How to Overcome Envy
Acknowledgement (Rick Warren - Breaking Free Series)
We’re in a series we’ve been calling “Breaking Free” from those sins in our lives that are not readily evident. We looked at temptations, pride, anxiety, and today jealousy. These sins become wedged in our hearts. We really don’t really like to talk about them; we think they are for others - not me.
When were envious it feels immature, embarrassing. If I think about jealousy, how can I legitimately say I feel envious? It seems weak.
Some of us admit we get angry easily. Envy is not as deep, not as ugly. It seems more like a bruise, a slight wound. That’s the one we’re going after. Most of us struggle with that.
Here’s envy. Envy is when I am out fishing and the guy pulls up with that $40 thousand fishing boat. It has all the bells and whistles. The fish are jumping into the boat. He is sitting there soaking up the rays, has a cold drink. He is listening to his super duper satellite radio. You reeling up that four inch perch; he is reeling in a five pound walleye. I am staring so much I almost drift into his boat. Your thinking I have been there and done that one.
Then I am thinking he is flaunting his wealth. He probably doesn’t give. He’s all showy with his money.” That’s envy. I just made him my rival.
Oscar Wilde tells this powerful story: The devil was once crossing the Libyan Desert, and came upon a spot where a number of small fiends were tormenting a monk. The sainted man easily shook off their evil suggestions. The devil watched their failure, and then he stepped forward to give them a lesson. He whispered to the monk ‘Your brother has just been made bishop of Alexandria. A scowl of malignant envy at once clouded the monk’s serene face. The devil to his workers ‘this is how you do it.’
Envy is dangerous to the soul because it doesn’t leave quickly. We fixate on it. Envy is when you have something and I feel I deserve it than you. All of a sudden you’ve become my emotional enemy.
We’re all envious over different things. I don’t know what your gig is that stirs up your envy. For me it’s not a boat. That situation I just told you was fictitious. Those of you who with nice boats, you can relax. I made the whole thing up. Boats and money, that doesn’t do it for me.
Let me tell you what God dealt with me on. Awesome preachers who have grown big ministries. That is just a Randy issue. When someone says look at so and so, well God dealt with me on that.
When my friends in ministry say you should see the amazing miracles that are happening in our church. It is so vibrant, so Spirit led. Then I think I believe I deserve this for Calvary. Then I begin to feel envy.
When I can click on the Internet and see the great things happening in other churches, then I begin to feel it.
Some people just keep pointing me to success stories. And I begin to feel envious because were there yet.
Here’s what I’m saying. I know what it’s like to create rivals, emotional enemies in my heart. This isn’t all about my self-disclosure. God’s already been doing His work in my life as I’ve been preparing this. Now it’s time for your triple-envy bypass. I want you to admit it now.
If you’ve ever envied somebody’s car, house, physique, marriage, children, grandchildren, business, boat, salary, education, temperament, athletic ability, character quality, intelligence or spiritual gift raise your hand. Be honest now. Welcome to Club Envy.
Club Envy is all over this area. Envy is universal but here’s the deal. If it goes unchecked it can ruin your life.
Friends, this is a serious sin. Envy makes people do evil things. Satan uses envy to get us to walk away from God and the church.
Those a little older may remember a woman named Tonya Harding. She was a professional figure skater. Harding began to work her way up the competitive skating ladder in the mid-1980s. She landed her first triple axel in competition at the U.S. Championships. She won the title with the first 6.0 ever given to a female singles skater for technical merit at that event. She had many other successes.
But she became jealous of her competitors. She drove eight-nine hundred miles to scare – or murder Nancy Kerrigan, a competitor. .
She attacked Nancy Kerrigan knees so Nancy could not skate. That’s envy gone violent.
We need to understand the negative side of envy. Here’s what envy does…
Envy keeps our current and potential relationships from growing.
Envy judges other peoples motives
Envy hurts innocent people.
Envy reveals the condition of our hearts.
Envy is sinful and has serious consequences.
Envy leads to anxiety in our lives
Envy diminishes the enjoyment of life.
Envy breaks the tenth commandment
“You shall not covet your neighbor’s house. You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his manservant or maidservant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor Exodus 20:17 (NIV)."
