Text: Eph 4:29-32, Title: When the Spirit Weeps, Date/Place: NRBC, 8/17/08, PM
A. Opening illustration: The fine line between keeping Mackenzie from being a little mama and being a tattletale
B. Background to passage: We now continue in the covenant series with tonight’s message related to a specific problem that we struggle with.
C. Main thought: The Spirit is most grieved and displeased when we fight and behave unbecomingly in the Church of the Living God
A. Gossip (v. 29, 31)
1. In our covenant, we promise “to avoid all tattling.” Paul tells the Ephesians in v. 29 to prohibit “corrupt words” from coming out of our mouths. The word used here means “rotten” or “spoiled” food. This is a broad concept that is further specified in v. 31 with the word that means to slander. So the concept includes a multitude of speech related sins, but specifically those that relate to harming others. The point of Paul’s statement is that as a believer your speech should change. It should be different from others in the world. Remember that God includes gossip with sins such as murder
2. James 3:6-8, Matt 12:36-37, Ps 141:3, Pro 6:16-19,
3. Illustration: Coming out of church, Mrs. Smith asked her husband, "Do you think that Johnson girl is tinting her hair?" "I didn’t even see her," admitted Mr. Smith. "And that dress Mrs. Davis was wearing," continued Mrs. Smith, "Really, don’t tell me you think that’s the proper costume for a mother of two." "I’m afraid I didn’t notice that either," said Mr. Smith. "Oh, for heaven’s sake," snapped Mrs. Smith. "A lot of good it does you to go to church." Only difference between "gossip" and "slander" is one of degrees. Suppose you wanted to kill someone. More than one way to do it. Take a shotgun, walk right up to their face, announce that you’re going to shoot them, and then blow them away. That’s slander. Or, you could take a rifle with a scope. Attach a silencer to it, hide yourself a safe distance away, kill them from long-distance. Never know what hit them. That’s gossip. “We love our insider status more than we love people.”
4. This includes dirty jokes, stories about others (true or untrue), profanity, vulgarity, hateful language, and character slander. The main way that gossip happens at NRBC is by passing along true accounts of other people’s lives to many people. Really, you don’t have to tell everyone you know about all you know. You and I both know that there are certain people that you just can’t tell things to unless you want the whole church to know about it. Ultimately, it is a heart issue. We must begin to kill it in our own hearts first, then stamp it out in the church. You can always say, “Can I quote you on this?” Make people think that you are going to verify every piece of information with their name attached too it. Many times I just want to call people up when I hear that they are mad and sulking about something, and say, “So and So said that you were mad.” And it is usually much less severe than they make it out to be.
B. Feuding (v. 31)
1. The covenant says that we will refrain from “backbiting” which definitely includes gossip, but it also carries along with it a connotation of feuds and factions and divisions. Paul tells the church at Ephesus to put away hatred (bitterness) and fighting (clamor). The word means to take off or stop something that is going on. Paul had no problem stating that this kind of thing goes on in the church, but he was also not content to allow it to remain. He was not convinced this was the way it had to be.
2. Matt 5:23-24, 18:15, Luke 17:4, Mar 11:25, 1 Cor 1:10, Philip 1:27, 2:1-4,
3. Illustration: In 1492, two prominent Irish families, the Ormonds and Kildares (see below), How to turn a disagreement into a feud (see below)
4. There should be no ongoing disputes in the church of the living God. Jesus gives us instructions about how do deal with them. And the reminder tonight is that if there are ongoing disputes among us, it grieves the Spirit and holds back the church. If you are involved in a feud with another church member for any reason, know that it will hurt your walk with Christ, and hold back our church from what God has to say to her. As individuals, you must take whatever steps necessary to resolve conflict on your side, even going the extra mile if necessary. You must realize that your pride is holding you back, and is far less important that the advance of Christ’s church.
