Real Lives: Playing your Part
Wives
The hard part of being a godly wife
What does it mean to submit?
The good part of being a godly wife
The practicalities of being a godly wife
Help your Husband
Slide 1
Illustration – New Pastor – Not Real Life
I heard the story of a new pastor at this church once who was at the first business meeting.
He asked if there were any prayer requests and an older women named Mary asked for prayer for Annette, a lady who was in the hospital with terminal cancer.
The new pastor heard some audible groans from the others as he wrote Annette’s name down.
Then this women proceeded to tell of her son being away in the military and having not heard from him, and not only that, her husband had just visited her in the hospital and told her he was divorcing her.
The pastor was shocked at how anyone could treat someone this way.
Another older lady told Mary to sit down and shut up.
The new pastor is aghast at this point. He has just heard the most disturbing story and someone from the congregation is telling the other lady to sit down and shut up.
The pastor, being new, does not want to offend anyone, but feels he must step in, says, ma’am, please, let Mary share her requests for this lady.
The other lady says, Mary is my sister and the prayer request she is giving is for a lady on her soap opera.
Now while this lady may have been a bit removed from reality, we are not always far from that either in our view of reality.
We watch a movie or a TV show and we think real life should operate like that.
Maybe we wonder why our wife can’t look like the models on Deal or no deal
Or why our husbands can’t look and act like the guy on the bachelor.
Well, Real life is not found
on TV or
in the movies or
in fiction books.
Real life is lived day by day and it is often not very neat, in fact, it is messy quite often.
And nowhere is this more true than in our marriage relationships.
As we get into this series, Real Life: Playing your Part, we are going to begin with the roles of wives and husbands.
Now if you are not a wife or a husband, don’t tune out. There are practical things found in here for those who are unmarried also in living your life concerning roles of leadership and of following leadership.
And maybe you will be married one day and this will help you to have a good foundation for your marriage.
Whatever, the case there are good things for everyone to hear.
Every role has difficulties
Now as we begin, we need to understand that every role, every part that God has for us to play, has difficulties associated with it, and the role of a wife is no different. But let us remember that these difficult things are there to help us to rely on the Lord.
Two weeks ago, we talked about wisdom. Paul told us to be careful in how we live, not as unwise, but as wise.
It will take great wisdom to play the part God has us in this life. So I ask you to be open minded as the Lord speaks to us today through his word.
Illustration
There was a man who had some terrible symptoms occurring in his life went to the Dr. The Dr. examined him carefully and then went to speak to the man’s wife alone. The Dr. told her that her husband had a rare disorder that if not for a drastic change in his lifestyle, would lead to certain death very soon.
He said that luckily, they could treat this disorder with much rest and proper nutrition. The Dr. told her that if her husband was going to live that she could make sure and fix him a hot healthy breakfast each morning with fresh squeezed orange juice, each day, and that she should make sure that he took a healthy lunch by fixing it for him, and that she could help him get the protein he needed by fixing a meat and potatoes dinner each night. And also to help his immune system respond to these things, she should keep the house extremely clean for the next several months. And it would be extremely beneficial to just not upset him and just do the things he wants.
With all of these things, he had a good shot at recovering and living a long life otherwise, he had little hope
The Dr. asked the wife if she wanted to tell her husband the seriousness of his disorder or should he. The wife said she would.
They walked into the exam room. The husband could sense the seriousness of the situation when he saw his wife’s eyes welling up with tears.
He said, “It’s bad, isn’t it?”
His wife said, “Yes, honey, I am afraid it is. The Dr. says you’re going to die.”
There are times when we aren’t willing to do anything that we don’t want to do despite the circumstances surrounding it.
Now I am not suggesting that doing all of those things makes you a godly wife, but that sometimes we get so closed off in our minds as to what we will do, that little will cause us to re-examine how we should live in the role God has placed us.
That is what I want to do today. Throughout this series, I want you to
examine how you are playing our part and be open minded and
pray for God to show you how you can best live life playing your part
Today, I want wives to do that and in two weeks we will be discussing the husbands role and I will ask them to do that.
We will begin where Paul begins, in Ephesians 5:22-24 today. It is on page 829.
Slide 2
Ephesians 5:22-24
22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
We live in a culture today that cringes when they hear the word submit
And as I said a few minutes ago, each role has some difficult things about it and for wives, this is
The Hard Part of Being a Godly Wife
Slide 3
Ephesians 5:22
22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.
Well that stinks. Do you mean I have to do whatever my husband says?
Here is the part where we as a people have had so much trouble and I believe that is for 2 reasons.
First, we are a people who want to be in control of ourselves.
