“The Ideal Father”
Father’s Day 2008
Introduction
A year ago we took the time to look at the characteristics of a perfect father and then discovered that our Heavenly Father exhibits all of them. I saved the summarizations of that series for today’s message in hopes of seeing the whole picture and then applying it to father’s today.
The unique issues related to Mother’s Day are equally true for Father’s Day.
First, on whom do you focus; husbands, fathers, children?
Second, there are many whose fathers are no longer living.
Third, some struggle with deep emotional scaring left by a negligent, absent or abusive or difficult father or set father.
Fourth, there are some who by choice or by circumstance never fathered children.
Fifth, many fathers experience a surge of guilt for their failure to be the perfect dad.
That guilt may be accentuated by a lack of response from his children on Father’s Day.
Finally, for some dads, fatherhood was an excruciating and painful experience.
Out of control children, burnout, death of a child, bad decision, guilt, regret, worry.
Fathers play an enormous role in the family. There is considerable potential for influence both negative and positive.
I. The Likeness Factor
Fathers pass on character traits both by example and by genetics. This is scary.
We hear statements like:
“He is just like his father.”
“He comes by that temper honestly.”
“Like father, like son.”
“He learned that from his father.”
Of greater significance than physical inheritance, fathers can pass on a spiritual and character heritage. We all carry genes from both father and mother. We all learned certain traits from both father and mother. Our kids learned certain responses both by example and by teaching.
All it takes is one generation to neglect passing on a spiritual heritage to the next to eliminate a spiritual awareness all together.
Paul urged his followers to follow his example. “Follow me as I follow Christ.” If it is not important to dad, it probably won’t be important to the kids. “Do what I say and not what I do” doesn’t cut it. You can pass on information by formal instruction but character is learned through observation. What kind of character are we passing on? The sins of the fathers get passed to the next four generations of offspring. What kind of twisted heritage have we passed on to our children? It can be broken and it can be offset by a return to following after Christ and prayer.
Fortunately we have a Heavenly Father, who through the new birth” passes on His righteous DNA to His chosen children. We were created in His image and Christ is restoring what we have ruined. His seed implanted in the depth of our soul motivates us to become more like Him.
We will be like Him because we will see Him as He is. We will be like Him because it is the spiritual destiny of every genuine child of God. There is only one way to enjoy this connection.
I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father but through Me. John 14:6
II. The Unconditional Love & Acceptance factor
We all longed for the acceptance of our father. We strive to be affirmed as sons and daughters.
We work hard to hear “Good job I’m proud of you.”
Some never heard those words and continue their search for acceptance to this day. There is something powerful in a father’s affirmation of his children. There is a longing to find acceptance apart from performance. Can he love me just for who I am apart from what I do?
Dads! Affirm your children! Even if you didn’t hear it from your parents, you can speak it.
Even if it feels foreign for you to say. Tell your children how much you love them. You can find something to affirm in their life. God has implanted His love in your heart by the Holy Spirit. (Rom 5)
What our earthly father’s failed to do, our Heavenly father promises. He loves us with an everlasting love.
Just as the Father has loved Me, I have also loved you; abide in My love. "If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love; just as I have kept My Father’s commandments and abide in His love. John 15:9-10
Who (or what) will separate us from the love of Christ?
Will tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?
Just as it is written, "For Your sake we are being put to death all day long; we were considered as sheep to be slaughtered."
But (in spite of it all) in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us.
For I am convinced (perfect tense) that
neither death, (the process or the fact)
nor life, (whatever things this life may throw at us)
nor angels, nor principalities, (no demonic force can deter God’s love)
nor things present,(what I am facing right now)
nor things to come, (what I may face tomorrow)
nor powers, (no earthly power human or otherwise)
nor height, (the highest of prominence)
nor depth,(the greatest obscurity)
nor any other created thing, (in case we missed something)
will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:31-39
Receive and reciprocate His love today.
