[This sermon is contributed by Hal Seed of New Song Church in Oceanside, California and of www.PastorMentor.com. Hal is the author of numerous books including The God Questions and The Bible Questions. If you are interested in The Bible Questions Church-wide Campaign, please visit and watch Hal’s video at www.PastorMentor.com.]
For additional sermons related to the Fireproof movie, visit www.fireproofoutreach.com.
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He First Loved Us
Fireproof Your Relationships: Sermon Two
1 John 4:7-19
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[Author’s suggestion: For a powerful application, at the end of the message, have a couple prepared to share the story of their marriage and how they are going to apply the Love Dare Challenge this week, or, ask one couple and one single to take the challenge a week ahead of time and have them share their experiences at the end of the message.]
[Author’s note: sentences and phrases in all capital letters are meant to be made into PowerPoint slides.]
Good morning friends.
The story of Roger Bannister is legendary in the annals of sports history. (Author’s suggestion: Google, "Roger Bannister picture" and capture the Sports Illustrated cover there for your PowerPoint show.) On May 6, 1954, Bannister broke the four-minute mile barrier. People said it was humanly impossible to run a mile under four minutes. They thought we were incapable of covering that amount of distance in that amount of time.
The record Roger broke had stood for 9 full years. The record was 4:01.4, set by a Swedish runner named "Gunder Haegg," in 1945. They called him, "Gunder the wonder." Until Bannister, no one approached Gunder’s time; no one threatened it. All but a few dreamers thought it couldn’t be done. But 46 days after Bannister broke the four-minute barrier, an Australian lowered the record still further. Once Bannister proved it could be done, many others did it. Today, hundreds of runners have eclipsed four minutes. John Walker did it 129 times. Steve Scott did it 136 times. Bannister ran a 3:59. The record today is 3:43.
We are learning these days How to Fireproof Our Relationships. Most of us have difficulty doing things we’ve never seen or experienced before. So, throughout the rest of the messages in this series, I am going to give you practical tools and suggestions on how to be a better husband, wife, neighbor, and friend. But for this message, I want to point you to the source of good relational behavior. Like the sub-four-minute mile, many of us have missed out on an experience that God says is essential for the human soul: we’ve missed out on experiencing love at the deepest level. What you have not seen or experienced, you will not duplicate.
This morning I want to point you towards God and His love, so that you can see and experience love.
A few weeks ago, Sherwood Pictures released a film called, "Fireproof." It’s about a marriage teetering on the brink of divorce. The husband, a fireman named Caleb Holt, decided that, just like you never walk out on a partner in a fire, so you never walk out on a partner in a marriage.
Caleb’s dad gives him a book with some practical suggestions on how to love his wife. Caleb tries these steps, but they don’t work for him.
It’s like running a sub-four minute mile. If you’ve never seen one or experienced one, it’s likely you’re not going to be able to run one. Watch this scene from the movie. (Play the Session Two clip from your Fireproof Your Marriage DVD. SHOW CLIP.)
"You cannot give what you do not have."
Most of us grew up in homes where we talked about love. A few of us grew up in homes where we experienced true, deep, unconditional love. As we’ve grown up, what many of us are finding is that it’s really hard to love if we’ve never truly felt loved.
One of the great problems of our world is that many many people are walking around these days trying to give and receive something they’ve never experienced for themselves.
Do you remember the old Beatle’s song I mentioned last week?
"All you need is love..."
What are the next words again? Say them with me: "Oo, oo, oo, oo, oo."
"All you need is love. Oo, oo, oo, oo, oo."
That’s not really true is it?
Last week we said that, in order to give love, we need to practice. We need to take tangible steps in the direction of the people we want to love. -- How many of you practiced the Love/Dare Challenge last week? -- Good for you. We’ll have another one today.
Before we get to that, let me add something else to the Beatle’s lyrics.
BESIDES NEEDING TO GIVE LOVE, ALL OF US NEED TO BE LOVED.
Because we can’t go where we can’t see. We’ve got to receive love before we can give it.
