“Managing Anger God’s Way” Pt 2
REVIEW
Ephesians 4 tells us to be angry and let anger be put away from us.
BE ANGRY, AND yet DO NOT SIN; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil a place. Ephesians 4:26-27
Which is it? We learned last week that the state of our heart determines the character of our anger. There is Spirit generated anger and flesh generated anger. There is the anger of man I will refer to as fleshly anger which does not achieve God’s purposes and the anger of God which I will refer to as godly anger which is intended to promote God’s purposes in God’s way.
I. ANALYZE ANGER
A. Understand the character of anger
Anger basically is an inner power surge that puts us in a state of readiness to act.
It is morally neutral at its core. We need to learn to effectively employ it for God’s purposes.
B. Pinpoint the purpose of anger
Anger is a powerful heightened state of being that readies us to address evil in our world. Anger is like a red light on the dashboard of life indicating an urgent need for action. It equips us to act decisively against evil. It alerts us and empowers us to address evil in our life or the world around us. It is never intended to exact vengeance, manipulate people, vent, control others, revile, return evil for evil. Anger can be a significant ally or a deadly adversary in accomplishing our mission here on this earth as ambassadors of righteousness to a twisted, fallen world. We must purpose to allow our anger to spur us to godly action. Anger can encourage us to explore pockets of sin and selfishness in our life. Anger can encourage us to address unrighteousness in our world.
Anger is an automatic inner stirring in response
to perceived or actual events, people or circumstances
perceived as wrong, evil or threatening to my well being
that empowers me to act.
C. Discover the cause of anger
Anger arises out of my personal beliefs and expectations and perceptions. Anger is aroused whenever I perceive a violation of my beliefs, core values or expectations. The reason some respond to certain things with anger and other do not depends on one’s belief system. I will feel angry any time someone acts against what I believe to be good and right. Anger is intricately connected to our thought process. The key to managing anger centers in our thinking.
Anger that arises as a spirit-generated response to a legitimate evil needs to be Spirit-directed.
Anger that arises as a flesh-generated response to a perceived evil needs to be Spirit-defused.
1. Beliefs and values
The degree of passion with which you embrace your convictions determines the intensity of your anger when those convictions or beliefs are threatened.
Beliefs and convictions are the way we think things should be.
Fleshly anger arises out of faulty beliefs and convictions.
Godly anger arises out of sound beliefs and convictions.
God designed anger to motivate us to address evil though the Spirit’s direction. What action we take must also be carefully directed by God’s truth. When anger stems from a faulty belief system, we need to adjust that belief system. Anger gets defused whenever I properly adjust my belief system.
ILLUS: I believe that cars should never breakdown and last forever. Therefore when the car breaks down (as all cars do) I become frustrated or angry. The reality is -- EVERTHING breaks down! When I understand that fact, I plan accordingly and anger is defused.
It is absolutely vital that we embrace God’s truth and continually adjust our beliefs to conform to God’s standard communicated in the Bible. When we view life as God does, there is less cause for anger.
Much of the source of self anger boils down to some faulty belief I have. I have to be perfect.
I am no good or useless. My worthy is tied to my performance. I must earn God’s acceptance just like I have to earn everyone else’s acceptance.
2. Personal expectations / goals
We also adopt certain expectations according to our personal beliefs and convictions
This is the way we want things to be.
We impose expectations on people all the time. “Everyone should hold the same values as I do.” “I expect that people should be perfect.” Anger automatically arises when people don’t perform according to our particular expectation. I ask someone to do a job. I expect them to do the job as I would do the job. We must address the personal expectation or the person who did not meet our expectation. It is important to continually evaluate our expectations. Are they Biblical? Are they realistic? Are they God-centered or self-centered? We need to adjust expectations frequently. Ultimately, God is the only reliable person and He doesn’t play by our rules.
Job’s expectations were a source of anger toward God. He expected personal health, wealth and a functional family. Job 3:25 indicates they consumed his life.
