“Managing Anger God’s Way” Pt 3
REVIEW
Ephesians 4:26 tells us to be angry. Only four verses later we are told to “put away all anger and wrath.” Which is it? Be angry or put anger away. We have learned that there are two sources of anger. There is Spirit-generated anger and flesh-generated anger.
Spirit-generated anger accomplishes eternal purposes and should be recognized and directed.
Flesh-generated anger does not and should be refused and defused.
Hopefully we can learn the difference and act accordingly.
I have two objectives for this series.
Help you to comprehend or understand anger.
Help you control anger.
I. COMPREHEND (UNDERSTAND) ANGER
A. Understand the basic character of anger
Anger is an inner mental/emotional power surge that readies us to act against evil. At its core, it is morally neutral. It can lead to good or evil. It can be either harmful or helpful. We must always seek to utilize it for God’s purposes.
B. Pinpoint the purpose of anger
The purpose of anger is to alert us and empower us to address evil either in our life or the world around us. It motivates us to act decisively against evil. Anger can encourage us to either address pockets of sin and selfishness in our life or evil in our world.
Anger is an automatic
inner mental/emotional stirring in response to
perceived or actual events, people or circumstances
perceived as wrong, evil or threatening to my well being
that empowers me to act.
C. Discover the cause of anger
Anger arises out of personal beliefs, expectations and perceptions. Anger stirs when I perceive a violation of those beliefs, core values or expectations. The reason some respond with anger and others do not depends on their belief system. It has to do with what we believe to be right according to our personal value system. The Mariners current losing season does not make me angry because it is not high on my value system. Now if I was an owner, I would probably have to deal with anger.
The key to managing anger centers in our thinking – beliefs, expectations, perceptions.
Anger will either be triggered by a fleshly thought process or a godly thought process.
When our thinking is godly, our anger will be godly and can be directed for godly purposes.
When our thinking is fleshly or self-centered, our anger will drive us and rarely accomplishes godly purposes.
1. Beliefs and values
Beliefs and convictions are the way we think things should be.
Fleshly anger arises out of faulty beliefs and convictions.
Godly anger arises out of sound beliefs and convictions.
It is absolutely vital that we embrace God’s truth and continually adjust our beliefs and convictions to conform to God’s standard as revealed in the Bible. When we view life as God does, our anger will be a tool for eternal purposes.
2. Personal expectations / goals
We also adopt certain expectations according to our personal beliefs and convictions
This is the way we want things to be.
Fleshly anger arises out of unrealistic and even self-centered expectations.
Godly anger arises out of reasonable and God-centered expectations.
Any time we establish and pursue personal goals that require the cooperation of other people or things we become highly susceptible to anger when we fail to reach those goals. Any time our sense of well-being centers on the cooperation of others, we will battle anger. Why? Because people are fallible. We become a slave to the actions and response of others.
If you expect meaning in life to come from any person or place, possession or experience, then you become its slave and it becomes your god. The higher your expectation, the stronger the anger when it doesn’t produce what you expected. Our anger will center on the person or thing that blocked that goal. We must continually adjust both goals and expectations according to truth and God’s direction.
3. Personal perception
In addition to beliefs and expectations, there is the matter of my particular perception.
Perceptions are the way I perceive things to be.
I must continually ask God to help me see life from His perspective and seek to know the truth.
Fleshly anger arises out of a faulty or inadequate perception.
Godly anger arises out of an accurate perception.
D. Consider the consequences of fleshly anger
The Bible addresses the destructive consequences of fleshly anger and urges us to defuse it.
Godly anger must be Biblically directed, fleshly anger must be Biblically defused.
E. Follow the course of anger (circle of emotion)
Both fleshly and godly anger follow a particular course.
1. Anger begins in the soul (beliefs, expectations, perceptions)
2. Anger is automatically triggered by an event
perceived as evil, hurtful or threatening
3. Anger requires strategic personal reflection and evaluation
4. Anger prompts a chosen response or action
F. Address soul issues that stir and intensify anger’s manifestation
If you understand the relationship between anger and your beliefs, expectations and perceptions you will be able to direct your anger to a chosen response that brings about godly purposes. Anger is a response to perceived evil. Anger also stems from some issues in the soul that both stir and intensify anger. I call it crookedness in the soul or scoliosis of the soul. There are a number of unaddressed soul issues that result in an agitated state of mind/emotion.
