Rom 16:1-2
16:1 I commend unto you Phebe our sister, which is a servant of the church which is at Cenchrea:
2 That ye receive her in the Lord, as becometh saints, and that ye assist her in whatsoever business she hath need of you: for she hath been a succourer of many, and of myself also. KJV
Much ado has been made in recent years trying to make dear Phebe a deaconess because Paul used the word diakonos, which is the same word, used of a deacon because a deacon is servant of the church. The word meant servant before the office of deacon was ever created. Indeed, all saints are to be the servants of Christ as they were all given various gifts to do so. However, all do not hold the office of deacon.
In I Timothy 3 the requirements of those who would occupy the office of pastor or deacon are well delineated. It then gives an injunction about the character of the wives. Why? Not that they will hold the office of pastorette or deaconess but in their role as wife of one in these offices they have great influence upon the success of their husbands and the ministry.
1 Tim 3:11 Even so must their wives be grave, not slanderers, sober, faithful in all things. KJV
Note that with all the requirements listed for both pastor and deacon there is only one verse that even speaks to their wives. It has four qualifications because the wife of a pastor or deacon who does not possess these qualifications can bring his ministry and even the church down into flaming defeat.
I once used the illustration that if my Senior Pastor’s wife and mine walked into church one morning braless in see through blouses and mini-skirts that did not cover them being loud and rowdy, cussing, smoking and holding a bottle of Jack Black he could be Charles Spurgeon and I, Dr. R. A. Torrey but our ministries would be history. He and I have often commented that we could never do what we do without the support of our wives.
In the beginning, deacons had one duty; make sure the widows got fed. This would necessitate some funds being entrusted to them as well as getting the food to them in a timely manner. If his wife were not grave or honorable, i.e. honest, she might sneak some of that money or offer to do the shopping for him and get inferior goods, inflate the costs or do some other dishonorable deed.
Being she might be privy to much of what is going on with the widows (or all the women in the case of a pastor’s wife) if she were a slanderer or a false accuser, literally a devil, she could be running from house to house starting all sorts of wildfire. That would not build but destroy a ministry. I actually had a women say, "I wonder if I could be the woman to destroy the church." That husband was certainly NOT a candidate for deacon because of her, yet that pastor did take them into his confidence and they stirred up all sorts of hornet’s nests.
Certainly you would not a drunken wife, but the sober here means circumspect or prudent woman, not a reckless gadabout or a party girl. She needs to be mature and carry herself as a Christian woman with the wisdom and diligence of Proverbs 31.
Finally, she needs to be faithful to her husband, of course, but most of all to God. She needs to be a believer. A man in an unequal yoke could not serve as a pastor or deacon, for his sake as much as the church’s. She would never understand the long hours of a pastor and even sometimes a deacon. She would bug him about "all you do is think about that church and God" or in many other ways hinder him.
Thus when calling a pastor or appointing a deacon, their wife must also be considered, but only in these four areas. She does not have to teach (in fact, shouldn’t), sing, play the piano, run the Ladies’ ministry or do anything other than be a good wife, mother and exercise whatever gift God gave her. God called the man to the ministry, not the wife. God called her to the man. She is his help meet/fit for him, not the Church. The Church has no say in what she is to do or not do. There is no hiring two-for-one to get the most bang for your buck. It is a calling, not a career and that is where many churches have gone astray when seeking a pastor. They hire a preacher and wonder why they got a hireling instead of a pastor.
After all that, what about Phebe? I was doing some study and came across this in a biography of a fellow that is still revered fourteen years after his death. He must have been a great leader among the Jewish people. Many pastors aren’t remembered fourteen months after they leave or die.
"The Rebbe was born in 1902, on the 11th day of Nissan, in Nikolaev, Russia, to the renowned kabbalist, talmudic scholar and leader Rabbi Levi Yitzchak and Rebbetzin Chana Schneerson."
