Note: This is the sermon manuscript that Ben carried into the pulpit. Feel free to use it in any way to advance the kingdom of God.
Questions For God:
Is It Possible to Be a Good Dad? (Part 1)
Englewood Baptist Church
Sunday Morning, Aug. 10, 2008
We have been talking about questions—questions that people often ask about God. They bring them to their pastors.
Here is the question that I would like to deal with for the next two weeks. A letter is sent to a pastor. The letter is from a 25-year old man who has just discovered that his wife is pregnant with a little boy. Listen to the letter….
Dear Pastor,
It is 3 A.M. right now and I am writing because I really need your help. My wife and I went to see an ultrasound of our baby last week. This is our firstborn and we are told that it’s a boy! I know I should be excited to have a fishin’ buddy—a little man to carry to ball games, but I could not sleep tonight. Here is why. I never had a daddy. My dad walked out on my mom when I was 2. I don’t have a single memory of him and I have no model for fatherhood. Is it possible for me to be a good dad?
Nervously,
Dwight R.
Well, I have got great news for you, Dwight.
All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work. 2 Timothy 3:16-17
I am not qualified to teach anyone how to be a good dad. I haven’t proven yet that I can produce godly kids, but praise the Lord that His Word is able to equip you for every good work. And I can tell you this—the work of fathering is good work. It is one of the highest callings on Earth, but you have got to be equipped. Great kids don’t happen by accident.
Country Music mega-star, Reba McIntire sings a song called “The Greatest Man.” It is a beautiful song with a tragic message. A young girl writes about her Dad. Here are the lyrics:
The Greatest Man
The greatest man I never knew lived just down the hall
And every day we said, “Hello,” though we never touched at all.
He was in his paper and I was in my room.
How was I to know he thought I hung the moon?
The greatest man I never knew, I guess I’ll never know.
He worked late almost every night
He never had too much to say, too much was on his mind.
Now it seems so sad that everything he gave us took all he had.
Days faded to years and the memories to black and white.
He grew cold like an old winter wind that blew across my life.
The greatest words I never heard, I guess I’ll never hear.
The man I thought would never die has been dead almost a year.
He was good at business, but there was business left to do.
He never said he loved me; guess he thought I knew.
- Reba McEntire
My hope for you, fathers, is that no child of yours will ever hear this song and identify with it. When this song is played on the radio, I pray that your children are thoroughly confused by it—that an absent father is a foreign concept. I know that, like me, you want to be a good daddy.
How do we do it? The Word of God gives us clear direction. I want to give you 10 Qualities Every Family Needs to See in a Dad. I will deal with five of those this week and five next week. Here are some general instructions about your role as Daddy.
10 Qualities Every Family Needs to See in a Dad
1. A Dad who is saved and walks with God. (Gen. 5:24; 6:9)
Look at two verses from the book of Genesis:
Genesis 5:24 – “And Enoch walked with God; and he was not, for God took him.”
Genesis 6:9 – “These are the records of the generations of Noah. Noah was a righteous man, blameless in his time; Noah walked with God.”
The phrase “walked with God” is only used of Enoch and Noah. “Walk” indicates a communion or intimacy with God. The Minor Prophets, at the end of the Old Testament, used this phrase to describe the intimate walk that priests made as they entered the Holy of Holies to speak directly with the Lord. It describes the closest communion with God—as if walking at His side. Enoch went through life, step by step, in fellowship with God.
Most type A men don’t like walks because they’re not efficient. If you’re trying to get something done quickly, you don’t take a walk. That is why the metaphor of a walk with God is so helpful. When you’re walking with someone, you’re not moving so fast that conversation is difficult. You can enjoy your companion. When you and your wife walk through a scenic park, you can look together at the cloud formations. You can savor the turning of the leaves in the fall. You can listen to the sounds of a stream as it trickles by. Taking long walks with someone is a great picture of intimacy.
