The phone rings. I answer it only to hear something I never thought I would. Shock overtook my senses before I could even say a word. All I could say was, “What?” I will never forget that one day when the last straw fell and all the strength I had dissolved instantly into complete nothingness inside of me. It has been almost six years since I received that call and have never forgotten it. Life had taken its toll on me during the years preceding that day, that moment in my lifetime. I stood in the middle of a war zone called life and watched as the ground became riddled with craters. The bombs that dropped deafened my ears and hardened my heart to life, towards people, and towards the world. I watched again and again as those around me dropped and broke, never to return.
I remember a very close friend of mine, Shannon Ahtone. It was during grade school that we bonded and stuck together. She and I were inseparable. Each day we would get off the school bus and meet together. I remember her face long with a wide grin. Her hair was that common color of Indian black hair, almost exactly like mine. One day, her family moved and she vanished from my life only to reappear some seven years later. Since then I had gone through considerable changes in life, the most notable being that I accepted Christ. When I met her again, I felt quite euphoric in getting a second chance to be close to my friend. Then, slowly I began to notice how she had changed since they had left. She had piercings all over her body. No biggie, everyone had their own style. She had an ankle bracelet that kept track of her. My breath almost stopped as I saw that on her leg. She had chosen a very bad path. So, I decided to give my all to help my childhood friend. We sat many nights talking about what life had dealt us during those years. I found out some of what I endured wasn’t all that bad in comparison. I could see the toll taken in her once perfect face. Her eyes sagged a little and I could see her shoulders sink further down as she told me her story. I told her about Christ and told her she could talk to Janice, a new close friend, if she needed a female.
Her demeanor soon changed. It was like a miracle had occurred and the Shannon I used to know had returned with her rosy cheeks and beautiful smile. She accepted Christ and gobbled up every single thing she could about Him. She continually came to church and enjoyed times of fun with myself and Janice. One day she didn’t show up however. Janice and I grew concerned after another week had gone with her presence. I visited her home. He mom opened the door and although it took her a minute, she recognized the little boy who used to be Shannon’s best friend. She begged me to help Shannon. Help Shannon with what? Just as fast as she had accepted Christ, she ditched Him to go back to the way she lived before; going to different men for love, drinking, among other activities. She didn’t weigh what it would cost her to become a Christian. She thought it would change her and she wouldn’t want the other life she had been living anymore. I lost a dear friend to sin and evil. She was only 17 when I lost her. She didn’t understand that she had to leave her old life but she wanted to keep her old boyfriend and her parties and lost because of it. “As they were going along the road, someone said to Him, “I will follow You wherever You go.” And Jesus said to him, “The foxes have holes and the birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay His head.””
Time would march forward regardless of whether I wanted to or not. Unrelenting I was sent almost as if guided into the lives of many people. I had grown so much since that last episode that I thought I could handle teaching others. I was respected in the church because of my knowledge and so I began looking after some of the younger kids. I got close to some of them but one in particular. Evan was his name and boy was he small compared to most. His parents were very skinny people. His dad was a mechanic with a small plop of red hair on his head, the remnants of balding. He had definitely inherited their traits. He was energetic and ornery as cat hyped up on catnip. I remember playing volleyball with him and trying to teach him what it meant to be dedicated. I remember taking him out to play pool in a smoke-free pool hall just twenty minutes away. I had a lot of fun talking with him and answering his questions as best as a teenager could.
I watched him grow under the careful eye of our youth minister. I graduated high school and left for college. I hoped and prayed that someone would take over where I had left off. More than two years would go by before I would have a chance to sit down and talk with him. I had returned home during the summer and got a call from Brother Ray, my former pastor. He asked me to go ahead and visit the family; something had happened. They only lived a couple of miles further than I did from town. It was after dinner when I finally left to visit them. I drove up and down the hills on those back roads with a million questions in my mind. “What’s going on? Why weren’t they still in church?” They had all accepted Christ with the exception of their youngest child. I pulled into their gravel driveway listen to the crunch of the tires against the drive. Slowly, I climbed out of the car and shut the door with a thud. I saw a shadow at the door investigating what stranger could possibly be in their drive. I found myself warmly greeted by Lisa, his mother. I could see the short time I was gone had given her a few worry wrinkles across her brow and under her eyes. Her brown eyes showed the excitement in at seeing me after being gone for so long. I asked to see Evan and was soon greeted by a boy I no longer recognized. He was taller but just as skinny. It was the way he spoke that made me jump. All I remember from that night is my stark reaction to the following conversation. He had decided that he was his own man and could handle things the way he wanted. He wanted a girl and so he got one. He wanted sex and so he got it. He wanted a job and money, so he got them. I found out recently that he got her pregnant, married her, and hates the church which he blames for all his problems. In so many ways, he was my child in faith. It hurt to see him fall. The battle field began to shrink. He wrapped himself up in the concerns of the world. In battle, you never take your mind off your objective but he changed his objective to lust and pride. “And He said to another, “Follow Me.” But he said, “Lord, permit me first to go and bury my father.” But He said to him, “Allow the dead to bury their own dead; but as for you, go and proclaim everywhere the kingdom of God.”” He was too worried about stuff at home to focus on God and the war consumed him just like it had Shannon.
