Disciplemaking Dads
1 Thessalonians 2:10-12
Rev. Brian Bill
6/15/08
[Show video called, “Father’s Day Memories.”]
Dads, we want to say thanks today. Normally the pattern for preachers, me included, has been to magnify moms on Mother’s Day and to diss dads on Father’s Day. ABCnews.com posted a story this week about this phenomenon: “Fathers sleep a lot, and they snore loudly. When they’re awake, they like to fish or golf, but they’re comically bad at both…they’re complete couch potatoes, always watching television and hogging the remote. At least, that’s the less-than-favorable image of Dad on Father’s Day greeting cards. It’s a striking contrast to the poetic praise often expressed at Mother’s Day. Many men say they are tired of the ‘put-down’ cards and would like some affirmation for a change…”
Like Judy Dewald mentioned a couple weeks ago, I celebrate the commitment to fathering that I see in a number of young fathers. I know of many devoted dads in this church who play and pray with their kids. We want to celebrate those dads who are making disciples and want to give you some affirmation for a change.
The National Center for Fathering has recently declared a “fatherhood awakening,” citing evidence that men are rediscovering what it means to be a father. According to an extensive survey, dads today are more involved than ever before. Here are two rather surprising facts:
* In the past 25 years, the number of dads present at their children’s births has risen from 27% to more than 90 percent today.
* More than 75% of men say they would trade rapid career advancement for more time with their families.
I recognize that for many of you this day is difficult because your dad is no longer here or has dropped the ball somehow. The U.S. Census Bureau has stated that we have become a fatherless nation. 33% of the 72 million children in America will go to bed tonight without their biological father in the home. I sincerely hope that you will allow our Heavenly Father to meet that which is lacking in your life. May you experience the truth of Psalm 68:5: “A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.”
The idea for setting aside a day to honor dads goes back to 1909 when a woman named Sonora Smart Dodd listened to a Mother’s Day sermon and wanted her father to know how special he was to her. Having been raised by her dad after her mother had died; she wanted to honor the hero in her life. In 1924 President Calvin Coolidge proclaimed the third Sunday in June as Father’s Day.
My aim this morning is to both encourage and exhort dads to be about the task of making disciples because it’s much easier to become a father than it is to be one. I want to do this by putting together 10 parenting principles from three different passages that are specifically addressed to dads. We’ll begin in 1 Thessalonians 2 and then we’ll head over to Ephesians 6 and then end in Malachi 4.
Please turn to 1 Thessalonians 2:10-12: “You are witnesses, and so is God, of how holy, righteous and blameless we were among you who believed. For you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children, encouraging, comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God, who calls you into his kingdom and glory.” The Apostle Paul is writing to the church in Thessalonica to remind these new believers of how he behaved when he was with them years earlier. In the beginning of the chapter he uses the metaphor of a mother to explain his gentleness and now he focuses on his fatherly side.
Dads, here are 10 ways we want to say thanks today.
1. Thanks for being a good example. Notice in verse 10 that Paul and his ministry partners point to how they behaved among the believers: “You are witnesses, and so is God, of how holy, righteous and blameless we were among you who believed.” They were “holy,” which means that they were set apart for ministry. They were “righteous,” meaning that their character and behavior was upright. And they were “blameless,” which is literally translated, “not able to find fault in.” No one could find anything that would stick should they try to accuse these missionaries.
My friend Brian Tumbleson is a history buff and recently told me about the kind of example Stonewall Jackson was. His second-in-command was Lieutenant General Richard Ewell, an agnostic. General Ewell watched Stonewall Jackson time after time praising God and praying without ceasing. After a certain victory, Ewell walked past General Jackson’s tent and saw him on his knees praying to God. General Ewell responded with these words: “If that is religion, then I must have it!” Disciplemaking dads know that they preach and teach through words and their walk. As someone has said, “One way to correct your children is to correct the example you’re setting for them.” Your kids will want what you have if they see you living what you have.
