9 Biblical Principles to Friendships: John 15:13-15
“Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends. You are My friends if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you slaves, for the slave does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I have heard from My Father I have made known to you.” – John 15:13-15
Introduction: We all need friends, but few understand the basics about forming quality friendships. A true friend is someone whom we enjoy mutual affection, interests, and respect for. The best friends are those who are helpers in times of trouble. Those who are our advocates when we find ourselves in need are the kind of friends that are worth having. Solomon once wrote, "A brother is born for times of adversity…” but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother - that is God, our closest companion.
Christ’s friendship gives us everlasting love, direction, and revelation of His will for our life. Let us explore some of the essential facts about our vertical and horizontal friendships so we can appropriate these relationships.
1. Friendships are enhanced when we share mutual goals, values, and power. Jesus knew that the best kinds of friendships would come from an intimate relationship with Him. Nothing comes close to the satisfaction we get when we are in close communication with the Lord Jesus. I often hear people quoting that verse that says, “Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends” and then saying that they are that type of friend and that they would die for a good friend…they have missed the whole point of this passage. This is a picture pointing us to our Savior. It is not about what we would or can do, it’s about what He has already done. Jesus laid down His life for us; there is no greater love than the love of Jesus Christ! When we can understand this, our horizontal relationships will flourish.
Illustration: “Our favorite hymn in our seminary chapel in Nigeria, where I taught for nearly twenty years was, "There’s not a friend like the humble Jesus. No not one. No not one. None else can heal all our souls diseases. No not one. No not one. Jesus knows all about our struggles. He will guide till the day is done. There’s not a friend like the humble Jesus. No not one. No not one." Let Jesus be your closest friend by spending the first part and the most valuable parts of your day with him in praise, communion and submission to His directives.” – Dr. Paul Fritz
2. Friendship is enhanced when we share mutual activities that contribute to the qualitative and quantitative expansion of the kingdom of God and His righteousness. This could be best illustrated by a triangle. When two people want to get closer to one another they must first draw closer to the Jesus at the apex of the triangle. As they draw closer to the Lord in obedience, love, and trust, they will find themselves drawing closer to one another. Too many people falsely assume that they can form friendships without making Christ the center of all relationships. Without Jesus at the center of every friendship, it will eventually fail or cause us to put people above our devotion to God.
3. Friendship is a way that we can show our love for one another as we are commanded to do. True friendship evidences the qualities of patience, kindness, gentleness, and faithfulness without seeking its own interests. Love makes friendships grow by adding enrichment to every relationship. Love is not anxious to impress nor does it boast of its own importance. It knows no limit to endurance because it bears all things, believes the best in every person, hopes for the best in every difficult situation, and endures all kinds of disappointments. Without this type of love, friendships are mercurial, fleeting, and fair weathered.
4. Friendship provides the relationships that bring about 90% of the people into the family of God. Consistently, statistics tell us that about 90% of the people who become Christians do so through a friend or a family member. Friendship evangelism provides a warm relationship where people are able to feel the affection of a loving Christian before they are presented with the hard truths of the gospel. I have a close relationship that I am really trying my best to demonstrate the love of God in right now.
Few people seem to be willing to extend friendships to people before they lay the truths of the gospel on the people around them. May the Lord help us to be kind to all, friendly, and willing to serve those around us by extending a helping hand. The Lord befriended many as a way of demonstrating the love that gives even when others misunderstand, ignore, or criticize the giver. We shouldn’t give to expect. We give to demonstrate the love of God. Christ gave to us even though we did not deserve the gift He gives. Once we are able to understand the gift, we befriend Him.
5. Friendships are so valuable because through them we receive encouragement, consolation of love, fellowship, and affirmation. Without friends it is often difficult to overcome the hardships of life. We all need support, affirmation, and interaction with people who care for us. If you want a friend, you must show yourself to be a friend, wrote Solomon.
6. Friendships provide correction, reproof, and training from someone we know and trust. We all have blind spots in our lives that friends are able to help us see. There are many areas where we all need to improve. Without friends we become narrow in our thinking and unable to see a bigger picture of what God wants us to become in Christ. Allow the Lord to use friends to help you grow in all aspects in Christ as they speak the truth in love (Eph. 4:15). When a friend is giving us knowledge, accept it. Even if you don’t agree, hear their point of view. Solomon wrote, “…fools despise wisdom” and “…pride comes before destruction.”
7. Friendships also have dangers. Friends can give bad advice, double-cross us, hurt us when they pull away from us, and even lead us away from the Lord. Moses wrote, "If your very own brother or your son or daughter or the wife you love or your closest friend secretly entices you saying, "Let us go and worship other gods, do not yield to him or listen to him. Show no pity. Do not spare him or shield him" (Deut 13:6-9). Be careful of allowing friends to lead you astray or to follow after their complacent ways. Ask the Lord to help you to remember that we become like the people we associate with. Choose your friends carefully or you will become like those who have settled for mediocrity, faulty assumptions, or standards that are less than Biblical ideas.
8. Friendships bring the benefit of allowing us to disciple people who need to learn more of Christ’s will for their life. Paul discipled Timothy in the context of a friendly relationship. He wrote, "The things you have heard from me in the presence of many witnesses, the same commit to faithful men who will be able to teach others also" (2 Tim. 2:2). Utilize your friendship in a disciple-making and teaching ministry. Do not just assume that friendships are for your own gratification. Just as God appoints a shepherd to the church, He also has placed you in a unique setting where you have a sphere of influence. You are the shepherd to the sheep going astray around you. Ask the Lord to help you find friendships in several mentoring relationships that will help you bring people to a higher level of spiritual and ministry maturity.
9. Friendships should be on different levels. There are some friendships that will be on a mere acquaintance level, some will involve the sharing of facts, others will allow us to share more of our emotions and inner most feelings, others will be more engaging as we involve ourselves in sharing responsibilities and then finally there will be some rare friendships where we are able to be completely transparent, open and honest with a few close friends. Ask the Lord to help you be filled with the knowledge of His will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so you can know what level of friendship to have with each person you meet.
Conclusion: God does not call anyone to be a lone ranger in His name. We cannot do anything on our own. We first need Christ and then the fellowship of other believers. There are many who say, “God yes, and church no.” That is a dangerous mindset! The whole Christian faith is built on relationships. This would imply that our relationships in life are of great importance. Choose your friends wisely.
My former pastor used to say, “Show me your friends and I’ll show you where you’ll be in 10 years.” Have you ever heard the saying, “You are what you eat?” Well it’s a good thing that is not true because I’d be a eggplant. What is true is that you are what you read, see, hear, and expose yourself to. You become like the people you hang around. It is good to have friends of every gender and walk of life, but do not put yourself in a relationship where bad habits will rub off on you.
As a believer, we must be steadfast with Christ as our anchor. Rub off on them! We are called to be the “salt” and “light” of the world. What do both of these substances do?..Penetrate!