Let me show this to you in very practical terms. OPEN A BIBLE AND TURN TO 1 JOHN 4:7-19
The person who wrote this was an old man named, "John." Do we have anyone here named John today? Is anyone here who is related to someone named John? How many of the rest of you know someone named John?
Almost all of the people we know named John were named after this man.
John was the youngest of Jesus’ twelve disciples. At the very beginning of His ministry, in Matthew 4, Jesus calls John and his brother James out of their fishing boat and says, "Follow me."
John did. For 3 ½ years, he watched Jesus, listened to Him, ate meals with him, slept beside him, heard Him pray, and watched Him die. John concluded that, in Jesus, he had found the Messiah, the Son of the Living God.
This young man devoted his life to telling others about God’s love. He did that for 50 years, then 60 years. Finally, age 65 or 75 years old, John writes to a group of people that matter deeply to him. In this little letter he calls them, "Dear children, my dear children," and "dear friends."
Listen to this (read 1 John 4:7-19).
Over the years, something has happened to John. In his early years, he experienced God’s love, through His Savior, Jesus. When Jesus went to heaven, the Bible describes in Acts 2 how the Holy Spirit descended and moved into the hearts of Jesus’ disciples. John felt it. John lived with the Holy Spirit, God’s love, inside of him for 5 or 6 decades. And now, towards the end of his life, it’s practically all he can talk about, all he can think about, all he cares about.
Erma Bombeck once said, "If I had my life to live over again..."
She said,
"I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren’t there for the day.
"I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.
"I would have talked less and listened more.
"I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.
"I would have eaten the popcorn in the "good" living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.
"I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.
"I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.
"I would have sat on the lawn with my children and not worried about grass stains.
"I would have cried and laughed less while watching television, and more while watching life.
"I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn’t show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.
"Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I’d have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
"When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later. Now go get washed up for dinner."
"There would have been more "I love you’s." More "I’m sorry’s."
"But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute... look at it and really see it... live it... and never give it back.
"Stop sweating the small stuff. Don’t worry about who doesn’t like you, who has more, or who’s doing what.
"Instead, let’s cherish the relationships we have with those who DO love us."
By the time John writes this letter, he’s learned what Erma has learned, that relationships are really all that matters. The toys, the titles, the promotions, the events, at the end of life, they don’t really matter. Relationships do.
Let me show you a few things from this passage. Listen or look at the first verse we read:
"Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God... Whoever does not love does not know God, because is love." -- In one verse, he uses the word "love," which is the Greek word, "agape," five times. (Note from author: if you’re tempted to explain the difference between agape, phileos and eros here, don’t. We’ll cover that in week six.) All told, he uses the word 21 times in this one passage.
Something has happened to John. He’s become obsessed with love.
It’s not something he planned, it’s just something he lived. He experienced God’s love, and it felt so good to him and seemed so right to him, and was so healing and helpful to the people around him, that over time, he just became a love machine.
What does this have to do with you? Everything.
Most of us long to be loved, but we don’t know how to get it.
Many of us long to give love, but we keep sabotaging our own efforts and making things worse.
Some of us feel like we’ve tried to love those around us, but it never quite works out, so we toy with just going off on our own and giving up on the whole relationship thing. Isn’t that true?
Let me show you FIVE PRINCIPLES OF RELATIONSHIPS from what John, this wise and loving old man, has said to us here.
This first principle may be more implied than stated, but it’s true.
1. WHEN PEOPLE HAVE PROFOUND EXPERIENCES, THEY WANT TO SHARE THEM.
My first experience with real success came when I was 12 years old and given the MVP Trophy by the YMCA team I was swimming for at the time. It was the highest honor possible on the team. I didn’t see it coming. -- In fact, the photographer for the local newspaper showed up at the beginning of the banquet that night. He could only stay for 15 minutes, so the coach took me into a separate room and said, "Harris, this man is from the News Press and wants to take a picture of this trophy. Would you hold it up so he can get a good shot of it?" I did so without thinking twice about it... until much later that evening when I realized that all of my friends had gotten an award, and I hadn’t yet.