We don’t want anyone else telling us what to do.
Second, I believe we have totally taken this word out of the context of the Bible as a whole and made it mean that we do anything that the person we submit to says and so makes them less of a person than the person they submit to.
This is not submission like the Bible talks about.
Biblical Submission never
Means one person is less of a person than another
Has us replace God with anyone and
has nothing to do with claiming that men and women are not equal.
Unfortunately, the church, and some Christian men, have had a hand in perpetuating that thought, that women are not equal and that they are our slaves having to do whatever we say.
That is not the case.
Well if that is not true, then
What does it mean to Submit?
Slide 4
Biblical Submission means that we voluntarily place ourselves under the care and rule of someone else as they follow the Lord.
There are several places in the Bible that speak of submission.
We are all to submit to one another (Ephesians 5:21)
We are to submit to the governing authorities (Romans 13:1)
Romans 13:1
13:1 Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God.
But this does not mean that we must do whatever those in rule over us tell us to do.
We see in Acts that if what someone tells us to do something that contradicts what God would have us do, then we are not compelled to follow that lead.
When Peter and the other apostles were preaching in Jesus’ name, the Sanhedrin told them to stop, but they would not.
They said,
Acts 5:29 - "We must obey God rather than men!
So wives, submission does not make you a slave.
God has not designed you to be a doormat.
He has not put you in your role to be abused.
If what is being asked of you in your marriage
does not honor the Lord, or
harms you physically
endangers you or others,
draws you away from your relationship with the Lord
then you have no obligation to follow it or allow it.
Now, however, even if your husband is not a follower of Jesus, if he is making a decision that does not dishonor the Lord, you do have obligation to follow.
Now being submissive does not mean that you
don’t offer advice or
make suggestions or
just do things mindlessly.
A husband and wife should be talking and communicating and working together with the husband recognizing the wife as the helpmate that God designed her to be.
But there are times when a decision is not agreed upon yet a decision has to be made. It is in those cases wives that your husband needs to make a decision and you need to follow.
I know that this can be difficult sometimes.
This is a hard aspect of being a wife.
But there is also
The Good Part of being a Godly Wife
Slide 5
And what could that possibly be?
The good part is that God has told you how to fulfill your purpose and glorify Him and you develop and inward beauty that affects your outward appearance and how others see you.
1 Peter 3:1-6
1 Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2 when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. 3 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. 4 Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 5 For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, 6 like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.
This does not mean that you should not do anything to your outward appearance, but that your inner beauty, is the base for true beauty.
You can’t cover up for long the reality of what is inside you with makeup or clothes or a new hairdo.
We sometimes think those things will make us beautiful and bring fulfillment which is what everyone is looking for
And the world may tell women that you are going to find fulfillment if you are outwardly beautiful because you will be able to have a
Career or
Power or
Control.
But that is not the case.
Those things really don’t bring fulfillment, because that is not how God has designed you.
You are going to find fulfillment in life (if you are a wife), by being submissive to your husband.
Submissive as we have discussed here so far, not submissive like a mindless slave.
When you face the Lord on the day of judgment, you are not going to have to answer for many of the decisions that were made in your home.
If money was spent foolishly because of a decision by your husband, he will answer for that.
If you attended church and never gave financially and you felt bad about it, but your husband said no, you will not have to answer for that.
Now on the flip side, if a wife makes poor decisions and the husband allows it, then he is going to be held accountable for that.
So, praise the Lord, wives, that you are responsible for the role God has placed you in and you being obedient to that.
Husbands are going to have to answer not only for their decisions, but how they led their families in making the decisions they made.
Ok, so it can be both hard as well as good to be a godly wife.
But how do I actually do it.
What are
The Practicalities of Being a Godly Wife
Slide 6
First,
Help your Husband
Slide 7
Genesis 2:18
18 The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."
Wife, you have been created to be a help to your husband.
This is a big responsibility.
God said it wasn’t good that man should be alone. In a general way, He has designed us to be in need of a women’s help.
You can be a godly wife by striving to be that help to him.
Help him to think through decisions
Help him have the information he needs to make decisions.
Don’t be a second guesser.
When a decision has been made with your help, even if it is not the one you would have made, then don’t second guess it.
Be supportive of it and try your best to make it work out the best.
That will glorify the Lord.
I know that it is hard to do sometimes, but if you make that your perspective – glorifying the Lord, it will be easier to do
As you do that, God will strengthen you in those times and provide fulfillment for you.
When you are not helping, but hindering the home by
Your attitude
Your behavior
Your responses to him
You not only don’t help, but you make things worse for yourself.