That’s why, when you get on those internet dating sites, and a man is trying to lure in a woman. He writes on his bio, “I enjoy long walks on the beach.” Yeah, right! Why does he say that? Because he knows that walking is an intimate thing and women are looking for intimacy.
Fathers, your kids need to see you intimate with God. If your kids see you walking with God, going into the Holy of Holies, they will want to go there to. Enoch and Noah walked with God and that was written in their eulogy. What will your children write in yours? Will they say, “Dad was a big UT fan. Dad was the best fisherman in West Tennessee. Dad was the funniest man I ever knew. All those things are fine and well, but the dominant thought of you that should enter into their minds is this one: “My dad walked with God.” If that is true, they will likely desire the same.
Men, are you walking with God? Is He the Rock of your life? Is he at the center of your wheel? Is he north on your compass? Or, is he something that the preacher talks about on Sunday.
Do you know what one of the most deflating statements is for me as a pastor? Sometimes I will meet a new family that is visiting the church and a natural question I ask is, “So, how did you all come to visit us?” And on more than one occasion, this is the answer that I get, “We just thought our kids needed to grow up in church.”
I understand that it’s important for you to bring your children to church. They need to be in this environment and be exposed to worship. But let me tell you what is far more important than bringing them to church. Having church every day in your home. They need to grow up in a home where every day is a day of worship. Every day is another opportunity to walk with God.
You might be bringing your kids to AWANAS every week: GREAT! But if Scripture memory is unimportant to you, it will mean little to your children. You can send your kids to Christian schools, but if that school is not an extension of your home, then that child will grow up with spiritual schizophrenia. The child will be double-minded and unstable in all he/she does.
So what does that mean? It means that you, fathers, that you must let your kids see you walking with the Savior. It’s called modeling and it’s the best form of teaching.
Let me give you a statistic.
When the mother of the family is the first person to accept Christ, the rest of the family will convert 17% of the time. When a child is first, the family follows 31% of the time. However, when the father turns to Christ first, the family will follow him 93% of the time.
--Stand Firm, July 2000
That is a fact. And the fact is, fathers, your walk is the most powerful sermon in your family--more powerful than your wife’s, more powerful than your preacher’s. How are you walking?
2. A Dad who regards the Bible as a treasure. (Ps. 119:11-16)
Psalm 119:11, 14, 16
11. I have hidden your word in my heart
that I might not sin against you.
14. I rejoice in following your statutes
as one rejoices in great riches.
16. I delight in your decrees;
I will not neglect your word.
Your children must see you delighting in God’s Word.
I can’t tell you how blessed I was to grow up in a house where Dad was always reading his Bible. He had this big black leather case around his Bible. I thought that was so ultra cool, and when he read it, he seemed to be so enamored and captivated. I used to take my Dad’s Bible and I would open that big zipper and fold it out on my lap. I would look at all the things he had written in it, all the little scraps of paper and thoughts that he wanted to remember. I was in awe of His Bible because I knew that he was in awe of it.
Men, I can’t say it any clearer. You need to read the Bible to your kids all the time and they need to wake up from their beds sometimes, and walk out into the front room and see you in that chair, captivated by the Word. I don’t think I would be a preacher today if I hadn’t fallen in love with my Dad’s Bible.
With preschoolers, it is a little bit tough to read the Bible. Their attention span is so short, but that’s not an excuse. It can be done. Last week, my daughter came up to me with her little tiny pink New Testament that the church had given her long ago. She said, “Daddy, will you read the Bible to me?” I said, “Of course, I will.” We laid down on the bed and I handed the little book to her. I said, “You open it. You pick the story.” She opened the Bible to Ephesians 1 which deals with predestination and my eyes lit up and I said, “Oh, wow, the story of Jonah!” Someday, I might explain to her that I lied, but I wanted her to go to bed that night with an excitement about that book. I wanted her to see my eyes get big and my voice get louder.