III. The Protection and Security Factor
Every child longs for the protection of their dad. “My dad can take your dad.” Every child longs for their father to stand up for them and fight for them and protect them. The greatest violation of a young fragile child is to suffer hurt from the very one they expect protection. Dad’s, our children need both physical and spiritual protection. As little ones, they need protection from the influences of a fallen world. As adults, they need the protection of our prayers against the evil one. Pray at all times. Intercede. Pray protection and deliverance. Pray a covering over them. Be their protector – physically, emotionally, morally and spiritually. Jesus trusted in his father’s protection.
In spite of the failures of our earthly fathers, we still have a perfect Heavenly Father to turn to in times of difficulty. He is our Rock. He is a Fortress.
Do not fear those who kill the body but are unable to kill the soul; but rather fear Him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell. Are not two sparrows sold for a cent? And yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So do not fear; you are more valuable than many sparrows. Matthew 10:28-31
Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling, and to make you stand in the presence of His glory blameless with great joy, Jude 1:24
IV. The Presence Factor
What kid doesn’t look for his dad in the stands? What kid doesn’t long for the kind of dad who is there when it counts? Children look for affirmation and support from their fathers. When it never comes, there are severe developmental difficulties.
Dads, make every effort to be there; be available.
Jesus was continually aware of His Father’s presence.
Our heavenly father promises to NEVER leave us or forsake us.
There are times we may not sense His presence but the Scripture affirms that He is always present and therefore aware of what transpires in our life.
The power of His presence is overwhelming. David was able to endure the “valley of deep darkness” because of his conviction that God was with him. Joseph succeeded in everything he did because “God was with him.” Jesus encouraged His disciples to go into the entire world by the promise of His continual presence. It is the sense of His presence that brings personal refreshing.
"Repent and return, so that your sins may be wiped away, in order that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord; Acts 3:19
Dad’s, what does your presence communicate to your kids? Fear, comfort, criticism, intimidation, support, courage, refreshment?
Seek the LORD and His strength; seek His face continually. 1 Chronicles 16:11
V. The Wisdom Factor
One thing I miss terribly is the chance to ask my dad’s advice. God has graciously supplied a number of sources for wisdom over the years that dad has been gone, but it isn’t always the same. We long for a dad who knows life and knows me. We long for someone to listen to our ideas and give us direction in life.
Dads, don’t lecture. Share your life with your kids. Tell them the stories. Pass on the wisdom you have learned along the way. Hopefully you have a journey with God that has provided wisdom for life that can be transferred to your children and grand children. I know very little of my dad’s life experiences; what he learned, what he discovered through life that he could pass on to me.
Jesus looked to His Heavenly Father for every step of His journey. No matter what we did or didn’t receive from our earthly fathers, we have a heavenly Father who is all-wise. He not only shares the stories of life but has written them down for us to read and learn. Most of the Bible is in story form. If we trust Him, He has promised to direct our life’s path.
VI. The Provision Factor
Early in our life we looked to our fathers to provide for our needs. Provision goes beyond the necessities of life like food and shelter. A good father provides for so many other things.
We have mentioned wisdom and a spiritual heritage. Dads can provide skills, opportunities, resources and places to acquire resources. Be grateful for what your dad has provided.
Jesus looked to His heavenly Father for every resource.
Our Heavenly Father is an inexhaustible source of help. He provides for our needs. He provides an environment for growth. He supplies physical protections, healing and restoration, material provision, provision for our soul, and provision for our spiritual growth. He may even withhold provision at times to teach us. All He asks in return is our gratitude.
VII. The Affirmation, Encouragement and Acknowledgement Factor
All children look to their parents for affirmation, encouragement and acknowledgment.
These may be communicated through words or actions or a combination of both.
• Affirmation focuses on who we are not necessarily associated with our performance.
• Encouragement deals with words that encourage us to continue, persevere, pursue dreams, tackle difficult things, try new things, and stretch our comfort zones.
• Acknowledgment acknowledges achievement, faithfulness, skill, completion.
We should never underestimate the importance of affirming, encouraging and acknowledging our children; they are never too old. Dads, take the time to express to your children what they mean to you. If they don’t get it from you, they will try to get it from somewhere else.
The Father publicly acknowledged and affirmed Jesus on several occasions.
“This is my beloved son in whom I am well pleased.”
Remember, that we have a book of affirmation, encouragement and acknowledgment from our Heavenly Father. Ultimately, we look forward to those most anticipate word from our Heavenly Father. “Well done good and faithful servant.”
