“Facing the Giant of Conflict”
Text: Matthew 18:15-17
15 ¶ Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.
16 But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.
17 And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican.
Introduction:
Conflict. Why does it happen? What causes it? How do we handle it? Will there ever be a time without conflict? Is conflict good or bad for us? A lot of question can be ask about conflict, and sometimes we may find an answer and sometimes not. We can look through the Bible and find some type of conflict take place in every book of the Bible. Conflict has come about because the first two people that ever lived listened to Satan. Everybody faces some kind of conflict in their live. It could be physically, spiritually, mentally, psychologically, emotionally, and this is a big one financially.
Every church split, every marriage and family brake up and every friendship that is destroyed is caused by some kind of conflict. The reason why it happens is because of some type of misunderstanding and the carnal self gets in the way. When conflict takes place where carnal self is involved someone always gets wounded.
Illustration of good conflict vs. bad.
My mother’s anarism (good)
“Satan may met it for evil but God met it for good”
Church problem (bad)
Conflict is a normal part of life, but when conflict between believers involve sinful behavior, they must be handled very carefully. In our text Jesus outlines a process toward resolving these conflicts. Matthew 18:15-17 “Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.
But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.
And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican.”
This morning I want us to look at how to begin reconciliation when conflict has taken place, how to apologize, how to forgive, and how to enlist a mediator.
I.How to Begin Reconciliation.
Reconciliation can only occur when both parties are willing to listen without interrupting. They both need to be respectful and understand that there are two sides to every story, two sets of feeling that need to be understood, and two hearts that need to be healed. I would like to give you a list of do’s and don’ts that I came across that will help in the reconciliation process.
Do’s
1. See the situation from the other’s point of view.
2. Repeat back: “I hear you saying _______________. Is that
correct?”
3. Use words that encourage.
4. Be respectful, even if you are not treated respectfully.
5. Realize that you have the power to change only yourself.
6. Be at peace, knowing that you have the Prince of Peace in your heart.
Don’ts
1. Don’t forget that your opposer is also God’s creation.
2. Don’t harbor resentment, bitterness, or hatred.
3. Don’t use “you” statements: “You make me mad...you should...you always....”
4. Don’t get drawn into useless arguments.
5. Don’t expect an immediate change.
6. Don’t assume that reconciliation is always possible.
II.How to Apologize.
Physical healing cannot take place unless the patient chooses to do what is healthy. In a similar way two wounded hearts will not heal if both parties defiantly refuse to ask forgiveness. There are right and wrong ways of ways forgiveness. Let’s look at the difference :
1. Don’t make excuses: “I couldn’t help it.”
2. Don’t use the blame game: “You made me do it.”
3. Accept full responsibility: “My attitude was inexcusable.”
4. Accept full blame for your part: “No one can make another person sin. I acknowledge that I sinned against you.”
5. With a humble heart say, “I’ve tried to see our relationship from your point of view. I realize that I’ve been wrong in my attitude of __________. Would you forgive me?”
III.How to Forgive.
There are some patients that have wound that will not heal because they just won’t leave the wound alone. Just like a wound needs to be allowed to heal, a person needs to allow forgiveness to do its work. Here are some practical steps in the process of healing.
1. Realizing that forgiveness is not letting the offender “off the hook,” but an act of releasing the offender from your hook and onto God’s hook.
2. Deciding that you want to be free from the pain of the past.
3. Recognizing the unmet needs in the one who hurt you.
4. Listing every offense, and then instead of “picking” at the wrongs, releasing each offense and the offender into the hands of God.
IV.How to Enlist a Mediator.
In seeking help in this process. Sometime you need another to help. This is just like going to one doctor and then going to another for a second opinion. It is very important that you find a mediator that the both of you trust and respect. Proverbs 15:22 gives us this recommendation. “Without counsel purposes are disappointed: but in the multitude of counselors they are established.” Sometime an outside person brings to the table a different perspective. You need to ask the other party involved if they would consider a mediator to help think through the problems to reach a successful end.
Each member need to be prepared to experience the possibility of a negative outcome from the process of reconciliation. You have to realize that a relationship may not work out. One person only cannot be responsible for the outcome of the relationship. However each person is responsible for handling the reconciliation process in a godly manner. Romans 12:18 says; “If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.”
Conclusion:
Remember conflicts will come, but there is the Master of the Sea.
