WARNING! – VOLATILE MATERIAL
“We need to talk.” Some of the most famous words in history and yet we hope we never have to hear them. I have heard them a few times in my life and even a few times here. Most of the time, it isn’t even a problem, just something to think about. However today, I would say “We need to talk” is a very appropriate title for today’s message. Some of you may be very opposed to speaking volatile subjects but we must because sin is winning in our world and we need to fight back. In this particular instance, of all the different ways mankind can mess up God’s creation, this one seems to have been swept under the rug and ignored. It hides in the shadows and the dark corners of the lives of so many people. Over 40 million indulge this desire every single day. That is one-sixth of America’s population. Considering the fact that 80% of Americans consider themselves “Christian” that means that there are a lot of Christians going where they shouldn’t, especially in the internet. This “problem” now holds a commanding 4.2 million websites and makes over 12 billion dollars a year in America and over 56 billion dollars world-wide.
We need to talk about it because there are many in the church that may have a problem with it and because we all have to deal with it on a daily basis. Of the men who attended a Promise Keepers event, 53 percent reported looking at it within one week. They had already broken their promise and fallen back into sin within seven days. Men are not alone in this situation. 17% of women struggle with an addiction to it and 35% of all traffic to the websites is from women. Considering most women hide their internet activities, those numbers may be much higher. Women are also much more likely to actually act out their behaviors in real life such as having an affair. I think we can safely say that America and the church have a problem.
Jesus denounced the activity I am referring to in Matthew 5:27 and 28. “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery’; but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” The sin of lust and the addiction of pornography have terrorized homes, television sets, and destroyed marriages and even children. Be honest with me for a minute, would you ever want that material in the hands of your child? Would you want an 8 or 10 year old child to find a dirty magazine? I am almost pleading with you that your answer be no. Our children do not deserve to be hurt like that. They haven’t even fully developed and yet many are finding pornography in their parent’s houses. Don’t believe me; listen to the story of my friend.
A Friend’s Story
“My first taste was in the fifth grade when my best friend brought a dirty picture with him to the restaurant that our families were eating at. He told me he had something that he wanted me to look at. So we excused ourselves and went to the bathroom. Once we were in the restroom he took out this dirty picture of a woman and told me that I should have it. I took the picture from him, but later through it out in fear that I would get caught. After this every time I would spend the night at his house he would look for ways to find some stuff for us to look at. He once found a dirty movie in his parent’s room one day and from then on whenever I was there, we would try and find a way to watch this nasty movie. From this point I got hooked on the vile habit of self-gratification with or with out it. Parents, be warned; if you have it in your home your children will find it. It will not only poison your life and your marriage, it will also poison your children.”
He was at best 11 years old when he found this stuff. He hadn’t even gotten through puberty yet much less be old enough to fully grasp the content of this stuff. How many of you feel that this is horrible and should have never happened? I get a sick feeling in my stomach when I think of a child finding some of this filth and getting hooked on it like a drug. Already, at such a young age, their view of intimacy with the opposite sex is being skewed. It doesn’t just stop for them once it starts unless they are caught and dealt with. No wonder Jesus told us not to have anything to do with lust. Not only can you destroy your marriage but also your children as well. God loves us enough to give us boundaries for a reason. He set up these boundaries to protect us. Yet, sometimes you don’t listen and not only you but many others are hurt in the process. It doesn’t end at just that age, the effects continue for years to come.
The Problem Doesn’t Stop
His story continues as the problem he now had followed him even to college. “I battled this addiction off and on for many years and sadly to say it even followed me into my life as a Christian. When I came to Bible College I decided to put an end to this and for a while I did, but this did not last forever. I met a family who I was trying to reach for Christ and eventually moved in with them. There I found some magazines in their bathroom. At first I was appalled by them, but little by little they started to look good. I came to my senses and got my friends to agree to throw them away. Even after getting rid of the magazines I still could not seem to stop gratifying myself. I tried a lot of different things to break the habit, but when my body cried out I gave in. The cycle that I was in seemed hopeless. I would sin and repent and I would feel better for a while and then I would sin again. Each time I fell, the greater the despair I would feel. I had again slapped my savior in the face by engaging in these activities. Not only did I feel Isolated form God I also felt isolated from my family and friends because I was too proud to admit that I had a problem and needed help.”
This sinister and evil enemy of Jesus Christ never stops attacking us in any and every way he possibly can. As you heard this part of his story, no doubt some of you can attest to the difficulty of dealing with such an addictive foe. You may have even tried several ways to quit and yet could not seem to kick the habit. Every time you fail may feel like just another insurmountable addition to the already mountain sized problem you have. The problem doesn’t stop easily and usually follows people to the end of their days. The cycle leaves you feeling even more guilty and in need of help. However, the darkness knows how to hide and conceal itself. People will look down on me if I ever tell anyone. I can’t talk to the preacher; he couldn’t or wouldn’t understand. He would look down on me. There is a reason God banned this stuff. He knew long before we did that it could be addictive and would result in lasting consequences leading well into our futures.
The Consequences Last: My Story
There are consequences even after you have finally gotten rid of the sin. God tries to warn us. My story illustrates well the problem of dealing with consequences. I discovered it around the age of 10 or 11. I had seen a few pictures online and one day decided to start looking for more of them. It wasn’t hard even 12 years ago to find plenty of it and free of charge of course. Pictures, stories, videos were incredibly easy to access or even rip from paid websites because they couldn’t encrypt their coding. It didn’t take a genius to steal it. I really don’t remember too much of those years of my life as they blurred by with lightning like speed. I remember skulking in my room, trying to find ways to hide my computer area in a corner so that no one would know what I was doing. I don’t even remember most of the shame that came about from it but I do remember being incredibly embarrassed when my father caught me.