The author of Hebrews, when speaking about leaders that God has placed into your lives says this.
Hebrews 13:17
17 Obey your leaders and submit to their authority. They keep watch over you as men who must give an account. Obey them so that their work will be a joy, not a burden, for that would be of no advantage to you.
It is not to your advantage to not be the helper that God wants you to be and to be submissive to your husband.
A second way you can practically be a Godly wife is to
Respect your Husband
Slide 8
Ephesians 5:33b says
the wife must respect her husband.
How do you respect him?
You respect you husband by
recognizing his needs and striving to meet them.
What do men need? As much as men want to portray that they don’t need anything, they do have needs. One is they need to be needed.
Help Him Feel Needed
Ladies, how often do you just want to share with your husband things that are going on, but then he jumps in and tells you how to fix the problem.
Well, ladies from your standpoint, recognize that God has wired us that way. We want to fix things. We like it when someone comes to us with a problem and we can fix it or solve it.
Respect your husband by helping him feel needed.
Second,
Support Him as He Leads
Some of the ladies are doing a study right now on Sunday morning and reading a book called “Finding the Hero in Your Husband.” I haven’t finished the whole thing yet, but the author, Julianna Slattery makes this insightful comment.
“Supporting him means that you have to let go of always making the right decision and focus on building the relationship.”
Ladies, there are going to be times that your husband messes up and
makes the wrong decision or
doesn’t quite do as good as you could have.
You show respect for him by supporting him even in the midst of it.
It is better to have a strong relationship together and a less than perfect outcome to a particular decision than a great outcome and a shaky relationship. That does not make for a healthy long term future.
Another way to respect your husband is to
Accentuate His Good Qualities
Everyone has good qualities and everyone has bad qualities. Focus on the good and not the bad.
When a photographer photographs something, he focuses the lens so as to get a clear picture of his subject. But when you do that, other things you can’t see as well.
If you focus on his good qualities, you won’t notice the bad qualities so much.
In doing those things, you show respect for your husband.
Lastly, a practical way to be a godly wife is to
Love your Husband
Slide 9
In Titus 2:4, Paul tells Titus to have the older women “train the younger women to love their husbands and children”
Loving is something that takes learning, not just feeling.
Now feelings are important, but we can’t just love when we feel like it.
Love is shown through action.
1 John 3:18
18 Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.
You show your love for your husband in what you do.
Do you recognize his needs and make those a priority?
That is loving him.
Do you strive to do the things that
speak love to him or the things that
speak love to you?
What does that mean?
Well, if you feel loved when your husband
buys you a gift or
does some kind act,
then you may try to show him your love through those same things.
Well if your husband likes to hear words of affirmation, then a gift or an act of service doesn’t carry the same weight as you affirming him.
If you have ever read The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman, you will recognize some of these.
Words of Affirmation
Receiving Gifts
Quality Time
Acts of Service
Physical Touch
Each spouse needs to communicate love to their spouse in a way that their spouse can receive. I will talk to husbands about this in 2 weeks, but wives, for most men, one of the primary ways that they receive love is through physical intimacy.
I know that love is a lot more than sex, but wives, it is a necessary component in you loving your husband.
I also know that it is not just a switch that you can turn on and off, but then communicate to your husband ways that he can help turn that switch on for you.
But wives, if you leave today, just know that it is not that your husband is just a sex crazed maniac, but physical intimacy is most likely one of the primary ways that love is communicated to him, and believe it or not, men need to be affirmed in your love for him.
Just like you need your husband to
spend time talking to you and
make time to just be with you
and that communicates his love to you,
you communicate love to him by recognizing how he receives love and communicating in that way.
You don’t have to say yes every time, but just be careful how you say no.
I thought Julianna Slattery did a good job in this aspect. She said,
Instead of ‘No”
How about, “the kids have worn me out completely today, but let’s connect in the morning or tomorrow night. We can make sure the kids get down early and we have some time to connect.”
You will have communicated to your husband that his needs are important to you but right now is not a good time.
And Wives, recognize that when a husband is initiating physical intimacy, he is making himself vulnerable to you and how you respond to that vulnerability will affect your marriage for far more than that night.
So, don’t just love him with words but with your actions as well.
Conclusion
Wives, you have a difficult role. It is not a role that makes you unequal in anyway, it just has different responsibilities, but those responsibilities are important to the success of your marriage.
Don’t view submission as the dirty word that the world makes it out to be.
It is not slavery, or inferiority, or a doormat.
It takes a strong woman to be submissive in the biblical sense and when you are, that is when you can find fulfillment in your life and help to make your marriage the great relationship that God has designed it to be.
Let’s pray.