It seems to me that the war followed me even into college and beyond. This war called life destroys so much so quickly. In college, I assumed I would find so many ultra-dedicated Christians, ones that would never give up no matter what the circumstances. I saw one more particular casualty of this war called life during my time of training for ministry. Their names were Isaac, James, Jared, and many others. They all accepted Christ and went to Bible College to train for the ministry. They were ready. I was ready or so we all thought. I watched closely on the battlefield as one-by-one men and women totally dedicated to Christ looked at the future they had. They would look forward at all that could happen and then they would look back at whatever awaited them back home. Some left family, friends and even love interests back home. Several hundred miles lay between them and those they loved. I watched as semester after semester our numbers dwindled. They would go home and never return. We would get some message from them that they took some job and had decided to stay. My first semester had 125 bright and ready students. The second semester it was down to 110. The third semester it dropped sharply to 80 which lasted through the fourth semester. By the time I graduated only maybe 25 or 30 people had graduated with a degree, one of which was my wife two years earlier. We had already lost three-quarters of my class by graduation day. The war had taken its toll on so many around me. Some survived though. “Another also said, “I will follow You, Lord; but first permit me to say good-bye to those at home.” But Jesus said to him, “No one, after putting his hand to the plow and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God.””
Snapping back to the voice on the other side of the phone, I shook the memory of the feelings associated with all of these. I had seen the war against sin in this life devastate person after person. I had lost Shannon, Evan, Isaac, and so many others. It was my second semester of college after the first batch of students had fallen away. I guess it was my turn. I could hear the gruff and strained voice of my father on the other side of the phone. He had a calm and almost serene demeanor to his words but I knew from his urgency that something was wrong. As I listened I couldn’t believe my ears. “Your grandfather has died and your mother tried to commit suicide. She is in the mental hospital in Lawton. Could you come home and watch the shop.” I had seen an awful lot of stuff up to this point in my life. I watched my friend Sarah drive off a bridge and die at the age of 17. I had seen death right in front of me. I had seen the effects of girls being brutally attacked. I had seen a friend die from one of those attacks. This was the last straw. I finally broke down in my room and cried and cried and cried. It was my turn to face the fire; my turn to be tested to my limits.
I begged God to answer me why. Why did all this evil have to happen? I punched the brick wall in my room hard enough that the next room over screamed at me for making too much noise. Why me? Why did everything have to be taken from me? Almost all my friends had fallen and broken. My comrades in arms had chosen people over ministry. People kept forsaking Christ and now my own mother decided that it was easier to take her own life than live. What was going on with everyone?! The battle finally got to me that day and I was faced with the same decision as everyone else on the field; Give up and walk away or steel myself for the coming onslaught.
“Now after this the Lord appointed seventy others, and sent them in pairs ahead of Him to every city and place where He Himself was going to come. And He was saying to the, “the harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few; therefore beseech the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into His harvest. Go; behold, I send you out as lambs in the midst of wolves.” After Jesus had dealt with all the wanna-be followers and those followers had decided to give up for their various reasons. Yet, some chose to become part of the few and proud on the battlefield. They chose to become obedient followers of Christ. I chose Jesus and I will NEVER give Him up for anything.
Which person do you identify with? Did you come to faith quickly through The Passion of Christ or because of some event in your life? Shannon accepted Christ because he could save her from her problems. She believed everything would be fine on the battle field. No more danger. She didn’t realize that it took a lot of effort to grow and live with Satan bombarding her with all her past sins. When the first sign of trouble came again, she left just as quickly as she had begun. She didn’t weigh the consequences of joining Christ and now she hates the church and won’t listen to me anymore. Do those old sins plague you? Do you still drink behind the scenes while no one is looking? Don’t forget God is watching. How about those dirty videos or magazines hidden under your bed? Church becomes less appealing when we feed our evil desires. Shannon fed hers and now lives a desperate life without Christ.
Or maybe you feel a lot more like Evan? You are entangled in the stuff of this world way too much. You cannot mix the desires of wealth, affluence, houses, cars, and family with following Christ. None of those can go first. You may have accepted Christ but you have never grown because your worries over money and your own desire for more has placed you at odds with God. You have entangled yourself with avoidable problems and issues and now you have found yourself dedicated to a cause you never wanted. Honestly, Evan sought out trouble for himself by putting his desires first and God’s desires second. He placed himself in absolute authority over his life and messed it up pretty good in the process. He was the king of the hill. Now, with his pregnant girlfriend at the age of 18, he roams from job to job.
Or maybe you are just like those college buddies I had, lulled by the temptation to stick with those at home. They were all drawn away from ministry and Christ because of something or someone at home. Many left and never returned so that they could follow the girl they loved. Some left because of family health issues. All of them abandoned their guard duty post for something other than following Christ. What lulls you away from Christ? Maybe you have family at home that refuses to come to church? Maybe they even berate you for how stupid you are for going? Maybe it would be easier to just give in? It probably would be because being a Christian isn’t easy. Many give up church because it is “hard” for them to get up on Sunday morning. There is always an excuse for skipping church but you couldn’t use those same lame excuses to skip work could you?
Every type of disciple or follower faces trials by fire on the battlefield of life. These battles will test what you are made of and if it isn’t a steel determination to follow Christ, you will fall, falter, and finally quit Christ. Those who survive the fire of discipleship become the last category; the obedient follower. The harvesters who go out into the battlefields of life and find those who are struggling to survive and bring them to the doctor, Jesus, to have their wounds healed. These are the people who tell the grocery store clerk how awesome God is. These are the people who help little-old ladies just as Jesus commanded. These are the men and women who have been steeled by God’s demanding fire and have made the determination, “I will NEVER give up CHRIST!” I am God’s and He is mine. I survived that day but I had a decision to make. A decision everyone has to make someday. Will I follow Christ whole-heartedly or will I walk into church every Sunday and never make a difference? That day I uttered those words. “I will NEVER give up CHRIST!” If you haven’t seen the fire, it’s coming.