This suspicion began to creep into the back of my mind. "Could that trophy be for me?"
The trophy was half as tall as I was. When the coach handed it to me, I lit up like a halogen bulb. People started shaking my hand and I felt a feeling that I wanted to share with the whole world.
You’ve had some great moments like that too, haven’t you? When something so good happened, you just wanted to share it with everyone?
John says,
SINCE GOD SO LOVED US, WE ALSO OUGHT TO LOVE ONE ANOTHER. -- 1 JOHN 4:12
See,
2. AN ENCOUNTER WITH GOD’S LOVE IS A PROFOUND EXPERIENCE.
And when we have profound experiences, we naturally want to share them. So when you experience God’s love, you naturally want to share that love with the people you love. Did you follow that?
I still remember the first time I experienced God’s love. Driving north on the Ventura Freeway with my swim coach and a few friends, I invited Christ into my life. We were driving home from a Christian coffeehouse. The people I met at that coffeehouse had such a genuine love that I wanted what they had. So, with coach’s help, I invited Christ into my heart that night, and as I did that, I experienced this overwhelming sense of God’s love for me.
I had always believed that God loved the world, like it says in John 3:16. What had never occurred to me before was that God loved me, just me, for who I was.
God’s love filled that car that night, and it filled me. It was such a profound experience that I shared it with my eight closest friends in the next seven days.
It was a profound experience. -- If you haven’t experienced God’s love this way, I’m going to give you a chance to do just that a few minutes from now. But let’s keep moving.
When you experience something profound, you naturally want to share it. Few experiences can compare with experiencing God’s love.
Principle #3:
3. THOSE WHO LIVE CLOSE TO GOD FIND THAT THEIR LOVE FOR OTHERS IS ALWAYS INCREASING.
Let me prove this to you.
John says in v. 16. GOD IS LOVE. WHOEVER LIVES IN LOVE LIVES IN GOD, AND GOD IN HIM. IN THIS WAY, LOVE IS MADE COMPLETE AMONG US. -- 1 JOHN 4:16-17
When you live close to God, you find your love increasing.
It’s like when you hang around someone who’s really good at what they do. If you hang around with a great athlete, you’ll find yourself thinking about sports, eating better, exercising more, working to get better at one or more sports.
If you hang around a focused businessperson, you’ll find yourself thinking about setting and achieving goals, being more productive, taking advantage of opportunities as they come your way.
If you hang around a mom, you’ll find yourself noticing her children, thinking about their welfare. Greatness is contagious. If you hang around it, it’ll rub off on you.
God’s love is so great that if you live close to Him, you will find yourself becoming more like Him, valuing what He values, acting like He acts. When you get close to God, you will find yourself becoming more loving, and that’s the key to all relationships.
"So, how do you get close to God?"
Very simple: you hang out with Him, just like you’d hang out with any other friend. You talk to Him, you invite Him to go with you during your day. You come to church, because this is where the rest of God’s friends hang out, and when you’re close friends, you start to hang out with your close friend’s friends.
I have several close friends. Most of them have read every book I’ve written. Because they’re interested in me, they’re interested in what I have to say. The same is true with God’s friends. God’s friends try to read everything He’s written. According to Christianity, everything that God has written has come to us in this book (the Bible.) Maybe the easiest way I have found to hang out with God is to read what He’s written and then to think about it or talk about it with Him. The more I read this book, the more His thoughts become my thoughts, and the more His thoughts become my thoughts, the closer I feel to Him. The closer I feel to Him, the more my love increases -- yes, for Him, but also for my wife and friends, and acquaintances, and people I don’t even know.
It’s a funny thing. The more you know God, the better you love people. John says, "God is love." Not, "God has love," but, "God is love." People, you cannot give what you do not have. God is love. If you have Him, you have love. If you do not have Him, you only think you have love because God not only has not only cornered the market on love, God is the market when it comes to love.
