Fathers –
Don’t Provoke our kids to Anger
Ways we do that
Abuse our Authority over our kids
Over Protect Our kids
Over Indulge our kids
Over Criticize our Kids
What should we do?
Do Raise our kids
Do Discipline our kids – Educate, Discipline
Do Instruct our kids (admonition), Instruction, warning,
Slide 1
Happy Father’s Day Dads.
Good to be a Man
Even though
No records set at the phone company for long distance calls to Dad’s,
Mother’s day is much more widely celebrated than Father’s day,
it is still good sometimes to be a man.
As I was preparing for this message I read a list of reasons why it is good to be a man.
I want to share a few of those with you.
It is good to be a man because…
You can still be friends with someone who forgot to invite you to something.
You can drop by a friend’s house without bringing “a little gift.”
Your guy friends will never trap you with
“So…Do you notice anything different?”
You can watch a game with a friend for hours without talking and not think that he must be mad at you.
You can go to the bathroom in public without a support group.
And today it is good to be a man because we have a gift for every man here, whether you are a Father or not. It is a book called “Man in the Mirror.”
You can pick one up on your way out this morning.
Intro
But anyway dads, even though
It is sometimes good to be a man,
it is very often hard to be a dad.
So, in keeping with our series, we are going to be looking at playing our part as a dad and what the Bible says about how we can be a good dad.
Turn with me to Ephesians 6:4 (p. 829)
Slide 2
We have been looking at What Paul had to say about how we can play our part in the various roles that God has designed for each one of us.
We have seen how you can play your part as a
Mother
Wife
Husband
Child
And today Paul talks to Dads.
Ephesians 6:4
4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
(from New International Version)
We are going to look at this verse closely today Dads so we can better play our part.
We can see first here that Paul tells us Dads to
Don’t Provoke Our Kids to Anger
Slide 3
Ephesians 6:4a
4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children (NIV)
4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger (NASU)
Now I don’t believe that any dad here comes home at night planning to anger their children, despite what their kids may think.
But there are some ways that we need to recognize as dads that
we do just that.
Slide 4
We will sometimes provoke our kids to anger when we
Abuse Our Authority over our kids
Slide 5
Dads, we live in tough times.
Work is hard.
Marriage is hard work.
We have many expectations laid on our shoulders.
To top all of that off, God has put these little people into our lives whose maturity levels are not quite what ours are.
And then we have to deal with the kids too (LOL)
With all of that laid on us, it is easy to take out frustration on those who are less likely to have any recourse to harm us. That is often our kids.
We need to recognize that we can easily provoke our kids to anger when we Abuse our Authority
Maybe we had a day when nothing was good enough for anyone at work.
Your sales manager was breathing down your neck for more sales but you can’t take it out on him.
The shop where you work is going to be going through a round of layoffs and your job may be on the chopping block, so you can’t upset anyone there or it very well may be your job next.
Your company is going to start making you pay for all of your insurance.
You got a speeding ticket on the way home, but you can’t yell at the cop or he might give you another ticket.
And then you come home and your kid wants something from you. And you have given all that you can, and you blow up on him for no reason.
They see you using your authority in a way that abuses them and it angers them, but they feel they have no outlet to express it.
You have just provoked your child to anger, embittered them against you, for what seems to them no reason.
Dad’s, each one of us are
going to have some bad days.
going to face difficult circumstances,
but we still need to be godly examples.
We can’t let the circumstances of life, dictate our responses to our children or our wives or anyone else.
So how can we avoid those things?
To avoid this, we need to recognize those times when we are frustrated and stop and pray for peace and the Lord’s wisdom.
Philippians 4:6-7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, (on bad work days, on days that nothing seems to be working out) by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God (Lord, help me to trust that you will work things out as they need to and help me not let my circumstances affect my role as a father and husband). And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Pray and focus on the Lord and receive His peace to be the Father he wants you to be.
Maybe you aren’t the get angry and blow up on your kid type. There are other ways we sometimes provoke our kids to anger.
Another way we can provoke our kids to anger is when we
Over Protect Our Kids.
Slide 6
Sometimes as parents in the name of protecting our kids, we put them on a leash so tight that they have no opportunity to mature.
As kids grow, we need to continually let them have more responsibility. This means that there are going to be mistakes made by them at times. That is life.
The key is to let their responsibility fit their age.
Now I don’t believe there is anyone who has a lock on what exactly to allow your kid to do at what age. It is going to be different
from house to house,
from parent to parent.
But Dads, when our kids are old enough to ask why, then we need to be able to communicate our reasons for why to them.
If we are not going to let them ride their bike to the ice cream shop with friends, then we should be able to tell them why.
Because those friends are not good for you to hang around with. When you are with them, trouble seems to happen.
Because that ice cream shop is too close to a busy street and I am concerned about you goofing off with your friends and not paying attention when you are by the busy street.
But Dad, I am 15 years old, I will be old enough to drive next year.
I would say dad, that you need to rethink your reasons.
Now one addendum to this.
This doesn’t mean that we have to respond to every “why” our kids ask, but we are the adults here and we can recognize what is reasonable and unreasonable.
On the other hand from being over protective, we can provoke our kids to anger in the future when we
Over Indulge Our Kids
Slide 7
We can give our kids everything they want and let them do anything they want thinking we are the greatest parents in the world.
We are really laying the ground work for
exasperating our kids,
provoking them to anger
because when they get into the real world in real life, they are going to find that they can’t have everything they want when they want and it will lead to frustration
in their marriage,
in their job,
in life.
