Redefining Relationships
The Mystery of Marriage
Ephesians 5:25-33
Lawrence D Vinson
MARRIAGE IS TO BE THE EXAMPLE OF OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH CHRIST
INTRODUCTION
The topic that we are going to cover today affects 57 percent of all American residents over the age of 15. So the chances are that over half of you in this room will be able to benefit from relationship that we are trying to redefine today.
Interestingly enough, I read of a business that exists in Albuquerque, New Mexico designed specifically for those couples in America who have gone through or going through a divorce. The company is called Freedom Rings: Jewelry for the Divorced. Founded by jeweler and divorcee Lynn Peters, the company makes custom jewelry out of wedding rings. Each customer at Freedom Rings pays a fee, and the ring-smashing ceremony begins--complete with champagne and music. Just before the smashing the M.C. says, "We will now release any remaining ties to your past by transforming your ring--which represents the past--into a token of your new beginning. Now take the hammer. Stop for a moment to consider the transformation that is about to begin your new life. Ready? With this swing let freedom ring!"
She then uses a four-pound sledgehammer to whack her emblem of love and fidelity into a shapeless piece of metal. And the ceremony ends. The fact that women are pounding their wedding rings into pendants and men are grinding theirs into golf ball markers doesn’t surprise me. We’ve all heard the divorce statistics. However what does surprise me is what marriage has been turned into.
Marriage is a biblical concept; it came from God for a very specific reason. Take a look at marriage today and you wouldn’t know that to be the case. Just take a look at the New Oxford American Dictionary, 2nd Edition and you will see how this word has been changed. The original definition
states marriage as, “the formal union of a man and a woman, typically recognized by law, by which they become husband and wife.” Okay, not bad, although they’re still missing a major component of it, but that’s not the worst it. This definition now has amendments to it, listen to these: “A similar long-term relationship between partners of the same sex.” Here’s another: “A relationship between married people or the period which it lasts.”
Dictionaries define things based on the cultural perspectives that it sees. So when I look at this definition I see a couple things. First I see that our culture has taken God out of the marriage equation. This is especially true when we see our culture become more and more acceptable of homosexual marriage. Secondly, I see that within our culture marriages are not designed to last. People are treating their marriages as if they were a product from a infomercial on Television, full with a money-back guarantee.
I want you all to understand that Satan is waging a war against God and all of us on many fronts. One of the greatest battles he is waging is against the marriage covenant. Why? Because marriage was founded by God to be an example of our relationship with Him and Satan will do anything it takes to destroy that. When you destroy marriage, you destroy relationships with God.
Today I want to fight back and I want you to fight back right alongside with me. Of course we are not going to fight with guns, swords, or bombs; instead we are going to fight with our hearts. We must redefine marriage within the culture in which we live. It is imperative that we bring this covenant back into the arms of God.
If we are to redefine marriage then we have to learn one simple truth, a truth that we will be exploring together this morning. That truth is simple: Marriage is to be the example of our relationship with Christ. If we learn that truth then we will know what each of us must do in our own marriages in order to bring them back to the point where God intended marriage to be.
Okay, so we know the goal, but how do we obtain that goal? I think that this question has two very distinct answers for two very distinct group of people. Let’s take some time today to reveal what those groups are and what they must do to make their marriage an example of their relationship with Christ. So, If Marriage is to be the example of our relationship with Christ then...
BODY
What does that mean for the Christian Couple (Read Ephesians 5:25-33)?
I find it really funny that the text that we use for marriage is not intended to be about marriage, it’s actually about Christ’s love for the church. With that said, though, there is still a lot of things that we can learn about marriage from this text.
The first thing that Paul mentions is the things that husbands must do in order to be a reflection of our relationship with Christ. Simply put, husbands represent Christ in the marriage relationship. That means that husbands are called and expected to love, nourish, and cherish their wives so that she can be the best woman of God that she can possibly be. This has to be the most important job that a man can ever have, and without Christ in our marriage it can never be realized. Just think about the responsibility that God is giving every husband here on earth. He is telling us that we have to love our wives to the point where they are better people simply because our love. I cannot do that without Christ, without the Holy Spirit’s leading in my life, and I have to admit that everyday if I’m to fulfill my duty as a husband. This should be the case for all husbands.
Let me talk for a moment about what being a husband is not about. Being a husband is not belittling our wives to something lower than us. Just because we are to be an example of Christ does not mean that we are the savior of our marriage. Yes, we are leaders but no good leader makes others thing lower of themselves, they build them up and encourage them to growth. Talking down to your wife is wrong and it’s not what Christ would have us to do.
Husbands are called to love, to nourish, and to cherish their wives. It is when we do this that we begin to model our relationship with Christ. Of course there is another part of this equation and Paul takes it up in the last verse of Ephesians five.