For what I fear comes upon me, and what I dread befalls me. I am not at ease, nor am I quiet, and I am not at rest, but turmoil comes." Job 3:25-26
He went out of his way to manipulate God to protect his children. His personal well being depended on the well being of his family.
Fleshly anger arises out of unrealistic expectations.
Godly anger arises out of reasonable expectations.
Goals are closely related to expectations. Goals are expectations we set for ourselves. Such goals are good targets as long as those goals are reasonable and God-directed. Any time we set personal expectations or goals that require the cooperation of people or things we become highly susceptible to anger when we fail to reach those goals. Our anger will focus on ourselves or the person who blocked our goal.
Say I set a goal to spend every Sunday afternoon for an outdoor BBQ. I am ripe for anger. Such a goal requires the cooperation of weather, people, health, scheduling, and resources. I need to adjust my expectations if I am to avoid continual anger fits when my plans fail. It is unrealistic to expect to reach that kind of goal. We must continually adjust both goals and expectation according to truth and God’s prompting.
3. Personal perception
In addition to beliefs and expectations, there is the matter of my particular perception.
Perceptions are the way I perceive things to be.
No two people see things the same way. The story of the father on the subway with his three young children perfectly illustrates the connection between perception and anger as well as the influence of beliefs and expectations.
A father and his three children are riding the subway train. The three kids are completely out of control; yelling to each other, crawling over the seats, running up and down the isle. The father sits staring at the floor completely oblivious to what his children are doing. The fellow passengers are keenly aware of the children. The level of animosity rises with each mile.
Actually all the issues come into play. Most people believe that children should be well behaved or at least civil and courteous of those around them. The expectation is that the parent should be managing his children according to common belief. The perception is that this a deadbeat dad who neglects his kids and does not care about the fact others are being tormented by his out of control children.
Hostility is high; not only toward the children but the father as well. Finally one severely agitated passenger confronts the father. Sir can’t you see that your kids are completely out of control. Are you going to do something or not? As if awaking from a trance the father reengages with life. “I am so sorry, you see we are just retuning home from the funeral of their mother and beloved wife who was killed in a tragic traffic accident this week. I just don’t know what I am going to do without her.”
What happens to the anger at this dramatic perception change? Almost instantaneously the anger defuses and a flood of compassion, grieve perhaps guilt, sympathy rushes in to take its place.
If I perceive the person or event as evil or perceive ill intent, anger ignites whether the event was actually evil or not. I must continually ask God to help me see life from His perspective and seek to know the truth. Anger arises when a person or event either violates or I perceive to violate my beliefs or expectations.
Fleshly anger arises out of a faulty or inadequate perception.
Godly anger arises out of an accurate perception.
By the way, the connection between beliefs and expectations and perception relates to any emotion positive or negative. Emotions are birthed in the thinking. That is why God tells us to be transformed (in our behavior) by the renewing of the mind. Depression, worry, fear, as well as love, joy, enthusiasm are all begin in our thinking. The key to managing any emotion begins in the mind.
D. Consider the consequences of fleshly anger
There is anger that arises because of faulty beliefs, expectations and perceptions as well as a number of heart issues that stir or intensify anger. We will address those issues a bit later.
There is also the issue of sinful responses to godly anger. For now I want to survey some of the passages that address the destructive consequences of anger arising from the flesh and responses to anger that are motivated by the flesh.
This you know, my beloved brethren. But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger; for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God. James 1:19-20
You may achieve your ends but not God’s. You may get what you wanted but not what God wanted. Paul clearly identified fleshly anger as an indication of a fleshly life.
Now the deeds of the flesh are evident, which are: immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmities, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, disputes, dissensions, factions, Galatians 5:19-20
Neil Warren in his book “Make Anger Your Ally” commented,
“I have seldom known verbal outburst to have any constructive long-term value except I the most guarded professional setting. On the contrary, these eruptions almost always lead to new hurt and added threat”.
“In a 1980 study of American domestic violence, ‘Behind Closed Doors’, the researchers found that over 80 percent of the couples who abused each other verbally ended up in physical combat.”