VIII. The Discipline and Training Factor
Every child needs training and discipline in order to develop into a mature adult.
Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; the rod of discipline will remove it far from him. Proverbs 22:15
Foolishness describes those actions that come from a failure to understand and follow the ways of God. Every child enters this world infected with foolishness. Children grow up expecting the world to revolve around them and their desires. They don’t understand self-denial. They don’t understand consequences for actions. They lack a moral compass due to ignorance of the ways of God and sin’s infection. The parent’s responsibility then it is to help them to understand that there is a moral standard established by God and His Word and consequences for failure to live it. A failure to address this illness early in life carries serious consequences.
Though you pound a fool in a mortar with a pestle along with crushed grain, his foolishness will not depart from him. Proverbs 27:22
Paul warned fathers not to exasperate their children or put them down but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Jesus embraced discipline from His Heavenly Father.
He learned obedience through the things He suffered. Hebrews 12 says that our earthy fathers trained us in the best way they knew how. Just as our heavenly father meets our need for love, acceptance, security, presence, wisdom, provision, affirmation, encouragement and acknowledgment, he also meets our need for discipline. Whom the father loves He disciplines and he does it for our good that we may share in His holiness. Discipline employs every means necessary to produce maturity.
Training through instruction.
Training through life application and experience.
Training through reproof and correction.
1. Don’t discount or deny it
2. Don’t despise or decline it
3. Embrace it
IX. The Faithfulness factor
We all long for fathers that we could always count on. We wanted dads that we could trust to be there when we needed them. We wished we had dads that always followed through on every promise. The reality is that, due to weakness, no father is perfectly faithful. All fathers fail.
Only in our Heavenly Father do we have a father that cannot fail. Since His love is perfect, He is all-powerful, all-knowing, everywhere at all times, eternal unchanging, truth, holy, just, kind, merciful -- He is by nature faithful.
He never falters, forgets, forsakes, forfeits His word.
He NEVER fails.
He must be faithful; He can be nothing else.
He is faithful in all things at all times. Psa 33:1-5
He says what He means and does what He says. Deut 7:7-11
His faithfulness is forever. Psa 100:4-5
His faithfulness is immeasurable. Psalm 36:5-9
His faithfulness is GREAT! Lam 3:19
He is clothed in faithfulness. Psalm 89:1-8
X. The reward and inheritance factor
Everyone appreciates being compensated or rewarded for a job well done. It brings encouragement and motivation to keep on trying to do better. Many look forward to an inheritance from fathers. Dads, take the time to reward your children with a concentration on reward for character. Focus on the character more than the conduct. Point out character traits and reward them.
Honesty, humility, generosity, compassion, diligence, faithfulness, courage.
Our heavenly father promises reward here and hereafter as well as an eternal inheritance that will never diminish or be stolen. He doesn’t miss a thing. Others may not see, but God does and will reward us one day.
Here is the ideal dad.
One who passes on his best traits.
One who loves and accepts unconditionally.
One who protects from evil influences and harm.
One who is never far away.
One who passes on essential wisdom and direction for life.
One who offers resources for life’s basic needs.
One who affirms our person, encourages our dreams and acknowledges our achievements.
One who provides needed discipline and training to succeed in life.
One who is always dependable and keeps his promises.
One who rewards our efforts and provides for our future success.
None of us had a dad who perfectly exhibited these characteristics. I am here to remind you of the perfection of your Heavenly Father.
Our Father who shares His impeccable genes – display it.
Our loving Father who shows His incomprehensible love – receive and reciprocate it.
Our Protector who offers His impervious protection – trust it.
Our Omnipresent Father who promises His intimate presence – seek it.
Our Counselor who conveys His infallible wisdom – follow it.
Our Provider who provides His unlimited resources – utilize them.
Our Encourager who expresses His inspiring affirmation, encouragement and acknowledgment - hear it.
Our Trainer who implements His impartial discipline and training – submit to it.
Our Faithful Father who proves His insistent faithfulness – count on it.
Our Rewarder who guarantees His inexhaustible reward and riches – anticipate it.
