Papa’s Missing
That great theologian, Lucille Ball, was asked to comment on why American families were falling apart. Her response:
“Papa’s missing. Things are falling apart because Papa’s gone.
If Papa were here, he’d fix it.”
National surveys indicate that the younger generations are fatherless generations.
One pastor wrote: I had accepted the call as senior pastor of a large congregation that had recently erected a huge, state-of-the-art building resulting in major debt. Feeling the pressures of my new responsibility—and with a strong desire to impress my parishioners—I hit the ground running. I was in the office early every day, and almost every evening I was out shepherding the flock or reaching out to potential church members.
My wife, Teresa, was very understanding, but our two-and-a-half-year-old daughter, Mandi, was perplexed by my absence. Mandi loved for me to read to her after dinner each evening—a practice I continued in my new position, with one caveat: I would sit on the edge of my recliner with her seated by my side and read a quick story or two before rushing out for another night of harried activity.
One evening Mandi said something that jolted me back to reality about my role as a father. I had sat down with her in my recliner—once again on the edge, ready to quickly read and run. While I was reading, Mandi interrupted me, patted the recliner seat, and said, "Scoot back, Daddy, scoot back." She knew on those rare occasions when I wasn’t going back out that I would relax, sit back in my recliner, and leisurely read stories to her heart’s content.
Her words pierced my soul as I understood what she was really saying: "Please slow down, Daddy. Make time for me!" Appropriately chastened, I scooted back.
Let me make a prediction:
Your biggest regret at the end of your life
won’t be the things you did
that you wish you hadn’t.
Your biggest regret will be the things
you didn’t do
but wish you had.
That prediction is based on the research of two social psychologists, Tom Gilovich and Vicki Medvec. According to their research, time is a key factor in what we regret. Over the short-term, we tend to regret actions—things we did that we wish we hadn’t. But over the long-haul, we tend to regret inactions—things we didn’t do but wish we had. Their study found that action regrets outweigh inaction regrets 53 percent to 47 percent during an average week. But when people look at their lives as a whole, inaction regrets outnumber action regrets 84 percent to 16 percent.
I have my fair share of action regrets. I’ve said and done some things that I wish I could unsay and undo. Who hasn’t secretly wished that they could fly counter-rotational around the earth at supersonic speeds and reverse time like Superman? But I’m convinced that our deepest regrets at the end of our lives will be the risks not taken, the opportunities not seized, and the dreams not pursued.
Some would say there are four different kinds of fathers: dead, divorced, domineering, distant.
About 20 years ago, Weldon Hardenbrook wrote a book called Missing From Action: The Vanishing Manhood in America. It describes four kinds of men prevalent in our culture.
The first is the Macho Maniac, guys like Dirty Harry and Rambo. These guys deny all their feelings, ignore the law, never complain, and never apologize. They take anything they want and bully people in the process.
He calls the second the Great Pretender. This is the Archie Bunker type of guy. He builds up his self worth by constantly belittling everyone else – particularly his wife. He rules over his family with an iron fist even as everyone else ridicules him behind his back. He’s frightened by the world, so he keeps everyone at arm’s length by his constant caustic talk.
He calls the third model the World Class Wimp, like Dagwood Bumstead. He is so inept that he’s constantly outwitted by his children, his wife, and even his dog. Nobody takes him serious. He’s a bumbling idiot. His motto is “Blessed are the passive for they shall avoid conflict at all costs.”
The fourth wrong model is the Gender Blender. These guys don’t even pretend to be masculine.
John Eldredge, who, in his three-million-selling Wild at Heart (Thomas Nelson, 2001), lamented that the masculine spirit was at risk because "most men believe God put them on the earth to be good boys." We have a tendency to promote discipleship as merely becoming "nice guys" keeps men from embodying their God-given maleness.
There’s a lot of confusion out there about what it means to be a man. These four models are everywhere in our culture – and they’re in our churches as well. I want to help you understand what the Bible teaches about true manhood. The Bible’s view of manhood can be summarized by these five characteristics: compassion, consistency, cooperation, commitment, and courage.
“Papa’s missing.
Things are falling apart because Papa’s gone.
If Papa were here, he’d fix it.”
If Papa were present,
compassion would move back home!
God is looking for men who put relationships before results and people before profits. He gives us Timothy as an example. Paul says this of Timothy in Philippians 2:20
Philppians 2:20
20 I have no one else like him, who takes a genuine interest in your welfare.
(NIV)
Timothy put relationships before results.
Many men are results-oriented. Often women tend to be more relationship-oriented than men. As men, we need to work on this. People last; profits don’t.
Did you know the average father spends less than two minutes a day with his children in serious conversation? They can’t build relationships like that.
“Papa’s missing.
Things are falling apart because Papa’s gone.
If Papa were here, he’d fix it.”
If Papa were present,
consistency would move back home!
2 Samuel 8:18
18 Benaiah son of Jehoiada was over the Kerethites and Pelethites; and David’s sons were royal advisers.
(NIV)
God is looking for men who aren’t afraid to be different from the surrounding culture. That’s what I mean by consistency. They put character before conformity; what they do is consistent with what they say.
