DARE TO DISCIPLINE (1 SAMUEL 2:12-36)
The new millennium brought out the worst in parenting, and no parenting method was criticized more harshly than that of captured American Taliban, John Lindh Walker. When Lindh Walker was 10, the family from Washington State moved to socially liberal Marin County, just over the Golden Gate Bridge from San Francisco. John’s father, Frank Lindh, is a lawyer and his mother, Mary Walker, is a home health care worker who dabbled in Buddhism.
Young John never quite adjusted to the environment. He moved painfully from private school to private school, from private schools to public schools, from pubic schools to home school, and then back to high school for graduation. The developments at home were fast and furious. Frank announced that he was gay in 1998, and the parents divorced in 1999. John dropped his father’s surname and used his mother’s maiden name, Walker.
At about that time, John converted to Islam and changed his name to Abdul Hamid, and the 17-year-old traveled alone to Yemen to immerse himself in his new religion. Frank and Marilyn were roundly criticized for poor parenting and for letting their boy set off for a hostile place overseas without knowing what he was in for. Lindh came home in the spring of 1999, but returned to Yemen eight months later, then went to Pakistan and Afghanistan. Nobody, including his parents, had heard from John Phillip Walker Lindh the six months leading to September 11, 2001, until he was captured fighting for the cause of Islam in Afghanistan. As part of his plea agreement, 21-year old Lindh he would receive a maximum 20-year prison term.
A USA TODAY/CNN/ Gallup Poll found that young people and women are especially unmoved by the defense of his parents and lawyer. 70% of 18- to 29-year-olds say Lindh should have been charged with treason, compared with 52% of those over age 50. Only 28% of women agree with the prosecutors’ decision, compared with a higher 38% for men. (USA Today 1/28/02 & 7/15/02 & Time 10/2/02 “The Making of John Lindh Walker”)
The era of the Judges was bad, but the sons of Eli were worse. They did the most beastly things, the most unspeakable and regretful things in the temple. They coveted the meat in the temple, molested the ladies at the temple and betrayed the goodwill of the worshippers. God’s people were abused, God’s place was desecrated, and God’s provisions were stolen.
How does a devout father such as Eli miss the signs? What can and should a parent do? What is the privilege and responsibility of parenthood? What happens when discipline is slack, absent or disregarded in the family?
Spare the Rod and Spoil the Child
22 Now Eli, who was very old, heard about everything his sons were doing to all Israel and how they slept with the women who served at the entrance to the Tent of Meeting. 23 So he said to them, “Why do you do such things? I hear from all the people about these wicked deeds of yours. 24 No, my sons; it is not a good report that I hear spreading among the LORD’s people. 25 If a man sins against another man, God may mediate for him; but if a man sins against the LORD, who will intercede for him?” His sons, however, did not listen to their father’s rebuke, for it was the LORD’s will to put them to death. 26 And the boy Samuel continued to grow in stature and in favor with the LORD and with men. (1 Sam 2:22-26)
The most fundamental and important service godly parents can render to God is to raise godly children, to impact their lives and to ready them for responsibilities.
One of the most terrific mothers of all time was Susannah Wesley. Susannah’s father was a minister and she was born in England in 1669 as the youngest of 25 children! Susannah was married at 19 to Samuel Wesley, a minister. Not to be outdone, she had 19 children herself. Her husband was always away attending church meetings and planting new churches, so the responsibility of raising kids was hers. She always wanted to do big things for God but her biggest contribution unquestionably was raising children to serve God. Her two sons, John and Charles Wesley, practically changed the world. John was the founder of the Methodist movement and composer Charles was probably the finest hymn-writer, musician and composer of all-time in England. His songs included the Easter classic, “Christ the Lord is Risen Today,” and the Christmas classic, “Hark! the Herald Angels Sing.”
The godly Susannah’s approach was to spend an hour each day praying for her 19 children and to take each child aside for a full hour each week to discuss spiritual matters. She also expected each child to be able to read the Book of Genesis by the time he or she was six years child.