As the years blurred by it took more images and even darker sexual acts to get my jollies. Soon enough, in deep desperation, a friend told me about Christ and I soon accepted Him. Even though it wasn’t easy, I soon gave up pornography and lust for grace and forgiveness. However, the story doesn’t end there. Yes, I gave it all up and walked away with Christ’s love and forgiveness but the effects of that sin reached much further than I could have even imagined. I went to Bible College just a couple of short years later and began my quest to go into the ministry. I met my friend Tim there and we became quick friends. I also met my lovely wife there too. I didn’t realize how skewed my views of women, love, and even pleasure had become. No, Amy wasn’t a piece of meat but she was in some ways a source of pleasure. Even if I genuinely loved her, the way I viewed how women should look and act had been totally messed up. I made many mistakes trying to correct my views of the subject.
You would think that after dating and getting married the effects would have subsided. Nope! It continued to affect me and my perceptions of sex and intimacy even to this day. I hate the entire subject of intimacy because of this. That has slowly changed over time but it will be a long time before I begin to really appreciate intimacy. Honestly, I will never get rid of those effects of my sins. Those are the consequences I must face for sinning. Yes, my sins are forgiven, each and every one, by an all loving and gracious God but that doesn’t mean he approved of it. The sins I had dug me a pit that I would have to wallow in for many years and even though I do not treat Amy like a piece of meat or anything like that, Satan still tries to get me to relive those times and drag me down again. I have no desire to look at pornography anymore. I love my God, my wife, and my child more than I love pleasure. I will not fail them. My little girl will not find pornography in my house because of my hands. I know that other kids can try to give it to her and there are factors that I cannot control but the factors that I can control will be controlled.
The damage done by lust and pornography is not absolute but does have far ranging effects. These effects subside over time away from the stuff and your mind slowly clears from the fog it was in. However, Satan knows that you once had a weak spot and will aim for that spot time and time again. Even though you have overcome the sin doesn’t mean you won’t be tempted again. The true test comes when another image pops-up on the computer or television. What you do then and there will determine how far the effects will go. You must stand your ground each time you are tempted. Honestly, there are very few side effects left from the addiction to pornography for me. I conquered it seven years ago and haven’t looked back since.
Conquer Your Sin
Probably the most important part of this sermon is for you to realize if you have a problem with pornography and be convicted not to continue it if you do. Christ gave you a command and even had good reasoning for doing it. He wants to protect you from the destructive and dangerous effects of the sin of lust. He doesn’t quit at giving you a command however. He tells us how to conquer it. “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery’; but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Do not even look at a woman and think sexually about her. If you are tempted follow the steps in verses 29 and 30. “If your right eye makes you stumble, tear it out and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. If your right hand makes you stumble, cut it off and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to go into hell.” Jesus tells us to get rid of the source of the temptation. Yes, we are “tempted” by our thoughts not our hands but our hands are the ones that act most things out. Rule #1: Get rid of the source of the temptation.
In James 5:16 we find rule number two. “Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.” My friend’s story didn’t end by being stuck in his sin. He got up and did something about it. “Finally I decided to do something once and for all about my sin. I started to participate in an online interactive Bible Study called setting the Captives free and this was the best thing that I could have done. This study challenged me to get my sin out in the open to confess it to someone else. You see sin loves darkness it thrives in darkness and when light is shined on it, it is exposed for what it really is. It provided me with the accountability I needed and the knowledge from God’s Word to say no to this desire. I would highly recommend the 60 day interactive Bible study through Setting the Captives Free for anyone who struggles with this. If you invest your time in completing the lessons and heed the advice given through God’s Word you can be set free. The chains can be taken off. No matter how deep in this sin you are and no matter how long you have struggled with it there is hope. The chains can be broken. When you make the choice to be done with this sin once and for all know that God will help you and give you the tools needed to quit and never look back. A special thanks to Brien for standing beside me as my accountability partner.” Rule #2: Get it out in the open with an accountability partner.
If you don’t want your kids to be infected with this problem, if you want your marriage to last and not be destroyed, listen to me today and hear the call of Christ to your life. He is like a beacon screaming out to you to come ashore because those are dangerous waters. Christ wants nothing more than to redeem you from the sin you have. He wants nothing more than to help you but you need to run from the temptation. Get rid of the television if you keep seeing half-naked women on there. I turned my television on and in five minutes they were in a strip bar where my television promptly went off. Stop watching it. Just get rid of the television. Maybe you struggle more with the internet. There is software out there that reports your activity to two people. Then they can question you about the websites you’ve been too. Turn the computer off and sell it for that matter. Get rid of it and away from the problem. If you are getting magazines, bring them to my house and we will have a toasty bon-fire. Get rid of the temptations and you won’t sin. I will help in any way I can. Let’s get rid of the temptation. Secondly, find someone to keep you accountable. Find someone who will ask you if you have been looking at pornography or have been lusting after women or men other than your spouse. I would honestly suggest picking myself and possibly an elder to keep you accountable. You can conquer this sin! Jesus will help you each step of the way.
We have front pews and an altar of sorts for a reason. Maybe you want to come and just pray. Maybe you want to confess your weakness and be forgiven. Maybe you want to talk privately and get help. Today is the day to come and accept Christ as your savior. He is a beacon screaming out to you begging you to accept help and get out of the dangerous waters. He is waiting for you. Today is your chance to conquer the sins in your life and receive new life in Jesus Christ. Your spouse and your children are counting on you.