God wants the men of our churches to be like that – men of character. We must constantly check whether our private life is consistent with our public image. If it’s not, we better change it. God doesn’t want men to live Jekyl and Hyde lives.
“Papa’s missing.
Things are falling apart because Papa’s gone.
If Papa were here, he’d fix it.”
If Papa were present,
cooperation would move back home!
I Kings 1:36-37
36 Benaiah son of Jehoiada answered the king, "Amen! May the LORD, the God of my lord the king, so declare it.
37 As the LORD was with my lord the king, so may he be with Solomon to make his throne even greater than the throne of my lord King David!"
(NIV)
God is looking for men who put cooperation before competition. Paul was one of the most gifted men in the history of the church. Yet he realized that we accomplish more when we work together. If you really want to make an impact with your life, you need to cooperate with others. You don’t become a Lone Ranger.
The men whom God uses work together.
Snowflakes are pretty fragile, but if enough of them stick together they can stop traffic. That’s true with us. By myself I can’t do a lot. By yourself you can’t do a lot. But together we can make an impact.
“Papa’s missing.
Things are falling apart because Papa’s gone.
If Papa were here, he’d fix it.”
If Papa were present,
commitment would move back home!
God is also looking for men who put the cause of Christ before comfort. Honestly, most men do just the opposite. They’ll say, “I’ll live for the Lord when it’s convenient. I’ll go to church as long as there’s not a good game on today.”
But James says,
James 2:17
17 In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.
(NIV)
God wants men who are committed to doing his work in the world – not just living for themselves. Don’t let what’s wrong with you keep you from worshipping what’s right with God. Burn sinful bridges.
“Papa’s missing.
Things are falling apart because Papa’s gone.
If Papa were here, he’d fix it.”
If Papa were present,
courage would move back home!
God is looking for men who put courage in service before security. He wants men who take risks for God’s kingdom.
The greatest experiences will often double as the scariest experiences. The defining moments will often double as the scariest decisions.
II Samuel 23:20-23 highlights three of the most obscure yet courageous acts recorded in Scripture, but it’s more than that. It’s a microcosm on how God calls men to approach life.
2 Samuel 23:20-23
20 Benaiah son of Jehoiada was a valiant fighter from Kabzeel, who performed great exploits. He struck down two of Moab’s best men. He also went down into a pit on a snowy day and killed a lion.
21 And he struck down a huge Egyptian. Although the Egyptian had a spear in his hand, Benaiah went against him with a club. He snatched the spear from the Egyptian’s hand and killed him with his own spear.
22 Such were the exploits of Benaiah son of Jehoiada; he too was as famous as the three mighty men.
23 He was held in greater honor than any of the Thirty, but he was not included among the Three. And David put him in charge of his bodyguard.
(NIV)
Scripture doesn’t tell us what Benaiah was doing or where he was going when he encountered this lion. We don’t know Benaiah’s frame of mind, but Scripture does reveal his gut reaction. And it was gutsy. It ranks as one of the most improbable reactions recorded in Scripture. When the image of a man-eating beast travels through the optical nerve and registers in the visual cortex, the brain has one over-arching message: run away.
That is what normal people do. For most of us, finding ourselves in a pit with a lion on a snowy day would pose a substantial problem, but you’ve got to admit something: I killed a lion in a pit on a snowy day looks pretty impressive on your résumé if you’re applying for a bodyguard position with the King of Israel! Not only does Benaiah land a job as David’s chief bodyguard, he climbs all the way up the military chain-of-command to become Commander-in-Chief of Israel’s army. Benaiah was the second most powerful person in the kingdom of Israel, but his genealogy of success can be traced all the way back to a life-and-death encounter with a man-eating lion. It was fight or flight. Benaiah was faced with a choice that would determine his destiny: run away or give chase.
Benaiah must have been scared spitless when he encountered that lion. But he didn’t run away. In fact, it was the fear he felt that made his “in a pit with a lion on a snowy day” story all the more fun to tell ex post facto.
Imagine the bedtime stories Benaiah must have told his children! I can hear his kids: tell us the lion story one more time! I think we owe it to our kids and grandkids to live our lives in a way that is worth telling stories about. And more importantly, we owe it to God. So here is my question: are you living your life in a way that is worth telling stories about?
Philippians 2:29-30
29 Welcome him in the Lord with great joy, and honor men like him,
30 because he almost died for the work of Christ, risking his life to make up for the help you could not give me.
(NIV)
Scripture says we’re to honor men like that, those who put service before security. The word in this passage for “risk” is literally a gambling term. It means “hazarding.” It’s the same word used in a crapshoot, staking everything on the roll of the dice. Paul says that’s what this guy did for Christ.
God wants men with enough of a commitment to risk their time, their reputation, and their finances. Jesus says in Mark 8:35:
Mark 8:35
35 If you insist on saving your life, you will lose it. Only those who throw away their lives for my sake and for the sake of the Good News will ever know what it means to really live.
(TLB)