Here are Susannah’s famous 16 rules of raising children:
1. Eating between meals not allowed.
2. As children they are to be in bed by 8 p.m.
3. They are required to take medicine without complaining.
4. Subdue self- will in a child, and those working together with God to save the child’s soul.
5. To teach a child to pray as soon as he can speak.
6. Require all to be still during Family Worship.
7. Give them nothing that they cry for, and only that when asked for politely.
8. To prevent lying, punish no fault which is first confessed and repented of.
9. Never allow a sinful act to go unpunished.
10. Never punish a child twice for a single offense.
11. Comment and reward good behavior.
12. Any attempt to please, even if poorly performed, should be commended.
13. Preserve property rights, even in smallest matters.
14. Strictly observe all promises.
15. Require no daughter to work before she can read well.
16. Teach children to fear the rod. http://www.familyofdestiny.com/article_16rules.htm
Eli was a priest (1 Sam 1:9) who did a disservice to the Lord, to the priesthood, and to the people. He invited contempt from others, pain upon himself and judgment from God in the way he raised his sons. He and his sons were strangers to each other. Eli did not learn about their behavior or speak to his sons until he was old, and even then he heard it second-hand (v 22). The sons were angels, saints and actors at home but barbarians, hooligans and scoundrels away. Tongues were wagging, people were talking and confidence was slipping but Eli was the last to hear and learn about it. The worshippers knew, the ladies knew and whole town knew; everyone but Eli. Verses 14, 22 and 23’s repetition of the word “all” contrasted how Eli was the sole person kept in the dark for such a long time on such a serious matter while others were sick of hearing the headline news his sons were making. Sadly, too, was the fact that people kept the news and their distance from Eli. Either they loved and revered him or they pitied and excused him! Worse, maybe they concluded that Eli was not helpless to do anything about it, but unwilling to do something about it. The people somehow did not trust or believe he would act accordingly. They were right; he barely rapped his sons’ knuckles and it was anything but a chiding.
The Chinese said, “Not instructing sternly is the father’s fault.” Eli’s parenting methods were bankrupt. He talked loudly but carried a small stick. His bite was nothing like his bark. He snapped at them honorably this way in the Hebrew text: “You made or caused the Lord’s people to transgress,” and “If a man sins against another, God will judge him; but if a man sins against the Lord, who will pray for him?” (vv 24b-25) However, he did nothing other than to chew them up, tell them off and to mouth a lecture. Eli was a toothless, graying paper tiger. His sons never answered him. They just ignored him. Maybe they even laughed or joked about his values, his beliefs, his job and his God behind his back. They did not give a hoot to what he had to say, how he must have felt or when he would discipline them. Eli was better at and more suited to advising religious pilgrims like Hannah and supervising young ministers like Samuel than rebuking his rebellious sons.
Eli’s sin was not having bad children, but raising them inactively, parenting them passively and excusing them meekly. He did not dismiss or ban them from service, denounce or report them publicly, remove or banish them from temple precincts. Knowing what he knew, Eli did not even set limits on who they meet, where they go or what they do. In the end, when all was said, nothing was done. Too little, too late. Eli’s words were weak, hollow and ineffectual.
Eli’s problem was not because he could not discipline them since he was old, but because he did not discipline them when he was young. The intention of verse 26 was to contrast how Samuel served God and behaved gentlemanly the moment he knew how to walk, talk, or do anything. Eli’s sons, on the other hand, did not listen to their heartbroken father, no matter his position or pleas. Their father’s sadness did not leave them shaken, thinking, or heavyhearted.
Spare the Rod and Sadden the Parents
27 Now a man of God came to Eli and said to him, “This is what the LORD says: ’Did I not clearly reveal myself to your father’s house when they were in Egypt under Pharaoh? 28 I chose your father out of all the tribes of Israel to be my priest, to go up to my altar, to burn incense, and to wear an ephod in my presence. I also gave your father’s house all the offerings made with fire by the Israelites. 29 Why do you scorn my sacrifice and offering that I prescribed for my dwelling? Why do you honor your sons more than me by fattening yourselves on the choice parts of every offering made by my people Israel?’ (1 Sam. 2:27-29)
A parent’ work is never done.
