Justin and Amanda, here you are, standing in front of this altar, surrounded by your family and friends, ready to make your vows as husband and wife. All the planning, all the phone calls, little details you have had to prepare for, it’s all over, and here you are. Your wedding day. It’s my hope and prayer that it’s exactly what you have dreamed of. But, with as many preparations that couples make for their wedding day, I always stress that it’s even more important to prepare for your marriage, which begins today. So before you exchange your vows in the presence of God, myself, and those who are here today, I want to share with you why what you’re doing today is so special, and what you’ll be promising to do in a few moments.
In our Old Testament Reading for today, we’ve been taken back to the Garden of Eden, creation, literally paradise on earth. Adam’s been created. All the birds of the air and beats of the field are there, but there’s something missing. We’re told “for Adam, no suitable helper was found.” I can just picture the scene in my mind. God’s bringing all the animals to Adam, and he’s giving them their names: “Mr. and Mrs. Lion, Mr. and Mrs. Horse” and so on, eventually, Adam’s going to get the picture that something’s different. What kind of feelings do you think Adam might have?
Well, God sees this happening, and he notices that Adam doesn’t have a suitable helper. But, instead of just watching this unfold and do nothing, he says “It’s not good for the man to be alone, I will make a helper suitable for him.” God then puts Adam to sleep, takes one of his ribs, closes up the place with flesh, and creates a woman. When Adam wakes up, God presents Adam with his custom-made bride. No doubt, a moment Adam cherished for the rest of his life. Probably many of the same emotions that you had, Justin, when you saw Amanda walk up the aisle here a few moments ago to become your bride, were going through Adam’s mind as well. But did you hear Adam’s response? He says “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh, she shall be called woman for she was taken out of the man.” The reading ends with the statement: “For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.”
Today, Justin and Amanda, the two of you are seeing one life end, and a new life begin. Today, you are no longer a pair of “I”’s, two individuals who will look out for the best interests of yourselves, but you are becoming a “we” you are becoming one. Now remember, this all happened before the fall into sin, so God’s original mathematical equation for marriage was one man + one woman = one flesh. Starting today, the two of you are given the task of looking out for the best interests of each other.
But how will you do that you ask? Especially since sin is a reality, and distorts our relationships, both our relationship with God, and our relationship with each other. Our marriages are not immune to that. You heard of what true love is all about in the reading from 1 Corinthians 13. You heard that real love is patient and kind, rejoices in the truth, bears all things, believes all things, and endures all things. You also heard what love is not: arrogant, rude, insisting on its own way, irritable, resentful, or rejoices at wrongdoing. That’s quite a description of what love is and is not. And it’s rather fitting when you consider today is your wedding day, and “love is in the air.”
Justin and Amanda, as easy as it is to stand here, and love each other on this, your wedding day, it’s not always going to be this easy. Justin, there’s going to come a time where there’s something Amanda said that is going to upset you. Maybe you had expectations coming into your marriage of what her role is supposed to be, and you don’t see her filling one of them. It’s going to be easy to be resentful. And Amanda, there’s going to be a day where you’re going to wonder about your husband if he really listens to you, or if he really knows where the dirty clothes hamper is, or why he complains when you ask him to help around the house. At times like that, it’s going to be easy to resent each other, and not have the same kind of emotional feelings for your spouse as you do today.
There’s a story that the Pastor who officiated at my wedding nearly three years ago told that fits this situation here. A husband and wife, who had been married for several years, got into an argument over something, and stopped speaking to each other for a few days. Now the husband had to go on a rather important business trip, but not wanting to break the silence, he wrote her a note, saying “I need to catch a flight in the morning, please wake me up at 5 a.m.” The next morning, he woke up at 9, his flight long since departed. Wondering why his wife didn’t wake him, up, he angrily got out of bed to look for her when he saw a note on the bedside table in his wife’s handwriting that said “It’s 5 a.m. Wake up!”
That’s not the kind of love we read about in 1 Corinthians 13, is it? How could they have communicated with each other better? As much as I wish all I had to do was stand here, and tell you that since you’re going to be married, life is going to be so much easier for you, I’d be lying and doing you a great disservice. You see, there’s always going to be hurdles and obstacles that you will have to overcome in your marriage. There may be times where money will be an issue, or adjusting to living in the same home together. Stress on the job brings challenges to a marriage, as does moving to a new community, which both of you will be doing. You’re going to have an extra obstacle that many newlyweds don’t have to face, in that you’ll have to live apart this fall as Justin beings a new job in one state, while Amanda finishes her education in another. While you both know this is only a temporary arrangement, it’s also not the ideal situation for a husband and wife to begin their marriage with. This is why a lot of the descriptions of what love is and is not are going to be very helpful guides for you in the first few months of your marriage, both as you struggle with living apart, and when you finally do live under the same roof. But how will you know how to love your spouse under these stressful situations?
You do that by first remembering who demonstrated a 1 Corinthians 13 kind of love. Your savior, Jesus Christ, saw that because of your sinful natures, you couldn’t love each other perfectly. Adam and Eve couldn’t do that either. Look ahead to Genesis 3 and see what happened when the fall into sin happened. God confronts Adam about eating from the tree God told him not to eat from, and what does Adam do? He says “That woman that you put here made me do it.” God asks Eve, and she essentially says “The serpent made me do it.” Neither one wanted to accept the responsibility of their actions. A lot of times in your marriage, you’ll be tempted, and perhaps actually do, the same thing. Something goes wrong for you, and you’ll want to blame your spouse, or someone else, instead of saying “that was my fault, what I said or did was wrong, I’m sorry.” Jesus knew that’s how our lives, and our marriages, operate in a sinful, fallen world, and because of that, He came and loved us with a perfect love by living the sinless life you and I could not, by perfectly obeying His Father by going to the cross, and dying for our sins, and rising again to win for us the victory over sin, death, and the power of the devil. Christ loved you when you couldn’t love each other. Christ forgives you when on your own, you could not forgive each other.
For your marriage to be truly successful, you’ll always have to keep Christ at the center of it. Remember how much He loves you. Remember that He forgives you all of your sins, so you, in turn, can forgive each other for the times that you don’t serve each other, and show each other that unconditional love that Christ showed us.
I truly wish the both of you the best in your married life together. From our sessions together preparing for this day, I am confident that you know that it’s not always going to be easy, and that your wedding day isn’t just about this service and the reception, but it’s also about beginning your marriage. It is my prayer that the two of you will enjoy a very lengthy marriage with all the blessings that Christ will provide the two of you. If you should encounter some rough spots along the way, you always have all of us who are here today, to help encourage you along the way to keep the vows that you will make today. May Christ always be the center of your marriage, the source of your love for each other, and may your marriage be a reflection to your family, friends, and the world, of the love that Christ first showed us. Amen.