So what’s the bottom line?
The bottom line is this: Envy and joy cannot co-exist in the same heart. Envy and peace cannot co-exist in the same heart. You can’t be envious and live a happy life at the same time. It’s totally impossible.
No one is immune from envy. But I want you to see today that you can be immune from the bitterness, resentment and emptiness that accompany envy.
And I want you to see that you can break its’ control over your life.
I am not asking you to rely on my opinion. I am asking you to reflect on the Bible.
I want to show you one today in the life of a guy named Joseph. There are two main characters in this event. We just read part of Genesis chapter 37. This week I want you to read the rest of the story, chapters 37- 50 in Genesis. If it was a movie part of it would be X rated.
The first half of Joseph’s life is envy in the family. You only need to know three characters. Jacob is the dad, Joseph is the son, and then there’s a list of brothers.
Genesis 37:3 “Now Jacob loved Joseph more than any of his other children because Joseph had been born to him in his old age….” Let’s stop right here a second. In these first few words we have the set up for a giant problem. We have breeding ground for envy. Not only did Jacob love Joseph more than any of the other brothers but he told people that he did. I have two words for Jacob the father: parenting class!
This is favoritism. I’ll just let you in on a little insight into my life. I have three older sisters and one younger brother. So I was the first boy. My older sisters say the boys were the favorites. They remind me of that all the time.
Then when my dad died some of them were upset that their kids didn’t get some of the tools. But it was not theirs to give away; nevertheless jealousy set in.
Many of us would say that our parents had a favorite. But Joseph’s brothers had hard evidence. Not only is Joseph the favorite, the one that the dad loved the most. But he’s now given a special gift.
Verse 3 “So one day he gave Joseph a special robe.” The favoritism is now front and center. He gives him a robe. In the Hebrew, this is a difficult translation. The King James translated it a “coat of many colors.” This was an amazing Technicolor dream coat!
We read and think ‘what is the big deal?’ A robe. What’s the big deal about a robe? We often wear our bath robes past their expiry date; kind of nasty.
Joseph’s robe wasn’t like that. Joseph’s robe was stunning. It was hand tailored. It was designer clothing – something the rich stars might have.
The brothers didn’t get one. They got no special treatment.
But this robe was special, valued. It is an expression of the father’s love and, in that culture, status. This was in-your-face, raw favoritism. Every time Joseph wore this robe it turned the knife in the brothers a little deeper. And don’t you think Joseph probably wore the robe a lot? Oh yeah!
This robe communicated to the brothers “You’re not the favorite! You’re second best! You’ll never be dad’s favorite.”
Watch this now! Envy starts with mild jealousy and becomes a tsunami. Joseph’s brothers let it get out of control. Sure it was legitimate.
But the question is how do we capture jealousy and diffuse it so it doesn’t turn into envy and turn ugly like we see in verse 4. “But his brothers hated Joseph because of their father’s partiality. They couldn’t say a kind word to him.”
Now the brothers resented Joseph but their issue should have been with the dad. Who’s really at fault there? Jacob the dad! Joseph wasn’t doing anything wrong. He just got the gift from the dad. But the text says they grew so angry at Joseph that they couldn’t say a kind word to him.
That’s how envy works. Envy distracts you from the real issue. Envy goes to blame when envy should be looking inside. It causes you to blame the wrong person or the wrong thing.
The brothers wanted Dad’s love. I don’t think it was so much about the coat. They wanted Dad’s love and acceptance. But here’s what envy does, envy clouds perspective. Envy turns friends into enemies. When you think of your rival and you can’t even say a kind word about them that’s envy.
Today our envy is not a coat it is that other person’s husband or wife. Or it is their boat, home, QUAD, things.
Verse 5 “One night Joseph had a dream and promptly reported the details to his brothers causing them to hate him even more. ‘Listen to this dream,’ Joseph announced. ‘We were out in the field, tying up bundles of grain and my bundle stood up and then your bundles all gathered around and bowed low before it.’ The brothers said ‘So you’re going to be our king are you?’ his brothers taunted. And they hated him all the more for this dream and what he had said.”