2. Thanks for caring for your kids. In verse 11 Paul describes his relationship with this church like a dad deals with his own children: “For you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children…” The phrase “each of you,” is emphatic, meaning that they had a personal rapport with each one of these baby believers. Dads, it’s important for us to get as close as we can to each of our kids. In order to provide personal counsel, we must know each of their personalities. Look for ways to spend time with them, figuring out what it is they like to do.
I will always treasure the times I had with my dad growing up, whether that was fishing or hunting or working on cars or splitting wood. One of my favorite things to do now that I’m a dad is to go on “daddy/daughter” dates with our girls. I take turns with each one, allowing them to pick where we go and what we do. When they were younger it was swinging in the park and now it’s shopping or eating Mentos at a gas station and just talking to each other.
3. Thanks for encouraging your kids. In verse 12 the first word is “encouraging” and it means “to come alongside with instruction and insight in order to move someone in a specific line of conduct.” We all need someone to encourage us, to come close and cheer us on, don’t we? This word is similar to the word used for the Holy Spirit, the one who encourages us by coming alongside and was used of exhorting troops to get back into the battle. Thanks, dads for those times you see discouragement in your kids and you’ve spoken the right words or given a hug or just listened so that they get back in the battle. Our kids need to hear us say, “You can do it. I know you can. It’s time to get back in the game. I’m with you.”
One of my friends is Mike Friend. Mike is a strong believer and a member of Salem Church in Flanagan. He spoke at our Christmas Appreciation Banquet last December. Mike has two teenagers and every morning he tells them three things:
* First, you have what it takes to be a difference-maker. I love you and am proud to be your dad.
* Second, God has places and situations already prepared for you today where you will have the chance to be a difference-maker, to bring light where it is dark and vibrant life where things are dying – pay attention! Do not miss the opportunity to light it up and bring life! You are not in those spots by accident!
* He reminds them thirdly what King Solomon wrote in Proverbs 4:23: “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.”
4. Thanks for comforting your kids. The next word we see in verse 12 is “comforting.” This word is nearly synonymous with encourage and means to come alongside with sympathy and concern. It’s the idea of giving comforting words to cheer up our children. This word is used in John 11:19 when many came “to Martha and Mary to comfort them in the loss of their brother.” It’s also used in 1 Thessalonians 5:14: “encourage the fainthearted” or as another translation puts it: “cheer up the discouraged.” When our kids are doing OK, they need encouragement. When they’re falling apart, they need comfort. In both instances kids need fathers who will come close to them.
5. Thanks for urging your kids to go deep with God. The word “urging” means “to beg earnestly” and was used of an anguished appeal from one who is a witness. Our kids need dads who will give testimony of what is right and who will challenge them to go to the next level: “to live lives worthy of God, who calls you into His kingdom and glory.” Faithful fathers provide correction in a spirit of comfort and encouragement. The goal is to have each child live worthy of God, to be sold-out to Christ, not lukewarm and half-hearted.
Some of you know I’m on the board of Keep Believing Ministries. Recently Pastor Ray received an email from a pastor in Africa in which he was urging his son to utilize some of the sermons on the website (www.keepbelieving.com). Here’s what a dad wrote to his boy: “Hello son. Greetings in the name of the Lord…I want you to have this man of God who has been sending me powerful materials for my sermons…let’s pray for him and all those laboring in the vineyard of God in this end time.” I love how it was signed: “Daddy.” This father is urging his son to go deep with God.
I’d like to point out that these three words: encouraging, comforting and urging are in the present tense which means they are to be our continual practice. Thanks dads for repeatedly reinforcing these important truths and keep on embracing, encouraging and exhorting your kids.
Let’s turn now to Ephesians 6:4: “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” Notice the very first word of this verse: “Fathers.” I think Paul addresses just dads here because he knows that we especially need to hear what follows. In essence, we’re challenged to see the word “fathers” as a verb not just a noun. It’s biologically easy to become a father, but biblically challenging to actually “father” our children.