C. Grudges (v. 31-32)
1. Since we dealt with the external manifestation of feuding and conflict in the previous point, the covenant and I want to deal with the inner problem that causes these type of things—excessive anger. Paul uses three words here that cover the breadth of feelings and descriptions of anger—wrath, anger, malice. Wrath is sudden or violent outbursts of anger. Anger is the long term state of mind or character or personality disposition. Anger is the simmering, wrath is the explosion. Then malice is all kind of evil thought, hatred, and meanness that is generated by an evil heart.
2. Pro 14:17, 15:18, 16:32, 19:11, 22:24-25, Ecc 7:9, James 1:19, Eph 4:26, 1 Pet 2:21-24,
3. Illustration: Dr. Owen refusing to take the first step. Make two fists right now, please. Squeeze your fists as hard as you can. Tighter. Tighter. Don’t let go until I tell you to. Just hold it there for a while. Are you getting tired? Hold it. Hold it. Hold it. Just a little tighter. Okay, now let go. First did you notice the pain in your fingers when you finally let go? The fists were causing you pain, but it also hurt to STOP making the fists. When we carry a grudge, the grudge squeezes us to death, but the longer we carry that grudge we also find that it’s more and more painful to let go of it. Second, did you notice that at every second it took more and more strength to keep squeezing? You had to focus more energy and attention on it every second in order to keep it up. Carrying a grudge will consume more and more of your life and energy and leave less left over for everything else. Third, some of you may even have noticed a certain numbness from blood not circulating well through the fingers. Carrying a grudge can produce an insensitivity to the person you are mad at, but also to God and to others around you, as more and more of your energy is used up in the nursing of that grudge. Kaitlann poking me in the eye in Wal-Mart, anger management firm stated that
4. Our covenant says that we all promise to refrain from excessive anger. This doesn’t simply have to do with our behavior toward one another, but is all-inclusive. This promise and biblical command applies to every relationship from marriage, to employee, to neighbors, to in-laws, to patronage at McDonald’s, to slow drivers in the fast lane. Most anger is derived from a sense of entitlement and not getting our way. Even if we are being wronged, it is generally about not getting our way. At the core, we are wired to exist for self, and view life as all about what I want. And yes, some of us are more prone to anger, genetically or environmentally. And yes, some of us have more reasons to be angry. But none of these excuses makes it OK. The truth is that a sovereign, loving, merciful God ordains or at least allows all things in our lives (good or bad in our evaluation) from a heart of infinite wisdom and compassion for our good and His glory—everything! So we must learn to receive what God has ordained. Begin with repentance, seek forgiveness, and vow with the Spirit’s help to fight to kill the sin of anger in your life.
D. Grieving the Spirit (v. 30)
1. This verse is strategically placed in this passage. It is a long passage about external manifestations of being a new creature in Christ. It sounds like a moral laundry list, but it really is a fruit of the Spirit list. And these lists were very common in that day. But right in the middle of this list, in fact, right after the verse on corrupt communication, he inserts the warning not to grieve the Spirit. This assumes the personhood of the Spirit and His ability to be brokenhearted. But it also draws a link between sins of the tongue and grief of the Spirit. The Spirit’s job is to make much of Jesus and unify the church, and all these things bring disunity, but especially sins of the tongue. And remember it is the Spirit that empowers, speaks to, convicts, glorifies Christ, and reveals God’s person, will, and intentions to a congregation. And if He is grieved, He will not speak. The implications are deep if you meditate on the potential ramifications of grieving Him. 2 Cor 12:20, 1 Cor 4:18-21
2. Illustration: recount the conversation that Dan had about the reality of churches running off pastors, and the need for older pastors to mentor younger ones in preparation for them getting run off,
3. These three sins can stop our pulpit ministry from being effective. In fact, I am going to suggest to you tonight, that one of the biggest (in fact, the biggest) hindrance that we may face as a church is that we do not heed the warnings on gossip, and we grieve the Spirit. Everyone knows that this has been and is currently a problem at New River. Every time I broach the subject in conversation everyone moans, denounces, etc, but nothing ever changes. And every time I preach on it, the conviction and tension becomes thick. Intimacy is destroyed in our church because of it. There is fear to share depth of feeling. There are some of you out there that are known gossips, feudists, and grudgers, and you are holding back the floodgates of blessing on our church because you won’t repent and get right with God. Life change is not happening because of you. And you are too prideful to come, and to apologize, and to confess and repent before the congregation, and therefore we will all suffer.