A few years ago, the Los Angeles Unified School District sent letters to parents and guardians of the nearly 17,000 sixth-grade students, warning that the parents of students who are habitually absent will be directed to attend assemblies conducted by the city attorney’s office. Counseling, health care and other resources will be available to get children back in class, but parents and guardians who flagrantly ignore truancy laws could be prosecuted. On average, about 7% of students, or 50,000, are absent each day. The city attorney said, “We hope it doesn’t come to that, and we expect that it very rarely will.” The Los Angeles Board of Education president said, “Coming to school is absolutely critical. Eighty percent of life is just showing up.” So far, the response was promising. An eleven-year old student said, “I don’t really want to start that with my parents. My parents trust me, and I want to show respect for them.” Another said, “I’d be grounded for a long time if my parents received a letter from the city’s lawyer.” (“Taking Truants and Parents to Task,” Los Angeles Times, 9/5/02)
In Virginia several years ago, Elisa Kelly made what she thought was a smart parenting decision. Her son Ryan asked her to buy beer and wine for his 16th-birthday party at the family’s home, promising that no one would leave until morning. Kelly agreed, and to further guard against drunken driving, she collected guests’ car keys. But neighbors called police, who arrested Kelly and her ex-husband for what one official said was the worst case of underage drinking he’d seen in years. Kelly maintained that she was just trying to control drinking that would have gone on whether or not she had bought alcohol for the kids. Both got time in jail; 27 months for the mother. (“The Teen Drinking Dilemma” Newsweek, June 25, 2007)
The man of God’s message Eli left the old man speechless and reeling. God indicted Eli sternly, unlike Eli’s meek toleration of his son. Eli had his parenting moment, but his lecture to his sons produced nothing. God’s question to Eli in the Hebrew text was just one, instead of two: “Why do you kick at my sacrifice and at my offering, which I have commanded in my dwelling, and honor your sons above me, to make yourselves fat with the choicest of all the offerings of Israel my people?” (v 29) Eli did not safeguard the shrine at the temple grounds, the sanctity of the temple sacrifice and the safety of temple worshippers. Not stopping his son’s actions outright when he had a chance was likened to trampling the Lord’s sacrifices personally. Eli was just as guilty as his son for the temple violation, sacrilege and defilement because his inaction made him an accomplice, an accessory and an abettor.
The second part of the charge hurt the most. Eli honored his sons more than the Lord. He could not bear to discipline them immediately, confront them firmly, hold them accountable, review their performance, stop their service or have them arrested. The truth was that his love for his children and family was foremost, superior to and more noticeable than his love for the Lord. Some commentators speculated that God’s use of the plural “yourselves” in verse 29 suggested that Eli’s past silence was due to his indirect or even direct benefit from his son’s temple robbery. Eli’s service and ministry amounted to nothing when his love for the Lord fell short.
Truth to be told, Eli was an absentee father, a doting, indulgent and coddling parent. The kids were rotten, spoilt - spoilt rotten. Eli’s sons only knew about the Lord but not knew the Lord or experience Him directly. Eli either did not know or did not care. That’s why parents need to allow or encourage their kids to go to youth camps or retreats the moment they turn teenage or earlier so that they can experience God and accept Christ for themselves. Sadly, too many Christian parents value their child’s piano lessons, sports activities, extra tuition and other family projects and appointments more than church and fellowship. Eli’s pain was long-term when he did not correct his sons in the short-term.
Spare the Rod and Shatter the Family
31 The time is coming when I will cut short your strength and the strength of your father’s house, so that there will not be an old man in your family line 32 and you will see distress in my dwelling. Although good will be done to Israel, in your family line there will never be an old man. 33 Every one of you that I do not cut off from my altar will be spared only to blind your eyes with tears and to grieve your heart, and all your descendants will die in the prime of life. 34 “’And what happens to your two sons, Hophni and Phinehas, will be a sign to you-they will both die on the same day. 35 I will raise up for myself a faithful priest, who will do according to what is in my heart and mind. I will firmly establish his house, and he will minister before my anointed one always. 36 Then everyone left in your family line will come and bow down before him for a piece of silver and a crust of bread and plead, “Appoint me to some priestly office so I can have food to eat.”’“ (1 Sam 2:31-36)
USA Today puts the case of the 39-year old Ward Weaver before its readers after the Oregon police arrested Weaver for the rape of his own son’s girlfriend and the ghastly murder of two young girls - Ashley Pond, 12, and Miranda Gaddis, 13. Police found one of them buried under concrete in his backyard.
Ward’s arrest ignited a long-running debate whether violent criminals are related by blood. Two decades earlier Ward’s father, who is now sitting on death row in California, did the same thing to a young couple and buried the fiancée under backyard concrete. According to Justice Department statistics, nearly half of all inmates have close relatives who have been in prison, but there is no consensus on why the proportion is so high. Some experts blame social factors such as poverty, dysfunctional homes, poor schooling, bad role models and lack of opportunities for repeated cycles of crime in families. Others say the capacity for criminal behavior is inherited from parents.