Picture the scene; picture the favored one. “You guys have got to hear the dream I had! I had this dream and in this dream you guys are all going to serve me. I’m going to be in authority and you’re going to be obedient to me. Isn’t that great? Aren’t you happy for me? You will one day bow before me.”
God speaks in many ways. It often comes to a God appointed leader. Were quick to dismiss it.
Joseph who are you to hear from God? If it were from God the rest of us would have heard. Then doubt and jealousy sets in.
Now the brothers hated him even more. They hated him so much that they began to plot about how they could take him out.
Verse 18 “When Joseph’s brothers saw him coming they recognized him in the distance and made plans to kill him.” Here’s the point. When you’re envious, you don’t see the total picture. When you’re envious you have resentment that builds. You don’t want to pray and follow the leader, the Joseph in your life.
When you’re envious you just hear the first idea from that leader – he wants to do what? Or from the parent – they are saying no. You don’t need the big picture.
They wanted to kill Joseph. They refused to believe that God was leading him.
Some of you might be thinking, “Ok Randy, that was the Biblical era back then that they wanted to kill him. This is the twenty-first century. We live in Red Lake. We’re more educated. Sure, I’m envious of so and so but I would never want to kill that person.”
Oh, really?
You know the reality? The reality is that you, I, or your child is one bad decision away from being on the front page the Red Lake paper.
Let’s say you don’t want to murder. But what about killing a reputation by taking badly about your co-worker, friend, brother or sister in Christ? What about stirring up dissension in the local church? What about killing your marriage by refusing to forgive?
That sounds more like us doesn’t it? Envy can ride this quick escalator to anger and hatred and revenge and destruction. They wanted to kill him.
Verse 19 “’Here comes that dreamer!’ they exclaimed.”
When you envy someone you reduce them down to a term. You depersonalize them. They’re no longer a son or a daughter or a brother or a sister. Here comes that visionary – what a dreamer. Here comes that young person who wants to be our leader. He thinks we can become something were not.
Verse 23 “So when Joseph arrived, [here’s where it turns violent] they pulled off his beautiful robe, they threw him into a pit and when the traders came by, his brothers pulled Joseph out of the pit and sold him for twenty pieces of silver, and the Ishmaelite traders took him along to Egypt.”
Their envy fell short of murder. But they definitely sought to destroy him. That’s what envy does. Envy seeks to destroy. God gives us a friend to help or a leader, and if they don’t do it our way – well away with them. If they couldn’t have the robe they didn’t want anybody to have the robe. That’s envy.
If I can’t have it, I don’t want you to have it either.
They get rid of him. Verse 31. Now they’ve got to come up with scheme. They’ve got to come up with a plan. “Then Joseph’s brothers killed a goat and dipped the robe in its blood. They took the beautiful robe to their father and asked him to identify it. ‘We found this in the field,’ they told him. ‘It’s Joseph’s robe isn’t it?’ [Like there was any question there at all]” verse 33 “Their father recognized it at once, ‘Yes, it is my son’s robe. A wild animal has attacked and eaten him. Surely Joseph has been torn in pieces.’”
Jacob the dad should have known better. He had deceived in the past. He stole part of his brother’s inheritance. He was known as Jacob the Deceiver.
The Bible says the sins of the parents are passed on to the third and fourth generation. That means if sin is not dealt with we will pass it along, Like father, like son.
Friends, let me tell you something about sin. The sin that entangles our lives, defeats us, grieves us, if we don’t deal with it in this generation we will pass it on to the next generation. That’s not an if, it’s a when. The Bible promises it. And it’s exactly what happened in Jacob’s life.
Joseph was a godly man. He understood that God and not his brothers were in control of his life. Joseph never assumed that men could frustrate or prevent God’s will in his life. Only Joseph could determine that through his obedience to God.
Children and youth your obedience to your parents will spare you much grief. Your obedience to God will either hurt or help the growth of this church. Your obedience to God will reap a harvest beyond what you can even imagine.
Verse 34 the dad sees the blood, the robe, the whole bit. “He mourned deeply for his son for many days. His family all tried to comfort him but it was no use. ‘I will die mourning for my son,’ he would say and he began to weep.”
They think Joseph is the rival but he is God’s person for their time.