Psalm 119:14 says, “I rejoice in following your statutes as one rejoices in great riches.” When your children hold onto their Bibles, you want them to feel like they are holding on to a million dollars cash. They will treasure it, if they see their daddy treasure it.
If you are here today and you don’t know how to read your Bible, you are a dad who wants to start, then I urge you to start in the New Testament and read a chapter or two a day. Follow the birth and life of Jesus for a few months. Just follow him everywhere he goes, as the disciples did. When you are finished reading each day, in an unhurried fashion, say, “Lord, what can I learn from these truths. Speak to me.” What will happen over time, is that you will come to realize the treasure that is in your hands. You’ll start to walk closer with God.
3. A Dad who lives by courageous conviction. (Joshua 24:14-15)
One of my favorite Old Testament passages is the story of Joshua. In the final chapter of that amazing book, Joshua is giving the people one last charge. Now that they have arrived in the Promised Land, they have a choice to make about the way they are going to live. This man of God wants his people to know that he is unbending when it comes to his convictions.
This is what he says:
Now fear the LORD and serve him with all faithfulness. Throw away the gods your forefathers worshiped beyond the River and in Egypt, and serve the LORD. But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve…But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD. Joshua 24:14-15
Joshua had guts. He was courageous. He was not concerned with being cool and accepted and “normal.” He said, “You all can live how you please, but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” Be a man of conviction. Don’t be spineless or passive. Don’t let other parents determine what is best for your kids. You set the rules and the values in your home. Sometimes that may mean World War III with your daughter. It might mean that your son resent you for a period of time, but one day he will thank you for it.
I ran across a little article while preparing this sermon. The article is called “Fathers are teachers.” Just a couple of paragraphs.
Listen:
Fathers Are Teachers
Fathers have about the greatest opportunity as teachers of anyone in the world – in many respects greater than the opportunity of the school teacher. You see, that boy or girl in the home has the chance to see if father and mother really believe and practice what they teach.
A father who acts as if he believed in Sunday school, and then doesn’t go himself, is teaching by his actions that he really doesn’t feel it very important; a father who teaches love and tolerance to all and yet maintains a critical attitude in the home toward his brothers and sisters in the church, is doing a wrong to his children which never in this world can be undone. It is pure poison to the mind of the child, and will most certainly be a stumbling block in the way of the child becoming a Christian.
A father who says he believes the Bible to be the greatest Book in the world as he leaves it on the shelf to gather dust while he spends hours with the newspaper, magazines, radio and television is in reality saying, “Children, the Bible really isn’t too important. Read it, if you have any extra time.”
What one of you hasn’t heard a little boy step proudly forward among his playmates and declare, “I KNOW that’s so because my Daddy said so!” He has confidence in you, dear Father, and the things which he sees you put first in your life are going to stand out as mighty important to him, too.
You see, father, YOU ARE A TEACHER!
You are teaching your convictions. What are convictions? They are those principles that you are convinced of. If you are convinced that your daughter should not wear tight clothing that reveals her body, then do not allow it. Just say, “As for me and my house, we will value modesty. That pleases the Lord.” If you are convinced that your child spends too much time on the phone, then take the phone away. Just say, “As for me and my house, we are going to enjoy uninterrupted time together.” If you are convinced that worship is central to your family’s life, then stand up and say, “You will not spend the night at your friend’s house tonight. We are going to church as a family tomorrow.”
Many parents say to me, “I just feel like I’m dragging my kids to church. They don’t want to go.” So what. My daddy never asked me if I wanted to go. He turned the light on, threw off the blankets, and said, “Get up kids, we’re going to the Lord’s house today. We’re going to church.” And we whined and complained and sat cross-armed in the service, but I was like a sponge and Ididn’t even know it. It is amazing how my father’s convictions have now become my own.
So I say to you dads what God said to Joshua. Be strong and courageous. Your children need you to be an anchor. They may try to move you and push you along with the tides of pop culture, but you must hunker down and say, “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.”