6. Thanks for not exasperating your kids. This part of our responsibility is quite challenging – we’re told to “not exasperate our children.” This is a caution or warning designed to put us on guard against stirring up anger in our kids either deliberately or through careless provocations. Paul knows that fathers, who are fallen creatures, are prone to abuse their authority in the home.
The Greek word translated “exasperate” means “to rouse to anger” or “to enrage.” The present tense of the verb indicates that we are to stop doing something that is common and continuous. This warning is calling us dads to avoid anything that will eventually break the sprit of our children. Paul puts it this way in Colossians 3:21: “Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.” When we exasperate our kids, they can become bitter and bummed out.
Remember that our children are commanded by God to honor us. When we provoke them to wrath, we are causing them to break the Fifth Commandment. In such cases we are guilty before God for disobeying Ephesians 6:4 and also doubly guilty for causing our children to stumble. Dads, thanks for not exasperating your offspring.
Pastor Jeff wrote a very helpful post on his blog a couple weeks ago called “Let’s Not Exasperate our Kids” (see www.pontiacbible.org). I encourage you to read all of it. He writes about how one of our student leaders noticed a student texting during the sermon on children obeying their parents and had just leaned over to tell her to put the phone away when he saw what she was texting. It was to her mother and it said something like this: “Mom, I love you and I’m sorry I don’t honor and obey like I should.” Let me read Pastor Jeff’s conclusion: “Students, honor the command to honor your parents. Parents, let’s honor the command to not exasperate our children. If both sides seek to honor the Lord, things will go much smoother for all of us.”
7. Thanks for bringing your kids up to believe. The word “instead” shows a contrast between what we should not do and what we are to do: “bring them up.” We are to bring our children up because they will not get there by themselves. Dads, we are to take an active role in shaping the character of our children. Proverbs 29:15 says, “A child left to himself brings shame to his mother.”
According to a 50-year study of Christian and non-Christian families, most young adults who follow Christ either come from non-Christian homes or from homes where they grew up in love with Jesus because a parent was in love with Jesus. Sadly, very few believers came from homes with an indifferent, apathetic commitment to Christ. It’s sobering that the chances are better for a child growing up in a non-Christian home to become a sold-out believer than for a child growing up in a spiritually lukewarm environment.
The Puritans were right when they referred to the home as a little church. They were so serious about it that if a father neglected the spiritual training of his family, he could be disbarred from taking communion. Such an idea seems strange to us, which perhaps says more about our own laxness than it does about the strictness of the Puritans.
Disciplemaking dads provide a nurturing atmosphere in the home where children can grow up to love and serve Christ. Thanks for doing this, dads.
8. Thanks for disciplining your kids. The next thing Paul challenges us to do is to provide discipline for our kids. This word is translated “admonition” in some of your Bibles and carries with it the idea of a warning. Literally, it means to “place before the mind.” I like the way the New Living Translation paraphrases Proverbs 13:24: “If you refuse to discipline your children, it proves you don’t love them; if you love your children, you will be prompt to discipline them.” You may hesitate to discipline because you think that you’re being unkind to your kids. Actually, when we don’t discipline, it’s more than unkind – it’s unloving. If we love our kids, then we must admonish, rebuke, and discipline them.
Our kids not only need correction, they want it. If we don’t give it to them, we’re failing them and may cause them to fall away from the faith. Hebrews 12:11 speaks of God’s loving discipline in our lives by showing how beneficial it really is: “No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.”
It’s important to understand the difference between discipline and punishment. The purpose of punishment is to inflict penalty and focuses on the past. The purpose of discipline is to promote growth by looking to the future. Dads, our kids are looking for us to train them and love them by disciplining them. Thanks for doing this.