The ultimate irony of this tragic story is that when they get their rival out of the way they don’t get what they wanted in the first place. Jealousy always backfires. What happens to Jacob? Jacob all of a sudden focuses all of his emotional energy on Joseph who is gone. That is the emptiness of envy. Envy always backfires. Their deceit did not work.
What they wanted was for their dad to give them some attention. But now that Joseph was gone their dad is depressed.
Envy destroys lives, marriages, and churches.
I gently confronted one elderly man in a church. He was very angry over some changes. I said this is not about the changes at all; this is about you. You refuse to let go; you’re a controller and you don’t have control. So you’re resenting the young people who see things differently than you. He said your right.
I have often thought, ‘O God, help me not to become a jealous, angry cranky man in some church.’
The sin of envy is scattered throughout the Bible.
Ecclesiastes 4 “Then I observed that most people are motivated to success by their envy of their neighbors but this too is meaningless, like chasing the wind.”
Now if I said the service is done; let’s all go outside and chase after the wind. You would rightly think that is a dumb idea. That is a waste of time. That is what jealousy is, a waste of time. That’s what the Bible is saying envy is. When you and I envy it’s like chasing the wind.
Titus 3 “Once, we too, were foolish and disobedient. Our lives were full of evil and envy.” Envy is evil. There are no benefits to envy. Because envy is evil God hates envy.
God hates envy. God will not bless a life full of envy. And I know you want God’s blessing on your life. Whether you’re a regular here or are just checking things out chances are if I took you out to lunch today and asked you, “Do you want God’s blessing on your life?” Chances are you’d say yes.
Let’s get practical. Let’s take action. “Ok, Randy, I get it. I see the destructive nature of envy.” I know how God is changing your lives through the Bible. I am already receiving stories about how you’re giving God your anxieties, your struggles.
I have already sensed that you identify with this message. I believe you want God’s blessing. I believe you want to attack envy. So here is how to do it.
To attack envy I must…
1. First of all I must acknowledge my envy.
I’ve got to admit that I’m envious. Maybe the simple question is, Who am I envious of? Or what am I envious of?
Let’s start with what’s simple. Identify who am I envious of? Then when I admit it, “I’m envious of ‘Greg’.” I’ve got it out in the open. I’ve said it. Here’s why I’m envious. I’ve just moved envy into the light and I’m ready to move forward.
To break free of the terror of envy we must face the ugliness and emptiness connected to it. Proverbs 14 “A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.” I’ve got to start by acknowledging it. I am envious. I hate what it does. I’ve created all these emotional rivals. I’m torn up inside. I am now a prisoner of envy. I acknowledge it.
Now what?
2. The second thing I’d encourage you is apologize to God.
I’m talking about saying, “God, I’m sorry.” Because envy is really saying, “God, You didn’t do me right.” God, you are not doing what I desire. That’s what envy is. “God, Your provisions aren’t good enough for me. God, I have prayed and you seem silent. You’re cheating me out of something I deserve.” If you remember nothing about this message I want you to remember this one thing. At the heart of envy is the lie that God owes you. At the heart of envy is the lie that God owes you.
As Henry Blackaby says in his great book ‘The Man God Uses’ ‘A godly person makes no demands of God, nor does he argue with God. For us to place conditions on how God will use us is arrogant, proud and rebellious. It indicates a heart problem. Only total obedience to God, no matter what he allows in my life, will accomplish His purpose for my life.
I’m not here to minimize your heartaches. All week I meet with people in heartache. There’s a lot of pain in this room. Some of you are going through difficult times in your life. You may feel like God has abandoned you. If you have those feelings pray them to God. God’s big. He can handle your anger, disappointments, jealousy. But the Bible says God has you in His hands. That He knows everything that’s going on in your life. As a matter of fact the Bible says not even one sparrow falls from the sky that God doesn’t know about. And there are billions of them all over the world.
Do you really believe that God owes you something? Do you really believe He’s robbing you of something that you deserve?
Jesus made it very clear that God is perfect and holy and you and I are separated from this perfect and holy God because of our sin, because of our disobedience, because of things that we’ve done wrong – we’re separated from God. God gave us what we did not deserve. God gave us forgiveness. The price was His very own Son who died on the cross for you and for me.
