Workplace Relationships
I Peter 5:2-3, Ephesians 6:5-7, Matthew 22:39
Gini Graham Scott has written a book entitled "A Survival Guide For Working With Humans." In it she writes, “Today, with an uncertain economy, collapsing and merging companies, corporate scandals, high-tech upheavals, and growing global competition, life in the workplace is more difficult than ever. Trusting in business relationships has become more uncertain, too.” In this book, Gini Graham Scott offers practical tools to help with workplace relationships. Her goal is to provide guidelines in how to work with difficult people because as we stated last week, we’re all sinners whose tendency is to focus on ourselves and our needs.
You are going to spend more time in your life in the workplace than in any other place in your life. The average American works an average of 46 hours per week. 38% of you work 50 hours a week or more. The average person spends 10 hours a week with their kids and spouse. So you’re going to spend 4 times as much time and energy in the workplace when compared to your family. That would mean your relationships in the workplace matters. One study found that most people who get fired for non-economic reasons don’t get the boot for doing a bad job, but because they lack the human relationship skills to work with others. And even if your lack of relationships with others at work doesn’t get you fired, it will crush your chances of ascending to the top. But more than that, we fail to live out the call of Christ.
Jesus was asked what is the most important thing in life: “love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, soul and strength. The second commandment is like the first, You are to love your neighbor as yourself.” Jesus is calling us to move from the I-It relationship to the I-Thou.
Slide #2 Synopsis of I-It and I-Thou
Monologue vs Dialogue
What can you do for me vs What can I do for you
Transactional vs interactional, authentic
Self-centered vs other centered
Today we’re going to look at how we can live out the call of Jesus for I-Thou relationships in the workplace, a place where more than any other we are tempted to live have I-It relationships. We’re going to talk about 4 relationships today in the workplace. Slide #3 First is the boss and employee relationship. How many of you own a business or supervise or manage employees? The fact of the matter is being a boss is a difficult. Take into account that we have a natural tendency toward the I-It relationship and that the business world encourages that and we can see that manifest itself even more in the boss and employee relationship. When we are interested in ourselves or the business first, sometimes people become a means to an end. Guess what? No employee likes to be considered an It. There is a lot of talk in business circles of people in the workplace feeling devalued and demoralized by their employers. Last year in Fast Company Magazine there was a cover article which asked this question: Is your boss a psychopath? There was quiz you could tak to see if you’re boss qualified. And then they set up online a blog where people could share stories of their psychopath bosses. One of the conclusions Fast Company Magazine came to is that the power and influence of the position of management often brings out those types of characteristics in people.
The Bible paints a very different picture of management. There are a lot of different metaphors used but the most prevalent is that of shepherd. Slide #4 Image of Shepherd. The boss is the shepherd and those entrusted to your care are your flock. 1 Peter 5:2-3, “Be shepherds of God’s flock that is under your care, serving as overseers—not because you must, but because you are willing, as God wants you to be; not greedy for money, but eager to serve; not lording it over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock.” The people that work for you are God’s children. Some of them have been baptized and are actively following Jesus and others do not know Jesus but they are all God’s children and thus your flock to tend to and look after. God wants you not just to look after the job they do and be only concerned about the bottom line but to care for that person as a shepherd cares form his sheep. In other words, you are to serve them and their interests. Of course there are times when you have to straighten someone out, to remind them of the rules, policies and procedures but instead of lording it over them, do it in love. Instead of coming down on them because they messed up, lead them to become better in what do, to give their very best and achieve all they are capable of. And when there comes a time for termination, you do it in love for this person, to help them align their gifts in the right place. You do this because you see them as one of your flock whom Jesus has placed under your care.
Slide #5 Image of Jesus washing the feet of the disciples. Jesus taught us about leadership when at the Last Supper, he took a basin and towel and got down on his knees and began to wash the feet of the disciples. He said, You call me ’Teacher’ and ’Lord,’ and rightly so, for that is what I am. Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet.” Jesus showed by his own example what leadership was: it’s about serving the needs of others and helping them become all that God intended and use all that God had given them. Invest yourself in your employees, not for your own gain, but because they are children of God. By his own example, Jesus showed the disciples what leadership and management is all about. This is what leadership looks like in the kingdom: leaders aren’t interested in power and lording it over others but instead are interested in serving others from a position of power. When employees are treated as It’s, that’s a recipe for failure for them, the manager and the company.
Slide #6 What about the employee to the boss. Many times we look at the boss and expect them to do things for us but we never put the same expectations on ourselves. We feel like they must be obligated to us but we really don’t feel any sense of obligation to them. They’re there to solve our problems and give us guidance but it is easy to look at our bosses as a means of getting my next raise. But somewhere along the line, we have to realize they are real people and have joys and pains in their life too. God has called us to love our boss and minister to them.
