in Christ?
a. It means wives submitting to their husbands out of respect for the Lord.
b. It means husbands loving their wives like Jesus loves His church.
c. It means children obey your parents like you should Christ.
2. Above all it means submitting to one another in love, because this is truly what it means to be in Christ.
3. Are you a family in Christ?