A. Closing illustration: How many churches in our state grieve the Spirit in these three ways and others? How many in our association? How is Tift Co supposed to see Christ living in us, if we can’t even live with ourselves in harmony? Is it any wonder that many refuse to be a part of our churches? How many times this week has New River Baptist grieved the heart of the Spirit. How much has that hindered our worship today?
Additional Notes
• The real problem is one of the heart!
• In 1492, two prominent Irish families, the Ormonds and Kildares, were in the midst of a bitter feud. As the feud grew and turned into an all out fight, the Earl of Ormand was besieged by the Earl of Kildare. The Earl of Ormand and his family and followers took refuge in the chapter house of St. Patrick’s cathedral and bolted themselves in. However, as the siege wore on, the Earl of Kildare concluded the feuding was foolish. Here were two families worshiping the same God, in the same church, living in the same country, trying to kill each other. So Kildare called out to the Earl of Ormand and pledged that he would not seek revenge or indulge in villainy — he wanted the Ormands to come out and the feud to be over. But the Earl of Ormand was convinced that it was a scheme full of treachery and refused to come out of the cathedral. So Kildare grabbed his spear, chopped a hole in the door with it, and thrust his hand through. There was a tense moment until his hand was grasped by another hand inside the church. The door was opened and the two men embraced, thus ending the family feud.
• How to turn a disagreement into a feud: 1. Be sure to develop and maintain a healthy fear of conflict, letting your own feelings build up so you are in an explosive frame of mind. 2. If you must state your concerns, be as vague and general as possible. Then the other person cannot do anything practical to change the situation. 3. Assume you know all the facts and you are totally right. The use of a clinching Bible verse is helpful. Speak prophetically for truth and justice; do most of the talking. 4. With a touch of defiance, announce your willingness to talk with anyone who wishes to discuss the problem with you. But do not take steps to initiate such conversation. 5. Latch tenaciously onto whatever evidence you can find that shows the other person is merely jealous of you. 6. Judge the motivation of the other party on any previous experience that showed failure or unkindness. Keep track of any angry words. 7. If the discussion should, alas, become serious, view the issue as a win/lose struggle. Avoid possible solutions and go for total victory and unconditional surrender. Don’t get too many options on the table. 8. Pass the buck! If you are about to get cornered into a solution, indicate you are without power to settle; you need your partner, spouse, bank, whatever.
• § One anger management firm stated that “one out of every five Americans has an anger management problem.” § According to FBI statistics, there were 23,305 homicides in 1994 and the most common reason was arguments occurring in the home (28%). Gang related killings accounted for only 7.6%. § Anger related violence is the reason stated for 22% of divorces of middle-class marriages. § Studies show that 79% of violent children witnessed some form of violence between their parents. § From 1995 to 2001 there were 1655 incidents of “air rage,” directing anger toward airline employees - according to FAA records. § The phrase "road rage" officially entered the English language in 1997 when it was first listed in the New Words edition of the OED (Oxford English Dictionary). Why do we need a new word? In Atlanta, Georgia a two-year old toddler was shot through the neck by an irate motorist engaged in an argument over a road incident with the toddler’s father (The Atlanta Journal & Constitution, 30 June 2000). In Denver, Colorado a 51 year-old man used a .25 caliber semi-automatic pistol to kill a 32 year-old bicyclist who cut him off on the road (The Denver Post, 21 June 2000). Near Cincinnati, Ohio a 29 year-old woman cut in front of a 24 year-old pregnant woman and slammed on her brakes in an irate gesture following her anger about the latter’s driving. The mother-to-be lost control of her car in a violent accident in which her unborn child was killed (Newsweek, 02 June 1997). In Florida, a 41 year-old man who pulled into an exact change lane at a toll booth was shot and killed as he exited his truck to confront an irate driver behind him who was annoyed at the 41 year-old’s delay in paying the toll