God doesn’t owe me. As a matter of fact the Bible says I owe God. Colossians 2 says “When you were spiritually dead because of your sins and because you were not free from the power of your sinful self, God made you alive with Christ, and He forgave all of our sins. He canceled the debt. He took away that record. And He nailed it to the cross.” Circle “canceled the debt.” We apologize to God because the truth is because of my sin I owe God.
Randy, you owe God a debt and here’s the thing about the debt. It’s a debt that I can’t pay on my own. Because of that, because God wants a relationship with me He paid my debt and forever erased the possibility of me owing Him anything.
When we get into trouble with envy is when we take our focus off of God and we put it on others or situations. When you focus on others you will always feel shortchanged. Others have a great marriage, why not me? Others have a healthy child, why not me?
You will always feel that you are owed something. When you focus on others’ skills or their stuff or their status or their social circle, you will completely miss the wonder that God has for you. And the design and the plan that He has for your life. Apologizing to God is the only way that I know to change that perspective.
This week when you feel envy coming alive you stop and you say, “I’m sorry God. I’m not going to believe the lie that you owe me. This week if you feel that God does not see your suffering, refuse to believe the lie.
God, you don’t owe me. I owe You. You love me so much that You paid the debt that I couldn’t pay on my own.” At the heart of envy is the lie that God owes us. It’s not true.
I want to end today with a very practical, a practical application. I acknowledge my envy. I apologize to God. What do I do when I feel it? When it’s between me and other people, what do I do? Here’s the only way I know of to break the grip of envy in your life. That is to…
Celebrate others.
You’ve got to learn to celebrate your rivals. A habit. To verbally say it. Here’s a great test: when a friend succeeds and you can’t find it within you to congratulate them that ought to be a big warning sign that envy is looming. And you will choke on it and it will harden your heart.
I was talking several people this week who are really stuck in their relationship with God. One of the reasons is they used to celebrate and bless others, and they stopped. They have pulled back from helping others.
You might be sitting there thinking, “Ok, I can see that. But what if the envy is so thick that I don’t feel like celebrating?” What if I don’t feel like reaching out? Here is the answer. Do it anyway. You don’t wait until you feel like it. You celebrate until you feel like it. You keep going and doing it.
Let’s go to some real life examples. You know the guy that brags all the time. Shows off his new boat, quad, and you’re fueled by envy. You can choose envy and start making rumors – “He’s a workaholic. The guy should go to church. He doesn’t spend time with his kids.”
And you begin to justify why you feel that way. Or you can say “I’m not going to let envy live in my life.” You walk down to his house while he is setting up the new boat; you walk over and say ‘nice boat.’ This is not an opportunity too be jealous, it is a door God has opened up for you to invite him to church. You celebrate it. You know what happens. It’s not going to grip you.
Or you’re really hurting in your life. So you pray ‘Holy Spirit comfort me.’ Then remember Paul’s words to pray ‘God please uses my hurts for your glory.’ Then you look up after you pray, look around. God will reveal a hurting person for you to invite over, to share with.
You’re at work and some young guy gets the promotion. You believe you deserve it and you’re envious. Some guys have been there 30 years and the younger guy gets it. What do you do? Do you allow envy to live? Or do you go to that person and say, congratulations. Congratulations on that promotion. You celebrate others.
That’s how you break the grip of envy in your life. When celebration becomes habit envy won’t reside and conquer you. You become free of its grip. You’re saying, I’m not going to allow those dangerous emotions to live in my life. I’m going to say no to creating rivals of innocent people. I’m going to protect my heart. I’m going to celebrate it.
Jesus told a story that we know as the prodigal son. It’s about one boy that goes out and wastes a whole bunch of money and one boy who stays at home and is a good boy to his dad. The boy that blew everything comes back home and they throw a party. You can imagine, the boy who stayed at home and was a good boy, he’s now bent out of shape. He’s envious. “The guy wasted everything! What are you throwing him a party for?” As Jesus tells the story here’s what He has the father saying in Luke 15 “We had to celebrate this happy day. For your brother was dead and has come back to life! He was lost but now he’s found.” I love those first few words: We had to celebrate this.