Slide #7 Image of Moses, Aaron and Hur. In Exodus 17 Moses is leading the children of Israel and the Amalaketes come out to battle the Israelites. And God says, Moses take out your staff and hold up your arms with the staff in your hands. As long as the people can look up and see that staff they will know that God is with them and things will go well. And the battle begins and things do go well but as the battle rages on, Moses’ arms begin to tire and he can’t hold up his arms any longer and they start to fall. As the staff lowers, the people begin to lose heart and question what that means and if God is still with them. And along come Aaron and Hur who hold up Moses’ arms and the rod is raised up and the Israelites go onto victory. That’s an image of a Christian employee and what they can do for their boss. You don’t always have to agree with your boss, because it’s not always a matter of who’s wrong and who’s right. It is a matter of realizing that we’re all in this together and no one person can do it alone. Many times, we need to ask, What can I do to help my boss succeed in this? They are a Thou and not an It. No boss wants to be someone else’s It.
Slide #8 Second is the relationship between you and the customer. Whether you are in sales, a secretary, a janitor or someone working in the office, the customer is paying your salary. What you do impacts the customer, either directly or indirectly. How do you look at your customers? Many people look at their customers as a notch on their belt, a means to an end, a way to earn more money, in other words as an It. Even fewer see them as people, as your neighbors, as a child of God, and as a Thou. There’s a big difference between those two. How do you see them?
I once heard a pastor say, “I love being a pastor. It would be a great job if it weren’t for the people.” That’s a problem isn’t it? Because it doesn’t matter if you’re a pastor, a salesperson, a teacher, or a secretary, you’re in the people business. Ho do you look at the customers of your business or work? When I went to buy my new set of golf clubs to replace the ones flooded by Katrina, the pro took me out to his office, videoed my sing, sat down with me to explain what I was doing wrong, put me through some drills to correct my swing and then after an hour started talking about the clubs I needed to buy. It was a joy to be treated like a person and not just another sale. When you’re an employee and you can do something like this, you find great joy in what you’re doing because you’re not just making a sale but you’re ministering to the people you encounter no matter what you do. When you do they become a Thou and not an It.
Slide #9 Third is the relationship between the customer and the business. Sometimes we as Christians think we really have no obligation to the business. We’re buying a service. We’re paying them good money so they should treat us well. And so we’re in a restaurant and the service is slow. What do we do? Do we see the waitress as someone who’s struggling to keep up and seems to be having a rough day or do we get upset and make it all about us? Do we see them as a Thou or an It? Do we read them a riot act, lower their tip even when they make just $2 an hour? Too often we’ve been conditioned to getting our own way and when we don’t, we get angry. Why? Because we make it about us and what we feel we deserve it and everyone else is an It. That leads to us mistreating people. But they are not an It but a Thou.
Slide #10 Or what about the company or business? We buy something at Target and get it home and it falls on the floor and breaks. What’s the American way when that happens? Many put it back in the box, take it back and tell them it was broken when I bought it. But this is how we treat companies because they are not a Thou but an It.
We do this type of thing all the time. Or the telemarketer who calls at suppertime. How many people do you know said when I grow up I want to be a telemarketer? Probably not very many. So those who are telemarketers are doing it for one of three reasons. they’re between jobs, they couldn’t find another job or because they really believe in their product and want to help people. And when they call during supper time, how do you feel, what tone of voice do you use with them and what do you say? Are they an It or a Thou? Is there a way to say I don’t think I’m really interested in your product but thank you for calling and I really appreciate you making the effort? Have a good night. How much longer does it take to say that? And how much more energy does it take to treat a telemarketer as a Thou rather than an It?
Slide #11 Paul says in Ephesians 4, “Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor” even if your neighbor is the tired, cranky person behind the return desk at Wal-Mart or Target. “In your anger, do not sin” even if it’s the telemarketer calling during dinner. “And do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, only what is useful in building others up. According to their need, be kind, compassionate to one another, be imitators of God and live a life of love.” That’s what it means to love our neighbor when the neighbor is the business and we’re the customer.
Slide #12 Fourth is our relationships with our co-workers. Part of what we need to realize is that in most cases you don’t get to choose who you work with. It’s like family, you can choose your friends but not your family or your co-workers. You spend far more time with your co-workers than anyone else each week. So how do you get along with them, even the difficult ones? How do you see them? There’s all kinds of office politics which happen in every work environment: from water cooler conversations, to stabbing each other in the back, to trying any and every means to get ahead to make a better life for yourself and your family. So how do you look at your co-workers? Are they Its or are they Thous.
Slide #13 Do you understand when you go to work it’s the primary mission field for you and how respond to your co-workers can make all the difference in the world to them? Timothy Gardner tells of a co-worker who seemed to have it all together on the outside until I really got to know him and found out he was an alcoholic. He also was an atheist. He didn’t believe in God and didn’t even want to hear about Him or religion. His name was Shawn. He knew I was a Christian, but the subject never came up. I prayed for him day and night hoping he would come to know the Lord and completely give up on his drinking habit. It didn’t seem my prayers were working.