1. Unaddressed Sin -- Guilt
Failure to regularly address sin in our own life stirs or intensifies anger in our life. Guilt causes us to overreact to the same sin that we struggle with. Guilt can cultivate an angry spirit; a general state of agitation. Unconfessed and unaddressed sin in our life obstructs our ability to effectively confront sin in others. That is why Jesus exhorts us to deal with the “log” in your own eye before you attempt to remove “the splinter” from the eye of others. Notice the colossal contrast between log and splinter. The “log” (significant issue) in our life causes us to exaggerate the “splinters” (insignificant issues) in someone else’s life.
King David
King David demonstrated hypersensitivity to evil when Nathan the prophet recounted a made-up story about the confiscation of a poor man’s lamb by a rich man in 2 Samuel 12. David’s guilt over his own sin with Bathsheba had simmered for at least eight months causing him to react beyond reason. (The baby was born shortly after the confrontation with Nathan.) Yes there was a bona fide injustice to address. Yet David’s response was completely unreasonable because of his own guilt.
Then David’s anger burned greatly against the man, and he said to Nathan, "As the LORD lives, surely the man who has done this deserves to die. He must make restitution for the lamb fourfold, because he did this thing and had no compassion." 2 Samuel 12:5-6
David’s anger defused immediately when he humbly addressed the sin in is own life.
Then David said to Nathan, "I have sinned against the LORD." 2 Samuel 12:13
Corinthian Unconfessed Immorality
The people of Corinth failed to properly address previous sin in their life which was affecting their relationships in the present.
I am afraid that perhaps when I come I may find you to be not what I wish and may be found by you to be not what you wish; that perhaps there may be strife, jealousy, angry tempers, disputes, slanders, gossip, arrogance, disturbances; I am afraid that when I come again my God may humiliate me before you, and I may mourn over many of those who have sinned in the past and not repented of the impurity, immorality and sensuality which they have practiced. 2 Cor 12:20-21
There is a clear connect between sensual sin and anger. Sensuality reveals a severe case of self-centeredness. My focus of personal pleasure and anyone who interferes becomes an enemy.
To deny satisfaction of an “out of control fleshly focus” stirs anger. It carries the same effect as denying a substance abuser their substance. Paul continually urges a clear conscience. Without a clear conscience we will be unable to respond effectively to legitimate evil. We will be too self-focused to see others from God’s perspective. Sin taints our beliefs, expectations and perceptions. Since we have unaddressed sin in our life we will have difficulty responding to the prompting of the Holy Spirit. We overreact to the things in others that we have not addressed in our own life. Only sensitivity to the Word and regular confession will protect us and defuse fleshly anger.
2. Doubt / Fear / Independence
Failure to entrust our lives to God lies at the core of a great deal of fleshly anger. When we imagine presume certain expectations of God and God “fails” to come through, we withdraw our trust in His essential goodness. This proud unbelief in the person and purposes of God breeds unhealthy codependency on others which breeds anger. We transfer our expectations to people to produce what God won’t. This unbelief also breeds fear which in turn breeds more anger and frustration. When we flush our faith in God and His Word, we are left without a regulator for our beliefs, expectations and perceptions which increases the possibility for thinking that makes us susceptible to fleshly anger and responses to anger.
The key to straighten this crookedness is repentance/faith.
Entrusting our soul into the hands of a good and wise God enables us to view life and the events of a life in a fallen world with a eternal outlook rather than an angry one. If God allows it, there must be an eternal purpose and I have the privilege of participating in eternity as His humble servant.
Remember!
God is to wise to be mistaken.
God is too good to be unkind.
So when you don’t understand,
when you can’t see his plan,
when you can’t trace His hand
TRUST HIS HEART.
3. Self-centered focus
If you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your heart, do not be arrogant and so lie against the truth. This wisdom is not that which comes down from above, but is earthly, natural, demonic. For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder and every evil thing. James 3:14-16
What is the source of quarrels and conflicts among you? Is not the source your pleasures that wage war in your members? You lust and do not have; so you commit murder. And you are envious and cannot obtain; so you fight and quarrel. You do not have because you do not ask. James 4:1-2
Failure to surrender my life as God’s instrument in the life of others sets me up for anger.
God is clear in James that self-centered ambition is the source of sinful anger and broken relationships. It is impossible be to be self-centered and others-centered at the same time.
I must be willing to yield my personal rights into the care of my loving Creator. Many of you remember the “Pineapple Story”; a story about the missionary who continually battled anger when he tried to fight for his personal rights. Only when he learned to surrender his rights to God did he find freedom from anger and a way to win the people to Christ.
You will never win or impact those you resent.