O Jesus, may this be a church of celebration, of you.
Friends, if you want to deaden the destructive demon of envy you have to learn to celebrate others. At the heart of envy is the lie that God owes you. God doesn’t owe you and me anything. As a matter of fact He’s already paid a debt that we owe.
Can you imagine what your life would look like if it was free of envy? Can you imagine if all those people out there that are your emotional rivals were your friends?
God give us a community of people who celebrate. God free my heart from the petty things that have gripped it in the past. God free me from envy. What if your heart was free of the pettiness that you feel shackled to? What if you were free from envy? Can you see it? Can you feel it? Can you imagine it?
I can. I can imagine it for me. I can imagine it for you. I know that I’ve got to work at it. I always want the robe. There’s something broken in me that wants the robe. Can I tell you that God has already given you and me forgiveness? If you’re a follower of Jesus Christ He’s offered you eternal life. But you know what He’s also given you? He’s given you a robe.
Revelation 3 talks about a white robe. There will be a day and for many of us that day is coming soon, when God will grace us not with a robe of many colors but with a white robe. A white robe that communicates purity. A white robe that communicates salvation. That followers of Christ will wear that robe and that robe will be an image of God’s love. That robe will be the image of value. Not because He owes you but because He loves you.
I love to spend some time around hurting people, people with just a few breaths left. Everyone else is uptight; everyone is talking about earth; but they are talking about heaven.
I can go through life trying to get after this robe – the multi colored robe – to fill a need that I think I have. Or I can focus on God’s love for me. And know that He has a greater plan and a preferred future for me. That He doesn’t owe me anything. But He loves me. And I can live in light of that love.
And the white robe is coming.
That’s the challenge I have for myself that I share with you. To refocus on God and others.
Conclusion
Ortberg ‘Everyone is normal until you get to know them.’
To have strong relationships in the body of Christ we must deal with our brokenness. How do we deal with brokenness? Individually realize we are all broken people. In many stores you find merchandise in a certain section marked with a 2 word phrase. This 2 word phrase is a red flag about the merchandise being offered. AS IS. What the store is basically saying is these items are damaged goods. Another phrase they like to use is slightly irregular. The store is issuing a warning, something went wrong. You are going to find a flaw, the size is wrong, the zipper does not work, buttons are missing, there is a stain that will not come out –there is a problem. The store is saying if you are looking for perfection, you are in the wrong section. If you buy it here, you are getting it as is. When it comes to the church, you have come to the as is section of the universe. Everyone one of us has a tag that simply says, as is. In other words, there is a flaw here. For some it is envy, jealousy, greed, temper, pride but we all have a tag that says as is. The problem in the church is we don’t like to admit we are as is people. We want to pretend everything is normal or fine even perfect and we will do anything to keep up the disguise of normal. We come to church and pretend everything is normal, but inside we know it is not. And we are so afraid others will fin out we are not the perfect dad, mom, husband wife, child, family, student or _______________ We are as sick as a our secrets and the only way we can find true community the only way we can have true biblical relationships is to come to grips with our brokenness. This morning you received a white tag you’re as is tag. I want to challenge you to put on your as is tag serves as a reminder. Serves as a reminder to yourself that you are a broken person that you need someone to handle your brokenness. I NEED YOU Serves as reminder to others that you are a broken person, that you have a flaw. I AM SORRY. I have a flaw, and if you have a relationship with me, I may disappoint you, I may fail you and so I say I AM SORRY. The key to being comforted is to admit you are a broken person.
Prayer:
If you struggle with envy I just want to ask if you’re ready to attack it why don’t you just say this simple prayer. Just saying you want help. God I know You don’t owe me. Just say that in the silence of your heart. You don’t have to say it out loud, “God, I know You don’t owe me. And God I’m sorry for my arrogance. I know that I’m trying to seek satisfaction or contentment in other places rather than You. Forgive me. Would You give me the courage and the strength to celebrate others and help me defeat the envy that looms in my heart? God, thank You for hearing my prayers. And for loving me enough to cancel the debt that I can’t pay on my own.” We pray in Jesus’ name. Amen.