Finally I got the courage to mention God. I asked him why he didn’t believe in God. His answer was simple, “Because I can’t believe in someone that has never shown himself to me.” Wow! I wasn’t expecting that kind of answer. I thought he would answer a little differently, like “how can I believe in someone I can’t see.” So I pursued his answer with another question. “If God showed Himself to you, would you believe?” He said maybe. That’s when I asked him if he would be willing to do a Bible study with me for one month and if God hadn’t revealed Himself to him by the end of that month we would never talk about it again. He rolled his eyes and said, “No way!” I asked, “Why, what would it hurt?” He didn’t answer. He just walked away and never said anything to me for the rest of the day.
The next morning I woke up to a phone call. It was Shawn. He seemed a little uncomfortable talking to me, but what he said answered why he was uncomfortable” “Okay, let’s do the Bible study thing, but you got only one month.” The next Monday morning we got started. We studied a little bit of Genesis. He seemed interested in what we were studying. He even started asking questions. By the end of our first week everything was looking good. The next week we learned about Moses and the Red Sea. Shawn thought that was the coolest thing he’d ever heard of. By the end of the third week, Shawn seemed so close to accepting Jesus that I asked him if he wanted to pray, but he changed his manner and quickly put up a wall. Finally the fourth week came to a close. We just got done studying the life and death of Jesus. I saw tears starting to develop in Shawn’s eyes, so I placed my arm around him and asked if he was ready to pray. His answer? “No.” I asked why. He answered, “Because I’m not ready.” That was fine. I didn’t want to push him. Our Bible study continued for a couple more weeks and every time I asked him if he was ready to pray, he always gave me the same answer, “No.” Every time I asked why, he would say he still wasn’t ready! It almost became like a game for him. He just would not give in. It was like he wanted to play with my mind or something. So finally I asked him, “Why can’t you accept Jesus?” He answered, “Because I’m not ready.” This went on for a few more weeks, but it seemed he was getting further away. We got into an argument about it and I got upset and just gave up. I went home and didn’t speak to him for a week. I was so mad!
I thought I was doing everything right, but nothing was working! The next day I heard the phone ring. When I answered it was Shawn. It sounded like he was crying. He said he needed to talk to me, but I told him I had to go and I hung up on him. The next day I found out he was dead. I guess he was drinking when he went through a red light about two blocks from my house and hit a truck head-on instantly killing him. I failed! I failed because I was supposed to be there for him no matter what and I wasn’t. If I would’ve just talked to him on the phone, he might have still been alive. If I just would have had more patience with him, he might have asked Jesus into his heart. If I would have treated him as my best friend, we could’ve been friends forever.
People in your workplace are going to need you to love them, care for them, and bind up their emotional wounds. They are going to need words of encouragement and care. They will need to see your good works and the hope you have which is grounded in the cross.
What are the things which really irritate you at work? When you are baptized and accept Jesus Christ as Lord, you are forgiven and given the gift of salvation. That’s the beginning, not the end. So what are you about for the rest of your life? Slide #14 Every follower of Jesus should have two focuses. The first is live as Christ: to love as Jesus loved and to be Jesus for the people you encounter. You are to be the light and the salt so that in you people might come to faith in God. Slide #15 The second is to allow God to form you into his likeness. We call that the process of sanctification or holiness. You are to become imitators of God and Jesus Christ. Throughout your life, you are to grow more into the likeness of Jesus Christ so that two years from now, you are not the same person you are today. This is the work of God in you.
When we begin the Christian life, many of you are like a rough rock. You are rough around the edges and there’s really nothing beautiful about us in the end. But how do you get these rocks to become beautiful? If you know anything about lapidary which is the art of polishing stones, you know you place them in a tumbler and you tumble them over and over. But you have to add grit which is a substance that is harder than the rocks themselves. As the rocks tumble that abrasive slurry begins to rub off the rough edges. And with each step you add another kind of grit and the polishing process makes them more and more beautiful. This is the metaphor of the Christian life. At the beginning of your journey of faith, you’ve got great potential and along that journey you’re rubbing up against abrasive things like your co-workers who do annoying things or ones who you just don’t care for. And so all of those people in the workplace are grit for your life. When you look at them as children of God and even gifts of God to form and shape you into the likeness of Christ, then they become a Thou in your life. It can allow you to pray, “God use that person, use those irritating habits, use this difficult situation to stretch me and grow me in to the likeness of your son.” God is sanctifying you in the workplace.
Your boss is your neighbor. Your employees are your neighbor. Your customers are your neighbor. Your co-workers are your neighbor. Love your neighbor as yourself. Write your name boss, write the name of your co-worker or children, write the irritating co-worker or customer. We’re going to close today by praying for those people right now. Pray for God to use you to bless your boss. You pray. . Pray for God to use you to bless your customers or co-workers. You pray. . Pray for the irritating people of God in your life that you can grow to love and encourage and minister to them. Closing prayer.