The director of the Oregon Department of Corrections said, “’Kids with parents in prison are five times more likely to become criminals themselves.” His department estimates the average cost of incarcerating a repeat offender at $57,000 compared with a few hundred dollars to give an inmate parenting training. In one notorious Oregon family - the Bogle family, the cost of incarcerating its 28 members, from grandpa Rooster Bogle on, was at least $3 million.
However, not all is lost. Ward’s 19-year-old son, Francis, who was previously sentenced to juvenile detention for shooting and wounding another teenager, challenged the theory, vowing to escape his youthful errors, his father’s footsteps, and his family’s history. (USA Today 9/5/02 “A town wonders: Does crime run in families?”)
The cost of failing to teach, educate or discipline children leads to a big heartache, a teary ending and a heavy sentence. The sons of Eli were wicked or worthless (v 12), their sin was very great in the Lord’s sight (v 17) and their deeds were evil (v 23). The Bible could not say anything worse about them or anyone. They were a parent’s nightmare, the type that falls far from the family tree, the type parents wish they never had. The sons did the worst imaginable and the most unspeakable things in the temple. Their lives were rife with religious hypocrisy and blasphemy, sexual abuse and exploitation, physical intimidation and coercion – all before their father’s eyes, under his nose and in his unit.
God was asking Eli, “What did you, your family or your forefathers have that was not given by Me?” Did you guys lack any? Did I withhold anything?” Eli and his family’s displacement from priestly service was greater then any loss of affection, respect or even kinship he would have suffered for disciplining his sons in the first place. Eli’s anguish will happen in his twilight before broad daylight for public record. The prophesy was fulfilled when King Solomon removed Eli’s descendant Abiathar (1 Sam 14;3, 22:20) and replaced him with Zadok the priest. Abiathar and Zadok’s ancestors were brothers from the same father, Aaron (1 Kings 2:27, 35). Eli’s sons were killed in battle a short while later, Eli would die from shock at the news, though the family line was not cut off (1 Sam 4:11-19). The shock of hearing of the death of his sons and the capture of the ark by the Philistines was too much for Eli to bear (1 Sam 4:17-18)
The judgment upon Eli and his sons was ugly but it was self-inflicted. In a dream to Samuel in the next chapter, God said, “I will carry out against Eli everything I spoke against his family-from beginning to end. For I told him that I would judge his family forever because of the sin he knew about; his sons made themselves contemptible, and he failed to restrain them” (1 Sam 3:12-13). Eli failed to restrain them not because he didn’t have the skills for it but that he didn’t have the heart for it. 1 Samuel 3:13 makes clear that Eli’s sons were not cursed but that they cursed themselves or made themselves contemptible. Eli’s sin was not ignorance but knowledge. Ignorance is seldom bliss, persistent ignorance is denial and knowledge equals responsibility. As the saying goes, “The buck stops here.”
God’s punishment is reserved for those who are wicked, evil and vile. We reap what we sow and get what we deserved. Fleeing responsibility is not possible. A Russian proverb says “Don’t be so clever, cleverer men than you are in jail.” (1257)
Conclusion: Do not mistake or equate discipline with spanking, hitting, beating, locking or starving children or youth. God’s discipline is never impulsive, subjective or excessive. It is godly (Heb 12:10), loving (Prov 3:12, 13:24, Heb 12:6) and redeeming (Ps 94:12). It is a known fact that godly parents are prone to raise ungodly children. Pastors, elders, deacons, Sunday school teachers and fellowship leaders often make the mistake of assuming incorrectly that their kids will believe in God naturally, turn out right automatically and follow their footsteps eventually. Our purpose in life is not to make cute babies, but godly men and women. Do not hesitate to instill the fear of the Lord in children. The fear of the Lord is pure (Ps 19:9) and it is the foundation of wisdom (Ps 111:10, Prov 9:10, Prov 15:33), knowledge (Prov 1:7), wealth and honor and life (Prov 22:4).
Do you love your children more than you love God? Do you love your children or spoil them rotten? When you please God, He will honor, guide and bless your family. Matt 6:33 says, “Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” Parenting turn sour and children go wrong are usually not because the parents are bad but because they are ill-prepared for, ill-adjusted to, or ill-informed, ill-advised or illiterate on parenting. Are you an available, accountable, active, attentive and able parent? The alternative is a life of grief.
Victor Yap
Other sermons in the series and other sermon series:
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