The book of Proverbs contains a wealth of wisdom concerning human character and relations.
"An angry man stirs up strife, and a hot-tempered man abounds in transgression." 29:22
"For the churning of milk produces butter, and pressing the nose brings forth blood; so the churning of anger produces strife." 30:33
"A man of great anger shall bear the penalty, for if you rescue him, you will only have to do it again." 19:19
He who is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who is quick-tempered exalts folly. A tranquil heart is life to the body, but passion is rottenness to the bones. 14:29-30
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. 15:1
A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but the slow to anger calms a dispute. 15:18
He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city. 16:32
Do not associate with a man given to anger; or go with a hot-tempered man, 22:24
By forbearance (length of anger) a ruler may be persuaded, and a soft tongue breaks the bone. 25:15
Scorners set a city aflame, but wise men turn away anger. When a wise man has a controversy with a foolish man, the foolish man either rages or laughs, and there is no rest. 29:8-9
For the churning of milk produces butter, and pressing the nose brings forth blood; so the churning of anger produces strife. 30:33
Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all transgressions. 10:12
Do not be eager in your heart to be angry, for anger resides in the bosom of fools. Ecclesiastes 7:9
It is no wonder that the New Testament calls for us to deal with anger.
"But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother shall be guilty before the court; and whoever says to his brother, ’You good-for-nothing,’ shall be guilty before the supreme court; and whoever says, ’You fool,’ shall be guilty enough to go into the fiery hell. Matthew 5:22
Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Ephesians 4:31
Lay them all aside: anger, wrath, malice, slander and abusive speech from your mouth Col 3:8
Pray without wrath and dissension. 1 Tim 2:8 Elders are not to be quick tempered Titus 1:7
These are only the passages that directly address anger. There are many more that address the emotions associated with anger like strife, hate, dissension, disputes, malice, jealousy, gossip, slander, bitterness, death words etc. Godly anger can lead to godly ends. Fleshly anger NEVER leads to godly ends but destruction. It damages the health body and the soul. Like bitterness (prolonged anger) anger has been traced to numerous health issues. It strains and sometimes severs relationships.
E. Follow the course of anger (circle of emotion)
There is a course that anger takes. This is true of both fleshly anger and godly anger. As we have seen fleshly anger leads to destruction. Godly anger confronts evil for kingdom purposes.
1. All anger begins in the soul
It arises out of our beliefs and expectations.
2. It is triggered by a person or event perceived as evil or hurtful
Anger arises when my beliefs and expectations encounter a person, circumstance or event I perceive does not correspond to my beliefs and expectations.
3. The collision of perception and event generates an inner response
Anger just is. It is an automatic inner response at the collision of beliefs and expectations. The state of my inner life determines the nature of my anger. Flesh generates death. Spirit generates life.
4. Anger requires strategic personal reflection and evaluation
Anger is like a red light on the dashboard indicating the urgency to address a malfunction.
The malfunction is either in my soul or in my world. There is either a problem with my beliefs, expectations and perception or there is a legitimate evil that God wants to me address. It is at this juncture that we must reflect not only on the cause but the course of action that will bring about God’s purposes God’s way.
5. It leads to a chosen response or action
It is at this point that we can easily slide from a morally neutral inner response to a legitimate evil to a sinful action. The Bible offers a number of responses to offenses and evil in our world.
He provides a list of prohibited responses. He prescribes certain responses. He provides a number of options depending on the circumstance.
EXAMPLES
Because He has perfect perception, absolutely perfect goals and expectations and perfectly knows the truth, His anger is always perfect.
He does reflect on any number of possible responses or actions stemming from that anger.
God and Israel -- Numbers 14:20-23 Hebrews 3:7-11
Psalm 78 recounts Israel’s history of unfaithfulness and God’s history of faithfulness in spite of their unfaithfulness. Each time they arouse God’s anger, He responds with discipline and love.
God and Moses -- Exodus 4:14-16
God and Stubborn unbelievers -- Romans 2:4-6