4. A Dad who makes everyone feel loved. (1 Cor. 13:1-5)
1 Corinthians is the famous love chapter. We have heard it read hundreds of times at weddings. Many a Kleenex has been used as women ponder the weight of these words. Let me read this poetic passage in the Message Translation. This is what Paul says the dominance of love:
If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don’t love, I’m nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. If I speak God’s Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, "Jump," and it jumps, but I don’t love, I’m nothing. If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love. 1 Cor. 13:1-5 (The Message)
That is true for any father in his home. He is bankrupt without love. It doesn’t matter what he says or what he believes when his life lacks an outpouring of love. Can you imagine the ministry of Christ if he went from city to city preaching great sermons but never taking the time to listen to Zaccheus, or counseling with a Centurion, or speaking words of grace to a cheating woman? His words would mean nothing. But, instead, he backed up everything he said with enormous demonstrations of unconditional love.
Dads, let me give you…
8 ways to say I love you
1.Begin each day by hugging your wife and each child and say “I love you.”
2.Plan special family trips in advance so that the family can anticipate something together.
3.Surprise the family. Cancel a morning, an afternoon, or even a full day of work, just to be with them.
4.Pick a day and let your child go to work with you.
5.Take an interest in your child’s schoolwork. Ask them to tell you about it and listen.
6.Write each child a love letter and mail it.
7.Apologize often about your shortcomings. Tell them what you plan to do to change.
8.End each day by hugging your wife and each child and say, “I love you.”
If you have not love, nothing else matters.
5. A Dad who showers mom with love. (Eph. 5:25)
Listen to Ephesians 5:25…
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her… Eph. 5:25
It has been said that the best thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother. I was talking with a young dad recently who confessed to me that he never once saw his dad kiss his mom, or hug, or flirt. There was never any tenderness between the two of them. That was something that he was committed to changing in his own marriage. The husband-wife relationship is the priority of the home. You see this in Gen. 2, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” This “one flesh” relationship becomes the new priority. Your children might come from your own flesh and blood, but you are not “one flesh” with them. After God, you love your spouse first. Any marriage counselor will tell you this: One of the worst things you can do to poison your kids is to love them more than you love your spouse. They need for you to demonstrate the priority of marriage.
If you have ever ridden in an airplane, you are familiar with the boring tutorial you receive before the plane takes off. The stewardess instructs on how to fasten your safety belt. And then she says something that seems abusive and cruel. She says something like this: “If the plane depressurizes, oxygen masks will lower. Parents, apply your mask first and then apply your child’s mask.”
Now, doesn’t that sound cruel? Most parents would want to put their child’s needs to be met before their own. But some smart people in the travel industry figured something out. Dead parents can’t take care of their children. And when your marriage hits rock bottom and it is dead and you are so unhappy and bored in that relationship, you are no longer able to help your kids like you need to.
So, even though it feels wrong, you should ignore them sometimes so that you can give your wife undivided attention and meet her needs. I know whenever Lynley and I go out together our daughter cries these giant alligator tears and she says, “Don’t leave me. I want you to stay home. What time are you coming back?” And it doesn’t matter if I say 5 minutes or 5 days, she always says the same thing, “That’s too long.”
She can’t work the formula, in her 4-year old brain, of oneness in marriage. She can’t grasp it, ut the Bible says, in marriage here is the formula: one plus one equals one. You are one flesh and it takes work to stay one.
Dads, you are the one God calls to watch the wick of your marriage. That candle of love must keep burning because once that flame goes out or even when it dims to a flicker, the children are deeply impacted. And one day, your daughter is going to grow up and she is probably going to want to marry a boy. When she goes looking for a life partner, may she go in search for a man that will treat her like Daddy treated Mommy.
This is pleasing to the Lord.
Dwight, if you are out there. I hope you caught these 5 principles. Next week, 5 more. The Word of God can equip you for every good work.