Don’t lay that ground work, don’t over indulge your kids.
Another way we can provoke our kids to anger is when we
Over Criticize Our Kids
Slide 8
This will lead to discouragement.
Colossians 3:21
21 Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged (NIV)
21 Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart.(NASU)
21 Fathers, don’t scold your children so much that they become discouraged and quit trying. (TLB)
We need to look for ways to encourage our kids. There are things every day that our kids do that we can encourage them in. This will help more than you realize in helping your kids to live right.
Just think how you feel when someone appreciates something you have done and offers encouragement to you for that. It makes you want to continue that.
So Dad’s keep that in mind when you are with your kids.
Don’t be overly critical, but encouraging.
These are some of the ways that we can avoid exasperating our kids or provoking them to anger.
If this is what we shouldn’t do,
What Should we do
Slide 9
Thankfully, Paul moves on to that also.
The first thing he says is
Do Raise Our Kids
Slide 10
Ephesians 6:4b
4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up…
We are to
bring our kids up,
raise them,
nourish them
so they grow.
Bring up = feed (nourish) wives in v. 5:29
The word translated as “bring up” is the same word used in Ephesians 5:29 speaking of nourishing or feeding our wives as we would our own body.
Ephesians 5:29
29 After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, (from New International Version)
We need to feed and raise up our kids to be strong and godly.
We, Dads, are to “bring them up.”
Our kids are not going to get brought up correctly on their own. We have a responsibility to raise them and we need to take that seriously.
In this country we have so many absent dads.
Either physically out of the home or
Mentally out of the home.
There are some dads who live in the home, but who have pushed off their responsibility in raising the kids to their wives and have mentally checked out.
Dads, you have major responsibility in this.
Now, as I look around, I know that many of the dads in this room have not done that. You have taken your responsibilities seriously in bringing up your kids.
I applaud you for that and tell you that, while it seems to require great sacrifice now, there is great reward for your efforts, for you and for your kids.
Proverbs 10:1
A wise son brings joy to his father, but a foolish son grief to his mother.
Dads, don’t think here, well, even if my child acts foolishly, he only brings grief to his mother, not me.
I will guarantee you that if your child is bringing grief to his mother, you will feel the effects of that grief as well.
Proverbs 17:25
25 A foolish son brings grief to his father and bitterness to the one who bore him.
(from New International Version)
So take your responsibility seriously in raising your kids.
The second thing he says is
Do Discipline Our Kids
Slide 11
Ephesians 6:4c
4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training … of the Lord. (NIV)
4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline … of the Lord. (NASU)
We need to lovingly discipline our kids.
Proverbs 13:24
24 He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him. (NIV)
Maybe you are thinking, I love my kids, so I won’t discipline them.
But just the opposite is true according to the Bible and according to reality.
Kids who have received no discipline are brats that society does not want to deal with later. If you don’t discipline your kids when they are young, they will suffer greatly when they are older.
Now as I was preparing for this, and researching this topic, I read another pastor who was insightful in distinguishing between discipline and punishment.
He distinguished them by this:
“The purpose of punishment is to inflict penalty and focuses on the past. The purpose of discipline is to promote growth by looking into the future.” (Brian Bill – Father’s Who Lead – sermon central)
We discipline kids to help them change behavior for the future.
We correct their course so they don’t crash and burn.
Our kids need discipline, and Dads, we are called to do it.
Lastly, he says
Do Instruct Our Kids
Slide 11
Ephesians 6:4d
4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. (NIV)
We need to teach our kids in the ways of the Lord. We need to instruct them about the Lord.
It is our job dads to help our kids to come into relationship with the Lord so they will be equipped to go through this life, focused on Him and relying on Him.
Our society teaches us to rely on ourselves, but there are plenty of people who relied on
their own wisdom, or
their own strength,
to try and get through life, and while it may seem right for a while, it only led to destruction.
You see people like Howard Hughes, who relied on his own wisdom and knowledge and amassed great riches, but was a recluse without any true friends at his death.
Man’s knowledge and wisdom doesn’t lead to true joy and it does not lead to the Lord.
Proverbs 14:12
12 There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death.
Maybe you are a Dad who has received Jesus as Savior, but haven’t done a very good job of living that way.
That is the very thing that has driven many people out of the church, hypocrisy.
Study Illustration
According to a 50-year study of Christian and non-Christian families, most young adults who follow Christ either come from non-Christian homes or from homes where they grew up in love with Jesus because mom and dad were in love with Jesus. Their parent’s passion for Christ permeated their lives and passed through their pores to their kids. Sadly, very few believers came from homes where there was a kind of indifferent, apathetic commitment to Christ.
(Brian Bill – Fathers who lead – Sermon Central)
It is scary to think that a person growing up in a non-Christian home can have a better chance of becoming a fully devoted follower of Jesus Christ than someone who was raised in a Christian home where it wasn’t practiced.
We fail our kids if we are not living our life in accord with Christianity and failing ourselves at the same time.
I am sure for most of you here today, that you want to and are striving to be that good dad. Don’t give up. I know it is hard much of the time, but it is worth it. I want to encourage you with that. Keep up the good fight of faith.
Conclusion
When we have left a legacy of faithfulness for our kids and when they follow in our footsteps being Faithful Mothers and Fathers themselves, we will be able to see some of the rewards of being the Dad god wanted us to be.
We will receive the rest of our reward when we stand in the presence of the Savior and here those words, Well done, good and faithful servant.
I gave you kids to faithfully raise and you did well.
Come share your masters joy.
Let’s pray.