What should a wife to do to model our relationship with Christ? First off, let me say that I was almost offended when I first began studying this passage. Paul just spent eight verses talking about what Husbands must do, and yet the wives get only 11 words of instruction. You know what this tells me? Obviously that women need less instruction then men do; it’s unfortunate but it’s true. It’s true that women only get a small portion of text to figure out what they have to do to model that relationship, but it’s a very profound statement. If you are wife here this morning, Paul is telling you to see to it that you respect your husband.
What does that mean, anyway? To me, that means that your goal in your marriage is to make your husband look good (or in my case look better). No, that really means that you realize his position and role in the family and treat him with the respect that he deserves. In the context of this scripture it means that you model the church. While it is his job to make you a better person spiritually, it is your job to love him and respect him. Obviously it doesn’t mean that you worship your husband, it simply means that you respect his position as the head of the family.
Paul was right when he said that this is a great mystery. Marriage is a hard thing to understand, especially in the context of our relationship with Christ. However, I am confident that as long as both people in the marriage work hard at understanding this and putting it into practice that God will smooth out all the rough edges. This is the way God designed marriage, and it’s our job to redefine it in this way. While this is the scenario that all of us would want in our marriages, it’s not always the case. We took the first half of this sermon looking at what it means for a Christian couple to be an example of our relationship with Christ, but what does this look like for the rest of the world. In other words, if marriage is to be the example of our relationship with Christ then...
What does that mean for the Couple where a faith in Christ is not shared? (Read 1 Corinthians 7:12-16)?
Let me start this section off by bringing up something that this text does not. A marriage must have at least one person in it who knows Christ as their personal Lord and Savior in order to be an example of our relationship with Christ. You cannot fake this stuff, you cannot put these principles into practice without first knowing Christ. Love is never really love with Christ, and marriage will never be marriage until Christ is in the picture.
But the question still lingers in most of our minds as to what to do when our spouses don’t believe in Christ. That despite our love for Christ our spouses have not come to an understanding of who Jesus is. What do we do then? What’s does Christ ask us to do?
I believe the answer is simple, and evidently so does Paul, because that’s why he wrote what he did in 1 Corinthians 7. Before we get to that answer, let me ask you this, how did Christ respond to those who don’t know Him? Was we shy or embarrassed to bring up His beliefs? Did He think that it was somebody else’s job to lead them to Himself? Did He guilt them into coming to church? Of course not, when we look at the example of Christ we see only one thing; unconditional love. Unconditional love is the forefront of all marriages, even those marriages where a faith in Christ is not shared. Having this unconditional love is the best witnessing tool you could ever have. However, unconditional love doesn’t just mean what you think. So many people think that you can only show others unconditional love; of course, that is not the case. You have to do more than show them your love, you have to tell them about your love. Think about it this way, what would you think if your spouse never said, “I love you”? Your spouse could show you until your blue in the face how much they love you, but without those words it’s meaningless.
If you have an unbelieving spouse then you need to show them Christ’s love, but you also have to tell them about it as well. I tend to believe that we live in a society that is worried more about hurting people’s feelings rather than their salvation. So many times people tend to not mention Christ to their spouse because they don’t want to ruin the relationship. That is the wrong thought process, it’s actually the opposite. You should be mentioning Christ, because your relationship will never reach its fullest potential until both of you have a heart centered on Christ.
I realize that this is hard to swallow, but the truth sometimes is. Never lose hope, never stop praying, never stop showing them and telling them your Love. If you do that then you will be modeling our relationship with Christ in your marriage. I wish I could guarantee that by doing this your spouse would be saved, but I can’t. However, what I can tell you is this. If you do these things, if you love your spouse unconditionally then you will be doing all that Christ asks you to do. Just remember the words that Paul says when he finishes this portion of his letter, “...how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?” I pray this gives you hope.
The mystery continues, doesn’t it? There is one thing that isn’t a mystery, though, and that is the fact that we must redefine marriage. Look, whether you are both Christian or only one of you is Christian we must change how we perceive this relationship that God has given us.
CONCLUSION
Tetrullian, who can be described as an early church father once said, “How beautiful, then, the marriage of two Christians, two who are one in home, one in desire, one in the way of life they follow, one in the religion they practice. . . . Nothing divides them either in flesh or in spirit. . . . They pray together, they worship together, they fast together; instructing one another, encouraging one another, strengthening one another. Side by side they visit God’s church and partake of God’s banquet; side by side they face difficulties and persecution, share their consolations. They have no secrets from one another; they never shun each other’s company; they never bring sorrow to each other’s hearts. . . . [S]eeing this Christ rejoices. To such as these He gives His peace. Where these are two together, there also He is present.”
This should be the goal for every marriage in America, unfortunately it’s not. It is time to take back the most important relationship in our lives from the grips of Satan and give it back to God. We must share this struggle, we must overcome the difficulties that come into our life, we must give our marriage to God. We may not be able to redefine marriage all at once, but f we begin with one marriage at a time then redefining marriage in our society will become a reality. It all starts with one, it all starts with you. Make the change.
LET US PRAY.