If you take nothing else from what I say today, take that. The more you know God, the better you will love people. You cannot give what you do not have, when you have God’s love, you then have the ability to give everyone you relate to everything they could possibly want from you.
But there is a first step you must take.
I think you know that I pray for every prayer request that comes in to the church, whether on your Welcome Cards, or phoned in, or emailed to the office. To the best of my ability, I read and pray for them all.
Sometimes I see requests that trouble me. Because they’re requests I know God is trying to answer. When I read these types of requests I think, "the problem isn’t on God’s end, it’s on this person’s end."
These requests always go like this: "Help me feel closer to God."
Friends, there is nothing stopping you for become close to God. Getting there isn’t hard, and it isn’t complicated. And it doesn’t depend on God, it depends on you. In the book of Revelation, Jesus says, "HERE I AM! I STAND AT THE DOOR AND KNOCK. IF ANYONE HEARS MY VOICE AND OPENS THE DOOR, I WILL COME IN AND EAT WITH HIM, AND HE WITH ME." -- REVELATION 3:20
In the Jewish faith, there is nothing closer than having a meal together. God says He is eager to have a meal with us. All we have to do is open the door. He’s there, He’s willing, He’s waiting.
If you want to get closer to God, you just need to open the door
Opening the door is a metaphor for inviting Christ into your life. I did that on the Ventura Freeway with my swimming coach. With him leading me, I prayed, "Jesus, would you come into my life. I want a personal relationship with You. I know there are things that I have done that would disqualify me from a relationship with You. Would You forgive me for those things and become my Lord and my Savior and my friend." I was changed forever when I prayed that prayer. It was January 20, 1971, but I remember it like it was yesterday. Because that day, the Lord forgave me of all my junk, and came close to me. And He’s been close to me ever since. The only times we’ve been apart are times when I moved away from Him.
Some of you want to pray a prayer like that today, don’t you? I’ll pray that prayer with you in a few minutes. But let me complete this thought first.
Once you’ve gotten close to God by opening the door of your life to Him, the key is to stay close. Staying close to God is not complicated. Spend time with Him. Hang out with Him. Come to church every weekend so you can hang out with the people who hang out with God. Join a small group where you can hang out more intimately with a few of God’s friends. Read what He’s written. Talk to Him about what you’re reading. Treat Him like a close friend, and you’ll become a close friend. And when you become God’s close friend, then you’ll discover that you are better able to love and care for the people who matter to you.
Can you see this? Is this making sense? Can you see why you need God’s love in order to love others?
If you continue reading John’s words, he says something surprising in v. 18. He says, THERE IS NO FEAR IN LOVE. BUT PERFECT LOVE DRIVES OUT FEAR, BECAUSE FEAR HAS TO DO WITH PUNISHMENT. -- 1 JOHN 4:18
Wait a second. I thought we were talking about love. When did fear come into the conversation? What does fear have to do with love? -- Well, nothing, really. Fear has nothing to do with love. That’s John’s fourth principle:
4. LOVE ELIMINATES FEAR.
See, most of us want to love, but were driven by fear. Fear of failure. Fear of rejection. Fear we’ll be hurt or disappointed.
We went to war because we were afraid that Osama Bin Laden would attack us again if we didn’t put him on the defense. It was a valid fear.
Fear is the belief that something nearby is harmful or dangerous. There are lots of things that are harmful and dangerous in this world, so there are lots of reasons to be fearful. - Unless you have love. Because perfect love drives out fear.
The Apostle Paul says, "If God is for us, who can be against us?" (Romans 8:31). The author of Hebrews says, "The Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid. What can human beings do to me?" (Hebrews 13:6, TNIV)
Love eliminates fear.
As a result of staying close to Jesus, this great elderly man named John, became a person who excelled in the fine art of loving. When you start to excel at loving, you stop fearing people. And when you have no fear of people, you stop competing with them, you stop trying to get them to notice you and you stop depending on them to make you feel good.
That brings us to principle #5...
5. WE LOVE BECAUSE HE FIRST LOVED US.
That’s the great secret that John unveiled 2000 years ago. We love because He first loved us. We cannot give what we do not have, but once we have received love from God, if we stay close to Him, we just get better and better and better at loving people.