Rebbetzin - "(Yiddish) (a) wife of a rabbi or Rebbe; (b) a pious woman of great spiritual achievements." - From the same page.
The wife did not hold the office of Rabbi, but was called a Rebbetzin. I read this same sort of thing about a prophetess.
Judg 4:4 And Deborah, a prophetess, the wife of Lapidoth, she judged Israel at that time.
KJV OT:5031 nebiy’ah (neb-ee-yaw’); feminine of OT:5030; a prophetess or (generally) inspired woman; by implication, a poetess; by association a prophet’s wife: KJV - prophetess.
(Biblesoft’s New Exhaustive Strong’s Numbers and Concordance with Expanded Greek-Hebrew Dictionary. Copyright (c) 1994, Biblesoft and International Bible Translators, Inc.)
Note she was an inspired woman. We know Deborah was a songwriter for we read her song later in Judges so indeed she was inspired but not in the sense of a prophet like Elijah. She is mentioned as the wife of Lapidoth? Why? Uh, like maybe because he was a prophet and hence she was a prophetess in that way, but not holding the office of a prophet. They called her a prophetess because of her status as a wife of a prophet and possibly because of her songs. He was definitely a minor prophet as he is only mentioned here.
Even in the secular world a wife of a prince is a called a princess, but she does not officiate in any way as a prince. She is treated with respect and has many of the privileges accorded to her as a princess but she does not hold the office of prince nor has the same authority or duties.
First of all, as we said all saints are to be servants of the church within their gifts so that he used the word servant, even in the masculine tense, proves very little. It can’t be that she was a deaconess in the sense of what we think of today, but in the sense of being married to a deacon like the prophetess and the Rebbetzin.
1 Tim 5:5-10
5 Now she that is a widow indeed, and desolate, trusteth in God, and continueth in supplications and prayers night and day.
6 But she that liveth in pleasure is dead while she liveth.
7 And these things give in charge, that they may be blameless.
8 But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.
9 Let not a widow be taken into the number under threescore years old, having been the wife of one man,
10 Well reported of for good works; if she have brought up children, if she have lodged strangers, if she have washed the saints’ feet, if she have relieved the afflicted, if she have diligently followed every good work. KJV
Secondly, she may well have been a widow or at least would be a candidate at 60, if she became one, because she has been busy in the activities listed in this passage. I would call a person doing all this, a godly servant. A widow in such service might be called a servant as well even using the masculine tense. She would be supported by the church and have the free time to do these sorts of things as well as being in a ministry of prayer. (1 Tim 5:5) This would still not have been the office of deacon for that is clearly taught as a role for a man though he needs a wife of certain qualifications to support him.
Thirdly, we have changed the office of deacon greatly since it was created. Many responsibilities have been added and in many churches deacons really function as elders or assistant pastors. Therefore as leaders in the church the position must fall to the men even more so than in the beginning. After all, the church was told to seek out seven men, not seven men or women. Had this been a position open to both it would have stood to reason that both would be candidates and they were not.
Finally, one word used in one passage does not negate the one knotty requirement for both pastor and deacon. They must both be husbands of one wife. God in His foreknowledge saw this age of feminism and the effeminate church and threw a monkey wrench into their theology. You can pull Gal 3:8 out of context and or strive over a word in Romans 16, but you can’t get past this requirement. (1 Tim 6:4; 2 Tim 2:14) A pastor or a deacon must be a man and a married man at that. A woman who tells me she was called by God to either position is either greatly deceived or a liar based on the Word of God. God does not contradict His Word.
Dear Sister Phebe was a woman of great character who served her Savior, her church and the saints in a godly manner according to her gifts. She received honor because we are to give honor where honor is due. Paul did exactly that and that is all there is to it. It does not become an argument for precedence to override Scripture or open the doors to women serving in roles God did not ordain for them. It is a salute to a woman whose works have been recognized by Paul and God in a way that still makes her a role model for women two millennia since she went to glory, but it does not make her a deaconess.
Maranatha!