Much of our anger is due to a selfish focus. Someone didn’t help me. Someone didn’t come through for me. Someone didn’t fix my problem. Someone didn’t make me feel better. Someone disturbed my comfort. Someone wasn’t considerate of my time and effort. Someone didn’t acknowledge my talent. Someone didn’t respond the way I wanted them to.
When it is all about me, there will be a constant struggle with anger.
When my expectations of others focus on what will benefit me or make me feel better, I will not only be disappointed but angry all the time. They should have… They shouldn’t have…
We learn at an early age to use anger to manipulate others into doing things my way. We use anger to protect ourselves. We use anger to insulate ourselves from pain.
One man continually struggled with uncontrollable anger. He only began to get a handle on it when he came to understand its childhood connection. He could always get his mother to do what he wanted by throwing a tantrum. He continued to use his anger to manipulate others on into his adult life resulting in the disintegration of every significant relationship. He used anger to get his own way not as a motivation to address evil.
We must continually evaluate the foundation of our anger. Anger generated out of self-centeredness must be defused by surrendering ourselves to his purposes and offering our lives to His service and the service of others.
4. Bitterness / Unforgiveness
Any failure to forgive others breeds bitterness that sensitizes us to any offense. This super-sensitivity prevents us from responding to the difficulties of life with wisdom and eternal purpose. This bitterness affects all our relationships and amplifies anger beyond management.
We spent four weeks on this subject and hopefully understood the devastating consequences of a failure to forgive and the divine cure.
5. Demonic Strongholds
According to James 3 and 4, selfishness, anger, strained and broken relationships find their roots in the world, the flesh and demonic strongholds. Ephesians 4 identified the consequences of not promptly addressing anger. Prolonged anger gives “place” to the devil. (The Greek word “topos” (topography) refers to a literal place or geographical location I call a “beachhead”.)
Saul’s unaddressed selfish focus and ambition allowed an evil spirit to establish a stronghold in King Saul (1 Sam 16). It resulted in an unreasonable and uncontrollable rage.
Anger is the natural result of a self-centered thinking. Left unaddressed, that becomes a beachhead for demonic activity. Satan’s soldiers first intensify our own fleshly responses and eventually manifest their own unreasonable anger though us. Anger will erupt even over the smallest things. There will be little logic to it. We are left only with an unmanageable feeling of agitation and sometimes unexplainable rage that defies our best efforts to control. Fleshly anger must be quickly defused or it will become a demonic stronghold requiring rigorous efforts to eradicate.
6. Old Ruts or Patterns of response
Certain responses to evil and its corresponding emotion become automatic over the years.
They soon become reactions rather than responses. We learn these as we grow up. Over time, they become automatic expressions and we react with anger without any conscious consideration of purpose or exploration of faulty beliefs or soul crookedness. Our aim is to establish new patterns of righteous response. Certain sinful self-protective patterns become established to protect us from the pain associated with difficult relationships. We need to repent of our selfish self-protection and recommit ourselves to selfless service to others in spite of the threat of rejection and ridicule.
When the conscience is clean...
When we hold fast to a basic faith in God’s goodness...
When we offer our lives in humble service as God’s tool in the lives of others...
When we chose to fully forgive those who have hurt us as well as ourselves....
When we reclaim any territory surrendered to the evil one through prolonged anger...
When we establish new ruts of righteousness response...
...the intensity of our anger becomes manageable and we can see clearly enough to make the necessary adjustment to our beliefs, expectations and convictions and reflect on a godly response to painful events intended to bring about the eternal purposes of God.
G. Consider the conduct (expression) of anger
The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things. Prov 15:28
What do we do with our angry thoughts and emotions? We must do something about the emotional red light. Never healthy to deny them. “I’m not angry!” Never healthy to bury them or internalize them. “I shouldn’t be angry!” Never healthy to express them without a godly purpose. Anger must be addressed. We must respond to anger. We must either address issues in our life or evil in our world. Just as the trigger for anger may be godly or fleshly so also our response to anger. That is why we must give careful consideration of our response.
Fleshly responses to anger are either active aggressive or passive aggressive. One is obvious and overt. The other is not so obvious and covert. All are intended to punish or avoid the “evil doer” in some way.
The Bible prohibits certain responses to anger.
The Bible prescribes certain responses to anger.
The Bible promotes certain optional responses to anger.
Look for any connection to inner soul issues.
Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me and know my anxious thoughts; and see if there be any hurtful way in me, and lead me in the everlasting way. Psalms 139:23-24