9. Thanks for teaching your children. Notice that this instruction is to be “in the Lord.” “Lord” is an extremely exalted title as Paul uses it in the New Testament. To say that Jesus is Lord means that He is the rightful king of the universe, He is ruler over the entire world, He is commander of all the armies of heaven, He is triumphant over sin and death and pain and Satan and hell, and He will one day establish His kingdom in righteousness.
Dad, you are the point man in your home. You are the coach of your team. You are the captain and your barracks is boot camp for training young soldiers for the greatest combat in the world. John Piper says it this way: “Your residence is a launching pad for missiles of missionary zeal aimed at the unreached peoples of the world.”
Our goal is not merely to get our kids to outwardly conform to a list of rules. Our mandate is to develop children who seek to glorify God with their lives. Thanks, dads for not just teaching your kids to do good but to serve God through a lifestyle of servanthood.
Steve Farrar, author of the book, Standing Tall, uses a strategic metaphor for a dad that is very helpful: “A godly father is the unseen spiritual submarine who lurks below the surface of every activity of his child’s life. A man who has put on the full armor of God and with that armor, goes to warfare on his knees for his children, is a force to be reckoned with…we cannot be with our children 24 hours a day…through our prayers we have the ability to affect situations even when we are not physically present. You may be undetected but that does not mean you are ineffective.” (Page 199)
10. Thanks for having a heart for your kids. My trouble, more often than not, is that I’m not engaged as a dad. I’m not always fully present. My heart is not always in the job. In the very last verse of the Old Testament, in Malachi 4:6, the prophet looks ahead to the ministry of John the Baptist and writes this: “He will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers; or else I will come and strike the land with a curse.”
I’ve often wondered why this verse comes at the very end of the Old Testament. This is God’s last word for about 400 years before the Gospels come on the scene. God’s heart is for my heart to be toward my children and for the heart of my children to be turned toward me. Dads, this is a specific challenge to us. Thanks for looking for ways to let God heal the hurts in your own heart as you shepherd the hearts of your children.
I know for me it’s really a heart issue. If my heart is fully focused on my daughters, then I will do a pretty good job of fathering. Dads, if you sense that your heart is not really into parenting, and your kids don’t have much to do with you, then make this verse your personal prayer. Ask God to turn your heart to your children and ask Him to turn their hearts to you. He will be glad to answer a prayer like this. While we cannot turn their hearts around we are responsible to make sure our own hearts are soft toward them. I wonder if you need to forgive your father right now. Or, maybe you’re a dad and you’ve been withholding forgiveness from someone in your family. It’s time to make it right.
Ernest Hemingway loved to write about the country of Spain. In his short story, The Capital of the World, Hemingway tells of a father and son who had stopped talking to one another. Things got so bad that the son left home. After several years, the father wanted to mend the relationship and so he looked everywhere for his son. When he came to the capital city of Madrid, he decided to go to the newspaper office and take out a big ad in the newspaper that said this: “Paco, please meet me at 12 noon tomorrow in front of the newspaper office -- all is forgiven. I love you. Your Father.”
The next day at 12 noon, there were 800 men named Paco standing in front of the building! I suspect we have some Paco’s here this morning in need of forgiveness. We also have some fathers who need to give the gift of forgiveness to others.
Thanks, Dad!
I started by saying I wanted to give you some affirmation for a change. That can be taken two ways. Some of you dads and granddads may be encouraged right now because you haven’t received much affirmation. Others of us might feel exhorted to make some changes. That’s good. Remember that Romans 2:5 says that it’s the “kindness of God that leads us to repentance.”
Dads, before you leave this service feeling piled and discouraged by your own failures and inconsistency, let me remind you of 3 things:
1. There are no perfect fathers, except our Heavenly Father.
2. We can all be better dads if we will work at it. God restores relational ruptures. Malachi 4:2 says that God comes with healing in His wings! Let the bitterness go. Forgive.
3. We do not father alone.
Now that’s affirmation for a change!