I remember meeting with a young man a few years ago. He had done some things early in his marriage that had hurt his wife, so she had slowly closed off to him and was contemplating divorce. Over the previous six months, this young man had been living closely with God, so I asked him, "Duane, when was it in your life that you had the most to offer your wife?"
He thought a minute and then said, "Now."
I said, "That’s right. You have never been able to be a better husband than you are today. Go home without fear and let your wife see how much you love her. It may take awhile to heal the scars, but 1 Peter 4:8 says that love overcomes a multitude of sins."
Roger Bannister did humanity a great favor by running the mile in 3:59. He showed us we could do something that nobody thought could be done. Since his time, many people have run sub-four minute miles. In that way, Roger was like Jesus. John says that Jesus came to show us what real love is--selfless and others-centered, and to enable us to experience it. We cannot give what we do not have. But we can have what God is offering us. And He’s offering love this morning. Love so that we can love Him and love others.
Let me give you two Love Dare Challenges, and then we’re done.
The first is, receive God’s love if you’ve never done so before. This is a challenge, because it requires faith and humility on your part. Faith to believe that God really will love you and start a friendship with you, if you ask Him to. And humility to admit that He is God and you are not.
Here’s the prayer my swim coach helped me pray in 1971. Maybe you’d like to pray it today:
LORD JESUS, I WANT TO RECEIVE YOUR LOVE TODAY. I BELIEVE YOU CAME AND DIED FOR ME, AND I WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND AND FOLLOWER, STARTING TODAY. SO I OFFICIALLY INVITE YOU INTO MY LIFE TODAY. LEAD ME, GUIDE ME, LOVE ME, SO THAT I CAN LOVE OTHERS BETTER EACH DAY.
How many of you would like to pray that prayer with me today?
Good. I’ll read it out loud and you pray it quietly, or voice the words silently in your mind.
(Pray the prayer.) Congratulations! You are now a child of God and eligible to experience His love every day. Don’t miss it! If you’ll come up afterwards, we’ll give you a Bible so you can read God’s thoughts and begin hanging out with Him. And whatever else you do, be sure to come back next weekend so you can continue to build a habit of hanging out with God’s people.
The second Love Dare Challenge is a three-part-er, one part will fit who you are.
HUSBANDS:
EVERY DAY THIS WEEK, ASK THE LORD TO SHOW YOU ONE WAY TO LOVE YOUR WIFE, AND THEN DO IT.
Here’s how you can do this. Spend 4-5 minutes talking to God each morning, and once you’ve gotten through the normal prayer requests for your day and your family, at the very end of your prayer say, "Lord, show me one way I can tangibly love my wife today." If something comes to mind, do it. If nothing comes to mind, read 1 Corinthians 13. I guarantee you’ll think of something while you’re reading that.
Husbands, will you take this challenge?
WIVES:
EVERY DAY THIS WEEK, ASK THE LORD TO SHOW YOU ONE WAY TO LOVE YOUR HUSBAND, AND THEN DO IT.
Work the same process your husband is going to work. A few minutes of prayer, reading 1 Corinthians 13 if you don’t hear anything directly from God. Then doing whatever it is that you believe the Lord wants you to do that day to love your husband.
Wives, will you take this challenge?
Singles, your challenge is similar.
SINGLES:
MAKE A LIST (RIGHT NOW) OF 6 FAMILY MEMBERS, FRIENDS OR CO-WORKERS AND ASSIGN A DAY TO EACH OF THEM. THEN, EVERY DAY THIS WEEK, ASK THE LORD TO SHOW YOU ONE WAY TO LOVE THE PERSON OF THE DAY, THEN DO IT.
Singles, will you take this challenge?
All right, then your first step is to write out the names and days of your six before we finish taking the offering.
Let’s pray. (Ask God to walk closely with each person, to strengthen their love and ability to love. Ask Him to give them ability to give love in meaningful ways each day this week.)
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