A man was eating breakfast and reading the newspaper one morning, and as we men do, he was absolutely absorbed with what he was reading. His wife was getting ready to go to work and popped into the kitchen and asked that most dreaded of all questions, "Honey, do these pants make me look fat?" To which by the way, there is no truthful answer. But the man, still absorbed in his paper, said something without thinking that he’s still paying for. He said, "No dear, it’s your hips that make you look fat."
How many times have you been in a situation where you’ve done everything right only to have what you said or the way you said it get you in trouble? I’m sure that we’ve all been in situations like that, and I’m very sure that we’ve all said things that we later regretted. Heck, we may have even gotten to regret it as soon as we said it. It’s just so easy to let something blurt out of your mouth. You know, it pops into your head and you just have to say it. And so often, almost always, if we haven’t processed it in our heads, in other words, if we haven’t thought about it first, it’s going to be the wrong thing to say. But 9 times out of 10, we say it anyway, and then have to suffer the consequences.
As you all know, I’m a big football fan. And lately I’ve been watching this sickening soap opera involving the Philadelphia Eagles and one of their wide receivers, who will remain nameless. It’s been a real mess, but the end result is that he was suspended from the team and will not be returning to play with them. And the whole thing was not because of his performance on the field, the guy’s great. But he ran off at the mouth one time too many.
So you see, more often than not, it’s not what we do, but what we say that will have a more lasting influence on the people that we deal with. Remember, a couple of weeks ago, we said that a spiritually mature person speaks less, listens more, and responds thoughtfully. And in this passage of James he tells us that if we can just gain control of our tongues that we will be infinitely better off and well on the road to spiritual maturity.
Now, James begins the subject with a pretty interesting warning. He says that, "Not many of you should presume to be teachers." Now, why did he feel like it was necessary to say something like that? I mean, we would never presume that we know so much more than somebody else that we could instruct them on what they need to do, would we? Recently I told my wife that I was amazed at just how often she knew what I needed to do. And fortunately I lived to tell about it. But, we all do it, some more, some less, but we all do it. We just know that we know how that other person should act or what they need to do.
And listen, James did leave the door open here. He indicated that some people do need to be teachers. Bosses need to teach workers, parents need to teach children, pastors need to teach congregations. But he did give the warning that when you teach, when you tell somebody what they need to do, you better watch what you say, because if you lead them astray God’s going to hold you accountable for it. Think before you speak! Speak less, listen more, and respond thoughtfully.
But it’s so hard. I’ll be listening to a conversation that I’m not really even a part of, and they’ll start talking about something that I do know something about, and I just can’t wait to expound upon my wealth of knowledge on the subject. And then, and this is a worst case scenario, how many times have you heard somebody gossiping about someone else, and you knew some juicy detail that they didn’t know? Oh, the agony!!!
James says that we’re all human, and that we’re all going to slip up from time to time and let something slip out of our mouths that should have stayed in there. A comedian once said, "Watch your tongue, it’s in a wet place where it’s easy to slip!" So, don’t worry too much. We’re all going to be guilty of slips of the tongue. But James says that we should do everything that we can to gain control over it. He says that a person who does so is a complete and mature person, and is able to keep, not just the tongue, but their whole body in check.
I love these examples that he uses here. I’m not much of a horse rider, but I do know that they are massive animals. But how do we control them? By putting bits in their mouths. Here’s what we’re supposed to get out of that, that where the mouth goes, the whole body goes.
Now, I have got some experience with boats. Not much more than a row boat, mind you, but it amazes me that I can put that small paddle (small in comparison to the boat) in the water and make that boat go the direction that I want it to go. But that’s James’ point here, that the tongue is such a small part of our body, yet it probably has more influence on what others think of us than any other part.
You know, when you first meet somebody, you get some impression of them by what they look like, but you don’t really know that person until you get to talking with them. Sometimes that turns out well, sometimes it doesn’t. How does that old saying go, "Better to be thought of as an idiot, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt?" But, what we say is going to reveal what’s inside, and it’s probably going to leave a more lasting impression than anything that we do. James says, "Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts."
James says that we can tame every kind of animal. Hey, we can train a monkey to ride a bicycle, or a parrot to sing the "Star Spangled Banner."
"But," James says, "no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poisons." Note that James doesn’t just call the tongue evil here, he calls it "restless." In other words, it’s just like a caged up wild animal that just can’t wait to get out and do its thing.
And then we come to church. And that same mouth that, just last night was gossiping and lying is now praising the Lord. Now, if any of you were gossiping or lying last night, I don’t know about it. The examples in my sermons are fictional and not intended to depict any actual church members. Any similarities to actual church members are purely unintentional. In other words, I’m not preaching about you, but if I am preaching about you, it’s not my fault.
But James brings out the point that the tongue can be a great deceiver. On one hand, it’s spreading all kinds of gossip and slander, and then can just as easily "Praise the Lord!" "Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing." And James says, "Folks this just shouldn’t be so." A spring doesn’t give fresh water and bitter water at the same time, a fig tree cannot produce olives, and a grapevine cannot produce figs.
James uses these lessons from nature to remind us that our speech should be just as consistent. He really calls us to task here in this area of our lives. According to James, our speech should be the same whether we are at church, or at home, or at work. How many of us would cringe if someone that we worked with walked in those doors? I know I’m guilty of trying to make myself look good by talking the way that they talk. I guess that’s just human nature. What it really is is spiritual immaturity. But the truth is that we need to be more consistent in all areas of our lives, and especially in our speech.
Well, in closing we can summarize what James says in this chapter in four words, "THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK!" The little hand-outs that I gave you might be of some help. Before we shoot off at the mouth on some subject we should ask ourselves is what we are about to say (1) TRUE? We all know that we shouldn’t lie, so naturally whatever we’re about to say better be the truth. Is it (2) HELPFUL? The things that we say are either going to be helpful or hurtful. As Christians we are to love others which means doing what is best for them. So our speech should be helpful. Is it (3) INSPIRING? This kind of goes along with helpful, but when you talk to people they should feel good about what you said. They should feel encouraged not discouraged, built up instead of torn down. Is it (4) NECESSARY? I really like this one. The duo of Hall and Oates put out a song that said, "Some things are better left unsaid." And truer words were never spoken. Just because we may know more about something than someone else, or are more correct than they are, that doesn’t necessarily give us the right to set them straight. I’ve always said that you can be right and wrong at the same time. We have to ask ourselves if what we are about to say is really going to benefit the other person. Is what we are going to say really necessary. And lastly, is it (5) KIND? Is what we are going to say done out of love for the other person, or out of a bitter heart? If true Christian love is our guiding principle, then the things that we say to others will be kind.
Now, does that all sound kind of familiar to you? In Philippians 4: 8, Paul tells us, "Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things." James tells us that we should "Think before we speak," and Paul tells us how we should think. If we put the two together we can’t go wrong. But, of course, that goes with being spiritually mature, and that’s a journey, not a destination.
Think before you speak! Speak less, listen more, and respond thoughtfully. And I think my sister Debbie said it best, "Be careful when you’re giving someone else a piece of your mind because it may be the piece that’s still working."
